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Great date - no word for 3 days now

Kiley12

By Kiley12
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Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

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Yeah I'm beginning to see that might be the case. He texted me once this week and I didn't reply back. I figure if he really cared, not hearing back from me would make him try a bit harder. It's been 2 day since the text and he hasn't made another attempt. He's on a big assignment but I think I deserve a phone call after dating for 2 months. Better to write him off now...him being away is the perfect time to get over it.

julitasoup New Member

julitasoup

Posted
Posted

I understand why you are concerned but here's the thing: there is a fundamental difference in the way men and women think and their communication styles. A woman, assuming she enjoyed the date or dates and feels a connection, wants to keep that connection going. A man, on the other hand, may not even be at that point yet and if he is, it is probably either freaking him out or your contact with him.

Men like the chase and like to think they are in control of the relationship. They will often view that contact after a date as needy and will turn tail and run.

I suggest that you don't contact him; let him stew for a bit. If he does contact you again, don't make it so easy for him. Make plans to spend time with your friends and when he calls and asks you out, be busy. Let him realize that you do have a life, are not sitting at home pining for him. You don't have to be nasty or bitchy about it and it will help you get your mind off of all of this. It may also reassure him that you are not a clinging vine ready to wrap yourself around him. I would also not ask him why he didn't reply. Just let it go.

With women, you can listen to our words, what we say, to understand where we are coming from; with men, it's actions, not what they say that show us what they are thinking and their intention.

So wait and see what he does.

AngryTroll Member

AngryTroll

Posted
Posted
I've been dating a great guy for about month now. We've been on 5 dates. I've stayed over his place for 2 weekends...i've met his brother and his sister in law...he cooks for me, opens car doors, very PDA with me, etc. He is about 10 years older than me..in his early 40s. We spent all of last weekend together and I left his place Sunday evening and haven't heard from him since. I sent him a text early this week and he did not respond. He has mentioned that he does not like texting so we call each other instead.. but he always at least responds to my text with a short and sweet msg back. Should I be concerned that I haven't heard from him for 3 days after what I thought to be a great weekend date?

 

 

Wait another few days, if no contact, then write him off. This happened to me, before and the guy I later found out, was married -_-

sugarmomma Established Member

sugarmomma

Posted
Posted

He doesn't sound so great to me and his interest level is very low. Drop him!!

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted
Genuinely busy guy or is he just playing me?
Rule of thumb, if you have to ask, there's a problem.

 

Forget these guys. Don't settle for someone who's not all in. When he's all in, he'll make it loud and clear.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted
Yeah I'm beginning to see that might be the case. He texted me once this week and I didn't reply back. I figure if he really cared, not hearing back from me would make him try a bit harder. It's been 2 day since the text and he hasn't made another attempt. He's on a big assignment but I think I deserve a phone call after dating for 2 months. Better to write him off now...him being away is the perfect time to get over it.

I

think it had been obvious too months ago when you started this thread. Anyways, you can't be bothered with someone who doesn't even have the decency to call you.

 

I love texting as much as the next person, but if it's a guy I'm dating I would think that he would love to hear my voice as I do his.

 

Don't worry about losing on this guy, he is a little ameoba in a gigantic pool of better fishes- like salmon and tuna and yellowfin....

  • Author
Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I

think it had been obvious too months ago when you started this thread. Anyways, you can't be bothered with someone who doesn't even have the decency to call you.

 

I love texting as much as the next person, but if it's a guy I'm dating I would think that he would love to hear my voice as I do his.

 

Don't worry about losing on this guy, he is a little ameoba in a gigantic pool of better fishes- like salmon and tuna and yellowfin....

 

Thanks xpaperxcutx. He is a hard read because his communication can be frequent one week and distant another week. He rarely texts and he's all about calling exactly because of what you said..hearing my voice. We have weekly conversations 30-40 min. Since he's away on a production assignment, and working on a deadline, it could be that he's in his work mode and thought a text would suffice until he gets back. I just can't see a guy that would spend time cooking dinner and breakfast for me regularly, introducing me to his brother, calling me weekly, and giving me so much attention when we're together, not be interested. The only thing lacking in this is the communication in between dates. I'm still stumped on this one..

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
I understand why you are concerned but here's the thing: there is a fundamental difference in the way men and women think and their communication styles. A woman, assuming she enjoyed the date or dates and feels a connection, wants to keep that connection going. A man, on the other hand, may not even be at that point yet and if he is, it is probably either freaking him out or your contact with him.

Men like the chase and like to think they are in control of the relationship. They will often view that contact after a date as needy and will turn tail and run.

I suggest that you don't contact him; let him stew for a bit. If he does contact you again, don't make it so easy for him. Make plans to spend time with your friends and when he calls and asks you out, be busy. Let him realize that you do have a life, are not sitting at home pining for him. You don't have to be nasty or bitchy about it and it will help you get your mind off of all of this. It may also reassure him that you are not a clinging vine ready to wrap yourself around him. I would also not ask him why he didn't reply. Just let it go.

With women, you can listen to our words, what we say, to understand where we are coming from; with men, it's actions, not what they say that show us what they are thinking and their intention.

So wait and see what he does.

 

This is great advice, couldn't agree with you more.

m12 Member

m12

Posted
Posted
Men like the chase and like to think they are in control of the relationship. They will often view that contact after a date as needy and will turn tail and run.

I suggest that you don't contact him; let him stew for a bit. If he does contact you again, don't make it so easy for him. Make plans to spend time with your friends and when he calls and asks you out, be busy. Let him realize that you do have a life, are not sitting at home pining for him. You don't have to be nasty or bitchy about it and it will help you get your mind off of all of this. It may also reassure him that you are not a clinging vine ready to wrap yourself around him. I would also not ask him why he didn't reply. Just let it go.

I disagree. Most men do not like the chase. Some women claim most men like the chase, but that's simply not true. It doesn't matter who contacts who. These dating games are destructive.

homersheineken Established Member

homersheineken

Posted
Posted
I understand why you are concerned but here's the thing: there is a fundamental difference in the way men and women think and their communication styles. A woman, assuming she enjoyed the date or dates and feels a connection, wants to keep that connection going. A man, on the other hand, may not even be at that point yet and if he is, it is probably either freaking him out or your contact with him.

Men like the chase and like to think they are in control of the relationship. They will often view that contact after a date as needy and will turn tail and run.

I suggest that you don't contact him; let him stew for a bit. If he does contact you again, don't make it so easy for him. Make plans to spend time with your friends and when he calls and asks you out, be busy. Let him realize that you do have a life, are not sitting at home pining for him. You don't have to be nasty or bitchy about it and it will help you get your mind off of all of this. It may also reassure him that you are not a clinging vine ready to wrap yourself around him. I would also not ask him why he didn't reply. Just let it go.

With women, you can listen to our words, what we say, to understand where we are coming from; with men, it's actions, not what they say that show us what they are thinking and their intention.

So wait and see what he does.

 

This is horrible advice. 1) Listen to womens' words, not their actions? Give me a break. Women never lie? Really? Women are better liars then men. watch their actions, just like you would with a male.

2) Forget the game playing. Taht's a sure way to confuse everything.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
This is horrible advice. 1) Listen to womens' words, not their actions? Give me a break. Women never lie? Really? Women are better liars then men. watch their actions, just like you would with a male.

2) Forget the game playing. Taht's a sure way to confuse everything.

 

You're very confused... Go back and read the initial post.

pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
Posted

I agree that if he was more "into you" he might be calling you more.

 

However, I don't think this means he's NOT into you. Clearly, there is interest there, but who knows how much.

 

I think you said you've been dating two months. I know plenty of people who view the first few months of dating as casual, meaning more commitment, no boyfriend/girlfriend talk, no expectations. It doesn't seem like he's leading you on, because he's been very consistent with his communication behavior.

 

I say just don't make him a priority. He's clearly not making you his #1, so you go ahead and do your own thing.

  • Author
Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I agree that if he was more "into you" he might be calling you more.

 

However, I don't think this means he's NOT into you. Clearly, there is interest there, but who knows how much.

 

I think you said you've been dating two months. I know plenty of people who view the first few months of dating as casual, meaning more commitment, no boyfriend/girlfriend talk, no expectations. It doesn't seem like he's leading you on, because he's been very consistent with his communication behavior.

 

I say just don't make him a priority. He's clearly not making you his #1, so you go ahead and do your own thing.

 

Thanks panda. I think you're spot on. I just need to take a step back. His #1 priority is work right now and for very good reasons. I'll do my own thing and not over analyze. If we end up realizing we're good for each other at this time in our lives, then great. If not, that's fine as well because I won't invest too much.

homersheineken Established Member

homersheineken

Posted
Posted (edited)
You're very confused... Go back and read the initial post.

 

I did. playing games is still not the way to go. And really ... women don't lie?

Edited by homersheineken
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
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Posted

After spending the last weekend with him - he took me out to dinner, drinks, cooked me breakfast the next day and spending yesterday and today with him - movies, dinner and breakfast, I was confident that he we were on the path to exclusivity after 3 months of dating. I finally just asked him if he was sleeping with other people. I know I should have asked from the beginning but my naivety led me to think he only was with me and I was always too afraid to ask. My heart broke when he said yes, that he was still sleeping with his ex-gf but it was sporadic..booty call I'm assuming. He said I never asked and that he has doesn't feel the same way about her that he does about me and that he's protecting himself because he doesn't want to get hurt by getting too close to someone (his job requires him to travel for weeks/months at a time on a whim) I told him thank you for telling me the truth and that I couldn't see him any more. He didn't even put up a fight or tell me he would stop sleeping with her. He just accepted the fact and said I'll miss you. I pretty much just gave him a hug and walked out after that. I'm devastated. I learned my lesson -- don't assume, always ASK to save yourself heartbreak and time.

 

Thanks to all for your advice and those that tried to steer me in the right direction and for noticing the red flags when I overlooked them. Right now I'm just spending my time reflecting on the relationship. It's my fault that I never defined the relationship but why would he go to his ex when he had me? If his interest level were high, wouldn't he have fought a little more? How could he wine and dine me week after week and put in that much time if he wasn't interested? I'm so jaded now.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

Posted
Posted
After spending the last weekend with him - he took me out to dinner, drinks, cooked me breakfast the next day and spending yesterday and today with him - movies, dinner and breakfast, I was confident that he we were on the path to exclusivity after 3 months of dating. I finally just asked him if he was sleeping with other people. I know I should have asked from the beginning but my naivety led me to think he only was with me and I was always too afraid to ask. My heart broke when he said yes, that he was still sleeping with his ex-gf but it was sporadic..booty call I'm assuming. He said I never asked and that he has doesn't feel the same way about her that he does about me and that he's protecting himself because he doesn't want to get hurt by getting too close to someone (his job requires him to travel for weeks/months at a time on a whim) I told him thank you for telling me the truth and that I couldn't see him any more. He didn't even put up a fight or tell me he would stop sleeping with her. He just accepted the fact and said I'll miss you. I pretty much just gave him a hug and walked out after that. I'm devastated. I learned my lesson -- don't assume, always ASK to save yourself heartbreak and time.

 

Thanks to all for your advice and those that tried to steer me in the right direction and for noticing the red flags when I overlooked them. Right now I'm just spending my time reflecting on the relationship. It's my fault that I never defined the relationship but why would he go to his ex when he had me? If his interest level were high, wouldn't he have fought a little more? How could he wine and dine me week after week and put in that much time if he wasn't interested? I'm so jaded now.

 

I'm sorry things turned out like this Kiley, but at the very least, you got out now instead of much later, and you stuck to your guns. Some people would just stick around out of desperation or loneliness and you didn't. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and making it known that you deserve more!

 

I will agree, you didn't establish boundaries from the first. You should've asked him about exclusivity much sooner. And yeah, there are guys who will make you feel like you're the only one in their world when you're together. Some are really talented in that way; I've had a couple of experiences like that. But if nothing is said about exclusivity, then you must always assume that they are dating/sleeping with others. Period.

 

As for feeling jaded, please don't. Just because you didn't get what you want out of this situation doesn't mean this guy is a jerk, and it doesn't mean that there aren't loads of other men out there who will want to date you exclusively and make that known. You'll get through this and find someone who will be worthy of you. Live your life, have fun, be your vibrant, beautiful self and it'll happen! All the best...:)

  • Author
Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm sorry things turned out like this Kiley, but at the very least, you got out now instead of much later, and you stuck to your guns. Some people would just stick around out of desperation or loneliness and you didn't. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and making it known that you deserve more!

 

I will agree, you didn't establish boundaries from the first. You should've asked him about exclusivity much sooner. And yeah, there are guys who will make you feel like you're the only one in their world when you're together. Some are really talented in that way; I've had a couple of experiences like that. But if nothing is said about exclusivity, then you must always assume that they are dating/sleeping with others. Period.

 

As for feeling jaded, please don't. Just because you didn't get what you want out of this situation doesn't mean this guy is a jerk, and it doesn't mean that there aren't loads of other men out there who will want to date you exclusively and make that known. You'll get through this and find someone who will be worthy of you. Live your life, have fun, be your vibrant, beautiful self and it'll happen! All the best...:)

 

Thanks Tigressa. While my natural inclination was to stay in and sulk about the end of another relationship, I've kept myself busy all weekend long with great company and met some cool guys. Plenty of fish out there :) He isn't right for me for so many reasons and I'm glad to get out now. I'm not upset about it anymore and not planning on contacting him anytime soon. Cheers to new beginnings.

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