tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm sure that I'm reading into this and being sensitive (am PMSing for sure)...but my bf forgot that he gave me a key to his place??? I know this is so random, but I'm kind of, I don't know, hurt by this. When I said "You gave it to me" he laughed and said "I know I did! I know you didn't steal it." But isn't that weird? I thought giving someone a key was kind of a big deal.
phineas Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I gave my best friend a key to my house when I went away for the weekend so he could feed my dog. I forgot he had it when he mentioned it to me then remembered. If he trusts you with access to his home then he probably thought nothing of it. I didn't give my STBXW a key until she moved in.
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 I suppose that makes sense. I had just thought it was a pretty big deal. He was kind enough to let me live with him for almost 2 months when there was a fire in my building and I needed to find a new place to live. By the end of that time though, I was getting a little frustrated, because he wouldn't give me a key to use. Then, I moved out when I found a place available, and about a month after that he gave me a key for literally no practical purpose. Obviously I was no longer going to be at his place, or need access to it, when he wasn't there.... So I had thought it must be a big deal that he was giving me a key, and find it odd now that he had forgotten. It made me feel bad for having used it.
boogieboy Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Dont feel bad, hes a guy, once he trusts you, thats it, he trusts you and he doesnt need to think about it.
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 So I should just chalk this up to being oversensitive because of hormones? I'm hesitant to use my key again because of this, but I guess that's an overreaction. I think "hurt" wasn't exactly the right word, but maybe "unwelcome" fits.
Stung Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 TBH yes, I would think this was odd. I've only been given or given out a key in very serious relationships and it was definitely a big deal. But, you know, that's me. Some people are more laissez-faire about these things, and he might have thought of it purely from a practical viewpoint. I guess either way, it does mean he trusts you, and that's a good thing.
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I used to give girls that I was dating a garage door opener.. It was easier to change the code rather than call a locksmith and have the locks changed when we broke up tfkizzle.. I wouldn't worry about it.. 10-1 when he gave it to you it wasn't a big deal to him even though it WAS a big deal to you. I forget stuff like that all the time... What matters is that you are both together and you DO have a key..
EYECANDY000 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 To me, giving someone a key to your house is a big deal especially if you are dating. A best friend I would give it to them with no problem. But when you are dating its almost like that person would be eagar to snoop. to see what you are up to. So with that said I would be a little offended if my bf forgot that he gave me a key. I would wonder if he gives keys to his apartment so freely.
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 TBH yes, I would think this was odd. I've only been given or given out a key in very serious relationships and it was definitely a big deal. Well I guess me too then I've never been in a relationship serious enough to be given a key, or to give one...maybe I just dated people who also thought it was a huge deal. Then of course, much is made of exchanging keys in pop culture - it's always a BFD on tv and in movies.
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 To me, giving someone a key to your house is a big deal especially if you are dating. I guess it would depend on the individual people involved but with me it was never a big deal.. If I had been dating a girl and we were seeing each other all the time and she was staying over my house she got a garage door opener, or the code to the opener on the outside of the door... It made life easier... To this day.. my wife still doesn't even have a key .. not sure if I know where they are at anymore.
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 So with that said I would be a little offended if my bf forgot that he gave me a key. I would wonder if he gives keys to his apartment so freely. That crossed my mind as well. Which I guess is fine, but again, when I was in a position where I had to use it, he was like "What? You have a key? I didn't know that." I felt like I should've offered to give it back.
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 That crossed my mind as well. Which I guess is fine, but again, when I was in a position where I had to use it, he was like "What? You have a key? I didn't know that." I felt like I should've offered to give it back. If you are getting offended by him giving you a key and later on him forgetting that he gave you the key then you are in for a rocky road... Cut the guy some slack.. you aren't his first GF and you should be happy that you are both together rather than getting upset and hurt over something so trivial..
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 If you are getting offended by him giving you a key and later on him forgetting that he gave you the key then you are in for a rocky road... Cut the guy some slack.. you aren't his first GF and you should be happy that you are both together rather than getting upset and hurt over something so trivial.. I wasn't offended (am not offended). I meant that it crossed my mind that he just gave out keys casually, eg it's not a big deal to him. His forgetting made me feel unwelcome, because he made a huge deal out of me having one, after I had to use it for the first time. Which, actually, if he does so casually, he shouldn't be surprised, should he? We've been together longer than anyone else he's ever dated.
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 tfkizzle.. I really think you are over thinking this and giving this item more importance in your happiness than it deserves... He didn't make you feel unwelcome on purpose and he didn't do anything that he wanted to portray as you being unwelcome.. If you felt unwelcome then maybe that I just how you feel because of all the newness of it rather than it really being him forgetting about how you got the key.. Things will feel better the more time that goes by..
EYECANDY000 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 On the flip side, when he realized that you do have a key he didnt ask for it back. If he didnt want you to have a key to his house then he would take it back.
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Meh, my ex forgot that I gave him a key to my place. I knew I should've seen that for a red flag. :/
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 It doesn't sound like you shared the whole story in your original post. You recently used the key for the first time and he had a bad reaction? Under what circumstance did you use it? Seems like details are missing............
Stung Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 If you are getting offended by him giving you a key and later on him forgetting that he gave you the key then you are in for a rocky road... Cut the guy some slack.. you aren't his first GF and you should be happy that you are both together rather than getting upset and hurt over something so trivial.. I do get your point, AC, and I can see that it is obviously something trivial to YOU and probably to her boyfriend, but that doesn't mean it is automatically trivial to everyone or an indicator of huge problems because it means something to her. The key exchange was always a big deal in my relationships and those of all my girlfriends. I still remember when my now-husband gave me a key and a couple of my own drawers--he was nervous because he considered it a big step forward, also. It's not like the OP is making this up out of thin air, it's not like an engagement ring or anything obviously but I think it's pretty commonly regarded as taking the relationship to another level. She's seen another viewpoint here and she's adjusting to it just fine, no need to invalidate her feelings. I would have been taken aback to discover that handing me his key didn't mean anything, also, and think it's perfectly natural that she had a moment of disappointment. As I said before OP the bottom line is unless your boyfriend is bat**** crazy and hands keys out to everyone he meets at least it does mean he trusts you. Obviously he did not give you a key to his place to offend you in any way, he probably only saw it as a matter of convenience. If it's something that's going to continue to bother you, it might be a good idea to bring it up calmly to him...just don't start out putting him on the defensive.
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 She's seen another viewpoint here and she's adjusting to it just fine, no need to invalidate her feelings. I would have been taken aback to discover that handing me his key didn't mean anything, also, and think it's perfectly natural that she had a moment of disappointment. I wasn't trying to invalidate her feelings.. but normally hurt feelings only go one direction and the other person doesn't normally know they hurt your feelings.. and yes.. this is pretty trivial in the scheme of what a relationship entails.. Sometimes my wife while getting ready for dinner will not place the food on my plate but she will do hers and the child.. me, she lets stand there in the kitchen serving myself while they are eating.. I on the other hand always serve everybody when I'm making the dinner plates.. It used to hurt my feelings when she would do that but I had to realize that it was me that was hurt and she wasn't doing anything to create that feeling inside of me.. I adjusted... By the way.. My wife got all of my drawers.. My dressers were always empty as I hang everything on hangers and use bins for my socks...
torranceshipman Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I understand exactly how you feel - I'd have gotten upset. Not saying that would have been the right/wrong reaction - it just would have been the reaction that I had. I guess I would feel like a moment that I thought was special actually wasn't, and the sweetness of him doing something as intimate as giving me a key would have been ruined. (Men are probably reading this and rolling their eyes, lol! but nevertheless it'd have ruined something for me).
xpaperxcutx Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I wasn't trying to invalidate her feelings.. but normally hurt feelings only go one direction and the other person doesn't normally know they hurt your feelings.. and yes.. this is pretty trivial in the scheme of what a relationship entails.. Sometimes my wife while getting ready for dinner will not place the food on my plate but she will do hers and the child.. me, she lets stand there in the kitchen serving myself while they are eating.. I on the other hand always serve everybody when I'm making the dinner plates.. It used to hurt my feelings when she would do that but I had to realize that it was me that was hurt and she wasn't doing anything to create that feeling inside of me.. I adjusted... By the way.. My wife got all of my drawers.. My dressers were always empty as I hang everything on hangers and use bins for my socks... I understnad where you're coming from A_C, but then again, different people see different situations differently, and of course, some people are more sensitive... Not that I'm calling the OP sensitive, but even I would be a bit taken aback if someone told me they didn't know they given me a key. Or even switch it around and say " Wow, so we're a couple?"
Author tfkizzle Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 It doesn't sound like you shared the whole story in your original post. You recently used the key for the first time and he had a bad reaction? Under what circumstance did you use it? Seems like details are missing............ I'm not sure that the details necessarily change the picture, but maybe someone will see something I don't, so here goes. He gave me a key a couple months ago, and I haven't had a reason or need to use it yet. A couple days ago I was meeting him at his house after work to make dinner together. He was running a little late, and tried calling me, but I couldn't hear my phone in my purse when I was driving. When I got to his house he wasn't there, so I grabbed my phone to see if he called, and called him back as I was letting myself in. He didn't even let me say anything before he was talking a mile a minute, apologizing for being late and making me wait outside...When he took a breath I interrupted him. I told him not to worry about it, I had a key, that I had just let myself in and was going to get started on dinner. Looooooong pause. Me: Hey you still there? Bf: What? You have a key? I didn't know that. Me: You gave it to me. Bf: Well, I know you didn't steal it. I didn't remember giving you one. Me: Yeah, it was a couple months ago, remember blah blah blah Bf: Oh. See ya in a bit. Since he appeared to be so concerned about making me wait outside, I guess I expected him to be relieved that I had a key and let myself in. But he didn't even make a comment like "Oh good" or "Cool".
dazzle22 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 My husband will comment that he really likes something I am wearing, and I have to tell him "well you should, you bought it for me!!". Some guys are not real detail oriented...
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