threebyfate Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 How I used to pace multi-dating, was seeing each guy, once every 7 - 14 days, reliant on sched. But I've never multi-dated beyond two guys, since it's difficult enough remembering each guy's particulars. I used to log things into the calendar onto my phone, then hotsync them to my personal computer. How anyone else handles multi-dating beyond two, who knows.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Last night I was with the guy I've been casually seeing over the last few months. He asked me about my weekend and I said it was good--he knew I was meeting someone else. I could tell he wanted to say more, so I asked him point-blank: "Are you...okay with how things are right now? I get the feeling that you're not." He admitted feeling uncomfortable all the way back to D.C. guy in late December/early January, and that this last weekend was the impetus to finally get him to open his mouth. He said, "I don't really want this thing with us to continue if you're going to keep seeing other guys. I noticed recently that you were encouraging me to meet other girls, but really, with my schedule, I don't have the time. And since I started seeing you I don't really want to anyway." I said, "I understand" and hugged him. I felt like I had a revelation--like here's this great guy who's been there the whole time and I haven't truly been paying attention. It made me realize that multidating has done me more harm than good. It made me consistently vulnerable to the greener pastures concept. Someone's boring you? That's cool, dump them, on to the next. It's about keeping your options open, always thinking that things could be a little better, instead of working at and improving what you already have. I'm done with multidating. I realized it's just not for me. I'm going to give myself the rest of this week, and next week, to regroup and I'm going to suggest he do the same. I think it would be good for both of us. I'm not sure what will happen after, but whatever it is, it'll be for the best. Firstly, I've not read any of the rest of the messages here. Just responding to the first post: I'm inclined to say quit contemplating the idea of "multidating" being good, bad, this or that... That isn't the centerpiece to what you've written here. What is singularly important above all else, given what you've said here in this first post, is that YOU showed enough strength and self-comfort to both express yourself and to inquire as to your romantic interest's feelings. THEN you allowed him to speak his mind, and that comfort given to him inspired him to express himself, which he did quite clearly. Beyond that, who really cares about giving some random LS reader in Poughkeepsie the broad, overall vibe that 'multi-dating' wasn't for you? I just don't think you present enough evidence in this first post to make any conclusion about the mainstream appeal to multi-dating, and it is secondary to just how well YOU did for yourSELF in boldly expressing the vibe you got from him. You're just somebody who expressed herself honestly, and you got an honest answer, and now you're feeling pretty good about that answer. Don't deflect all of that onto some random tangent. Good job! (sincere tone)
Author tigressA Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 First off, I didn't know my thread was going to get all these extra posts! But thanks for all the input; it's very appreciated. I've been busy over the weekend spending time with friends and whatnot. I've been missing the guy I'm seeing, so I gave in and got together with him earlier today. Things are really going well and after the time I've had to clear my head, I feel like I want to give it a real shot with him. Thanks especially to SincereOnlineGuy for your post; it was lovely. I've seen some of your other posts on LS and you've always struck me as extremely insightful and considerate.
aerogurl87 Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 Men and women are designed to be in one-on-one relationships. If you just want to constantly date as many people as you can, that's not multidating, it's wanting to have a harem. And it's a pretty crappy way to treat other people. I agree, men and women probably are designed for one on one relationships, maybe not biologically, but emotionally they definitely are. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. With that said, when I did decide to try the multidating thing (meaning when I didn't want to be committed to anyone and was out just having fun) I ironically enough had 6 guys I was "seeing". I had all of their numbers down in my phone under the group name "harem", lol. Had to write down the specifics about each one on my computer after every date. Too much hard work in my opinion, plus I prefer the emotional intimacy that monogamous relationships provide.
Author tigressA Posted March 29, 2010 Author Posted March 29, 2010 I agree, men and women probably are designed for one on one relationships, maybe not biologically, but emotionally they definitely are. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. Very much agree with you on this point. Though it was really fun multi-dating, it was quite difficult to not be jealous when the guys were doing the same thing I was. Even in encouraging the guy I'm seeing to meet other girls (which I only did because I wanted things to be "equal" between us--kinda stupid, not sure it even makes sense), I got jealous of the idea of that actually happening. The whole experience made me realize once and for all how difficult it is for me to curb my jealousy once it's aroused. I'm infinitely more secure when I'm not actively dating, or in a monogamous relationship. Multi-dating brings out the insecurities in me because of its inherently competitive nature.
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