CLC2008 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 This is not a big deal, just send him this video...it helps explain the monthly process http://www.myvideo.de/watch/3845278/Grease_2_Reproduction
carhill Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Like if this was Dating dos and don'ts, this would be an excellent case study for the DON'TS section. So, Bob, buddy, after taking a nice lady out on 3 dates and cooking for her at your house, would you be feeling pretty amorous right about now? Let's set aside the bedroom part, but say the physical affection was nice and you sensed mutual attraction. How long would you deal with this before cutting her loose? Forget that she's young enough to be your daughter Since she appears to want this guy to date her and perhaps enter a relationship with her, let her see inside the mind of man and hear his thoughts. I gave my perspective. TBH, if there's chemistry like she's describing and I was getting along with the lady without seeing red flags, I'd be all over it. Life is short
Kamille Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 how come it's all-or-nothing? I'm just upset about all of this. You've asked this question before and yet the answer is right there in your original post: it's all or nothing because getting sexually aroused and then having to stop things short is confusing, messy and likely sexually frustrating for the both of you. If you want a slow gradual "getting physically intimate" build up, then SAY SO to the guy you date. Do this when he sets up the first intimate date (ie dinner). Do this with a huge smile on your face that says this is how I roll. That way he will know you're intention isn't to tease. Likewise, it's been said before but I think it bears repeating: men understand this a a legitimate reason not to have a first sexual encounter. Never hesitate to be clear about this.
Pfiend101 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I think the better question is why not just do anal if your on your period? Tap that ass. haha
BobSacamento Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 So, Bob, buddy, after taking a nice lady out on 3 dates and cooking for her at your house, would you be feeling pretty amorous right about now? Let's set aside the bedroom part, but say the physical affection was nice and you sensed mutual attraction. How long would you deal with this before cutting her loose? Forget that she's young enough to be your daughter Since she appears to want this guy to date her and perhaps enter a relationship with her, let her see inside the mind of man and hear his thoughts. I gave my perspective. TBH, if there's chemistry like she's describing and I was getting along with the lady without seeing red flags, I'd be all over it. Life is short I actually already gave my perspective a few days ago. After hearing the result my opinion still stands and I don't feel like rubbing salt into the wounds.
carhill Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I actually already gave my perspective a few days ago. After hearing the result my opinion still stands and I don't feel like rubbing salt into the wounds. You called it 'a formal booty call' The OP titled this thread 'My dinner/"booty call" conclusion. Seems like you and she are in agreement. OK, where to next? That's what I was asking. What's going on in this 'booty call' guy's mind right now?
BobSacamento Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 You called it 'a formal booty call' The OP titled this thread 'My dinner/"booty call" conclusion. Seems like you and she are in agreement. OK, where to next? That's what I was asking. What's going on in this 'booty call' guy's mind right now? He's moved her from "Formal Booty Call". Too "Possible Booty Call". She is now lower on the priority list. Expect a call, but don't expect dinner.
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm being attacked and called names and I don't know why. My intentions last night were ONLY good- but maybe I was acting like a virgin or a tease. I was -NOT- trying to. I've only slept with a few people, and haven't dated super significantly - so I'm screwing up, I get it. I'm on these boards for help, I don't think I should have to explain myself to you. Say what you feel and feel FREE to tell me what you think i'm doing wrong, I don't deserve to defend my actions when my intentions were HONESTLY in the right place. To answer your questions: I went to his place because he wanted to make me dinner, I don't see how that's illegal in the handbook - especially when a few people were there. Secondly, we went into his room because people were already watching TV in the living room. I started kissing him and making out because I wanted to be with him and share that connection, I DIDN'T plan on having sex... I was topless, my pants stayed on. Why? Not because I wanted to TEASE him, but just the opposite- he wanted it off and I wanted to be please him. I though sharing that would be better than nothing at all... You are all completely misinterpreting what i'm trying to do here. Maybe I didn't do what I should have- but I don't know what i'm doing. Would I be posting here if I did? Like i'm sorry enough that I may be messing things up with this guy, muchless having to be doubtly critisized by most of the men on this forum. This conflict is the last thing I want. I don't want the drama, we've barely spoken today already and I'm already so confused as it is. Instead of attacking me, tell me what I did wrong, tell me what to do in the future. Give me a break, i'm trying. I'm sorry if you construed my post as trying to attack you - I realize that some people have, but that was truly not my intention. What you did wrong was not tell him straight off that you had your period. And what I'm afraid you'll do wrong in the future is let it get to this point again, where both of you just WANT sex so badly... and then stop it because you're afraid that he's just in for sex. Girls who truly don't want sex rarely let things go so far, hon.
MalachiX Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I think you guys are being harsh on the poor girl. Once again, as much as I HATE blue balls, I (and I think a lot of guys) expect that it'll take some escalation before full on intercourse. As long as you're getting farther and thus more comfortable each time, I think that's natural. It bugged me when I was younger but I actually think it helps sexual chemistry. The one time I skipped from making out all the way to full on intercourse on the next date felt oddly shaky and somewhat un-satisfying. It was still great in its own way but I didn't feel as confident havning not had a bit more time to explore each others bodies. If I was this guy and the most we had done was make-out (she said she didn't even let him grab her beast), I wouldn't expect full on intercourse. I would figure it would be just about right if we had some nakedness and foreplay. Of course, I am a pansy. Also, good job for not telling him you were on your period explicity. I'm sorry but guys DON'T want to hear that. At least I don't. I love a woman's vagina and really don't want to imagine it gushing blood. Yes, after some time, I may be willing to try period sex every once in a while but it's out of love, comfort, and neccesity. Hearing about a period is not something I would want from a girl I'm still getting to know.
mrt336 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Hiiiiiiiiiiii. You're taking a beating from this one, huh? You asked what you did wrong and what to do to fix it, so here's a breakdown from my opinions. Grain of salt and whatnot. You created the expectation of sex and then destroyed it. One of the worst things you can do to a relationship partner is disappoint them (and that isn't exclusive to sex, either). You should have felt comfortable enough to tell him up front about your period, why you don't feel comfortable telling him that, or even saying the word to him, I don't know. If you had started the date with something flirty like "I have to tell you a secret" and then poutily told him you had/have your period, you would be golden right now. It would have let him know not to expect sex, but also that you were wanting him. Trust me, if he knew sex was a no go there still could have been plenty of physical affection but he would know not to let himself get too.. I don't know what word describes it. I guess like you said, in the throes of passion. I think when people know that sex is not on the table, they can keep that urge and passion from escalating to the point where they are almost unable to contain themselves. What I think you should do now is tell him the truth. Tell him you wanted him very badly, but you didn't want your first time together to be period sex. Tell him you should have just told him you were on your period and you hope he understands. How he responds will let you know where you stand. Sorry to hear it turned out a big mess for you. You definitely owe him a home cooked meal at your place though
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Also, good job for not telling him you were on your period explicity. I'm sorry but guys DON'T want to hear that. At least I don't. I love a woman's vagina and really don't want to imagine it gushing blood. Yes, after some time, I may be willing to try period sex every once in a while but it's out of love, comfort, and neccesity. Hearing about a period is not something I would want from a girl I'm still getting to know. Uh, are you serious??? How old are you?! When a girl tells you 'Sorry, monthly visitor, y'know...', you imagine her vagina gushing blood and you get squicked?! So, if you tell me you don't want to have sex because you have a bad cold, should I imagine all the mucus clotted within your nose, and get grossed out by you telling me so? I really never got what was so disgusting about the whole period thing, as long as she just INFORMS you and doesn't leave her soiled sanitary pad on your bed or something.
calizaggy Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Men are trained to pick up on non verbal cues from women.. We sort of have the "rape culture" in a way, in which most young girls start off as "no, no, no, mmm yes, yes, yes", even if they mean yes all along.. What I am saying is rarely will men meet a young girl and for the first time she says "Hey, I want to have sex" as she jumps into bed naked.. Having said that, the biggest cue a woman can give a man since they never out right say "I want to have sex with you", is going over to his place and getting into his bed. A woman should just KNOW what her actions mean.. I think it is tacky for a woman to get into a man's bed then play games, not be ready for sex, etc. I also think it is tacky for a young girl to talk about her period..I know some of you older women who have been around the block many times have no issues with this, but younger women usually do.. I just find it sad that today' young women forgot how to be ladies, or perhaps nobody ever taught them.
Author marsle85 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Responding here always seems so daunting... I should have been honest with him, we would have avoided the consequence negativity towards me and/or any possible resentment. Lesson learned. Anyway- I have no idea what to expect from him. I texted him yesterday thanking him for dinner, etc... No response. And because of the very intense responses gathered here, and other male friends - I did what I probably (shouldn't have done) - and shot out another text: "btw- sorry about last night, when I said I couldn't...blah blah this is why..." I regret that now. He responded: "You're forgiven! Well, maybe not for the bite marks I'm finding ;-)" I replied something small, and he didn't say anything else. To me? That's not exactly a great sign, but it's also a little early. I think this, combined with my age- has possibly thrown me into a different position for him. I'm not sure he takes me seriously. I'm not doing anything, giving him his space, whatev. This whole situation has kind of exhausted me. Time will tell. How soon should I expect him to get back to me if his intentions are in order? And do you all agree that if his next date is "indoors," that's not a good sign? If that's the case, should I suggest going out first? Any advice on how I should pursue any future dates?
stillafool Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 marsle, these are my perception of how you tease/give mixed signals: Going to his place when you don't have any intent to do the deed. This is considered teasing?
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Marsle: What is your reason for not wanting to have sex with this guy? Is it solely for the purpose of 'testing' him??
stillafool Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Time will tell. How soon should I expect him to get back to me if his intentions are in order? And do you all agree that if his next date is "indoors," that's not a good sign? If that's the case, should I suggest going out first? Any advice on how I should pursue any future dates? I think he should contact you within a few dates after your text. I would suggest going out somewhere on your next date. If you just go over to his place he may think you are going to pick up right where you left off last time. You don't want to have sex too soon before you develop a real relationship with this guy. You sound like you really like him. I would take it slow so you don't get hurt. How old are you BTW?
Els Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I also think it is tacky for a young girl to talk about her period..I know some of you older women who have been around the block many times have no issues with this, but younger women usually do.. IME, mature men (not related to age, but mental maturity) do not get grossed out at the discussion of menstruation, as long as there isn't the inclusion of TMI details. It's a biological function like any other. You know, like bowel movements, micturition... I suppose it's tacky for all of us to say 'I'm going to use the restroom' and then spend 20 minutes inside, thereby evidently showing that we're pooping? Can you perhaps think of a rational reason WHY you find it tacky? Maybe I'm just biased because I'm in a medical profession where we have to talk about all these stuff with complete strangers, but it's really just silly to dance around a completely natural part of a woman's body as if we were 16th century Victorian. In fact, in many cultures, most notably Middle East, menstruation is not seen as something shameful to be hidden, but a joyous reaching of age by a woman.
Pfiend101 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Let me start out by saying I wish you the best of luck. However I feel chicks use the "im on my period" line as an excuse to act up and do whatever they want. Just because I've had a bad day doesn't mean I'm going to act like an *******. I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
SarahRose Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 You seem like you are in such a rush to sleep with this guy. What is the big hurry? I think everything you are doing is going to lead him to thinking of you as an easy girl he can call whenever for easy sex. You were half naked at this guys house already. You actually drove over there delivering yourself like a pizza to him. Now you are calling him pestering him and waiting by the phone for his call. If you really like him, you really have to put the brakes on and have some self-control or you're going to end up used and hurt.
threebyfate Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 This is considered teasing? What does the bolded mean to you? I didn't write that phrase for funsies. marsle, these are my perception of how you tease/give mixed signals: Going to his place when you don't have any intent to do the deed
phineas Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I wouldn't consider going to his place being a tease. I might consider going into his bedroom & rolling around on the bed with him half naked being a tease. it depends on whether she was rubbing his tool through his pants or pulled him out. If she did that & left him to jerk off. Total tease. If she didn't then I personally would consider it the first step. But I wasn't there & the OP isn't being specific enough on what she did to him so we can't know for sure.
homersheineken Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 He responded: "You're forgiven! Well, maybe not for the bite marks I'm finding ;-)" I replied something small, and he didn't say anything else. To me? That's not exactly a great sign, but it's also a little early. Why is this a bad sign?
St. Nick Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 (edited) Responding here always seems so daunting... I should have been honest with him, we would have avoided the consequence negativity towards me and/or any possible resentment. Lesson learned. Anyway- I have no idea what to expect from him. I texted him yesterday thanking him for dinner, etc... No response. And because of the very intense responses gathered here, and other male friends - I did what I probably (shouldn't have done) - and shot out another text: "btw- sorry about last night, when I said I couldn't...blah blah this is why..." I regret that now. He responded: "You're forgiven! Well, maybe not for the bite marks I'm finding ;-)" I replied something small, and he didn't say anything else. To me? That's not exactly a great sign, but it's also a little early. I think this, combined with my age- has possibly thrown me into a different position for him. I'm not sure he takes me seriously. I'm not doing anything, giving him his space, whatev. This whole situation has kind of exhausted me. Time will tell. How soon should I expect him to get back to me if his intentions are in order? And do you all agree that if his next date is "indoors," that's not a good sign? If that's the case, should I suggest going out first? Any advice on how I should pursue any future dates? Let's recap shall we: 1. He took you on three dates and paid outta his own pocket with nothing more than second base (in the "who pays" thread you said men pay for you, so I'm assuming this is no different). 2. You go over to his house and eat dinner he prepared and drink the wine you suggested (since you seem to be one of those overly-judgmental on how much money a man spends on you type of woman, it's safe to assume you didn't pick a cheap wine). 3. Someone suggests going into the bedroom, so you do. On his way there I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't get positive nods or thumbs ups from his buddies, and when the door was closed in the bedroom it was a great sign and safe to assume all was good. 4. You guys get physical, you get topless, and then--BAM!--you shut it down with "I can't" followed by "I'm not ready". He's gotta act cool about it while you sit next to him, but he's definitely feeling frustrated, and he doesn't want you around past midnight so he kicks you outta his place.His buddies see you leave, wonder why they didn't hear any moaning or groaning, and wonder what's up. Frustrated, and maybe a little humiliated, he tells them what happens. They probably all spotted what I did, that you're a tease, and say, "Forget about her man", and he's gotta deal with blueballs (this is the type of behavior from women that leads guys toward watching porn more often). 5. Days later you text, give him an explanation, and he doesn't respond to your liking. He probably told his buddies about the text and they all wondered what everyone in this thread wondered, "If that was the case then why didn't she just tell you right away. Why did she just say I can't? That sounds like too much of a made-up explanation. I still think she's a tease.". 6. Right now he's significantly lost interest in you. No matter how nice he is, I bet place top dollar that he's already pursuing other women. He may still act nice to you, but you're not anything important anymore. If you stopped contacting him, he most likely wouldn't care one bit. And the people on this forum have the gall to call me cheap. It's exactly this type of behavior from women that made me start to hold on to my wallet like a life preserver. I hope mr kleen, who needs to pay people to like him, is paying attention to this. The dude paid for three dates, spent more money on wine and food for the fourth date, and took time off to wow her only to get blueballs. I'm pretty sure when he looks at his bank account and sees how much cash he's spent on this tease he's gonna smile at how "generous and gracious" he was to her. My advice OP: learn about sex, your body, relationships, male & female behavior, and just people in general. I'm not trying to attack you, but it's obvious you are painfully naive, and I still stick by my argument that you're sexually repressed, because you've clearly displayed the behavior of someone who is. Edited March 25, 2010 by St. Nick
skydiveaddict Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 God I get sick of people thinking that because he asked a girl out, paid for a few dates now she owes him some sex. What ever happened to chivalry? It's probably cheaper to just hire a prostitute
St. Nick Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 God I get sick of people thinking that because he asked a girl out, paid for a few dates now she owes him some sex. What ever happened to chivalry? It's probably cheaper to just hire a prostitute Chivalry? Like in the military, where there is a high rate of sexual assault and sex discrimination? Did you understand the posts? The dude didn't deserve sex, but he didn't deserve to get blueballed either. If she didn't want sex, she should make that clear. She didn't send any clear signals by going into his bedroom, making out, getting topless, and then shutting it down with "I can't; I'm not ready". And besides, what's wrong with wanting sex? It's a pretty adult thing to want. I know in the military they have a prudish attitude toward sex, but in real life people need to learn it's not nearly as evil as some people make it out to be.
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