He needs space, and I need

[Jlovestruckx0]

Basically I'm in a high school relationship , me and my boyfriend have been going out 11 months , almost a year! we've known each other for many years before it actually became something. I feel the months we've been together have been good , we have out petty little fights , but never to the point of break up. I feel like in in love with him, but im so confused. To me he is my everything, I'd do anything for him and i'lle always make him a top priority , to me he is someone i can see being together as long as life allows it , i want him to be my forever and always. I might sound a bit naive because yes i ma still in high school , im still so young , but i cant control my feelings , I've been in relationships before ,not serious ones like now, i've never felt like this about anyone , I've never wanted a mature relationship like i do with my boyfriend now. I try my hardest to keep him happy , i make him food , i worry about whats going on i his life , im there for him no matter what. I just feel like im not a main priority to him , like im just another girlfriend. He tells me im not that im so important to him that if he ost me it would be like losing everything , the same way i feel , but i dont see that in him. I hear when he says it and i want to believe it , but i feel like i dont get that vibe from him. I feel like he doesn't try hard enough to show me the affection i want. Im a hopeless romantic, i want to be his everything , i want to be that girl that he'll never want to lose , the girl he'll fight to keep no ,matter what , i want him run to me when i really need him to want to do things for me without asking , things that come from his heart , i want him to love me unconditionally. I wish i could see these things in him , but i dont. He just acts as if everything is just "whatever" hes so nonchalant about our relationship. He says its important to him , but the things he says doesn't coordinate with the way he acts and what he shows me. We've been arguing alot lately and he says maybe we shouldn't hang out so much , he says we need room to breath and time to miss each other , im not guna lie we hang out alot , almost everyday , but i adore that i love being with him. We argue because i don't think he understands what i want out of this relationship , he says he wants us to last forever , but for some reason i believed it more when he said it months ago , not so much anymore. Someone help me , i know im young and i still need to explore the world and what else is out there , but i dont want to do it with anyone else by my side. I'm willing to work with him and do anything to make this relationship work , am i setting myself up for failure? Should i risk all my feelings on him? My heart tells me i need to be with him, and my mind is terrified of giving in completely and ending up shattered with no one to lean on, do you think im just feeling teenage love? Am i rushing things? . Please all you adults out there who've experienced this kind of relationship , any advice and i mean ANY is greatly appreciated ! Please help me lol !

[JusChill]

To me he is my everything, I'd do anything for him and i'll always make him a top priority

"love makes you blind" heard of that? Would u die for him? haha just kidding. Your the type who gives affections and expect the same amount back aren't you? My ex was like that too~

 

Based on my own experience, yes! You need to give him some space, I know you love him like there's no tomorrow. But... being too clingy, and being conscious of every single little thing he does...it's not a healthy relationship. I'm sure you don't want him to take you for granted.

 

Let's say if you leave him now, how is he going to react? ... would he hold you back? do you honestly know the answer? I'm not suggesting you leave him, and test him out. But you should at least know if he cherishes you or not, words aren't enough. Action does, and that's what you want.

 

... guys feel to comfortable and secure once a woman treats them like a prince. I'm going to be honest because I'm a guy, and the moment I feel to comfortable...I just don't care much~ This is why he suggested you leave him alone sometimes, and you should. You'll see the difference. He'll either miss you like crazy, or he'll stay the same... and if he stays the same I really don't think his your type.

 

If you decide to drag this relationship longer, sure you might be happy for a while, until his sick of you and decide to break up. Wouldn't you feel devastated? I know your young, you just want to be happy...~ and have this fairy tail love. But it doesn't always go the way you want, does it? Or else nobody would be here.

 

Good luck~

 

Think about it carefully~

[SomewhatExperienced]

As a guy, through my own experiences and those of my friends, many girlfriends will go out of their way to make their boyfriend happy (cook, buy thoughtful gifts. etc...). But realize a lot of guys have simple needs and those things won't make them love you more, they simply love you regardless. So don't think do more stuff for him will make him love you more. He's likely just happy that he's with you and your with him .

 

Second, many guys, myself included aren't as demonstrative about how they feel about the girl. Yes, I like to cuddle and come up behind my girlfriend and hug and kiss them, but not all the time. Don't think because he doesn't show you he loves you, the way you do to him, means he cares about you any less. I had one girlfriend who was this passionate french girl, and it took her a little while to figure that out, but when she realized that I did care for her despite not being on top of her all the time things were great.

 

Also, I've seen huge strain put on relationships because the girl over analyzes the actions of the guy to think that he doesn't care for her when he cared deeply for her. He might say he wants some space now because that's how you're acting right now.

Edited March 26, 2010 by SomewhatExperienced

[boogieboy]

Youre smothering him, and if you keep doing this, he will lose his attraction to you quickly, then he wont have a problem losing you.

 

You have to avoid seeing him every day, give him his space, and you get yours. Go hang with your friends, get a hobby, do something and let him miss you. When he knows youre around all the time theres no reason for him to show you affection, he's comfortable and you made him this way.

 

Also you need to stop watching chick flicks, real life doesnt work that way. Not all guys show affection and profess love the same way you do. he might speak a different love language. Dont expect him to do things for you, you will continue to get dissappointed if you do. if you want something, ask for it.

 

You have to accept the way HE is comfortable showing you love his way, not your way.

[Jlovestruckx0]

Your completely right & thanks for the advice , its nice to see it from a guys perspective. I am going to give him the space he needs and hopefully it will make us stronger instead of messing us up lol , but yea i guess since he's all i really know right now and hes the person i spend most of my time with the space is going to be hard on me and I'll be hurt if we break up ,but what more can i do . I think he is getting too comfortable. I do everything i possibly can for him and he doesn't appreciate it , i basically cater to his every need and thast not good. Thanks for all the help , really !

[Jlovestruckx0]

yeah , he says that he can tell were both not as happy as before and its the way we talk to each other. Lately he says whatever he wants to me and doesnt realize that the things he says sometimes hurt. He just says i take everything to heart , i have feelings though , he doesnt lol. I just really hate feeling that doubt about his feelings , i dont want to have that space with him if im not sure about the way he feels about me. I was so sure months ago , i felt it when he said he loves me and wants to be with me , now he doesnt even bother saying it ? Why can't you guys just be a bit mroe affectionate lol ! Thanks for the help (:

[boogieboy]

i felt it when he said he loves me and wants to be with me , now he doesnt even bother saying it ? Why can't you guys just be a bit mroe affectionate lol ! Thanks for the help (:

 

Because he knows that once you get all the affection all the time, and if he wears his heart on his sleeve, you will get bored when you dont have anything to work for. Like I said before, if you show him all the affection, too much affection pushes him away and he wont WANT to show you affection.

 

Think about it this way, when someone pays you too many compliments - you know they mean it, but it creeps you out doesnt it? Same thing here.

[Jlovestruckx0]

i feel alot better about the whole situation , now to find things to entertain myself with in this whole space time lol ! but i deffinitely get you guys point of view and im just seeing things in my perspective , thanks for all the advice ! <3

[Jlovestruckx0]

Now that im giving him his space & actually going out and having fun on my own which i loveee , he sounds miserable & its like hes making me feel guilty for having fun? He's getting what he wanted and hes still not happy ! talk about confusing .

[boogieboy]

Now that im giving him his space & actually going out and having fun on my own which i loveee , he sounds miserable & its like hes making me feel guilty for having fun? He's getting what he wanted and hes still not happy ! talk about confusing .

 

Keep doing it, keep living life. Let him catch up, dont let him let make you feel guilty.

 

He's jealous now because he knows you dont need him. He wanted you to keep after him while he did whatever he wanted. Keep having fun, and tell him "You wanted time to breathe, and space, you got it. Im enjoying my space now, isnt that what you wanted?"

[Jlovestruckx0]

{tell him "You wanted time to breathe, and space, you got it. Im enjoying my space now, isnt that what you wanted?"}

 

Thats exactly what I said , i told him im giving you what you want and your unhappy still? All he had to say was that he feels that i dont need him anymore and that i dont miss him , he told me he needs me and that he missed me like crazy. I told him that its a bit ridiculous that after 2 days of not seeing him and me going off and actually enjoying myself he comes up with all these theories and assumptions lol he said he feels that if we broke up i would be ok and that i'de go off and have fun because i dont need him and that im happier without him. I told him i love him and that im happy being with him no matter what were doing but that we do need time away to actually miss eachother and get use to being apart because the day that we break up or something happens to one of us we'lle be shattered. I told him i dont wanna depend on him for my happiness , i need to find it on my own. It really feels so great knowing that he cant handle what he dished out !!!!! I really wouldnt have been able to do it without this adviceee (: Im gunna keep doing what im doing. cant tell you thanks enough !