onedayatatyme Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 going through W's AT&T wireless bill online. Under data useage, there is a large data transfer occuring pretty regularly every day around 1-1:30am. They are generally a couple dozen megs. She has an iphone. Is this a regular part of network maintenance or a singal of some hidden iphone app up to some dirty work or what?
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 My phone lists large data usage every night at 3:00 am, and 3 x a week at midnight. I am asleep and I have no idea what it is. I'm thinking just updates for my apps
Author onedayatatyme Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 OK, maybe so... I goddamn hate this, 2sure. I was finally in a place where I was not snooping, didn't care. Yesterday I got a call from W's best friend telling me she thinks the A isn't over. Here we go again... Fresh accusations, denials, posturing, snooping. I hate it and I hate myself for doing it.
ADF Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 If you're relationship with your wife is damaged you would rather snoop through her phone records that talk to her, you've got bigger problems than you realize.
Author onedayatatyme Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 If you're relationship with your wife is damaged you would rather snoop through her phone records that talk to her, you've got bigger problems than you realize. I would rather be able to talk to her and TRUST her. I did talk to her yesterday. Just don't believe her. Our MC actually suggested a polygraph. What kind of sad statement is that? I'm actually considering it and so far she is willing.
eddie_d_2000 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I wondered about the data usage too, but iPhones are notorious about transmitting large amounts of data. I hear ya man, I hate snooping on my wife, I keep telling myself, "If she is going to go that route, she'll mess up eventually". And thats the truth, if she gets involved with someone then somewhere, somehow, down the road she'll screw up and do it again. I love my wife and she is acting like she loves me, we never had a problem until after her A with a guy across the country and now I am going thru all the stuff that you typically hear. It does seem to get better with time and I want to make everything work, especially for my kids, they deserve that. I hope you can resolve your worries, I fully know how tough it is.
Samantha0905 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I would rather be able to talk to her and TRUST her. I did talk to her yesterday. Just don't believe her. Our MC actually suggested a polygraph. What kind of sad statement is that? I'm actually considering it and so far she is willing. Well, I generally suggest for someone not to snoop -- but if you already know she had an affair and you are both in marriage counseling and she's agreeing to a polygraph, why don't you just go for it? Let her take the polygraph and perhaps your mind will be put at ease about some things. It's difficult to move forward if you have so much mistrust still remaining. It sounds like she's trying to show regret if she's agreeing to be polygraphed. She must have some interest in repairing the marriage don't you think?
Samantha0905 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 OK, maybe so... I goddamn hate this, 2sure. I was finally in a place where I was not snooping, didn't care. Yesterday I got a call from W's best friend telling me she thinks the A isn't over. Here we go again... Fresh accusations, denials, posturing, snooping. I hate it and I hate myself for doing it. This part concerns me, however. Why would your wife's best friend call to tell you that little bit of information? My best friends would NEVER do that. It seems peculiar.
2sunny Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 OK, maybe so... I goddamn hate this, 2sure. I was finally in a place where I was not snooping, didn't care. Yesterday I got a call from W's best friend telling me she thinks the A isn't over. Here we go again... Fresh accusations, denials, posturing, snooping. I hate it and I hate myself for doing it. what's up with that - it seems very odd. what EVIDENCE did she give you? THAT is what you should be paying attention to... i'd just give her the polygraph... once you get her down there to take it - she will probably just confess to everything once she realizes you are serious about having her submit to one. she just thinks she's agreeing to keep you quiet... once she agrees to take it - you won't follow through because she agreed. have her take it - and soon!
Author onedayatatyme Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Well, I generally suggest for someone not to snoop -- but if you already know she had an affair and you are both in marriage counseling and she's agreeing to a polygraph, why don't you just go for it? Let her take the polygraph and perhaps your mind will be put at ease about some things. It's difficult to move forward if you have so much mistrust still remaining. It sounds like she's trying to show regret if she's agreeing to be polygraphed. She must have some interest in repairing the marriage don't you think? I don't know. She just told me she met with her attorney to have the divorce petition started... Guess that tells me where she's at.
Samantha0905 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I don't know. She just told me she met with her attorney to have the divorce petition started... Guess that tells me where she's at. I'm so sorry.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Do you have any children? I was curious because people have always mentioned to me that i'm "lucky" because my STBX and I didn't have any children. I'm beginning to see it their way, personally. I wish you the best.
Phateless Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 This part concerns me, however. Why would your wife's best friend call to tell you that little bit of information? My best friends would NEVER do that. It seems peculiar. Are you sure your W's best friend isn't making a play for you??
Author onedayatatyme Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 We have kids. It is the most heart wrenching part of this whole mess. They are so beautiful and are going to be so effected by this. I worry about the implications for their relationships. I hate to see them devastated when we tell them the news. It sux. I'm quite sure the friend isn't making a play. She has never expressed any interest in me and she's married. She's not the type to make that sort of move. But even if I were wrong on that, my stbx admitted that she was parked there but she made lame excuses. Her friend called only to tell me that she had been keeping tabs and had seen stbx's car parked at OM's appartment twice and gave me the dates.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 We have kids. It is the most heart wrenching part of this whole mess. They are so beautiful and are going to be so effected by this. I worry about the implications for their relationships. I hate to see them devastated when we tell them the news. It sux. My heart really goes out to you and your children. I can only imagine how you must be feeling... and I thought I felt bad the day my STBX asked me for a D. As cliche as it sounds, you'll hear the phrase - "take care of yourself" - and probably a lot. Until I really broke down what that meant, I didn't receive much help from it. As my father helped me to understand, intense stress attacks your body's functions that normally take care of business w/o you realizing it - i.e. breathing, mind function, regular hunger, desire to sleep, etc. Taking care of yourself means to give your body all the nurturing things you'll need, even when you're going all haywire because of your situation. It helped me to run; I would force myself to keep small snacks (healthy ones) at work and force myself to eat what little I could (I had no appetite for about 2 weeks) and I drank protein shakes; I went to bed early every night, like around 8pm (i'd usually sleep between 10 - 11:30p); and perhaps most helpful of all, I setup a strong support network, people I could lean on for emotional support (including my counselor) because I certainly wasn't able to rely on the woman I made vows with for that anymore - even though I would try to lean on her and talk to her (by talk to her, I meant talk her out of her wayward ways) early on. All those things helped me, in an indirect way. My ability to deal was much improved. I was a mess, even though I was doing all this stuff. I was a mess for weeks and managed to get myself to a sane place where I could deal very well. Your road will be harder cause you have children to take care of while you're emotionally distraught. Keep in mind this effects them and you still need to make sure they're cared for. I was a product of a broken home and let me tell you, my parent's D effected me and my siblings. My siblings and I had to take care of each other while Mommy and Daddy used as pawns. Don't do the same my friend. Good luck.
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