kimflute26 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 (edited) I'll try not to make this long. I met an amazing guy online on Christmas Day. We took to each other right away and couldn't wait to meet in person. When we met sparks flew, and I admit, we went pretty fast. By the end of our long weekend together he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. He went back to his univrsity 2 hours away and we started off great, although over a distance. We talked all the time and he was so attentive, etc. Unfortunately he decided to pledge a fraternity and it sucked up the bulk of his free time. When I noticed we were talking much less I kind of panicked and started asking him if things between us were still the same... I was afraid of losing him. To top it off I was terrible about managing my emotions this semester because I'm about to change my major and probably am transferring schools too, so I've been caught in a weird limbo without many friends and in classes that won't count for my new major. Instead of finding outlets for my emtions and stress I was always coming to him upset about whatever... The lessened amount of communication magnified other things, even small and insignificant things. I started to read into everything.... how many messages he'd send me, the fact that our communication had become mostly over text message (not nearly as much online chat or phone), and I even got jealous over lame things like when he commented on a friend's facebook picture telling her she "looked pretty." I also freaked him out because I casually asked if he ever wanted to marry or have kids, and acted pretty surprised when he said probably not to both. I haven't really made up my mind about that stuff either, but for whatever reason he seemed like the marriage and kids type.. so his answer surprised me a bit. Well anyway.... At some point (it's hard to pinpoint exactly when) he started to feel differently about me. I can't really blame him - I seriously cannot stop kicking myself for being the way I was a lot of the time... I KNOW I will never in a trillion years be that way again... It caused me to lose my love . But as I was saying... I could tell something was up because his messages got less playful and less often.... Just before the break up they were shorter than ever. Then finally he called me. He said that he felt my worrying was a big thing, as well as the fact that I got jealous when he commented on another girl's picture (I had apologized for this so many times but the damage was done I suppose), plus the thing about when I asked him about marriage and kids... and basically that we have a lot in common but we're "not really the same." I asked if maybe we could be possible in the future and he said he didn't know. I didn't really go over the good parts of the relationship.... Basically, he always said I "got" his sense of humor. There was A LOT of chemistry between us. Intimacy was amazing and we were always very playful with each other when together. Last time I visited him (just a couple weeks before the break up) we were having tickle fights, we would play this game where I'd try to push him against the wall before he could throw me on the bed, we'd often slam each other against the wall and kiss vigorously, and we liked to dance together..... Also we had the same taste in music and movies and have a lot of the same habits. I sort of feel like the door was left open a little bit because we agreed that we would forget about the past and just go with the flow for now, then see what happens later. But at one point he did say he'd "never forget me or the memories we shared".... and at the same time he said he'd "always be there for me" and "isn't going anywhere." Every day since the break up he has sent me a few messages a day asking how I'm doing and how my day is going. I'm not initiating any of them... just responding. I'm in a daily battle with myself about trying to move on, yet still wanting him at the same time. In this case I feel like I was the primary person at fault here, and no matter how much I know I'd never do those things again, I can't change what happened and what is . I feel like I lost my soul mate and have been wanting to believe there will be another chance for us. Since the breakup I've been working on myself a lot... I'm seeing a therapist and am exercising almost every day. Next I plan to take dance lessons or something similar. At this point do I keep responding to him when he contacts me? Or should I send a message requesting that he not contact me for a while? Also, I mentioned I might transfer schools. Ironically (and this is not because of him) the school I was going to transfer to is HIS school. I still want to go there because his school has the program I want.... but it's a SMALL school and I fear a lot of heartbreak if I see him around and can't be with him. I should note that was another thing he mentioned when he was breaking up with me.... He said he always worried that I was transferring for him (even though I told him so many times that wasn't the case). So lost.... Edited March 25, 2010 by kimflute26
Author kimflute26 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 Well no one's replying yet... lol. But I guess I can update my own thread. Despite how much I miss my ex I'm actually pretty proud of how I'm handling the whole thing so far. During the breakup I was a tearful mess and on the day after I let him know I was feeling bad. Ever since then however, I've stopped initiating contact (yet he still initiates every day) and I've made sure to maintain a cheerful attitude and keep busy. I've been exercising daily and eating way better... and I'm starting to try and look for more things to get involved in. Unfortunately I broke down and looked at my ex's facbook profile today (yea, we're not deleting each other... I wouldn't feel right about doing so) and his first status update since the breakup was today... and it said "What do I do?.... Crap...." Immediately my mind jumped to conclusions and I secretly hoped that meant he was wondering whether to get back with me or not. lol. Of course in reality it could be any other decision he has to make. However he did make that update at almost the same time that he texted me (and he only texted once today (except for when he sent a response to my reply). Oh and that's the other thing.... Now when he contacts me I wait a while before I respond.... like today I waited a good 4 hours... whereas he is responding right away. At the very least it makes me feel like I've gained a bit of control over the situation.... if not, just let me live in la la land please....
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