dont make the same mistake as me

[Weird]

Thanks you 3, i guess ill wait for the right time to stop talking to her. I cant just all of a sudden not answer her calls can i?

 

yes you can. Just tell her you can't talk to her and to leave you alone because you do not want to deal with what she is saying/wanting as it hurts you.

 

If she gives you any sass then try and be respective and repeat what you first said.

 

If she keeps trying to contact you after this then just ignore her. Eventually she'll probably get the hint and will let you be and probably flip things in her brain to make you be the bad guy.

 

Even if you are worried she will forget you and never contact you again then chances are that won't happen...my situation proves this. I told my ex to get out of my life for good last year (and I was pretty harsh with my tell-off email) and a year later there she was again. Hell, the first or second time she contacted me (guess it would have been the 2004 or 2005 time) and things went nowhere she was the one who said to me then that there would be no other time (ie to try and be "friends") yet there she was a year later.

 

I am not saying that is what you should want with her contacting you in the future and try and set this all up as a game to play with her as the point is to heal and "move on" without her in your life but just know there is a good chance she'll still contact you eventually and if/when she does you'll have to figure out what you want to do then.

 

I obviously do not know the full details between you two and maybe you two are a perfect match and the timing isn't right and if that is the case then I'd hope you guys would ultimately end up together down the road and I believe you will....but don't try and press it now and just move forward without her in your life and have faith that no matter what happens it'll be for the best.

 

I know it feels logical/right to try and keep contact for someone you care about and all that jazz but logic gets thrown out the window when it comes to relationship stuff. Trust me, I know as I have stated above.

[ussy]

F**k it.... Ive realised after id made a fool out of myself for the last time that you guys are right.

She had said earlier that she would call me back, hours went by and she didnt so i rang to see when she planned on ringing to which she replied "Oh im just with my sister and her friend, if i dont get time ill ring you 2moro or sumthin.... I didnt know you'd be waiting" Its just the way she said it that pissed me off.... I said to her "im not your puppy, you know and i know that your f*****g meaning to act like this" BIG ARGUMENT FOLLOWED....

We just argued and swore the hell outta each other... I ust wanted to know the "real" reason she left me and she just kept on saying "you were a bastard" "We didnt get along" Which was all just BS.... How can i move on if i dont know the real reason? I said in one of my earlier threads that i did something like 2 years ago, which was real real big and i was worried she left me for that reason, if it was do you guys think she would have mentioned it by now? I really need an answer to that so i can move on tbh.

 

Then she justkept cutting me off, i kept ringing and ringing and ringing like a fool. She really was grabbing me by the buts and squeezing hard!!! Arghhh im just so f****d up at the moment. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER.... EVER.... I will come through this stronger.... Ive realized that if she ever did love me, she wouldnt have put me through this, right?

[skydiveaddict]

Arghhh im just so f****d up at the moment. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER.... EVER.... I will come through this stronger.... Ive realized that if she ever did love me, she wouldnt have put me through this, right?

 

 

Right . now stop torturing yourself and dont have anything more to do w/her

[Tamia78]

... I ust wanted to know the "real" reason she left me and she just kept on saying "you were a bastard" "We didnt get along" Which was all just BS.... How can i move on if i dont know the real reason? I said in one of my earlier threads that i did something like 2 years ago, which was real real big and i was worried she left me for that reason, if it was do you guys think she would have mentioned it by now? I really need an answer to that so i can move on tbh.

 

Hey ussy,

 

Keep in mind that there may not actually be a "real" reason. I got the same lines you did from my ex. You know, the "We just didn't get along" reason.....which is really a non-reason. So, try not to sweat it. If you are satisfied that you were true to yourself in that relationship, that you never pretended or lied, and treated her like you loved her, then you have nothing to worry about, and it's her problem. I'm sure she'll realize that sooner or later, but you have to try to move on now, and leave yourself open to someone who will NOT treat you like she's treating you right now. That way when she figures out her mistake, you will so be over her! Nothing like that kinda revenge!

 

--T

[ussy]

Hey ussy,

 

Keep in mind that there may not actually be a "real" reason. I got the same lines you did from my ex. You know, the "We just didn't get along" reason.....which is really a non-reason. So, try not to sweat it. If you are satisfied that you were true to yourself in that relationship, that you never pretended or lied, and treated her like you loved her, then you have nothing to worry about, and it's her problem. I'm sure she'll realize that sooner or later, but you have to try to move on now, and leave yourself open to someone who will NOT treat you like she's treating you right now. That way when she figures out her mistake, you will so be over her! Nothing like that kinda revenge!

 

--T

Thanks for that, it really did make me think to myself that i showed her i loved her in everything i did. Im sure 1 day shes gonna realize that. Its just that 1 thing that blows up in my mind, ill be honest wit you all and tell you something i did ages back.

 

We broke up once like a year and a half in to our relationship, we did manage to get back together but this time she had all the power due to me constantly chasing her. This just led her to be a total b***h. She used to hurt me so much and i know she knew that too. 1 day i dont know why but i just told so many people all the stuff me and her had "done together" kind of making her look like a slut. She left me for like a week but then came back to me...... I just always think that's why she doesn't wanna get back with me. She's never mentioned this once since we got back together after that, do you guys think that if it was really that she would have told me by now? I mean 3 months is a long time, and if she really loved me then im sure she would have told me if this was the reason...... I talk to my sister a lot about this and she believes that if it was that she would have told me straight up. I know i sound like a total loser, it really is funny what real love can do to a person. I need your help guys

[D-Lish]

We broke up once like a year and a half in to our relationship, we did manage to get back together but this time she had all the power due to me constantly chasing her.

 

...Which is why you have to stop chasing her, stop being available to her, stop seeking her out when she doesn't call you back, stop lowering yourself to accepting crumbs...

 

The situation you are in right now- with her having all the power, is something you can reverse.

 

I think the best thing you can do is to think about what you want to do, then simply do the opposite.

[ussy]

...Which is why you have to stop chasing her, stop being available to her, stop seeking her out when she doesn't call you back, stop lowering yourself to accepting crumbs...

 

The situation you are in right now- with her having all the power, is something you can reverse.

 

I think the best thing you can do is to think about what you want to do, then simply do the opposite.

Its so hard dude.... I wish i had it in me, i honestly will try my hardest. Can you just comment on te other part of my post? That's the bit which f***s me up inside Id appreciate as many people as possible to give me their help with that Ty to all those that have helped me so far also

[spriggig]

Here's a better question: Do you love yourself enough not to put yourself through torture? You are basically putting your hand in the fire, and keeping it there. Why? Because you are afraid of taking your hand out and never getting the opportunity to stick it back in? Nonsense.

 

Oh ****, I just got pwned right here! You weren't talking to me, but oh how you were talking to me!

[spriggig]

...Which is why you have to stop chasing her, stop being available to her, stop seeking her out when she doesn't call you back, stop lowering yourself to accepting crumbs...

 

The situation you are in right now- with her having all the power, is something you can reverse.

 

I think the best thing you can do is to think about what you want to do, then simply do the opposite.

 

Yes, You keep doing the same thing, you keep getting the same thing. If what you are getting is completely wrong then do the opposite to get the opposite.

[spriggig]

ussy, delete her from your life. Block her phone number, defriend her on facebook, delete her email address and all her email. Burn the fking pictures in a ceremony.

 

That reminds me, I have some pictures to burn right now. No kidding.

 

Edit: Actually did just go burn pictures of my ex and me, including a wedding pic. Burned my thumb too, but physical pain has nothing on emotional pain, amirite?

Edited March 27, 2010 by spriggig

[ussy]

Thanks for that, it really did make me think to myself that i showed her i loved her in everything i did. Im sure 1 day shes gonna realize that. Its just that 1 thing that blows up in my mind, ill be honest wit you all and tell you something i did ages back.

 

We broke up once like a year and a half in to our relationship, we did manage to get back together but this time she had all the power due to me constantly chasing her. This just led her to be a total b***h. She used to hurt me so much and i know she knew that too. 1 day i dont know why but i just told so many people all the stuff me and her had "done together" kind of making her look like a slut. She left me for like a week but then came back to me...... I just always think that's why she doesn't wanna get back with me. She's never mentioned this once since we got back together after that, do you guys think that if it was really that she would have told me by now? I mean 3 months is a long time, and if she really loved me then im sure she would have told me if this was the reason...... I talk to my sister a lot about this and she believes that if it was that she would have told me straight up. I know i sound like a total loser, it really is funny what real love can do to a person. I need your help guys

Any help with this

[Rearden Metal]

Any help with this

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

Even if it IS the reason (and I guarantee it's not), you have to FORGIVE YOURSELF for it and move on with your life.

 

You are in the worst stages of this right now. So many of us have been there. Here's what you can look forward to:

 

- Irrationally putting your ex on a pedestal.

- Not finding other females attractive.

- Spontaneous, prolonged crying. Like blubbering, I'm a bitch snot nosed crying.

- Intense urge to contact her

- Intense desire for her to contact you.

- Trouble focusing.

- Possibly trouble eating (never had this problem personally).

 

What you can do-

 

- Repeat the line "Stop being such a p*ssy", forcefully, in your mind when you're feeling weak. Start to really believe what you're saying to yourself.

- Go to the gym. A lot.

- Start looking at girls. Set your standards REALLY high (this will get you looking).

- DON'T EFFING CONTACT HER. AT ALL. EVER

[Rearden Metal]

Any help with this

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

Even if it IS the reason (and I guarantee it's not), you have to FORGIVE YOURSELF for it and move on with your life.

 

You are in the worst stages of this right now. So many of us have been there. Here's what you can look forward to:

 

- Irrationally putting your ex on a pedestal.

- Not finding other females attractive.

- Spontaneous, prolonged crying. Like blubbering, I'm a bitch snot nosed crying.

- Intense urge to contact her

- Intense desire for her to contact you.

- Trouble focusing.

- Possibly trouble eating (never had this problem personally).

 

What you can do-

 

- Repeat the line "Stop being such a p*ssy", forcefully, in your mind when you're feeling weak. Start to really believe what you're saying to yourself.

- Go to the gym. A lot.

- Start looking at girls. Set your standards REALLY high (this will get you looking).

- DON'T EFFING CONTACT HER. AT ALL. EVER

- Don't respond to her contact for at least a month. No matter what. When the month is up, re-evaluate how you feel and go from there. Because even if she came to you RIGHT now with all the right words, YOU aren't ready. You're a huge effing mess. You're a disaster. There's no chance you could "fix" anything in your state.

- GET COUNSELING. Go now and set an appointment.

[Rearden Metal]

sorry about the double post. I'm in bed hung over...

[ussy]

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

Even if it IS the reason (and I guarantee it's not), you have to FORGIVE YOURSELF for it and move on with your life.

 

You are in the worst stages of this right now. So many of us have been there. Here's what you can look forward to:

 

- Irrationally putting your ex on a pedestal.

- Not finding other females attractive.

- Spontaneous, prolonged crying. Like blubbering, I'm a bitch snot nosed crying.

- Intense urge to contact her

- Intense desire for her to contact you.

- Trouble focusing.

- Possibly trouble eating (never had this problem personally).

 

What you can do-

 

- Repeat the line "Stop being such a p*ssy", forcefully, in your mind when you're feeling weak. Start to really believe what you're saying to yourself.

- Go to the gym. A lot.

- Start looking at girls. Set your standards REALLY high (this will get you looking).

- DON'T EFFING CONTACT HER. AT ALL. EVER

- Don't respond to her contact for at least a month. No matter what. When the month is up, re-evaluate how you feel and go from there. Because even if she came to you RIGHT now with all the right words, YOU aren't ready. You're a huge effing mess. You're a disaster. There's no chance you could "fix" anything in your state.

- GET COUNSELING. Go now and set an appointment.

Dude this has to be the best advice any person has given me, thanks a lot I still get upset though thinking "what if it was that".... Its like i just think i shot myself in the foot, not a good feeling

[ussy]

But RM are you sure that wasn't the reason?

[spriggig]

But RM are you sure that wasn't the reason?

The important thing he said is that IT DOESN'T MATTER what the reason is.

 

You're never going to know--that's what I think.

 

Let it go and do what he said.

[Rearden Metal]

But RM are you sure that wasn't the reason?

 

Yes, I'm sure. I am God, and since I am, I know the answer.

 

Of course I don't know the answer. But I know that it doesn't make ONE bit of difference.

 

Just. Let. Go.

[9Lives]

Forget it... I give in... Im gonna be her friend, i dont want to let go of her completely, i guess ill just sit the phone to her always hearing how great her life is. I feel like a total loser

 

I was just like you and now guess what...NOW my ex hates me. Listen to what everyone is saying. it is not going to work out. If you really want to work this out...let go on a good note for about 4 months...not one..or two...not 3...4 months. Then see if you can at least be friends from there. Even if you can work it out..it wont be any time soon. Listen

[ussy]

I was just like you and now guess what...NOW my ex hates me. Listen to what everyone is saying. it is not going to work out. If you really want to work this out...let go on a good note for about 4 months...not one..or two...not 3...4 months. Then see if you can at least be friends from there. Even if you can work it out..it wont be any time soon. Listen

After reading that i gave her a call and apologised for the argument that other day and i told her i wanted to say bye in a nice way.....Thats all, wont ring her again (I Hope so)

[Rearden Metal]

After reading that i gave her a call and apologised for the argument that other day and i told her i wanted to say bye in a nice way.....Thats all, wont ring her again (I Hope so)

 

Good... now let it go...

[ussy]

Good... now let it go...

what if she never contacts me again

[spriggig]

what if she never contacts me again

 

You should be so lucky. It would make this so much easier for you.

[Manutara]

Bro, you've received some top advice on this thread, and I imagine that a lot of other people in a similar position to you are reading this too and knowing that it applies to them also.

 

When RM and others tell you that they've been in your exact position, that they know how you feel etc. then I for one would listen carefully to them...we all think our relationships are unique and different from everyone else's, and while of course each relationship has its own circumstances and nuances, fundamentally we're all human, and generally speaking, tend to react in similar ways to given situations.

 

Bottom line, you know what you have to do, and you really do. This site is full of awesome advice - stop contacting this girl for just 5 minutes and take the time to read some other posts. CaliGuy's guide to NC and No Foolin's guide to moving on are particulalrly good places to start, and helped me enormously.

 

You'll get massive 24-hour support on this site from anonymous strangers who genuinely want you to get over this and live your greatest life. I think it's pretty humbling that people from all over the globe should do this for you - the very least they deserve in return is that you at least heed their advice, or if you chooose not to, not to then carry on posting asking why you're still feeling used by this girl.

 

Getting over someone you love is one of the greatest challenges that life ever throws at you...hands down. See it as exactly that, a challenge that you can come out a stronger and better person on the other side, and trust me, you'll look back and thank this girl for having made you the new person that you are. Only you won't even think about contacting her to say thank you - she'll be long gone from your life and your thoughts.

 

You can do this.

[9Lives]

After reading that i gave her a call and apologised for the argument that other day and i told her i wanted to say bye in a nice way.....Thats all, wont ring her again (I Hope so)

 

Ussy, I messed up so bad. I have been crying and everything cause now..there is no chance for reconcilation. It is completely over. You dont want to go down that path. I have a lot of pain and regret in my heart cause I didnt want this to happen and I have no one to blame but myself. If you think that reaching out to to her at this time is difficult..imagine the pain of completely screwing the whole thing up like I just did. Horrible.

 

Go ahead and let it go. Maybe down the line, it may come back to you. I know how hard that is to do. But this important and necessary. We are giving you sound advice cause we know already the outcome. Be smarter than most and do what is right and you will be thanking us later. Peace