Kiley12 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I've been dating a great guy for about month now. We've been on 5 dates. I've stayed over his place for 2 weekends...i've met his brother and his sister in law...he cooks for me, opens car doors, very PDA with me, etc. He is about 10 years older than me..in his early 40s. We spent all of last weekend together and I left his place Sunday evening and haven't heard from him since. I sent him a text early this week and he did not respond. He has mentioned that he does not like texting so we call each other instead.. but he always at least responds to my text with a short and sweet msg back. Should I be concerned that I haven't heard from him for 3 days after what I thought to be a great weekend date?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Hmmm... what does he do? Is he normally really busy during the week? I'll wait a day or two to contact him to set up another date.
DustySaltus Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I've been dating a great guy for about month now. We've been on 5 dates. I've stayed over his place for 2 weekends...i've met his brother and his sister in law...he cooks for me, opens car doors, very PDA with me, etc. He is about 10 years older than me..in his early 40s. We spent all of last weekend together and I left his place Sunday evening and haven't heard from him since. I sent him a text early this week and he did not respond. He has mentioned that he does not like texting so we call each other instead.. but he always at least responds to my text with a short and sweet msg back. Should I be concerned that I haven't heard from him for 3 days after what I thought to be a great weekend date? Why don't you just give him a call and see what's up? BTW, seems like you've done an awful lot for 5 dates....
tigressA Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 If he always responds to your texts, even though he says he doesn't like texting, then this is a flag. How long after your dates does it usually take for him to contact you? I assume it's less than 3 days, which is why you're asking about this now. I wouldn't try to contact him again. Give it another day or two, if there's no response, write him off. A lot of people do this, just disappear with no explanation given and you're left to just get over it. It's really immature, classless and rude, but that's the world we live in today.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 If he always responds to your texts, even though he says he doesn't like texting, then this is a flag. How long after your dates does it usually take for him to contact you? I assume it's less than 3 days, which is why you're asking about this now. I wouldn't try to contact him again. Give it another day or two, if there's no response, write him off. A lot of people do this, just disappear with no explanation given and you're left to just get over it. It's really immature, classless and rude, but that's the world we live in today. Tigressa - usually after a date, I'll send him a text or email telling him I had fun or bring up something we talked about so we can stay connected. Most of the dates he does the planning so I want to make sure he feels appreciated for it. I do call him as well from time to time. If I don't do that then it takes about 2 days before he contacts me. He doesn't strike me as the type that would just disappear but that's what I thought about the last guy I dated.. who pulled the disappearing act..yes, such is the world we live in today.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Hmmm... what does he do? Is he normally really busy during the week? I'll wait a day or two to contact him to set up another date. He just launched his own business so yes he's really busy during the week..but he's always managed to at least send me a text, email or vmail to let me know he's thinking of me.
tigressA Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 He just launched his own business so yes he's really busy during the week..but he's always managed to at least send me a text, email or vmail to let me know he's thinking of me. Yeah, 3 days with no contact from him, especially after you already tried to reach him, isn't good, judging from this post and your previous one. I had the same thing happen to me just this past weekend--it was our first meeting, met him online, he stayed most of the weekend. He took me out, opened doors, PDA, whole 9 yards, and yet, after he left, didn't hear a single word from him, not even after I called and left a message. Personally, I'd prep myself for not ever hearing from him again, because his behavior after this date is really different from how you've stated he was between prior dates.
ADF Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Yes, you should. There are a few possible explanations about why he's not responded in three days. None of them are good. 1) He's just being rude and thoughtless. Given his behavior towards you up to this point, this seems unlikely. 2) He's seeing someone else behind your back. 3) He's testing you, seeing how much crap you'll put up with, so that when he starts cheating on you, he'll know how careful he needs to be. I am sure there are other explanations, too. I hope that when he contacts you again, he has a good excuse.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Yes, you should. There are a few possible explanations about why he's not responded in three days. None of them are good. 1) He's just being rude and thoughtless. Given his behavior towards you up to this point, this seems unlikely. 2) He's seeing someone else behind your back. 3) He's testing you, seeing how much crap you'll put up with, so that when he starts cheating on you, he'll know how careful he needs to be. I am sure there are other explanations, too. I hope that when he contacts you again, he has a good excuse. I'm prepping for the worst! My question now is if he does contact me and has an excuse or pretends nothing is wrong and does not address it, do i express my frustration with our lack of contact in between dates or is it still too early on to bring that up?
St. Nick Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm prepping for the worst! My question now is if he does contact me and has an excuse or pretends nothing is wrong and does not address it, do i express my frustration with our lack of contact in between dates or is it still too early on to bring that up? Just stop worrying about it. Concern yourself with something else. If he doesn't contact you within a week then you know what's up.
tigressA Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Just stop worrying about it. Concern yourself with something else. If he doesn't contact you within a week then you know what's up. A week? Really? After there's been a specific pattern of contact established? After five dates, and several weekends spent together? I don't think so. OP, definitely don't wait a week. I wouldn't give it any more than another day before writing him off for good. Because of how you say contact has always been between you two, there's no legitimate reason, save someone dying or an equally bad/worse event, for him not having contacted you by now, ESPECIALLY because you've already reached out to him.
boogieboy Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm prepping for the worst! My question now is if he does contact me and has an excuse or pretends nothing is wrong and does not address it, do i express my frustration with our lack of contact in between dates or is it still too early on to bring that up? when you do talk to him, you have to tell him that to be exclusive you have to have more contact from him, its how you define a relationship. I'd write him off anyway, since he doesnt have the urge to hear from you in 3 days, he obviously doesnt see you as a serious gf.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 when you do talk to him, you have to tell him that to be exclusive you have to have more contact from him, its how you define a relationship. I'd write him off anyway, since he doesnt have the urge to hear from you in 3 days, he obviously doesnt see you as a serious gf. Update: He actually just left me a voicemail and apologized for getting back to me so late his reason being that it's been a busy week. While nice to hear from him, still think it is not cool that it took him 3 days to contact me.
DustySaltus Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Update: He actually just left me a voicemail and apologized for getting back to me so late his reason being that it's been a busy week. While nice to hear from him, still think it is not cool that it took him 3 days to contact me. Time to set some boundaries
tigressA Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Time to set some boundaries Precisely. Tell him what you said in your last post--it is nice to hear from him, but it wasn't cool that you were left hanging for 3 days. Tell him what your expectations for contact are. And most importantly, follow through on what you say, else he'll think he can continue getting away with being lax.
JustLooking123 Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 I wonder if you guys have been moving too fast for him, and this is his way of slowing things down? All those things you mentioned sound like a lot for just one month/five dates.
calizaggy Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 He is already hitting it and does not care too much..Trust me, if you were the right woman he would not be waiting 3 days to contact you. When he is horny he will get back to you..
Author Kiley12 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 He is already hitting it and does not care too much..Trust me, if you were the right woman he would not be waiting 3 days to contact you. When he is horny he will get back to you.. Guys, do you agree? 3 days no contact means change of interest?
make me believe Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 He is already hitting it and does not care too much..Trust me, if you were the right woman he would not be waiting 3 days to contact you. When he is horny he will get back to you.. Hmm...I may have to agree with this. I can't imagine going three days without even bothering to send a simple text or email to someone I was interested in and had been spending weekends with for the past month. No matter how busy he is, it would take about 10 seconds to shoot off a quick text just to let you know what's going on. It was really rude of him to leave you hanging like that. Imagine the situation reversed. Would you do that to him? If not, why? Probably because you'd KNOW it was rude, you wouldn't want to leave him wondering what was going on, and you wouldn't want him to think you'd lost interest. So now ask yourself: Why didn't HE care about any of that stuff when he went three days without responding to you?
boogieboy Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Guys, do you agree? 3 days no contact means change of interest? Either change of interest, or he was never really interested, and he got what he wanted. You slept with him, and he doesnt need the relationship anymore.
tincanman99 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 I hate to be obnoxious but if a guy is really likes a woman NOTHING will stop him from contacting you. And that includes work. Unless there was some life threatening situation with his family everything else is irrelevant. It only takes a few minutes to type an email or send a txt. Nobody's life is that packed they cant do this. A couple of things maybe happening: 1. Dating multiple people. 2. To much too soon ie. he needs to back off. If I were you, I would back off a bit and let him come to you. Dont be needy because if he is freaking this will drive him off further. If he is dating multiple people than you know where you stand.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) I hate to be obnoxious but if a guy is really likes a woman NOTHING will stop him from contacting you. And that includes work. Unless there was some life threatening situation with his family everything else is irrelevant. It only takes a few minutes to type an email or send a txt. Nobody's life is that packed they cant do this. A couple of things maybe happening: 1. Dating multiple people. 2. To much too soon ie. he needs to back off. If I were you, I would back off a bit and let him come to you. Dont be needy because if he is freaking this will drive him off further. If he is dating multiple people than you know where you stand. We talked on Friday for 30min and we went through our plans for the weekend and he went through his first and I went through mine and he said it sounds like I'm not going to see you this weekend, I know you like to play hard to get. Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me. He suggested we do something during the week for a change and I agreed. He said he would call me over the weekend to figure it out and he has not and now it's been another 3 days since our last contact. I agree though, definitely not reaching out. Just gonna chill out for a bit. Edited March 30, 2010 by Kiley12
tigressA Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 We talked on Friday and we went through our plans for the weekend and he went through his first and I went through mine and he said it sounds like I'm not going to see you this weekend, I know you like to play hard to get. Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me. He suggested we do something during the week for a change and I agreed. He said he would call me over the weekend and he has not and now it's been another 3 days since our last contact. I agree though, definitely not reaching out. Just gonna chill out for a bit. Write. Him. Off. Now. His interest is way too low, or perhaps nonexistent now. Don't bother with him anymore.
tincanman99 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 IMO, this statement is a bad sign: "Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me." This tells me he is playing it loose and is keeping his options open. Here is the reality, if he was 110% totally into you he would not be playing it loose and casual. He would be pressing to see you. Back off and dont contact him anymore. Let him come to you. If he doesnt than you know where you stand. If he shows up in a week and is still wishy washy you should be BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. And whatever you do, dont sleep him with anymore because I think he is using you. No guy is this wishy washy with a girl he really likes.
Author Kiley12 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 IMO, this statement is a bad sign: "Then he told me that if he happened to be out on Saturday he would call me and try to meet up with me." This tells me he is playing it loose and is keeping his options open. Here is the reality, if he was 110% totally into you he would not be playing it loose and casual. He would be pressing to see you. Back off and dont contact him anymore. Let him come to you. If he doesnt than you know where you stand. If he shows up in a week and is still wishy washy you should be BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. And whatever you do, dont sleep him with anymore because I think he is using you. No guy is this wishy washy with a girl he really likes. Well to his credit, I told him I had an event on Saturday to attend, implying I was busy, and he suggested if I'm out and he is as well, emphasizing it wasn't for sure because it depended on whether him and guy friend were hanging out, he would call me to see where I'm at so we could connect if nearby. In any case, he said he would call me this weekend to plan for the week and that did not happen.
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