dont make the same mistake as me

[LovelyDaze]

You should be so lucky. It would make this so much easier for you.

 

Then that's the best thing that could happen. If you keep in this horrid limbo, you will never get over her.

 

It starts with:

*Not contacting her ever again(NOT even for her birthday)

*Not checking her Facebook, MySpace,etc. to see who she may or may not be doing.

*Healing by living your life to the fullest (friends,family and favorite activities)

 

These are just some of the key things to do in order to start pulling away from your ex. If you don't want to hurt anymore, stop allowing yourself to GET hurt by staying in contact with her. You see now that it is not helping you heal.

[ussy]

Bro, you've received some top advice on this thread, and I imagine that a lot of other people in a similar position to you are reading this too and knowing that it applies to them also.

 

When RM and others tell you that they've been in your exact position, that they know how you feel etc. then I for one would listen carefully to them...we all think our relationships are unique and different from everyone else's, and while of course each relationship has its own circumstances and nuances, fundamentally we're all human, and generally speaking, tend to react in similar ways to given situations.

 

Bottom line, you know what you have to do, and you really do. This site is full of awesome advice - stop contacting this girl for just 5 minutes and take the time to read some other posts. CaliGuy's guide to NC and No Foolin's guide to moving on are particulalrly good places to start, and helped me enormously.

 

You'll get massive 24-hour support on this site from anonymous strangers who genuinely want you to get over this and live your greatest life. I think it's pretty humbling that people from all over the globe should do this for you - the very least they deserve in return is that you at least heed their advice, or if you chooose not to, not to then carry on posting asking why you're still feeling used by this girl.

 

Getting over someone you love is one of the greatest challenges that life ever throws at you...hands down. See it as exactly that, a challenge that you can come out a stronger and better person on the other side, and trust me, you'll look back and thank this girl for having made you the new person that you are. Only you won't even think about contacting her to say thank you - she'll be long gone from your life and your thoughts.

 

You can do this.

Sorry, i just want to apologise to all you guys if it seemed like i was just brushing all your advice to the side, honestly i haven't. Maybe i have slipped up a few times but ALL YOU guys have really give me belief in myself that i can do this, for that i thank you soooooo much!! I will follow the advice, its just i wanted to get everything off my chest first....... Sorry once again:( I will do this now! GO ME!

[Rearden Metal]

what if she never contacts me again

 

I'll bet a large sum that she will. And it's gonna suck.

[Rearden Metal]

Bro, you've received some top advice on this thread, and I imagine that a lot of other people in a similar position to you are reading this too and knowing that it applies to them also.

 

When RM and others tell you that they've been in your exact position, that they know how you feel etc. then I for one would listen carefully to them...we all think our relationships are unique and different from everyone else's, and while of course each relationship has its own circumstances and nuances, fundamentally we're all human, and generally speaking, tend to react in similar ways to given situations.

 

Bottom line, you know what you have to do, and you really do. This site is full of awesome advice - stop contacting this girl for just 5 minutes and take the time to read some other posts. CaliGuy's guide to NC and No Foolin's guide to moving on are particulalrly good places to start, and helped me enormously.

 

You'll get massive 24-hour support on this site from anonymous strangers who genuinely want you to get over this and live your greatest life. I think it's pretty humbling that people from all over the globe should do this for you - the very least they deserve in return is that you at least heed their advice, or if you chooose not to, not to then carry on posting asking why you're still feeling used by this girl.

 

Getting over someone you love is one of the greatest challenges that life ever throws at you...hands down. See it as exactly that, a challenge that you can come out a stronger and better person on the other side, and trust me, you'll look back and thank this girl for having made you the new person that you are. Only you won't even think about contacting her to say thank you - she'll be long gone from your life and your thoughts.

 

You can do this.

 

GREAT post. There's so many people on here I owe for their support. This is a fantastic forum full of genuinely helpful, positive people.

[ussy]

Oh and special Thanks to RM, Lovely Daze and Spriggig! You guys are amazing, thanks so much!

[D-Lish]

Sorry, i just want to apologise to all you guys if it seemed like i was just brushing all your advice to the side, honestly i haven't. Maybe i have slipped up a few times but ALL YOU guys have really give me belief in myself that i can do this, for that i thank you soooooo much!! I will follow the advice, its just i wanted to get everything off my chest first....... Sorry once again:( I will do this now! GO ME!

 

There is always that part in the process where you just want people to support what you already want to do. You want to hear stories of success, have people tell you- "go ahead and call", "try and be her friend for a while", "beg her to come back"... You want to hear people tell you that form of chasing has worked for them.

 

It's your natural inclination to chase after something you don't want to lose. I understand that inclination, but often in a break up, your best action really is to do the opposite of what your heart is telling you to do.

 

You think if you just stay in her radar, she will come to the conclusion that she misses you. The truth is that people can't miss something until it's gone.

[ussy]

There is always that part in the process where you just want people to support what you already want to do. You want to hear stories of success, have people tell you- "go ahead and call", "try and be her friend for a while", "beg her to come back"... You want to hear people tell you that form of chasing has worked for them.

 

It's your natural inclination to chase after something you don't want to lose. I understand that inclination, but often in a break up, your best action really is to do the opposite of what your heart is telling you to do.

 

You think if you just stay in her radar, she will come to the conclusion that she misses you. The truth is that people can't miss something until it's gone.

I understand that.... I will never contact her now, i will force myself to live without her

[D-Lish]

I understand that.... I will never contact her now, i will force myself to live without her

 

Don't think of it as living without her- re-frame it as living for you. One form of thinking is negative, the other is positive. It makes a difference, living life working towards something, instead of missing out on something.

 

Go to the gym, re-connect with friends, get busy doing things you like to do and that make you feel good. Create goals for yourself and work towards them.

 

It's about doing what you need to do to move forward. Of course you are going to miss her, but the more positives you add to your life, the easier it will be to get through this.

 

The process of getting over someone doesn't just happen on it's own- you have to be an active participant in your own recovery. Never be afraid to ask for help or support!

[monkeymaid]

listen to these people for **** sake!!! ...dont worry about being a pussy, it wont last forever. . ....im being a pussy right now!! ffs im sad as hell, missing her, feeling like ****, worthless etc... but there is no way in hell im going to call her!!!! i wont do it. ...im worth too much to myself!! i will sit here and cry all day if thats whats gonna happen, i write on here in my thread if im feeling down, and someone (usually greycloud) tries to talk sense into me, then i battle, but eventually conceit defeat to my STRENGTH and do what is BEST FOR ME!!! you gotta put your life back into your hands and not give that responsibility to someone. your pushing your happiness onto her by sticking around and breaking nc. ...if you were together, thats not ok, if you are friends, thats not ok, now that you are broken up, its still not ok. ....you my friend have to find your center and work from there.

 

look, i know how you feel. 4 days ago, i searched online for my ex. ... looked at her j date account, email account, etc... and didnt find anything. but it made me wonder more. it hurt my pride, i felt weak, i felt humiliation in myself, i felt dumb, retarded and like more of a loser than if i had just sacked up and functioned with acceptance, and thought. but now, 3 days later, i feel worse than the day we broke up...and i still havent broken nc. 4 weeks today, and i have yet to here her voice, see an email/tex. ..nothing just what i looked for, and did not find. dude, do ANYTHING and do it NOW!!! just let her go

[DramaFree]

Reading this thread actually helps me realize I have to keep to NC. I have broken it and the fact he answered and was nice and considering he broke up with me. "wants to be by himself". I did feel as though he wants to keep me either on the back burner or some kind of FWB deal which I am not interested in at all. If I continue to break it and see him with someone else I am going to snapped like you did when she didnt call when she said she would. I dont want to feel desperate for 5 minutes of his time. thanks your post made be realize that! thanks!

 

You will find you will stop idealizing and decide your sanity is more important. The gym really helps. It's enabled me to sleep better and gain some confidence.

 

 

I have seen women keep their ex on a thread in the event it does not work out with the new guy and when it doesnt work out expect their ex to be there with open arms...I even had a friend thought this guy would wait forever and when he moved on..she was balling like a baby and she was still was with the new guy being treated like crap. Whacked right?? this women was very "full" of herself. I guess maybe 1 is good but 2 guys wanting you puts people in lalala land.

 

You have to let it go and realize that you were good to her and if she didnt see it its her loss. That is what I have had to tell myself. Although I have broken NC - after the last pleasent conversation I decided I can't do the friends thing and from a pride perspective I am easing his conscience and I am dying inside losing valuable time healing myself. One thing is once you break NC once damn its easier to do it again and again..UUGH

 

Pls stop letting this women abuse you..she does because she can...I bet you will hear from her once you start going NC.

[ussy]

listen to these people for **** sake!!! ...dont worry about being a pussy, it wont last forever. . ....im being a pussy right now!! ffs im sad as hell, missing her, feeling like ****, worthless etc... but there is no way in hell im going to call her!!!! i wont do it. ...im worth too much to myself!! i will sit here and cry all day if thats whats gonna happen, i write on here in my thread if im feeling down, and someone (usually greycloud) tries to talk sense into me, then i battle, but eventually conceit defeat to my STRENGTH and do what is BEST FOR ME!!! you gotta put your life back into your hands and not give that responsibility to someone. your pushing your happiness onto her by sticking around and breaking nc. ...if you were together, thats not ok, if you are friends, thats not ok, now that you are broken up, its still not ok. ....you my friend have to find your center and work from there.

 

look, i know how you feel. 4 days ago, i searched online for my ex. ... looked at her j date account, email account, etc... and didnt find anything. but it made me wonder more. it hurt my pride, i felt weak, i felt humiliation in myself, i felt dumb, retarded and like more of a loser than if i had just sacked up and functioned with acceptance, and thought. but now, 3 days later, i feel worse than the day we broke up...and i still havent broken nc. 4 weeks today, and i have yet to here her voice, see an email/tex. ..nothing just what i looked for, and did not find. dude, do ANYTHING and do it NOW!!! just let her go

Dude that really touched me..... Its made me think a lot. I wont let myself down this time

[ussy]

Reading this thread actually helps me realize I have to keep to NC. I have broken it and the fact he answered and was nice and considering he broke up with me. "wants to be by himself". I did feel as though he wants to keep me either on the back burner or some kind of FWB deal which I am not interested in at all. If I continue to break it and see him with someone else I am going to snapped like you did when she didnt call when she said she would. I dont want to feel desperate for 5 minutes of his time. thanks your post made be realize that! thanks!

 

You will find you will stop idealizing and decide your sanity is more important. The gym really helps. It's enabled me to sleep better and gain some confidence.

 

 

I have seen women keep their ex on a thread in the event it does not work out with the new guy and when it doesnt work out expect their ex to be there with open arms...I even had a friend thought this guy would wait forever and when he moved on..she was balling like a baby and she was still was with the new guy being treated like crap. Whacked right?? this women was very "full" of herself. I guess maybe 1 is good but 2 guys wanting you puts people in lalala land.

 

You have to let it go and realize that you were good to her and if she didnt see it its her loss. That is what I have had to tell myself. Although I have broken NC - after the last pleasent conversation I decided I can't do the friends thing and from a pride perspective I am easing his conscience and I am dying inside losing valuable time healing myself. One thing is once you break NC once damn its easier to do it again and again..UUGH

 

Pls stop letting this women abuse you..she does because she can...I bet you will hear from her once you start going NC.

That has given me more reason to never contact her, thanks for your help

[Manutara]

Sorry, i just want to apologise to all you guys if it seemed like i was just brushing all your advice to the side, honestly i haven't. Maybe i have slipped up a few times but ALL YOU guys have really give me belief in myself that i can do this, for that i thank you soooooo much!! I will follow the advice, its just i wanted to get everything off my chest first....... Sorry once again:( I will do this now! GO ME!

 

Don't feel that you need to apologize to anyone on here...we're all with you on this one, and we all know what you're going through in some form. People just don't want you to make the same mistakes that they did and waste more of the precious gift that is life.

 

I first went NC with my ex over a year ago, yet have managed to break it regularly, the last time as recently as a week ago, and it's pathetic. I had an awesome 2009 in every sense apart from my love life, and you start realizing that it's time you can't ever get back. I, for one, don't want you making the same mistake.

 

Keep at it.