sally4sara Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 I agree with this. It's hilarious how men marry foreign women half their age on purpose (as in, they didn't just fall in love with a woman who happened to be that)... and then cry 'she's using me for my money!'. Well guess what, dude, you're using her for her youth, beauty, and presumed exoticism/submissiveness. Nobody deserves to cry wolf here. I agree and have little sympathy for the OP; he BOUGHT this situation. And to call her temporary infringement of his recreational time a transgression, while he controls her spending, controls her learning to drive, controls her internet use, and intends to implement withholding tactics to get his way is overlooking the obvious. She either learned this tactic from him or they both have the same style. Neither is more wrong for it. If I were him, I'd expect she'd next start withholding cooked meals, a clean house, and sex. He ought be more concerned with how his actions give her incentive to do the same in turn.
mem11363 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 S4S, I actually consider the golden rule the ultimate measure of behavior. In this case my answer is "not applicable". Because there is no way I would ever ask the same question again and again after having been given a firm and fair answer that I couldn't logically dispute. And that IS what happened a few times. And it purely was an attempt to wear me down. And I was not ok with that. And I would not do that to someone else. Just wondering how you would respond if someone did that to you?
mem11363 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 When you say he "controls" her spending what do you mean? My understanding is that she has a discretionary budget which is a substantial percent of their disposable income and she has total control of how she spends it. They DO fight about money. She wants him to save less/save nothing and let her ratchet her/their lifestyle up. And for YEARS she has pressured him to do that in many different ways. And during those YEARS she has chosen not to work AT ALL even though they have no children. So why is he the bad guy? FYI: If HIS discretionary budget was way way bigger than hers - that would seem unfair to me. But if I recall he has split it about in half. I agree and have little sympathy for the OP; he BOUGHT this situation. And to call her temporary infringement of his recreational time a transgression, while he controls her spending, controls her learning to drive, controls her internet use, and intends to implement withholding tactics to get his way is overlooking the obvious. She either learned this tactic from him or they both have the same style. Neither is more wrong for it. If I were him, I'd expect she'd next start withholding cooked meals, a clean house, and sex. He ought be more concerned with how his actions give her incentive to do the same in turn.
sally4sara Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 S4S, I actually consider the golden rule the ultimate measure of behavior. In this case my answer is "not applicable". Because there is no way I would ever ask the same question again and again after having been given a firm and fair answer that I couldn't logically dispute. And that IS what happened a few times. And it purely was an attempt to wear me down. And I was not ok with that. And I would not do that to someone else. I was not talking about you, or your marriage. This is Gerhard's thread. They are both trying to manipulate each other, but the base balance of power is in his hands to abuse as far as her ability to leave. As far as her not working when there are no children? This was his want, not simply her insistence. She got the job to send money back to her parents. If he starts with the witholding game, she can't continue to do this. But it indicates that she can be more charitable and not just selfish.
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