SummerLady Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I posted a thread on another board as my friend has cheated on her husband for 2 years with the same person and swears she is happily married. She often brags about it. Does anyone here think that is possible. Could I be wrong? Just wanted to see what others on this board think.
fooled once Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 My thoughts? No, she is not happily married. I don't how anyone can say they are happily married, yet cheating on that person. Doesn't make sense to me and like Judy Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it means it is a lie.
califnan Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I think the cheater who is married, is happy. Able to stay in the marriage - but to keep his/her possessions, what is left of the marriage ... And have an exciting brandnew sexual love on the side - one who probably idolizes him/her ... "cake eater" ..
mybrowneyedgirl Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 i was happily married and cheating. for over 3 years. the two were independent. i loved them both.
JAGeezer Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 (edited) i was happily married and cheating. for over 3 years. the two were independent. i loved them both. No, I'm afraid not. You only think that you loved them both. However I promise you that whatever you believe felt for your stbxH, once you started cheating it wasn't love...or at least not the sort of committed love that your wedding vows require. It was, at best a fondness and tolerance. Otherwise you wouldn't have been cheating. Not the stuff of happiness and dreams. I'm sure if you asked your stbxH, he'd agree. Once you're fully out of the fog, I think that you'll agree. Until then, the point is moot. A lot of folks denigrate the value of those vows. I guess it depends on your upbringing. When I was growing up, life in the same house as my mother was a waking nightmare. My younger brother remarked once that life with mom had a great deal in common with his tour in 'Nam, the only difference being no live ammunition. She was quite insane, and she lived to hurt people. Our father suffered it longer than any of us kids. One day when I was about fourteen I popped off to him and said that I'd had it. The next time she hit me, I was hitting back. He read me the riot act, and I demanded to know how he stood it. That's when dad educated me to two simple truisms. 1) There is NEVER a justifiable reason to lay violent hands on a woman, other than immediate self-defense...and you'd better be bleeding before you do so. 2) He recited his wedding vows for me, emphasizing the part about "for better or for worse". "Son, this is the worse. There's a reason why they call them vows." Either your word is worth something, or it isn't. Right now yours isn't worth much, and you've got a lot of years on the straight and narrow ahead of you before it is again. I do want to ask you one thing. Imagine ten or twenty years down the line, when one of your kids is ready to marry, that word reaches you about their prospective spouse. That they have a history of cheating in a previous marriage or relationship. Even if it was only once. Would you want your son to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad? Knowing what you did to his father, would you want him to take the risk and marry "you". (sigh) Until you can look at yourself in the mirror and answer that in the affirmative, you're a work in progress, and in no position to pursue a healthy relationship with anyone. JAG Edited March 26, 2010 by JAGeezer Gramatical Error
Lizzie60 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Yes I think it's possible.. for both men and women.. but it's more unusual for a woman IMO... but I'm certain that she's happy with her H.... and she's happy with her lover.. it takes two to make her happy..
confusedinkansas Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Chiming in........it is possible to love & be in love with both men at the same time! I did it for 3+ years. Can't recall, but someone here mentioned once that 'happily married' people have affairs every day. While I loved my husband, at the time of my affair I was not "Happily Married" to him. As for the friend of the OP. If she's BRAGGING all the time about it, I would wonder who she's trying to convince. Everyone around her - or herself.
OldEurope Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) No, I'm afraid not. You only think that you loved them both. However I promise you that whatever you believe felt for your stbxH, once you started cheating it wasn't love...or at least not the sort of committed love that your wedding vows require. It was, at best a fondness and tolerance. Otherwise you wouldn't have been cheating. Not the stuff of happiness and dreams. I'm sure if you asked your stbxH, he'd agree. Once you're fully out of the fog, I think that you'll agree. Until then, the point is moot. A lot of folks denigrate the value of those vows. I guess it depends on your upbringing. When I was growing up, life in the same house as my mother was a waking nightmare. My younger brother remarked once that life with mom had a great deal in common with his tour in 'Nam, the only difference being no live ammunition. She was quite insane, and she lived to hurt people. Our father suffered it longer than any of us kids. One day when I was about fourteen I popped off to him and said that I'd had it. The next time she hit me, I was hitting back. He read me the riot act, and I demanded to know how he stood it. That's when dad educated me to two simple truisms. 1) There is NEVER a justifiable reason to lay violent hands on a woman, other than immediate self-defense...and you'd better be bleeding before you do so. 2) He recited his wedding vows for me, emphasizing the part about "for better or for worse". "Son, this is the worse. There's a reason why they call them vows." Either your word is worth something, or it isn't. Right now yours isn't worth much, and you've got a lot of years on the straight and narrow ahead of you before it is again. I do want to ask you one thing. Imagine ten or twenty years down the line, when one of your kids is ready to marry, that word reaches you about their prospective spouse. That they have a history of cheating in a previous marriage or relationship. Even if it was only once. Would you want your son to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad? Knowing what you did to his father, would you want him to take the risk and marry "you". (sigh) Until you can look at yourself in the mirror and answer that in the affirmative, you're a work in progress, and in no position to pursue a healthy relationship with anyone. JAG I recall there being something in those vows about "to love, honor and cherish". Or are these things for many just a one-way street? One gets to be the whipping boy for lopsided "vows", the other gets to do the beating up, and later scream about "better and worse". One's "word" in a marriage is to that person whom one believes one is marrying, and the vows go both ways. It isn't to fall prey to some Jekyll and Hyde nonsense and ruin one's own life. What crock. Martyrs to garbage, wasted lives. OE Edited March 28, 2010 by OldEurope
Samantha0905 Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) I posted a thread on another board as my friend has cheated on her husband for 2 years with the same person and swears she is happily married. She often brags about it. Does anyone here think that is possible. Could I be wrong? Just wanted to see what others on this board think. I can only speak for myself and I believe what others say their feelings are -- like MBEG. I don't get why people choose to argue with someone about how THEY feel and follow it up with a condemning lecture expressing their opinion on the person's word. Good grief. For me, I think while having my affair I was not "in love" with either my husband or my AP. I loved (love) them both dearly however -- in different ways. It's obviously not the ideal -- if I were truly in love and happy in my marriage (the ideal situation for me) -- the affair would not have occurred. Edited March 28, 2010 by Samantha0905
ADF Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I posted a thread on another board as my friend has cheated on her husband for 2 years with the same person and swears she is happily married. She often brags about it. Does anyone here think that is possible. Could I be wrong? Just wanted to see what others on this board think. Being happily married while your husband carries on an affair is certainly unusual. But it is not beyond the realm of possibility. Married couples decide to open up their marriages for all kinds of reasons. I work in family law, and it is more common than many people think. Sometimes one partner's libido flags. Sometimes it is a compromise between people who are sexual incompatible in some fundamental way--e.g. he's kinky and she's not. Sometimes, it is a way for a bisexual partner to get his or her needs met. Unless you're privvy to this couple's inner life, it is hard to know.
Fallen Angel Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I agree with Samantha in that if I had been in love with my husband, I would have had no room in my life for My Sweetheart, so he would have been a non-entity, therefore impossible to fall in love with. As it was, i was not in love with my husband, so there was room in my life for My Sweetheart. Therefore he became a big part of my life (my best friend), and I was able to fall in love with him. In a truly happy marriage, the couple are eachothers best friends, and while there is certainly room for them to have other friends, there is not enough of a gap between them, that someone else could fit into that place. Is it possible to love two men at once? Sure. I love my exH even now, he is an abusive assclown, an alcoholic/drug addict and a serial cheat; but he is the father of my children and someone I once thought I was in love with. I shared most of my life with him, so I do still love him. I am however not in love with him, and could not possibly be in love with two people at once. I have heard it is possible for some people, for me it is not. it just is not in my nature.
White Flower Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 It really depends on what she is looking for. If it were me the answer would be a definite NO!!! Yet THIS MW might be the type who enjoys mutliple partners or getting a comfy lifestyle with one and white-hot sex with the other. Who really knows? Only she can know for sure as we are all different and seek different things. Are you asking because you're interested in trying this out for yourself?
Fouts Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 In a truly happy marriage, the couple are eachothers best friends, and while there is certainly room for them to have other friends, there is not enough of a gap between them, that someone else could fit into that place. Nicely said.
skylarblue Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I absolutely think a person could be happily M and cheat on their spouse. I don’t think it’s such a hard thing to believe. Just because a person is happily M doesn’t mean they aren’t physically attracted to other people. Some people will choose to act on that attraction. It doesn’t automatically make them unhappy or dissatisfied at home.
crazycatlady Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 Its not so much that she could love two people at once because I know its possible to be perfectly happy married to one and love another. I just don't get how she can lie about it to the one and still be perfectly happy. That to me takes a disconnect that is....disturbing. Course your obsession with her situation is also rather disturbing. If I had a friend like that I would probably disconnect a little from them. CCL
one of billions Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 IMO people who are happy in their marriages generally don’t cheat. Even if they are “happy” they’re not with the fact that it only allows one person for them to have sex with hence having an affair. What I don’t understand is what she is bragging about. Cheating on her husband? What an accomplishment.
GrayClouds Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 (edited) To say your happily married and cheating at the same time is saying you do not mind hurting people you claim to love as long as it makes you feel good. It is possible, but it your also saying your not much of a human being. i was happily married and cheating. for over 3 years. the two were independent. i loved them both. And how did that turn out? Edited March 29, 2010 by GrayClouds
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 IMO people who are happy in their marriages generally don’t cheat. But people who aren't happy with themselves sometimes DO cheat. Sometimes the marriage is fine, it's just a case of not having boundries and being really selfish. Or, some just cannot stay faithful PERIOD, no matter how much they try to.
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