My dinner/"booty call" conclusion

[MalachiX]

Did I say you had to be turned on, or that anyone was turned on? I'm okay with the clock in my room, doesn't mean I'm turned on by it during sex, right?

 

Somehow I don't think a clock is the same thing as blood dripping from a sexual organ. We all have things about our bodies that many would consider gross but are a natural part of life. Some people are cool with them and others, like me, find them rather icky. Nobody should feel ashamed of their bodily functions but, in the early part of a relationship when two people are still learning each other, it shouldn't be a shock that perhaps hearing about such things is not helpful to establishing a sexual relationship. I get the runs sometimes and don't really wanna have sex when I have them but I don't tell a girl I can't stop ****ting. I just say I'm not feeling well. I don't think she wants to picture my bodily functions.

 

Seriously, I wonder how all the men who get all grossed out by the mere mention of periods, will EVER handle their wife's childbirth. More than likely they'll be the ones pacing around outside the maternity ward while the wife goes through the pain of labour alone. I've seen plenty like that - sad, really.

 

Yeah, I find child-birth gross too. If I ever wanted a child, I'd deal with it because I loved my wife. You deal with a lot of things when you love someone or even when you just like them. It doesn't mean you have any sort of control over what you find gross. Come to think of it, a lot of women I know find child-birth gross as well. Do they also owe the female gender an apology?

 

That's her preference, fine. But if she'd said that brushing teeth together was tacky - she's immature.

 

I never called anything tacky. Perhaps you should pay more attention to who you're quoting.

 

All I've ever said was that I personally find the idea of a woman menstrating to be gross and I'm not the only one. I told the OP this because numerous other people were critisizing her for not telling this guy she was menstrating. I thought it made sense that she avoided doing so because she thought it might gross him out at such an early stage.

 

Honestly, so many people on these boards blow my mind. It's like you've already drawn battle lines and are incapable of seeing anything outside a combat mindset. I don't think woman are disgusting because they menstrate or have children. I don't think women should be ashamed of their bodies for any reason. Nevertheless, I find certain bodily functions gross. I also find mustard gross and I can't stand sardines. Does that also make me immature? I hear so much on these boards about embracing ones feelings, being honest with yourself, and a whole bunch of other self-affirming stuff. It amazes me that some seem to be so in touch with their feelings yet come here and say, "how dare you find bodily functions gross!"

Edited March 25, 2010 by MalachiX

[Johnny M]

I also think it is tacky for a young girl to talk about her period..I know some of you older women who have been around the block many times have no issues with this, but younger women usually do..

I'd have to disagree with you here. There's nothing "tacky" in talking about your period. Quite the opposite, really. If a woman is on a period, she needs to warn the guy as soon as things start getting hot, not wait until last minute when most of the clothing is already off.

 

The proper, mature way of handling the situations is this: as soon as you start kissing/touching, tell the guy that unfortunately you cannot go much further today because it's that time of the month. But - and I cannot emphasize this enough - make make sure you do it right away. Don't do what the OP has done and wait until you've got nothing but your panties on and the guy is hard and ready to go. That is a totally idiotic (not to mention inconsiderate) thing to do, and they guy would likely assume that you are just a tease and that your are not really on a period but making it up as an excuse.

[Johnny M]

Let's recap shall we:

1. He took you on three dates and paid outta his own pocket with nothing more than second base (in the "who pays" thread you said men pay for you, so I'm assuming this is no different).

2. You go over to his house and eat dinner he prepared and drink the wine you suggested (since you seem to be one of those overly-judgmental on how much money a man spends on you type of woman, it's safe to assume you didn't pick a cheap wine).

3. Someone suggests going into the bedroom, so you do. On his way there I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't get positive nods or thumbs ups from his buddies, and when the door was closed in the bedroom it was a great sign and safe to assume all was good.

4. You guys get physical, you get topless, and then--BAM!--you shut it down with "I can't" followed by "I'm not ready". He's gotta act cool about it while you sit next to him, but he's definitely feeling frustrated, and he doesn't want you around past midnight so he kicks you outta his place.His buddies see you leave, wonder why they didn't hear any moaning or groaning, and wonder what's up. Frustrated, and maybe a little humiliated, he tells them what happens. They probably all spotted what I did, that you're a tease, and say, "Forget about her man", and he's gotta deal with blueballs (this is the type of behavior from women that leads guys toward watching porn more often).

5. Days later you text, give him an explanation, and he doesn't respond to your liking. He probably told his buddies about the text and they all wondered what everyone in this thread wondered, "If that was the case then why didn't she just tell you right away. Why did she just say I can't? That sounds like too much of a made-up explanation. I still think she's a tease.".

6. Right now he's significantly lost interest in you. No matter how nice he is, I bet place top dollar that he's already pursuing other women. He may still act nice to you, but you're not anything important anymore. If you stopped contacting him, he most likely wouldn't care one bit.

 

And the people on this forum have the gall to call me cheap. It's exactly this type of behavior from women that made me start to hold on to my wallet like a life preserver. I hope mr kleen, who needs to pay people to like him, is paying attention to this. The dude paid for three dates, spent more money on wine and food for the fourth date, and took time off to wow her only to get blueballs. I'm pretty sure when he looks at his bank account and sees how much cash he's spent on this tease he's gonna smile at how "generous and gracious" he was to her.

 

My advice OP: learn about sex, your body, relationships, male & female behavior, and just people in general. I'm not trying to attack you, but it's obvious you are painfully naive, and I still stick by my argument that you're sexually repressed, because you've clearly displayed the behavior of someone who is.

St. Nick made some excellent point and observations as to what the OP did wrong. I have nothing to add but an anecdote from my personal dating life. About a year ago, I met a girl and it seemed like we had a great connection. It was a beautiful early spring day and I called her up asking if she wanted to go for a walk by the lake. She said I'll meet you in a hour. This was our fifth date.

 

As soon as we meet up, she starts being extremely affectionate (holding hands, play fighting, putting her head on my shoulder, etc.) She then suggests going back to my place to watch a movie. On the way to my place she suggests buying a bottle of wine. You see where I'm going with this? As soon as we get to my place and get on the couch, we start kissing (she initiates). Then I start unbuttoning her shirt...at which point she informs that she doesn't want to move too fast. Oh really? So why hell would you suggest buying booze and going back to my place? That's certainly not something you do when you want to "take things slow".

 

So do you think I called this girl again? Actually, yes I did - but only to cancel our plans for next week (I was supposed to take her to a concert). No matter how good the initial chemistry might be, there is simply no way I'm going to deal with this kind of game playing and blatant disrespect.

[calizaggy]

I'd have to disagree with you here. There's nothing "tacky" in talking about your period. Quite the opposite, really. If a woman is on a period, she needs to warn the guy as soon as things start getting hot, not wait until last minute when most of the clothing is already off.

 

The proper, mature way of handling the situations is this: as soon as you start kissing/touching, tell the guy that unfortunately you cannot go much further today because it's that time of the month. But - and I cannot emphasize this enough - make make sure you do it right away. Don't do what the OP has done and wait until you've got nothing but your panties on and the guy is hard and ready to go. That is a totally idiotic (not to mention inconsiderate) thing to do, and they guy would likely assume that you are just a tease and that your are not really on a period but making it up as an excuse.

 

 

I agree..

 

In my opinion, if she did not go to his home and role around in his bed, she could keep her period to herself..

 

See, they did not have sex yet.. If she says "I am on my period", then that means 100% sure the next time they have to have sex, which kills a lot of the romance and mystery in my opinion.. In that way it is a tacky start to a relationship.

[Johnny M]

In my opinion, if she did not go to his home and role around in his bed, she could keep her period to herself...

Or, if she foolishly allowed herself to get into a hot and heavy situation at the wrong time of the month, at least she could have given the guy head. I mean, she claims that the very reason why things happened the way they did was the fact that she felt very sexual and couldn't stop. That begs the question: why didn't she perform oral on him? That's what women usually do when they can't have sex due to their period (unless they are also into anal, but that's probably not a god idea the first time you have sex with a new partner).

 

Whoever said that the OP is inexperience and somewhat sexually repressed is probably right. I hope she learns a lesson from this situation.

See, they did not have sex yet.. If she says "I am on my period", then that means 100% sure the next time they have to have sex, which kills a lot of the romance and mystery in my opinion.. In that way it is a tacky start to a relationship.

We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. Maybe I'm not a very romantic person, but I really don't care for "mystery" or uncertainty in general. In fact, uncertainty is a turn-off because it can lead to all sorts of negative assumptions (that the girl is into playing games, for example).

[mrkleen]

And the people on this forum have the gall to call me cheap. It's exactly this type of behavior from women that made me start to hold on to my wallet like a life preserver. I hope mr kleen, who needs to pay people to like him, is paying attention to this. The dude paid for three dates, spent more money on wine and food for the fourth date, and took time off to wow her only to get blueballs. I'm pretty sure when he looks at his bank account and sees how much cash he's spent on this tease he's gonna smile at how "generous and gracious" he was to her.

 

Nick - you are seriously such a petty loser.

 

Do you think everything two people do for each other ends up on some kind of mental score card? I did X, Y and Z for her - so that equals one night of sex, or two blow jobs or some other ridiculous formula that only a sad, pathetic, insecure man would even consider coming up with.

 

If the guy likes her, thinks she is good company, thinks she is cute, and is having fun getting to know her....he should be more than happy to treat her well and show her that he is a gentleman and a potential good provider. If it never turns into this momentous, long term, committed relationship - SO WHAT. Life is not about tit for tat - or making sure you only give the same exact amount that you get in return. Life is about doing what you think is right, what you are comfortable with, and what makes you happy.

 

Clearly this guy is trying to impress her - and he is doing a damn good job of it. Somehow, I dont think your standoffish - cup of water at the book store would have cut it for her (or most decent women) and because of that you are pissed off and lashing out. Pretty funny stuff.

[O'Malley]

He should have at least half-expected that you would not be having sex yet that night, to begin with, considering how you'd been conducting things up to that point. I don't personally think that going to his house for dinner without intending sex crosses into teasing territory--although I know people still ascribe to this thinking, IMO it's outdated and overly rigid. However, I can see how he'd think the situation had changed if you were half-naked and rolling around with him in his bed, and then be disappointed and confused. I'm sure you can fathom this, too, Marsle. I do get how you want to take it in steps, but I think that was probably one step too far. And it's not all vs. nothing, you are making this more dramatic than it needs to be. Making out passionately with him in the living room with your shirt on, is on one side of the line...making out with him passionately in his bed with your shirt off, is probably on the other side of it. It was different when you were in high school, but now that you're older and more experienced and your dates are also there are different expectations to be managed.

 

Don't take the bashing in this thread too seriously, remember to consider the source. It's all a learning experience, anyway.

 

Very insightful post; OP, stop worrying so much. And ignore all the 'sexually repressed' crap that's being spun around here.

[BobSacamento]

You people are way to focused on the period, it's kind of disturbing.

 

That is not the "X" Factor in this. It was her approach. She went in there with this fake naivety. She knew exactly what was going to happen, knew exactly what he wanted and knew exactly how she was going to end it. Now she wants to play the victim.

 

She pretends to want relationship yet she was like a moth to a flame to an obvious booty call. I'm not buying it that's for sure and in reality more power to you. You shouldn't have to pretend, do what you want.

[Johnny M]

Nick - you are seriously such a petty loser.

 

Do you think everything two people do for each other ends up on some kind of mental score card? I did X, Y and Z for her - so that equals one night of sex, or two blow jobs or some other ridiculous formula that only a sad, pathetic, insecure man would even consider coming up with.

 

If the guy likes her, thinks she is good company, thinks she is cute, and is having fun getting to know her....he should be more than happy to treat her well and show her that he is a gentleman and a potential good provider. If it never turns into this momentous, long term, committed relationship - SO WHAT. Life is not about tit for tat - or making sure you only give the same exact amount that you get in return. Life is about doing what you think is right, what you are comfortable with, and what makes you happy.

LOL...it sounds like St. Nick's post hit a nerve. No offense, mrkleen, but you do come across as someone who thinks that he needs to pay other people to like him. The fact that you equate being a gentleman with "being a good provider" is a testament to that. So I repsectfully suggest that it's your outlook on life that is pathetic.

 

Clearly this guy is trying to impress her - and he is doing a damn good job of it.

A damn good job? That's not how I would describe it. What does he get in return for trying to impress the OP? Blue balls and blatant disrespect. Maybe there's a lesson that a guy like you could learn from this story.

[St. Nick]

Nick - you are seriously such a petty loser.

 

Do you think everything two people do for each other ends up on some kind of mental score card? I did X, Y and Z for her - so that equals one night of sex, or two blow jobs or some other ridiculous formula that only a sad, pathetic, insecure man would even consider coming up with.

 

If the guy likes her, thinks she is good company, thinks she is cute, and is having fun getting to know her....he should be more than happy to treat her well and show her that he is a gentleman and a potential good provider. If it never turns into this momentous, long term, committed relationship - SO WHAT. Life is not about tit for tat - or making sure you only give the same exact amount that you get in return. Life is about doing what you think is right, what you are comfortable with, and what makes you happy.

 

Clearly this guy is trying to impress her - and he is doing a damn good job of it. Somehow, I dont think your standoffish - cup of water at the book store would have cut it for her (or most decent women) and because of that you are pissed off and lashing out. Pretty funny stuff.

Are you a female? I think only a chick or a doormat nice guy could write the junk you do.

 

Life is exactly about tit for tat; if a dude spends all that time, cash, and energy on a tease like her then he's throwing away his resources. There are a crapload of fakers, phonies, and golddiggers out there. If I spent all my money like you do then I could have a bunch of people who pretend to like me. But I'm not Mr. Rogers, so who gives a damn if they like me?

 

This guy is obviously doing something wrong. For all his efforts he got blueballs, a bit of humiliation, and a whole lotta time wasted with the OP. There are lots of women all over the world like her. He should be more mindful about how he uses his money, rather than subscribing to the false belief that the only way to show generosity is through cash.

[CLC2008]

Catch up. This doesn't have anything to do with expecting sex. It's the leading the person on with a Go Go Go Go, oh wait I should stop now...

 

If she didn't want to have sex, fine, but don't take it so far and then just stop.

 

If I remember correctly, the OP started a seperate thread and she said she suggested going out instead, and that she would even pay and he declined the offer wanting to cook for her instead.

 

My initial point stands firm in that regard. Some of you act like she went over there to seduce him or that she gave him oral and then left before he you know whatsies.

[calizaggy]

Well, atleast she is trying..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t224137/

[xpaperxcutx]

You people are way to focused on the period, it's kind of disturbing.

 

That is not the "X" Factor in this. It was her approach. She went in there with this fake naivety. She knew exactly what was going to happen, knew exactly what he wanted and knew exactly how she was going to end it. Now she wants to play the victim.

 

She pretends to want relationship yet she was like a moth to a flame to an obvious booty call. I'm not buying it that's for sure and in reality more power to you. You shouldn't have to pretend, do what you want.

 

Oy, cut the girl some slack. I wouldn't call her " naive" so much as just someone who didn't know her steps very well when it comes to dating. We've all been accused of that, we live and learn, and we move on.

 

Of course, I'm pretty certain M wants a relationship with this guy, but because sex always seem to play such an important part in how people view us gals, it's not such a surprise why she would not want to be seen as a " booty call'.

[Els]

Somehow I don't think a clock is the same thing as blood dripping from a sexual organ. We all have things about our bodies that many would consider gross but are a natural part of life. Some people are cool with them and others, like me, find them rather icky. Nobody should feel ashamed of their bodily functions but, in the early part of a relationship when two people are still learning each other, it shouldn't be a shock that perhaps hearing about such things is not helpful to establishing a sexual relationship. I get the runs sometimes and don't really wanna have sex when I have them but I don't tell a girl I can't stop ****ting. I just say I'm not feeling well. I don't think she wants to picture my bodily functions.

 

Lots of people find blood gross. VERY few people find it so gross that they can't even bear hearing the NAME of the phenomenon, ie menstruation, without getting grossed out. If you can't tell a girl 'I have food poisoning', you have some serious bodily issues, and I would sincerely advise you work on them. I very much dislike excrement, but when someone tells me they have food poisoning I don't imagine them expelling explosive lumps of watery poo and get grossed out by it. I haven't found a single person who gets grossed out by it either unless I take the trouble to describe every little detail of my toilet experience.

 

 

Yeah, I find child-birth gross too. If I ever wanted a child, I'd deal with it because I loved my wife. You deal with a lot of things when you love someone or even when you just like them. It doesn't mean you have any sort of control over what you find gross. Come to think of it, a lot of women I know find child-birth gross as well. Do they also owe the female gender an apology?

 

Good, then.

 

 

I never called anything tacky. Perhaps you should pay more attention to who you're quoting.

 

I'm positive I have this but I've to scroll back to multiquote. Bear with me while I do so.

 

All I've ever said was that I personally find the idea of a woman menstrating to be gross and I'm not the only one. I told the OP this because numerous other people were critisizing her for not telling this guy she was menstrating. I thought it made sense that she avoided doing so because she thought it might gross him out at such an early stage.

 

First of all, it's menstruating. Secondly, refer above about the difference between finding menstrual blood gross, and actually conjuring up vivid images of gross blood upon the simple mention of 'menses'. How did you ever survive the reproductive chapter in biology class?

 

If a man is mentally ready to have sex, he better be mentally ready to know about a woman's reproductive cycle.

 

Honestly, so many people on these boards blow my mind. It's like you've already drawn battle lines and are incapable of seeing anything outside a combat mindset. I don't think woman are disgusting because they menstrate or have children. I don't think women should be ashamed of their bodies for any reason. Nevertheless, I find certain bodily functions gross. I also find mustard gross and I can't stand sardines. Does that also make me immature? I hear so much on these boards about embracing ones feelings, being honest with yourself, and a whole bunch of other self-affirming stuff. It amazes me that some seem to be so in touch with their feelings yet come here and say, "how dare you find bodily functions gross!"

 

So if your date tells you 'I like sardines' you get grossed out by her????

[BobSacamento]

Oy, cut the girl some slack. I wouldn't call her " naive" so much as just someone who didn't know her steps very well when it comes to dating. We've all been accused of that, we live and learn, and we move on.

 

Of course, I'm pretty certain M wants a relationship with this guy, but because sex always seem to play such an important part in how people view us gals, it's not such a surprise why she would not want to be seen as a " booty call'.

 

I'm not saying she is naive. I'm saying she's pretending to be naive. She knew this was a booty call.

[Els]

Also, good job for not telling him you were on your period explicity. I'm sorry but guys DON'T want to hear that. At least I don't. I love a woman's vagina and really don't want to imagine it gushing blood. Yes, after some time, I may be willing to try period sex every once in a while but it's out of love, comfort, and neccesity. Hearing about a period is not something I would want from a girl I'm still getting to know.

 

Apologies, the tacky quote must have been from calizaggy, but your post is in essence the same. 'I'm sorry but guys DON'T want to hear that' is not true - and I've spoken with guys from a variety of cultures and ages about this. From my own experience with men, none have ever been grossed out by the mention of it, and most even seem to be okay with a little play during the lighter portions of my cycle.

Edited March 26, 2010 by Elswyth

[marsle85]

I'm not saying she is naive. I'm saying she's pretending to be naive. She knew this was a booty call.

 

Yes. I am laughing at all of your expense! Not only have I fooled him, but I've fooled everyone but Bob.

 

 

Seriously? I don't ENJOY wasting my time with this guy or this forum, and if your comments are only based on this sophisticated, cruel game- I promise you, you're wasting your own time.

 

I have/had no intention of playing with him.

 

And I started an entire HUGE thread prior to this on "Is this a booty call?" And THEN tried to move our date to an outdoors occasion.

 

How is that so hard to understand.

 

Either accept it or not, I wrote this post looking for assistance. Your advice doesn't apply to me because it's inaccurate. All I can tell you is the truth (anything else would hardly make any sense to write) and don't waste my or your time with comments that are not accurate.

[skydiveaddict]

Yes. I am laughing at all of your expense! Not only have I fooled him, but I've fooled everyone but Bob.

 

 

Seriously? I don't ENJOY wasting my time with this guy or this forum, and if your comments are only based on this sophisticated, cruel game- I promise you, you're wasting your own time.

 

I have/had no intention of playing with him.

 

And I started an entire HUGE thread prior to this on "Is this a booty call?" And THEN tried to move our date to an outdoors occasion.

 

How is that so hard to understand.

 

Either accept it or not, I wrote this post looking for assistance. Your advice doesn't apply to me because it's inaccurate. All I can tell you is the truth (anything else would hardly make any sense to write) and don't waste my or your time with comments that are not accurate.

 

 

Hey, I'm on your side .

[mrt336]

Wasn't your contact with this guy (texting between dates) fairly limited anyway? If you usually didn't talk every day, why would you expect to now? Don't be worried that contact is limited if it's always been that way.

 

His reply didn't seem mad, in fact, he said you're forgiven. So he's either afraid to be upfront with you (if he really is mad) or he's being honest and he really isn't mad and you really are forgiven.

 

You're just upset and worried and insecure about your position with him. Just relax.

 

Question: Do you know what he wants in his life right now relationship wise? You need to find that out.

[MalachiX]

Lots of people find blood gross. VERY few people find it so gross that they can't even bear hearing the NAME of the phenomenon, ie menstruation, without getting grossed out. If you can't tell a girl 'I have food poisoning', you have some serious bodily issues, and I would sincerely advise you work on them.

 

Trust me I've got a lot of issues but being a bit grossed out by menstruation and not wanting to mention food poisoning early in a relationship aren't among them. Honestly, for someone giving advice on issues, you may want to ask yourself why you have apparently taken someone's discomfort with a certain bodily function so personally.

 

I very much dislike excrement, but when someone tells me they have food poisoning I don't imagine them expelling explosive lumps of watery poo and get grossed out by it. I haven't found a single person who gets grossed out by it either unless I take the trouble to describe every little detail of my toilet experience.

 

If I was just starting to date a girl and we hadn't slept together yet, I certainly would rather say I wasn't feeling well then to say I had diarrhea. Maybe she's very open about bodily functions and wouldn't care but I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit over-cautious in trying not to sound gross.

 

Or let me try another scenario. What if she hadn't shaved her legs? She didn't expect to get this far and after he took off her top, she wouldn't let her jeans come off because she had forgotten to shave and felt embarassed? I can't read minds but I have a feeling that a TON of woman on this board and in the real world would make up some other excuse rather than tell the guy the truth. Are they as contemptible as those of us who aren't gaga for periods?

 

How did you ever survive the reproductive chapter in biology class?

 

I closed my eyes and told myself, "one day I will meet a woman in the medical profession in an online message board who, in her infinite wisdom, will explain to me that I am horribly damaged for finding a woman's period gross and will teach me never to try to make a young girl feel better about an awkward date again." I somehow always knew you were waiting to enlighten me. Now that I've found you I hardly know what joys life has left in store.

 

So if your date tells you 'I like sardines' you get grossed out by her????

 

If a date told me, "I don't wanna kiss you because I just ate a bunch of sardines covered in mustard" then yes, I would think that was icky. I now offer my humble apologies to all the people of the world who enjoy sardines and mustard. I realize this is a completely immature opinion of which I have no right to.

 

Apologies, the tacky quote must have been from calizaggy, but your post is in essence the same. 'I'm sorry but guys DON'T want to hear that' is not true - and I've spoken with guys from a variety of cultures and ages about this.

 

I wish I was in the medical field so I could spend my time conducting surveys of the world's men and how much they enjoy talk of menstruation. Unfortunatly, I'm just limited to all my fellow guy friends and some, but not all, feel the same way about periods as I do. I realize I havn't attained a research grant nor do I intend to publish these findings (as I'm sure you have) but I figured that the qualification that I was mainly speaking for myself and my own experiences should have gotten the point across. I was, again, mistaken. I humbly beg the pardon of the people of Earth for my mistaken insights and throw myself on their mercy.

 

No, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to an asylum. I recently realized that I find un-shaven armpit hair to be gross on a woman and, as this is a natural part of biology, it's clear that such a belief must indicate that I have mental problems and am in serious need of observation. Thank goodness I'm the only one.

[Els]

Trust me I've got a lot of issues but being a bit grossed out by menstruation and not wanting to mention food poisoning early in a relationship aren't among them. Honestly, for someone giving advice on issues, you may want to ask yourself why you have apparently taken someone's discomfort with a certain bodily function so personally.

 

It's not just me, hon. At least 3 women have posted with similar views on your post. I'm not taking it personally at all - if you were my SO then yes, I would, but you certainly are not, and none of my SOs have ever had trouble with it. I'm simply refuting your statement of 'guys DON'T want to hear that', because it's not true.

 

I wish I was in the medical field so I could spend my time conducting surveys of the world's men and how much they enjoy talk of menstruation. Unfortunatly, I'm just limited to all my fellow guy friends and some, but not all, feel the same way about periods as I do. I realize I havn't attained a research grant nor do I intend to publish these findings (as I'm sure you have) but I figured that the qualification that I was mainly speaking for myself and my own experiences should have gotten the point across. I was, again, mistaken. I humbly beg the pardon of the people of Earth for my mistaken insights and throw myself on their mercy.

 

No, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to an asylum. I recently realized that I find un-shaven armpit hair to be gross on a woman and, as this is a natural part of biology, it's clear that such a belief must indicate that I have mental problems and am in serious need of observation. Thank goodness I'm the only one.

Your attempt at sarcasm really makes you sound all the more immature, honestly. :/ Well, take this as you will, but I have never, ever met a guy who was grossed out by the mere mention of menstruation. Not even when we were 16 in bio class. And mind you, these are VERY naive guys who don't even know a clitoris exists.

 

If you persist on getting sexually turned off by a girl who merely informs you she is menstruating, that's entirely your call, but you will find that few women will accept it, or cater to it.

Edited March 26, 2010 by Elswyth

[marsle85]

Hey, I'm on your side .

 

I know this, and my post wasn't at all towards you, or anyone who gave an honest, genuine response to my question. I don't have to like what you say, but I expect readers to believe what I say is true- or else there is no reason for my activity here. Most of you HAVE provided me with a LOT of insight. Regardless of how this turns out- I have definitely learned a lot from this ordeal. It will never happen again, to the benefit of him and me. So I hope you know how gracious I am (to everyone who has shed some light on my situation) and thank you.

 

Wasn't your contact with this guy (texting between dates) fairly limited anyway? If you usually didn't talk every day, why would you expect to now? Don't be worried that contact is limited if it's always been that way.

 

His reply didn't seem mad, in fact, he said you're forgiven. So he's either afraid to be upfront with you (if he really is mad) or he's being honest and he really isn't mad and you really are forgiven.

 

You're just upset and worried and insecure about your position with him. Just relax.

 

Question: Do you know what he wants in his life right now relationship wise? You need to find that out.

 

Yeah, typically a few weeks would pass before we consistently started texting every few days, etc. You make a good point. I'm going to take a deep breath and give him his space. As for his intentions- good question. I was definitely thinking that it's time for a somewhat serious talk as well, I'm just not sure how to go about it without coming off as crazy-chick who wants to tie him down. I just need to know his heart/rest of his body is in the right place.

 

Moreover, while I WANT to have sex with him - I'm starting to realize (over the last few days of reflection) that maybe it's not the best idea. If i'm upset that he hasn't texted me after a somewhat intimate night, am I going to be okay after intercourse? This is my situation. Call it wrong, right, whatever- this is how I feel. I can't do anything, or describe anything other than my honest thoughts/feelings on our relationship: I am not SURE that if we DO have sex, he will continue calling/texting/pursuing. If i'm not sure, (honest question) is it rational to have sex? Is that a bad idea for me?

 

And if not- how do I backtrack? I KNOW that I made a HUGE mistake, I know. I hate it, and I wish I DIDN'T. But I did. And I would like this relationship to be something. Will I come off as even more of a tease by being like: "Listen, about last night. I'm so attracted to you, so it's hard to keep my head on - but the deal is, I don't think I'm ready. I like what we're doing, I want to progress...but I know me, and I want to be honest with you."

 

Ah?

[Johnny M]

And if not- how do I backtrack? I KNOW that I made a HUGE mistake, I know. I hate it, and I wish I DIDN'T. But I did. And I would like this relationship to be something. Will I come off as even more of a tease by being like: "Listen, about last night. I'm so attracted to you, so it's hard to keep my head on - but the deal is, I don't think I'm ready. I like what we're doing, I want to progress...but I know me, and I want to be honest with you."

 

Ah?

IMO, your relationship (if you could call it that) with this guy is irreversibly f-ed up at this point. He already suspects that you are a liar. First, you told him you "weren't ready". Later, you changed your story and said you were having your period. And now you want to go back to being "not ready". Can you not see how this comes across??

 

If you want to do the right thing, leave the guy alone and stop screwing with his head. Just don't contact him and hopefully he will not be contacting you either. If he calls you, tell him that you are not ready for an intimate relationship. He'll understand and move on to seeing someone else.

[mrt336]

Yeah, typically a few weeks would pass before we consistently started texting every few days, etc. You make a good point. I'm going to take a deep breath and give him his space. As for his intentions- good question. I was definitely thinking that it's time for a somewhat serious talk as well, I'm just not sure how to go about it without coming off as crazy-chick who wants to tie him down. I just need to know his heart/rest of his body is in the right place.

 

Moreover, while I WANT to have sex with him - I'm starting to realize (over the last few days of reflection) that maybe it's not the best idea. If i'm upset that he hasn't texted me after a somewhat intimate night, am I going to be okay after intercourse? This is my situation. Call it wrong, right, whatever- this is how I feel. I can't do anything, or describe anything other than my honest thoughts/feelings on our relationship: I am not SURE that if we DO have sex, he will continue calling/texting/pursuing. If i'm not sure, (honest question) is it rational to have sex? Is that a bad idea for me?

 

And if not- how do I backtrack? I KNOW that I made a HUGE mistake, I know. I hate it, and I wish I DIDN'T. But I did. And I would like this relationship to be something. Will I come off as even more of a tease by being like: "Listen, about last night. I'm so attracted to you, so it's hard to keep my head on - but the deal is, I don't think I'm ready. I like what we're doing, I want to progress...but I know me, and I want to be honest with you."

 

Ah?

 

 

Here's the thing, if he's really into you and he's looking for a real relationship, not friends with benefits, not a booty call and he isn't dating multiple girls and trying to pick one, this isn't a dealbreaker. It's not awesome, it's not his ideal situation, but it's something at the very least he will understand.

 

Communication is important and I think if you sent him what you propose, that you'll find out how he feels about you. The question is, are you scared to find out how serious he is about you?

 

I'm not going to lie, if I got that text from a girl I was dating I'd know exactly what it meant. She's hoping to become something serious with me and she's trying to find out how important she is to me. She wants to know if I'm the real deal. If she is important to me, I'd be happy to get that message because I'd know it's mutual. If she wasn't important to me I'd be laying low and looking for a way out.

 

When it comes down to it, you have to look out for you. Find out what he wants in his life relationship wise and if your intentions mesh with his pursue it. If they don't, then you need to make sure you get what you want out of life, no one else will.

[marsle85]

When it comes down to it, you have to look out for you. Find out what he wants in his life relationship wise and if your intentions mesh with his pursue it. If they don't, then you need to make sure you get what you want out of life, no one else will.

 

How do you suggest asking?