tigressA Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 IMO, this statement is a bad sign: "Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me." This tells me he is playing it loose and is keeping his options open. Here is the reality, if he was 110% totally into you he would not be playing it loose and casual. He would be pressing to see you. Back off and dont contact him anymore. Let him come to you. If he doesnt than you know where you stand. If he shows up in a week and is still wishy washy you should be BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. And whatever you do, dont sleep him with anymore because I think he is using you. No guy is this wishy washy with a girl he really likes. I disagree with backing off and letting him come to you. Just write him off, be done with him. Why should the OP bother at all with a guy who's wishy-washy about her?
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 We talked on Friday for 30min and we went through our plans for the weekend and he went through his first and I went through mine and he said it sounds like I'm not going to see you this weekend, I know you like to play hard to get. Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me. He suggested we do something during the week for a change and I agreed. He said he would call me over the weekend to figure it out and he has not and now it's been another 3 days since our last contact. I agree though, definitely not reaching out. Just gonna chill out for a bit.That he said this, is very meaningful. And now, he's showing you how he reacts to perceived games.
amymarieca Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Guys, do you agree? 3 days no contact means change of interest? For me personally, I don't see three days as being a big deal. I would say that if this becomes a pattern, then you have your answer. If not, then maybe he really was just busy. Either way, don't get too worked up over it!
tigressA Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 For me personally, I don't see three days as being a big deal. I would say that if this becomes a pattern, then you have your answer. If not, then maybe he really was just busy. Either way, don't get too worked up over it! It's already become a pattern--just this past weekend it happened for the second time. Additionally, he said he would call her over the weekend and he didn't. Not talking for 3 days for the second time, plus going back on his word about calling, not to mention the "hard to get" line--this guy is just not very interested at all. Period. OP, ditch him. There are a lot of guys out there who will be more adamant about seeing you and contacting you, who will make their interest known. Someone else said this earlier in the thread as well as me: If a man really likes a woman, nothing save some horrible tragic event will keep him from contacting her or seeing her.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 That he said this, is very meaningful. And now, he's showing you how he reacts to perceived games. You make a good point. After he said this, he stated that he's a laid back guy and he's not the guy that will text me several times a day. My response to his hard to get comment was that I wasn't playing hard to get and I wanted to spend time with my friends this weekend because I felt like I was out of the loop since I've been busy myself with work.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You make a good point. After he said this, he stated that he's a laid back guy and he's not the guy that will text me several times a day. My response to his hard to get comment was that I wasn't playing hard to get and I wanted to spend time with my friends this weekend because I felt like I was out of the loop since I've been busy myself with work. Take a look at the below quote of another one of your posts. He's a tit for tat kind of guy, using withdrawal as punishment for perceived games. This guy isn't impressing me one bit. Time to move on or it's only going to get worse. Tigressa - usually after a date, I'll send him a text or email telling him I had fun or bring up something we talked about so we can stay connected. Most of the dates he does the planning so I want to make sure he feels appreciated for it. I do call him as well from time to time. If I don't do that then it takes about 2 days before he contacts me. He doesn't strike me as the type that would just disappear but that's what I thought about the last guy I dated.. who pulled the disappearing act..yes, such is the world we live in today.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Sounds like the OP is playing hard to get, as the dude noted, and so he is doing the same thing back to her. I don't see what the problem is, that the OP is being outplayed? Or perhaps the guy likes a woman who is more available and so has lost interest? I can spot a woman playing hard to get from a mile away and I lose interest very quickly. Ladies, if you're going to manipulate a man, at least be smarter than he is! Not trying to play hard to get and I told him that. I have a busy schedule and he knows that if we don't plan something early on in the week, my schedule will fill up with other social events. He didn't call me until Thursday so my weekend was booked. I'm not trying to be not available. I spent two weekends with him and I missed my friends and he didn't return my text early in the week and called Thursday to try to make plans for the weekend. Too bad, I'm not waiting around for a guy and won't drop plans with my friends when he's the one that slacked. If he lost interest because he thinks I was playing hard to get then so be it.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You make a good point. After he said this, he stated that he's a laid back guy and he's not the guy that will text me several times a day. My response to his hard to get comment was that I wasn't playing hard to get and I wanted to spend time with my friends this weekend because I felt like I was out of the loop since I've been busy myself with work. I think it is meaningful that he said this also. Does the above comment and his "playing hard to get" comment seem out of place to you, completely surprise you? Has he ever said either before?
Author Kiley12 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Update: He called me tonight and said he's been overwhelmed with work and had a family thing last night. He asked what my week looked like and when I was free and also offered to come my part of town since I always go there. I asked when he's free and he said whenever you are free, I'll make it work which made me happy. When I see him, I'll bring up how I think it's important for contact every few days, no expecting much, just a simple hello.
sullysteve Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I disagree with some of the other posters: him not contacting you for three days does NOT indicate lack of interest. He may be very busy, independent and/or may simply not like texting or talking on the phone. If you need more, just let him know.
Author Kiley12 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 Things are progressing really well with him. Now that we're about 7 dates in and a month and 2 wks into dating I'd like to know where he stands with us. I'm not sure that I'm ready for a bf/gf title yet but want to make sure he's not dating/sleeping with other people. While my instinct tells me that he isn't, we all know that that might not be the case. What's the best way to bring up the conversation without sounding too needy?
2sunny Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 i'm glad things seem to be working out better. reading the original post i would have said that staying with him - sleeping with him so soon was a detriment to your future. at this point i would be open and honest with him... make sure he makes an effort and understand that communication is key.
D-Lish Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Not trying to play hard to get and I told him that. I have a busy schedule and he knows that if we don't plan something early on in the week, my schedule will fill up with other social events. He didn't call me until Thursday so my weekend was booked. I'm not trying to be not available. I spent two weekends with him and I missed my friends and he didn't return my text early in the week and called Thursday to try to make plans for the weekend. Too bad, I'm not waiting around for a guy and won't drop plans with my friends when he's the one that slacked. If he lost interest because he thinks I was playing hard to get then so be it. That is the way it should be! It goes back to that saying "you teach people how to treat you"... You are simply demonstrating that your time is valuable, and as an extension of that- you're valuable. Update: He called me tonight and said he's been overwhelmed with work and had a family thing last night. He asked what my week looked like and when I was free and also offered to come my part of town since I always go there. I asked when he's free and he said whenever you are free, I'll make it work which made me happy. When I see him, I'll bring up how I think it's important for contact every few days, no expecting much, just a simple hello. I don't think you should bring up needing more contact, I think he is coming to this conclusion already. Bringing up needing "more" is tantamount to adding pressure. I think it's a great first step that he is making plans in advance and suggesting he come to your neck of the woods. He's most likely used to women that chase him, or drop plans in order to accomodate him- but you are acting differently. Different is good. He knows you value your time, and the fact that you appear to have a busy schedule makes you more desirable than someone that waits for his call or accomodates his schedule. I say just keep doing what you are doing. The fact that he's chasing you a bit is a good thing. Don't complicate things by introducing the need for consistency yet.
Author Kiley12 Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 That is the way it should be! It goes back to that saying "you teach people how to treat you"... You are simply demonstrating that your time is valuable, and as an extension of that- you're valuable. I don't think you should bring up needing more contact, I think he is coming to this conclusion already. Bringing up needing "more" is tantamount to adding pressure. I think it's a great first step that he is making plans in advance and suggesting he come to your neck of the woods. He's most likely used to women that chase him, or drop plans in order to accomodate him- but you are acting differently. Different is good. He knows you value your time, and the fact that you appear to have a busy schedule makes you more desirable than someone that waits for his call or accomodates his schedule. I say just keep doing what you are doing. The fact that he's chasing you a bit is a good thing. Don't complicate things by introducing the need for consistency yet. Thanks..those were my exact thoughts going into it. We're now almost 2 months into dating and I haven't brought up the need for consistency yet. Every week is different. Sometime we're in touch every other day, other weeks, 3 days go by without contact. I'm going through another 3 day bump and really missing him but don't want to call as I replied to his last email and I set up the last date. Is is silly to think that way? Should I be at a point where I'm comfortable with calling him whenever? He's especially busy this week with his new company as he is hiring new people so I want to give him some breathing room. Where should a 'typical' relationship be at 2 months?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Thanks..those were my exact thoughts going into it. We're now almost 2 months into dating and I haven't brought up the need for consistency yet. Every week is different. Sometime we're in touch every other day, other weeks, 3 days go by without contact. I'm going through another 3 day bump and really missing him but don't want to call as I replied to his last email and I set up the last date. Is is silly to think that way? Should I be at a point where I'm comfortable with calling him whenever? He's especially busy this week with his new company as he is hiring new people so I want to give him some breathing room. Where should a 'typical' relationship be at 2 months? Well usually a couple actually enters the bf/gf stage by this time, or at least someone would have already brought it up. I don't see that dynamic happening here, which is in fact a good thing because it doesn't seem to be an issue. I would say that you're on the right track as far as dating, even though he still does his 3 day dance. Would you guys be spending more time together once he gets his business intact? Also I would like to point out that you can contact him whenever you want as long as your messages doesn't border on the needy. You guys are together, so there's no point for you to still worry about a power play. Be confident and enjoy what you have going for you.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 People date on different timelines. I don't usually know how serious I want to be until about 3 months. One thing I apply is that I won't be the one to suggest a relationship. I won't even hint at it unless he brings it up first. At this stage of the game I like falling into a relationship without having to have the conversation. I find it puts most men at ease if you don't appear to need to define things. I've made the mistake of introducing "the talk" in the past, and it's often (if not always) worked against me. If you have to ask where things are heading, trust your gut that something is off.
Jambalaya Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 What's the best way to bring up the conversation without sounding too needy? I waited till about 6 months into my relationship and said "so it's um ah been um ah 6 months and um ah i thought I'd ask, does this mean um ah that we're um ha..." (I'm all class me) to which he laughed and said 'of course!'. My response was 'phew! great! we don't have to have that discussion then!'
torranceshipman Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I bought up that particular convo just before we did the deed for the first time, lol That was good or bad timing, depending on how you look at it!!
Author Kiley12 Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 People date on different timelines. I don't usually know how serious I want to be until about 3 months. One thing I apply is that I won't be the one to suggest a relationship. I won't even hint at it unless he brings it up first. At this stage of the game I like falling into a relationship without having to have the conversation. I find it puts most men at ease if you don't appear to need to define things. I've made the mistake of introducing "the talk" in the past, and it's often (if not always) worked against me. If you have to ask where things are heading, trust your gut that something is off. Yeah..my ideal situation is for the relationship to fall into place with enough confidence that the talk isn't necessary. I don't want to be the girl that pushes for the title, I want it to happen naturally. But I also don't want to be the girl that gets taken advantage of because the talk didn't come up. That said, if I don't bring it up, should I just trust that he isn't dating/sleeping with other people? Without the talk, how do I establish boundries and convey to him that I'm not sleeping with other people and I hope he isn't either?
Author Kiley12 Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Well usually a couple actually enters the bf/gf stage by this time, or at least someone would have already brought it up. I don't see that dynamic happening here, which is in fact a good thing because it doesn't seem to be an issue. I would say that you're on the right track as far as dating, even though he still does his 3 day dance. Would you guys be spending more time together once he gets his business intact? Also I would like to point out that you can contact him whenever you want as long as your messages doesn't border on the needy. You guys are together, so there's no point for you to still worry about a power play. Be confident and enjoy what you have going for you. We haven't talked about spending time together once his business is intact but he often talks about small plans with me in the future..meeting a friend of his, going to a show, etc. I never invest too much when guys I start dating talk about the future because I find it's easy for them to say these things and not follow-up. As for calling, I actually bit the bullet and called him yesterday and had a nice conversation with him. He was happy to hear from me and is definitely in work mode. He didn't make plans with me this week but said to keep him posted on my plans.
ReadyforLove Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 We haven't talked about spending time together once his business is intact but he often talks about small plans with me in the future..meeting a friend of his, going to a show, etc. I never invest too much when guys I start dating talk about the future because I find it's easy for them to say these things and not follow-up. I agree! Talk is so cheap these days. Most talk about the future is in one ear and out the other for me.
Author Kiley12 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Thought I'd jump back on this thread since everyone here has been so helpful with the advice. I'm still dating him, it's been 2 months now with no talk of exclusivity yet. He left on Sun for a 2 week work trip 3-4 hours away. He made time for me on Sat night even though he was really stressed and busy packing and prepping for the trip. He took me to dinner and we spent some quality time together. Before he left he said he would call me and I haven't had any type of communication from him since, and it's now Thursday. Prior to the trip, I would see him once a week and hear from him every 3 days. I still can't get over the 3 day thing. It's 3 days of no contact what so ever. Believe me, I will bring this up the next time. I'm not contacting him either because my gut tells me it's his job this time (and yes, I do my share of initiating contact as well) Last week, he called me on Monday and went through his schedule for the week and indicated how busy he would be (he's definitely on hustle mode with his new business) and that he would be in touch with me at the end of the week. He called me on Friday but it just rubbed me the wrong way the way he went about handling it. I felt like he was saying, don't call me I'll be busy and I won't be calling you until the end of the week. Genuinely busy guy or is he just playing me?
Austen Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Have you read the book He's Just Not That Into You? If not, read it BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE. It's a fast read, but very informative. It has been extremely helpful to me. It was written by a man and will help you understand exactly what's going through your guy's head. You definitely need to back off and let this man come to you--you're doing way too much work, making too many excuses for him, and you'll inadvertently drive him away because of this. Good luck!
sagetalk Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 A lot of people do this, just disappear with no explanation given and you're left to just get over it. It's really immature, classless and rude, but that's the world we live in today. That is worst then being dumped, I really hate this part of dating.
fellforher Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 No way is he into you. I would be calling you way more if I wanted you to be my GF. I am busy too, but not so much where I can't give my girl some time to talk each day. I want to do it. It's not even in question. Sorry, but I am pretty sure he is doing a rotation and is probably seeing a few girls at once.
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