Unexpected

[afave]

I met this guy a five weeks ago, he was in awe of me, wonderful, caring, would go out of his way make sure he knew I was appreciated. He adored me very much. Things went fast. We were on the same page about everything, he told his parents about me while visiting them and his mother even thanked his friend for introducing us. We had so much fun together. We even made plans for the future: such as going to sporting events and a weekend trip. He is very genuine and thoughtful, not like most guys these days. Always followed through with what he said.

 

Through out this time, we discussed his ex. He said he was over her, didn't talk about her, did not think about her, their relationship was past done and even told his best friend those things (through the grapevine was relayed to me).

 

The 4th week, he mentioned making things official, I told him that I was not ready for the title. Then I realized "why wait?" So we were official two days later. I felt comfortable having sex with him, that we did twice. Things were fine, but he began being distant about a week before he ended things..

 

Like I said, things went fast. I was ok with it because we were very mutual with our feelings. He ended things with me this past Friday (5th week). He told me that he was not ready for a relationship and that things went too fast. He told me after we made things official the title got to him a week later, and he wasn't ready as he thought he was. I saw him the next day, and we talked more and he told me he didn't have the answers on what he wanted for the future (if he could be with me or not) and he did not want to tell me something that he would regret. He did tell me when I left that he would be talking to me.

 

So I am stuck in limbo, trying to get over him with hope of still being together. It is confusing because the degree that he did like me seems that he would work out his issues and then remember what we had and try to rekindle things, but who knows what is in his head. He did not give me a definite answer where we stand. I told him to let me know either way.

 

We have not spoken (text or call) for 4 days (so it is fresh). I don't think he would call with out an answer to where we stand relationship wise though. I am certainly not going to call him or text him (always been told not to chase). I am just confused where to go from here... If he would call me eventually or just move on without letting me know. Should I call him and casually ask him how he is doing once in awhile or just leave it up to him to contact me? My nervous fear is that he will move on, not contact me to let me know his decision, and simply forget about me.

 

 

*He was on and off with his ex for 6 years. On and off---ie living in different cities. Officially ended in January (we discussed this briefly, he said it was long over due.)

*We did not leave on bad terms. We left with a hug and he said that he will be talking to me.

*I believe the sex was the pivotal breaking point in his realization.

*We planned to attend a play, I reserved tickets, this weekend. He said he would still go with me, but I told him it was not a good idea. He said it was neither a good or a bad idea to still go with me. ----concern: if he will call this weekend because of that.

*We are both in our low or mid twenties.

 

This guy just made such an impression on me that I would love to have a serious relationship with him one day. I would love to completely move on, but the last thread has yet to be cut and the only way will be by him making up his mind. Otherwise I may always wonder "what if..?"

 

What I am asking for is situational comparisons, opinions related to what I wrote, thoughts on if I should contact him or let him contact me, how long should I let it go without contact, would it be appropriate to contact him after N weeks/days to see if he wants to go to lunch, and the other concerns I addressed. Advice?

 

So confused. I know its hard to know what is behind closed doors, but I tried the best to explain it without writing a LONGER novel. Please share your thoughts I would much enjoy reading the good and the bad. Thanks.

Edited March 25, 2010 by afave

[afave]

Thank you. Our situations are extremely similar. I thought I was just going to go without contact until he contacts me first. But, after reading that yours has not contacted you for that long I decided that I am going to initiate contact next week and ask him to a simple lunch. If I wait any longer than (what will be 2 weeks) with NC, I will fear and be afraid of him moving on from the though of even being friends.

 

I am planning to tell him that through everything I know he had good intentions, and I want to give him the space he needs. I will propose being friends only until his heart has healed and then go from there. I know that process may take months, but I already cherish the friendship that has already been created and to let that go hurts more than anything. Since we both left off on good terms, I feel that he will be open to friends only and I can't let myself expect anymore. If anything I know that I did all that I could to salvage a friendship, if he does not respond to that, then I tried by best and I will have to move on.

Edited March 25, 2010 by afave

[apple21]

I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship, then broke it off with her to be with another girl 5 days later.

 

Just like your guy said afave, my breakup was long overdue and i have had feelings for this new girl (still my gf 8months later) for a while.

 

Though I knew the breakup was overdue and i truly did like this new girl, I still in no way could rush things. And i told this to my current gf, that we need to take it slow. Really slow. And she was okay with it. We didn't have our first kiss until 2 months into our relationship. (Btw, I am madly in love with her and i want to spend the rest of my life with her)

 

But remembering on how my heart was when i broke up with my ex, it was confused, hurt, tired...etc. Going fast into another relationship is probably the last thing the heart needs.

 

What i'm thinking is that this guy is most likely very confused with his feelings. But he also probably needs an emotional break.

 

If you really believe that you could have a future with this person, if you believe he is worth waiting for, then I would give him space but maybe you guys can start over as friends. I would even maybe mention this to him. Tell him that you feel that he is worth waiting for and that you want to make sure he is emotionally ready before he gets back into a relationship with you. But that you would like to be friends.

 

Get to know each other even better. I am sure there are a lot of things you two don't know about each other.

 

BUT, if he doesn't give a clear answer and just kind of shrugs his shoulders, then make the decision of moving on. And if comes back in the future, deal with that when/if it happens.

[LovelyDaze]

Don't wait for him to make all of the decisions on where you are gonna be in your life. You were right to be advised not to contact him because it would turn the breakup into something worse(trust me...experience).

 

Just do good things for you and continue your hobbies, work and other interests. Don't obsess with if he is going to call you or not. Resolve to think everyday that he won't. That way you won't be as disappointed.

 

When someone dumps you, it is there move to do the fixing. Why? Because they saw the relationship as broken enough to call it quits. If he does call you, do not jump in his arms right away. Take the time to talk about how best to go about correcting whatever problems lead to the split.

 

Being too hasty to jump back in to romance sounds all dramatic and all but take care of your heart and mind first. You don't want to become his FWB or a backup plan in case he finds someone else.