soleharmony1123 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 :mad:I am soooo angry with myself first for being sooo stupid!!!! and returning his call earlier today. The saga continues with the phone calls -- this week he's been pleading with me to call him. No excuse to breach NC, but I called him back after hearing his pleading messages. I picked up the phone expecting that he wanted an explanation for the text I sent yesterday in response to all his messages. I sent a text telling him that for the 3rd time, I could not be his friend, but I wished him all the best. I was prepared to give a short re-cap of my text message and get off the phone. Instead, he drags out the conversation asking why he can't call me from time to time to speak with me. Again, he said he needed to talk to me and that I was being hostile. I thought I had it under control, but the problem is HE was too calm and really didn't seem to get it - why I was insisting that he stop calling me. He asked if it would be better if he stopped calling so frequently and just called once in awhile to see how I'm doing. I told him I don't need him to call and see how I'm doing. I told him I want him to NOT contact me at all, that he was not allowing me the space that he so desperately wanted nor was he allowing me to move on with my life. That's when I began to sound hostile to him. I wasn't being hostile at all, in fact, I was afraid I was sounding like I was begging/pleading with him to stop calling me. I asked him why he keeps calling me with nothing to say. He said that when he called me on Monday, he really needed to talk to me. I told him he needed to avail himself of his "other resources" (by that I meant the other woman, a counselor or whatever he might need) because I'd no longer be his crutch. (somehow, it felt good getting that off my chest). WHY does he not get it? Or is it that he just doesn't care to get it. I've lost my power because I also slipped up and sent him a text after the phone conversation which read "a true friend would never do what you did to me and my kids, and if I seem hostile to you - too bad." I put the phone down angry and shaking like a leaf. I've never felt uncontrollable anger like I felt after speaking with him. I just want to take all his letters with his lies and empty promises of marriage and mail them all back to him along with all the receipts from gas and mileage that I put into going to visit him when he was confined. (that would be low-down and I'd never actually do that - but the arrogance of this man! - like I NEED him to call me). I've NEVER felt so ashamed, angry, full of rage/hatred in all my life. I feel so stupid!!! I also talked with his mother today. She told me he has a job interview on Friday. She says he is just so confused and he's trying to "catch up on life" after being confined for 15 years. She said he told her that I didn't want to talk to him and she told him she understood where I was coming from. She said he couldn't expect to have freedom and expect to have me too. She said he is very attached to me and he still wants that bond/connection with me but then, he wants to catch up on whatever he feels he's missed out on in life. It's like he's in a time warp and instead of being real-age 42, instead, he's the age he was when he went into confinement - 28 going on 42. There's just so much for him to absorb and re-accustomed to. His mother said hopefully things will go well for him on the interview and then he'll be working with not so much free time on his hand. She said once he's working he'll begin to feel like a man again and maybe he'll begin to see things more clearly. Maybe.
carhill Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 he is just so confused and he's trying to "catch up on life" after being confined for 15 years.Jail or mental institution? Some backstory So I'm clear, you're in the legal profession, have been the 'soul mate' for three years of a man in 'confinement', and he's now out and being an arrogant jerk, essentially, by his mother's explanation, the 'man' he was 15 years ago when entering confinement? Hmm.... Hope someone else can help out. I'm at a bit of a loss here.
MizzBella Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You sound like an intelligent woman. And NC sounds like the best solution. Block him and change your number if you have to. It sounds like you could a much better life without him. You don't owe him anything. Good luck!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Jail or mental institution? Some backstory So I'm clear, you're in the legal profession, have been the 'soul mate' for three years of a man in 'confinement', and he's now out and being an arrogant jerk, essentially, by his mother's explanation, the 'man' he was 15 years ago when entering confinement? Hmm.... Hope someone else can help out. I'm at a bit of a loss here. Carhill, I called my ex an arrogant jerk not because he's being one but because he made me very angry in implying that I'm being unfair because I don't want him calling me. I told him I want to be able to move on with my life. I broke NC, yesterday and texted him to please stop calling me and that I couldn't be his friend. Carhill, you've twisted what I said quite a bit, and let me be clear in stating that I'm not seeking advice stemming from anyone's prejudicial viewpoint. It's my understanding this is a forum where members offer support to one another. While some advice/insight may be of a "tough" nature, I do not expect any one to judge either my decision to love someone who is an ex-con nor judge my ex on that premise. If I'm not welcome on this forum because my ex was confined for over 15 years (and I have known and loved him long before he was confined) then I request a moderator contact me to that effect. My ex has the papers to prove he paid his dues AND more to society and NO, his mother did not say, nor did I say she said he's acting like the same arrogant jerk he was 15 years ago. He's not arrogant and he's never been a jerk. He broke up with me - but that doesn't make him a jerk. I believe he is in a state of confusion because he has a lot of decisions/choices to make in his life. Freedom is new to him after all that time. Although he's 42, it's like he's in suspended animation beginning from the time he was confined back in 1994. What does my being in the legal profession have to do with anything? Simply classic... Edited March 24, 2010 by soleharmony1123
carhill Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Well, you definitely won't get any help from me, since you're hostile. Eat it
Author soleharmony1123 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 You sound like an intelligent woman. And NC sounds like the best solution. Block him and change your number if you have to. It sounds like you could a much better life without him. You don't owe him anything. Good luck! I only wish I had been thinking with my brain and had reasoned with myself not to pick up the phone. Foresight has failed me today and I'm feeling really bad for it. I knew he had nothing to say to me other than the same lame conversation each time I've decided to pick up the phone. Even his mother said he just wanted to hear my voice because he misses me - that's not good enough. Thanks for your response.
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