threebyfate Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 God I get sick of people thinking that because he asked a girl out, paid for a few dates now she owes him some sex. What ever happened to chivalry? It's probably cheaper to just hire a prostituteI agree with this but it's also up to the girl to give clear signals. Go, go, go, stop, is a child's game.
skydiveaddict Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I agree with this but it's also up to the girl to give clear signals. Go, go, go, stop, is a child's game. true I admit.................
skydiveaddict Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Chivalry? Like in the military, where there is a high rate of sexual assault and sex discrimination? Did you understand the posts? The dude didn't deserve sex, but he didn't deserve to get blueballed either. If she didn't want sex, she should make that clear. She didn't send any clear signals by going into his bedroom, making out, getting topless, and then shutting it down with "I can't; I'm not ready". And besides, what's wrong with wanting sex? It's a pretty adult thing to want. I know in the military they have a prudish attitude toward sex, but in real life people need to learn it's not nearly as evil as some people make it out to be. Yes I understood the posts. And you make some good points. She shouldn't have led him on like that. I'm just saying buying a few dates shouldn't entitile you to sex. As for the military, my unit is all men, so you're right, we are quite prudish around each other
Stung Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 He chose to take her out and pay for those dates. Whether or not that's your dating style is irrelevant to this thread; if he had wanted/expected a guarantee of sex he should have spent the money on a prostitute. Instead he spent the money taking out and wooing a young girl with whom he is building a human connection, and like most human connections it's had some high points and a few missteps. This is not really a big deal. He should have at least half-expected that you would not be having sex yet that night, to begin with, considering how you'd been conducting things up to that point. I don't personally think that going to his house for dinner without intending sex crosses into teasing territory--although I know people still ascribe to this thinking, IMO it's outdated and overly rigid. However, I can see how he'd think the situation had changed if you were half-naked and rolling around with him in his bed, and then be disappointed and confused. I'm sure you can fathom this, too, Marsle. I do get how you want to take it in steps, but I think that was probably one step too far. And it's not all vs. nothing, you are making this more dramatic than it needs to be. Making out passionately with him in the living room with your shirt on, is on one side of the line...making out with him passionately in his bed with your shirt off, is probably on the other side of it. It was different when you were in high school, but now that you're older and more experienced and your dates are also there are different expectations to be managed. Don't take the bashing in this thread too seriously, remember to consider the source. It's all a learning experience, anyway. Some people in this thread need to do a little growing up. Newsflash: women have periods. It's not most people's favorite thing but it's a fact of life and without it none of us would have been born. She doesn't have to turn to him and say "Hey dude, my vagina is probably too bloody to have sex today...unless you're into that kind of thing, Mr. Red Wings ," but it's not tacky to discreetly mention that it's that time of the month if a guy's got his hopes up, it's honest, and it manages expectations. If he starts getting visions of gushing blood in his head, that's because he's got some juvenile hangups about some pretty basic biology, not because she said something wrong.
MalachiX Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Uh, are you serious??? How old are you?! When a girl tells you 'Sorry, monthly visitor, y'know...', you imagine her vagina gushing blood and you get squicked?! I'm 26. By all means, oh mature one, tell me at what age I'll be turned on by a vagina gushing blood. So, if you tell me you don't want to have sex because you have a bad cold, should I imagine all the mucus clotted within your nose, and get grossed out by you telling me so? For a medical professional, it's a bit surprising you don't see a difference between a period and a cold. A better analogy might be if a guy had a urinary tract infection and was pissing puss or blood. If I was in such a situation and I was just starting to date a girl, I'd tell her I was sick but wouldn't tell her it was a urinary tract infection because I wouldn't want to gross her out. It comes down to not wanting to talk about hygiene when you're early in the relationship and still physically enamored with one another. I had an EX girlfriend who didn't even want to brush our teeth together until months into the relationship for this reason. I really never got what was so disgusting about the whole period thing, as long as she just INFORMS you and doesn't leave her soiled sanitary pad on your bed or something. Yeah and I ton of guys don't get what's so gross about farting in public. What's your point? The bottom line is that I, and many other guys, do get grossed out at the mention of a period and I don't feel the need to apologize for that. It doesn't mean I'm rude to a girl when she informs me or treat her poorly. It just means that it's icky in my head. There are a ton of things that gross women out yet I don't see anyone taking them to task for them.
sweetjasmine Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm 26. By all means, oh mature one, tell me at what age I'll be turned on by a vagina gushing blood. No one said you should be turned on by it. I'd tell her I was sick So you're drawing an analogy between a natural, healthy process and an illness/disease/infection? Come on. If once a month your girlfriend said, "Sorry, honey, I'm sick," you'd still think of a "vagina gushing blood", wouldn't you? I had an EX girlfriend who didn't even want to brush our teeth together until months into the relationship for this reason. That's bizarre. The bottom line is that I, and many other guys, do get grossed out at the mention of a period and I don't feel the need to apologize for that. "It's that time of the month" grosses you out? Does "my sister gave birth" gross you out?
Leia Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 If OP sent out clear signals from the beginning, this would not have happened. St. Nick made pretty good points, IMO. Better luck next time, I guess.
Author marsle85 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Marsle: What is your reason for not wanting to have sex with this guy? Is it solely for the purpose of 'testing' him?? No, no, never. That's as fair as him expecting me to have sex with him - as a test. I honestly just didn't think sex was in the cards, and then when things progressed, I guess I was seduced. I wanted to, I was willing to... but I TRULY could not. At this point- I would, yes (because I'm NOT trying to be a tease! I want him!) I am apprehensive, but that is stemmed from the fact that I do like him, and don't want to get hurt. The lack of sex wasn't in any way, my way of holding power. I think he should contact you within a few dates after your text. I would suggest going out somewhere on your next date. If you just go over to his place he may think you are going to pick up right where you left off last time. You don't want to have sex too soon before you develop a real relationship with this guy. You sound like you really like him. I would take it slow so you don't get hurt. How old are you BTW? I'm 20... I've dated- but have never run into this problem. I'm -so- confused. I don't know whether I want to have sex with him because everything is so passionate with him, and the pressures i'm receiving from almost ALL ends -- or because I'm actually ready. I know that's not the best way to proceed. You seem like you are in such a rush to sleep with this guy. What is the big hurry? I think everything you are doing is going to lead him to thinking of you as an easy girl he can call whenever for easy sex. You were half naked at this guys house already. You actually drove over there delivering yourself like a pizza to him. Now you are calling him pestering him and waiting by the phone for his call. If you really like him, you really have to put the brakes on and have some self-control or you're going to end up used and hurt. I actually think everything you say here is true. The truth is, I feel like I was thrown into a shark tank, all of a sudden we were making out- and then like he was taking my shirt off- and everytime I said "ok, ok, ok" I'd get "ok what?" back. God, I'm so confused. And now I just texted him saying "this or that is why I didn't" and he expect me to provide sex now- when I don't even know if he wants to seriously date me. Why is this a bad sign? That's all we spoke! Don't you think the day after I should get a little bit more back? 1. He took you on three dates and paid outta his own pocket with nothing more than second base (in the "who pays" thread you said men pay for you, so I'm assuming this is no different). 2. You go over to his house and eat dinner he prepared and drink the wine you suggested (since you seem to be one of those overly-judgmental on how much money a man spends on you type of woman, it's safe to assume you didn't pick a cheap wine). 3. Someone suggests going into the bedroom, so you do. On his way there I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't get positive nods or thumbs ups from his buddies, and when the door was closed in the bedroom it was a great sign and safe to assume all was good. 4. You guys get physical, you get topless, and then--BAM!--you shut it down with "I can't" followed by "I'm not ready". He's gotta act cool about it while you sit next to him, but he's definitely feeling frustrated, and he doesn't want you around past midnight so he kicks you outta his place.His buddies see you leave, wonder why they didn't hear any moaning or groaning, and wonder what's up. Frustrated, and maybe a little humiliated, he tells them what happens. They probably all spotted what I did, that you're a tease, and say, "Forget about her man", and he's gotta deal with blueballs (this is the type of behavior from women that leads guys toward watching porn more often). 5. Days later you text, give him an explanation, and he doesn't respond to your liking. He probably told his buddies about the text and they all wondered what everyone in this thread wondered, "If that was the case then why didn't she just tell you right away. Why did she just say I can't? That sounds like too much of a made-up explanation. I still think she's a tease.". 6. Right now he's significantly lost interest in you. No matter how nice he is, I bet place top dollar that he's already pursuing other women. He may still act nice to you, but you're not anything important anymore. If you stopped contacting him, he most likely wouldn't care one bit. He asked what kind of wine I wanted. I suggested a very common wine, and then explained "any white wine is fine". I texted him the following day with the honest explanation. As for your following statement, I'm not doing anything. We'll see if he has lost interest I guess. Marsle. I do get how you want to take it in steps, but I think that was probably one step too far. And it's not all vs. nothing, you are making this more dramatic than it needs to be. Making out passionately with him in the living room with your shirt on, is on one side of the line...making out with him passionately in his bed with your shirt off, is probably on the other side of it. You're absolutely right. I let it go too far. Like I said, lesson learned. So regardless, here I wait. ****. ****. ****.
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm 26. By all means, oh mature one, tell me at what age I'll be turned on by a vagina gushing blood. Did I say you had to be turned on, or that anyone was turned on? I'm okay with the clock in my room, doesn't mean I'm turned on by it during sex, right? For a medical professional, it's a bit surprising you don't see a difference between a period and a cold. A better analogy might be if a guy had a urinary tract infection and was pissing puss or blood. If I was in such a situation and I was just starting to date a girl, I'd tell her I was sick but wouldn't tell her it was a urinary tract infection because I wouldn't want to gross her out. What??? Okay, now you sound really immature. Yes, you do not tell her 'I'm pissing out blood', duh. But 'urinary tract infection'!? It comes down to not wanting to talk about hygiene when you're early in the relationship and still physically enamored with one another. I had an EX girlfriend who didn't even want to brush our teeth together until months into the relationship for this reason. That's her preference, fine. But if she'd said that brushing teeth together was tacky - she's immature. Yeah and I ton of guys don't get what's so gross about farting in public. What's your point? The bottom line is that I, and many other guys, do get grossed out at the mention of a period and I don't feel the need to apologize for that. It doesn't mean I'm rude to a girl when she informs me or treat her poorly. It just means that it's icky in my head. There are a ton of things that gross women out yet I don't see anyone taking them to task for them.That's sheer respect. You farting in public is like a girl leaving her bloodied sanitary pad out in public. That is gross, yes.
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 (edited) "It's that time of the month" grosses you out? Does "my sister gave birth" gross you out? Naw, because apparently babies slide out perfectly clean and unbloody and smelling of flowers like they do in movies. Seriously, I wonder how all the men who get all grossed out by the mere mention of periods, will EVER handle their wife's childbirth. More than likely they'll be the ones pacing around outside the maternity ward while the wife goes through the pain of labour alone. I've seen plenty like that - sad, really. Edited March 25, 2010 by Elswyth
CLC2008 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Since when does spending time with someone you're dating, kissing and touching, etc., automatically mean you have to have sex at a particular time frame or if at all? Calling her names because she made out with him, but didn't go all the way, is pretty shameful. A few of my friends (who have had A LOT of sexual casual partners), waited MONTHS with the men they are currently in a relationship with. Why do you think that is? Well this thread is a pretty good example of it. Had the OP slept with this individual on the 1st or 2nd date, she'd be considered easy. But because she still hasn't slept with him, she's considered a tease. And I'm really not sure how she is leading him on...She likes him, she is responsive to him, she spends time with him physically and non-physically. Leading someone on, IMO, would be if she was doing the same things with several other men at the same time and not being honest about it. Then yeah, I would question her sincerity.
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 (edited) No, no, never. That's as fair as him expecting me to have sex with him - as a test. I honestly just didn't think sex was in the cards, and then when things progressed, I guess I was seduced. I wanted to, I was willing to... but I TRULY could not. At this point- I would, yes (because I'm NOT trying to be a tease! I want him!) I am apprehensive, but that is stemmed from the fact that I do like him, and don't want to get hurt. The lack of sex wasn't in any way, my way of holding power.OP, I'm afraid I still can't understand. How can you WANT to but 'truly could not' at the very same time? WHY could not? Just because you hadn't planned on it? Very puzzling to me, and to him too I'm sure. Edited March 25, 2010 by Elswyth
Kamille Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I must be an abnormal women for I don't "gush" blood while on my periods. Gush blood: mental image of emergency room artery emergency. Malachix clearly chooses to be grossed out. Fortunately, he isn't a woman, else he might faint every month . Marsle, a lot of people are advising you not to sweat this. Yes, we give advice but really you've done nothing any 20 year old heterosexual woman has never done. Stop sweating it, but, by the same token, stop trying to figure out what your next move should be. Give yourself a few days to get back in a good mood and then, once you have a clearer mind, it will be way easier for you to think about your next move. There is no emergency. Also, I think you're letting the advice and-or criticism you got here get to you. His answers to your posts two days later are perfectly adequate. Give him a chance to lead the next move-contact and you will feel much better when he does. For now, your goal is to do whatever you have to do to get yourself in a good mood and to stop over-analysing this.
homersheineken Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 That's all we spoke! Don't you think the day after I should get a little bit more back? Not necessarily. How long has it been since that nite? How much conversation?
homersheineken Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Since when does spending time with someone you're dating, kissing and touching, etc., automatically mean you have to have sex at a particular time frame or if at all? Calling her names because she made out with him, but didn't go all the way, is pretty shameful. A few of my friends (who have had A LOT of sexual casual partners), waited MONTHS with the men they are currently in a relationship with. Why do you think that is? Well this thread is a pretty good example of it. Had the OP slept with this individual on the 1st or 2nd date, she'd be considered easy. But because she still hasn't slept with him, she's considered a tease. And I'm really not sure how she is leading him on...She likes him, she is responsive to him, she spends time with him physically and non-physically. Leading someone on, IMO, would be if she was doing the same things with several other men at the same time and not being honest about it. Then yeah, I would question her sincerity. Catch up. This doesn't have anything to do with expecting sex. It's the leading the person on with a Go Go Go Go, oh wait I should stop now... If she didn't want to have sex, fine, but don't take it so far and then just stop.
phineas Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I must be an abnormal women for I don't "gush" blood while on my periods. Gush blood: mental image of emergency room artery emergency. Malachix clearly chooses to be grossed out. Fortunately, he isn't a woman, else he might faint every month . . I'm pictureing that scene in the Shining where the elevators doors open & blood pours out....
BWLoca Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I can understand her being caught up, knowing it should stop, and just waiting a little bit too late. I'm sure she was frustrated herself.
Stung Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I must be an abnormal women for I don't "gush" blood while on my periods. Gush blood: mental image of emergency room artery emergency. Malachix clearly chooses to be grossed out. Fortunately, he isn't a woman, else he might faint every month . . I live through my own personal Kill Bill movie every 28 days :lmao:
xpaperxcutx Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm pretty sure the sex or the " I feel like I wanted sex" wasn't planned. I mean Marsles was really apprehensive with the guy but when anyone ends up making out and getting into the mood of things, certain things will come off and certain things will go up. In regards to the period, if a guy is mature he would definitely not get grossed out about nature's problems but rather be understanding about it. In fact, most guys would actually turn down sex because of it. It is always the ones that proceed to pressure you about getting it on even while on the monthly that should raise a red flag. M, just chill for a few days. You made it clear to him and explained to him about your situation. He either understands or he acts like an A-- and blows you off. You can't be responsible for his reactions but you are responsible for how you behave. I'm certain you learned a lesson from this, that if you're not ready for sex, you should stick to your commitments.
calizaggy Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 In regards to the period, if a guy is mature he would definitely not get grossed out about nature's problems but rather be understanding about it. In fact, most guys would actually turn down sex because of it. It is always the ones that proceed to pressure you about getting it on even while on the monthly that should raise a red flag. . So mature men are not "grossed out", but they would also be "grossed out enough" to turn down sex? So guys who are grossed out= red flag.. Guys who are not grossed out and want sex= red flag..
threebyfate Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Come on you guys, what xpaper posted doesn't equate to black and white misandry equations like that. Translation: A mature and decent guy will be understanding of her period and not pressure her for sex.
calizaggy Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Conclusion: If it's male, it's a red flag LOL, yes that's what it seems like..
carhill Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Hey, I just spent three hours on a FL142 (asset/liability disclosure). I need humor. OP, make sure you're poor when you get married and take your sweet time about it, like with sex
sweetjasmine Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Come on you guys, what xpaper posted doesn't equate to black and white misandry equations like that. Translation: A mature and decent guy will be understanding of her period and not pressure her for sex. That's how I read it. Plus "a mature and decent guy won't go 'eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww that's so icky!' whenever she says, 'It's that time of the month'."
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