Me and my GF/ex grass isn't greener

[justme101]

Kinda long-please bear with me-It's my first post.

 

Me and my gf/ex been together for 3 years, both our first loves and everything.We had a good relationship but things went bad during the third year.We both had control jealousy issues that were somewhat trivial but we always made it through.We semi-broke up for short periods about 2 times but always ended back up together.We met in College and quickly fell in deep love and spent all the time together.We travelled to different countries and had fun all the time,I'm well off for myself..I got her her first car, she lived with me for the most part.

 

The honeymoon thing lasted for the most part of our relationship.Her mother was jealous of our happiness and would always tell her to do things counter-productive to our relationship, telling her she could do better etc.The mom is twice divorced and had trouble meeting guy, so her nose was always in our relationship. The mom moved away and everything was fine after that.The thing is anytime we had a fight she would tell her mom how bad I was, and then later when everything was cool she would backtrack. So her mom and her brother had a negative perception of me although I was trying to make things work

 

Problems started when things became serious and because I was semi-entertaining other girls but never did anything. And she became curious during our second year of the relationship. When we had the two breaks she went on casual dates with other guys(nothing serious)just lunch and realized that I am who she wants and she always came back to me.I have also been with other people but it doesn't feel the same as when I'm with her.

 

The problem is I have more experience than her and I am the first guy she has been seriously involved with.I'm 24 now she's 23.We are basically the same, she's the female version of me(our birthdays are 4 days apart)

I'm not a nice guy nor bad boy, I'm pretty balanced but more on the jerk side.I do very nice things for her but also stand my ground.

 

Now I did my best during the relationship and I told her to quit her job(too much drama there) and focus on her school work and I said I will pay for everything.She did so and i even paid some of her school bills since her mom couldn't and didn't really help her. I was her everything for the three years.Neither me nor she was materialistic but she got mostly everything she needed.

 

We were like husband and wife and were planing to get married in the near future. The only thing he says is that I don't support her(for a time all I gave her was money to suffice everything), which I thought I did.So I have start supporting her more and her wanting to go to law school.She wants to do music also and I can help her, but I never did but am ready to now.

 

Now she doesn't know how to handle attention from other men, which pissed me off. And that started alot of drama. I quickly denied any girl that would talk to me because I loved her.Her brother and her went out somewhere and she met some waiter who I guess gave her his number and she called him. She would be outside in the car while I was in the house and be on the phone for hours,talking to this guy who claimed to do music as well.I knew what was going on but just act as if i didn't.

 

 

Fast forward a few weeks after we had the breakup fight and she was trying to talk to him but things aint soo good because he was just a player telling her things she wanted to hear(I told her the truth about her music and the music industry,it isn't the easiest thing to get into and very unstable,and she claimed I was killing her dream). Her and the guy crash and burned from what I hear(after 1 month), and she said she didn't have sex with him.I think she thought she found someone more compatible with her than me but she was totally wrong.

 

The fact she thought I was cheating was why she quickly started to entertain this other guy,who turned out too be full of **** and she knows the grass isn't greener out there.I have done stuff in the past that I wouldn't dare say, but I already realized that I love her also.As stubborn as she is she won't admit it, because when we broke up in the past I was the one who pursued her and got her back.This time I'm not gonna contact her though.

 

She recently got a job and is trying to become more independent.which is what I want her to do. We have been broken up since valentines day because her attitude was becoming overbearing and the fight started.

We have seen each other a couple times since then and always enjoyed each others company. Since her mother moved away she now lives with her brother, who had the bad perception about me from the past.He is telling her not to see me because we are not good for each other.

 

Her brother has his own problems with his wife(argue all the time) and me and my ex were actually a good relationship.So now Im in a rut.She wants to leave the brother house and probably come stay with me(she says when she's ready)which was the original plan.

 

She says don't force the relationship and let things happen naturally.She says she isn't going to go off with anybody and she just wants me to relax.

 

What should I do in this situation, opinions please?

my friends say she is coming back and to just wait, which I have no problem doing because I think deep down inside me and her both know we can work,I think it's probably because she doesn't think she got it right the first time(met the one) with me,I think we did.Its just her curiosity that killed the relationship, and mine too.

 

Thanks for reading

[justme101]

I'm now doing my Masters Degree while she is in at a job she hates and is making no headway to go into Law school,because I wa sthe one who get her through her bachelors and now nobody is there to help encourage her.I asked her now that she has her freedom(from me and the relationship) if she's happy and she says no.She always dreamed about the single life and now she has it I don't think she's that happy at all.She has school loans and we sold her car so now her brother has to drive her to work everyday.I lent her one of my cars but the brother keeps acting like her father and tells her what to do, to take the bus. I want her to stop listening to him and come live with me, and get thing back in order.She is stifled now because since she lives under his room she has to somewhat respect hat he says.While I live by myself and we both know she wants to come live with me..it is just confusing

[scorpionssong87]

From her brother's point of view, you are using your money to act almost like a sugar daddy and command her life. I'm not saying this to be insulting, but it's the truth. I realize you mean well, but for your girlfriend, you are creating a dependency on which she must rely upon you. Your money can buy her a better education and an easier life, but it does not make her certain of her feelings for you. Let her take the bus, maybe even ride it with her, encourage her to stand on her own two feet and give her the space to walk. Everyone wants an easier life, but she knows that in order to do right by you, she needs the influence of an easy fix to the American Dream OFF of the bargaining table. She needs things to be easier between the two of you because of how you WANT one another, not how one of you NEEDS the other.

[TangoWithYou]

Agree with scorpionssong87, using your money to act is not good. It's very important your personality for girls: sense of humor, masculinity. Be strong, confident, funny and interesting. Take a pause in your relationship. Go your own way, hang out with your friends. Your girlfriend may start to miss you and this is a good thing.

[ilovevictoria]

I have a great affinity with your situation because its really quite similar to mine... I think my ex is starting to realise that the guy she left me for isn't the one. Yet I still have to support her (she was homeless and didn't even have money for food!)

 

I guess the other posters do have a point about letting her be independent, but its really not that easy, because you feel like you have a duty to be there for her and support her in any way you can...

 

What is her view on this? I mean you talked a lot about her families views, but what about her own, have you asked her?

 

I think you have a choice, you can either cut it off completely and see if she comes to you with her enlightened view about how much she wants and needs you. Or you could stay as you are and take the anguish of waiting, but at least knowing that you are still supporting her...

 

I guess it is what you feel able and willing to do...