Kamille Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Sex is all he'd be good for I imagine, given the amount of time and interest this guy has shown her. Overall, anyone with any sense would walk away from a situation like this. . I'm not clear on their dating history. Was it something like 4 dates in two months or some such thing? Marsle, why has that been your rhythm and who set up the dates? (sorry if this is repeat). I do agree that you seem to be ahead of him in the interest department. That's not good and is bound to make you feel insecure if you have sex with him, no matter under what pretense. Do you think you could wait to see if he gets to touch with you to set up a date before you decide on anything (FWB or romantic dinner) with this guy?
Kamille Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Oh and no matter how you proceed: remember, you're still evaluating if he's the right guy for you. There's a thread today about how women tend to let sex blind them to the real character of a guy. Maybe your lust for him is blinding you to some very real signals about this guy.
LadyRLD Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Yes you are. If a guy only wants one thing then he's an arsehole according to you. And since most men are the same, that makes whatever they want clearly inferior to whatever women want because I'm not hearing any howls of pretest from you despite the fact that most people know what women want! And neither did she. Not once did she come out and say what she wanted. And given that you haven't mentioned this then its reasonable to assume that you believe that the female position here is the default stance and that its up the man to state anything that's outside of this position. It all adds weight to my earlier statement about all this. Now, gender politics aside - this was the OP's weakest area, her inability to "communicate" what ever she wanted. Instead of being proactive, she was reactive, forever wondering or guessing his intentions. That's a zero sum, losers game. Eliminate guesswork where ever possible - open your trap and express your intentions. . Iagree with everything you said. The only thing that made this man seem like an a*hole is the way he just let her go when she didn't put out. And the way he let her to his bedroom in front of roommates. I never met a "nice" man who wouldve done this or reacted this way. Just my experience that's all. But I agree, she should always be up front with what she wants if not to him then to herself and stick to her guns!! She keeps changing her mind. Which leads me to believe she doesn't know what she wants. All she knows is this dude makes her c**chie wet. Once that happens, there is nothing anyone could say. She just needs to do it and get it over with at this point LOL!!
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Yeah. I don't think i'd want this to go further than a ONS. I couldn't ever seriously date this guy - I don't trust him. But, that doesn't mean I can't have fun. I'm truly very indifferent when it comes down the romantic portion. Time works wonders.
Kamille Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Yeah. I don't think i'd want this to go further than a ONS. I couldn't ever seriously date this guy - I don't trust him. But, that doesn't mean I can't have fun. I'm truly very indifferent when it comes down the romantic portion. Time works wonders. Okay, honestly, right now it sounds like you don't know what you want. And you know what, that's fine! Just don't act on anything until you have a clearer idea what you want, why you want it and how it's going to affect you. Give yourself a break from this guy. Go do something else that you find entertaining and relaxing.
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 But I agree, she should always be up front with what she wants if not to him then to herself and stick to her guns!! She keeps changing her mind. Which leads me to believe she doesn't know what she wants. All she knows is this dude makes her c**chie wet. Once that happens, there is nothing anyone could say. She just needs to do it and get it over with at this point LOL!! Haha, so much truth in this. I've been wishy washy, but I think that can also be accounted for by the ever constant updates you have been receiving on my side since this has even started. I think these doubts are normal, i'm just not used to writing them out to a reading audience, haha. I am firm when I say I am not totally won over by this guy like I was before. There was a little bit of early infatuation that definitely blinded me...and I think the lust factor is a huge one. Like I said. When I think about this guy now, it's on sexual terms. s
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Okay, honestly, right now it sounds like you don't know what you want. And you know what, that's fine! Just don't act on anything until you have a clearer idea what you want, why you want it and how it's going to affect you. Give yourself a break from this guy. Go do something else that you find entertaining and relaxing. FABULOUS idea! As always, thanks for the posts - and i'll update when I have a clearer mindset... which you guys are slowly but surely helping me discover.
LadyRLD Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Yeah. I don't think i'd want this to go further than a ONS. I couldn't ever seriously date this guy - I don't trust him. But, that doesn't mean I can't have fun. I'm truly very indifferent when it comes down the romantic portion. Time works wonders. Ok then stop beating around the bush asking about how he's going to respond. You be straightforward and text him that you want to finish what you started the other night. He WILL respond to this. Trust me. He will say what exactly do you mean? Then you say being flirty like you are "let's just say you will be satisfied, so when can you come over?" Or something to that affect. You will have to put it in your owns words but be straightfoward. Make sure you are only making it about sex!! He will be over in a heartbeat!! Then when its over,make sure you ask him to leave because you have to wake up early. Don't let him stay over the first night. LOL!! This always worked for me but I don't beat around the bush. I wants what I want when I want it!! But I have been hurt before especially when I like the guy way too much before... This usually only works with men I only wanted for sex and didn't care if I ever heard from them again. Whatever you do, we will still be here to help you no matter the outcome. Just know you were warned about what he may be like after its over. That's why I say beat him to the punch and kick him out afterwards. LOL!! And don't call him after. Let him be the first one to contact you if he ever does. But that shouldn't be your expectation. You should have NO expectations with this guy. Just let it flow at this point. The only thing you should expect is to have sex and it better be good :-)
St. Nick Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 LadyRLD, you have real social issues! Sad! How old are you?
stillafool Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Ok. I'm not going to lie. I DO want to have sex with him. I'm soo attracted to him. Sure, I was into him romantically- but all things aside, the guy does things that I fantasize about. For me - if I were to sleep with him, it wouldn't be strictly to obtain him, or get back in his good graces. Honestly? I'd like to date him, but exclusive of that... I'd like to sleep with him, too. Plus- regardless of what happens, I can atleast slap a "that was fun" label on it and know that I benefited from the entire ordeal. What I want? To date him. To sleep with him. And like I said, those two factors can be seperate or intertwined. St. Nick asserted I was a sexually repressed virgin. Also not true. I've had sex, I like sex. I have sex. I can make love and I can have sex. Sure I was originally hoping for a romantic relationship, but it's not there. What is there is a great sexual chemistry. If a relationship pops out of it - that's a plus, but at this point, I'm thinking about him sexually, not romantically. Well there it is Marsle. If you do sleep with him at least you will have had fun too even if he does walk away. But something tells me that isn't going to happen because the intensity of your feelings is going to overwhelm him in the bedroom. He already knows you are not an "easy lay" because you have shown him. He is going to look at the overall girl when it's done. I say to you as a woman 'give him something he can feel'.
sagetalk Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Make sure you are only making it about sex!! He will be over in a heartbeat!! Then when its over,make sure you ask him to leave because you have to wake up early. Don't let him stay over the first night. LOL!! Whatever you do, we will still be here to help you no matter the outcome. Just know you were warned about what he may be like after its over. That's why I say beat him to the punch and kick him out afterwards. LOL!! And don't call him after. Let him be the first one to contact you if he ever does. But that shouldn't be your expectation. You should have NO expectations with this guy. Just let it flow at this point. The only thing you should expect is to have sex and it better be good :-) If all women thought like this, I would gladly remain single for the rest of my life. Yikes!
stillafool Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 You think it's still okay to invite him after he has responded nonchalantly to my initial invitation? I really don't care, like I said- worst case scenario, I really do get what I want too, sex. No horsebackriding. So the most direct way is to have him over my place?[/QUOTE] Yes, but don't just invite him over, make him dinner and be romantic. That isn't what a FWB would do.
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 LadyRLD, you have real social issues! Sad! How old are you? She's mid-30's and sounds like she's got some life experience under her belt. I admire her clarity. The acts aren't my cup of tea, but they don't have to be. That's the instructive thing here for the OP. OP, do you know how many men you're going to have wet panties for in your life? OMG, you can't even imagine. 280+ posts here on one guy. I don't think even the Greeks have columns that high
homersheineken Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 When I talk to my friends about it, they're all over it calling him a jerk, user, player, etc. But to me- I didn't play my cards right... combined with the fact that there was a miscommunication between us. Let me guess, these are all (mostly female) friends whose job it is to back you and support you??
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 He is going to look at the overall girl when it's done. I say to you as a woman 'give him something he can feel'. I'm not sure what "Give him something he can feel" means... Stillafool, I feel foolish asking him over and then dropping this romantic dinner on him- when he clearly did not show interest in getting together again romantically. You think this would be effective?
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 Let me guess, these are all (mostly female) friends whose job it is to back you and support you?? Well yeah. My male friend is who told me to shoot him the email expaining why I couldn't have sex. And I did so. See! I'm trying to be balanced... How do men think I should do this?
LadyRLD Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 She's mid-30's and sounds like she's got some life experience under her belt. I admire her clarity. The acts aren't my cup of tea, but they don't have to be. That's the instructive thing here for the OP. OP, do you know how many men you're going to have wet panties for in your life? OMG, you can't even imagine. 280+ posts here on one guy. I don't think even the Greeks have columns that high Thank you and yes I am 34. I was only responding how I would treat a man that acts like this guy. I have a nice man and I never ever had to play any games with him. He wanted me for me. That's why I know what the difference is. Been there and done men like this particular guy mentioned in this thread. Learned the hard way!! But I am done defending myself. Good luck to you Marsle. And be safe.
homersheineken Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Well yeah. My male friend is who told me to shoot him the email expaining why I couldn't have sex. And I did so. See! I'm trying to be balanced... How do men think I should do this? I think you need to decide what you want and how you feel If you don't know, you can only imagine what this guy is feeling Now I'm not saying he's completely innocent or anything, but you are sending many many signals and they aren't all jivin' And thus you can assume that some of his reactions and non-reactions are because of your mixed signals. Did he respond to the "period" txt?
St. Nick Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) She's mid-30's and sounds like she's got some life experience under her belt. I admire her clarity. The acts aren't my cup of tea, but they don't have to be. That's the instructive thing here for the OP. OP, do you know how many men you're going to have wet panties for in your life? OMG, you can't even imagine. 280+ posts here on one guy. I don't think even the Greeks have columns that high I was asking cuz she sounded old and bitter. Edited March 30, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) Dinner was Tues Wednesday I sent my explanatory text. He replied: "You're forgiven! Maybe not for the bites i'm finding though. ;)" I said something small. Friday I texted inviting him to horsebackriding or whatever-- no response. Sat- I texted him for the last time: "Hey, did you ever get my text?" Him: "Nooo...." Me: "My phone is capable of sabotage haha..." Him: "****ty cheap phones lol" Me: "Hey! No one said -that-" Him: "I did, lol." Me: "Well, if you likee, I shall take you out for a change." Him: "I'd like that but my schedule is crazzzy coming up" Me: "Ah. My phone worked. I got the message;)" That's the last we talked- on Sat. Edited March 30, 2010 by marsle85
homersheineken Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Hmmm that's lame. It's one thing to be confused and to try and play it cool based on your mixed signals -play somewhat hard to get so that he doesn't look too much into you since you pulled back from him. But you were quite point blank in asking him out and offering to pay. He could have said "I'd like that but my schedule is crazzzy coming up" and then also followed up with "maybe in 1.5 weeks" or "let me get back to you on when is good". He's making your chase now -either trying to play it too cool or to get you back. If you continue to chase for the dog and pony show, you're going to end up with a bone as the nice farewell gift.
Author marsle85 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Posted March 30, 2010 So, what should I do? Leave it for a few weeks?
dazzle22 Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 Sorry, I just don't think, based on your posts, that you have what it takes to be a player of the caliber that some guys can be. You will always be the one who cares more, and that will be your downfall in this kind of game. There are some posts on LS by some seasoned women who can pull this off, but not many. I personally have only one friend I have ever met who can pull this off without feelings. She has a string of guys she chooses from whenever she has what she calls "needs", they happily come over, and know she doesn't want relationships with them. She is very masculine in her mind though, very able to separate sex and feelings, and you do not strike me that way.
homersheineken Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 So, what should I do? Leave it for a few weeks? What do you want??
St. Nick Posted March 30, 2010 Posted March 30, 2010 So, what should I do? Leave it for a few weeks? Since there doesn't seem to be any female posters awake right now I'll write down what they'd say if they were here: No! Make him beg for you. Make him crawl on the ground grovelling for sex from you. Don't call him again. Don't even say his name, it would be blasphemy. Everything that's happened has all been his fault. He's the son of Satan. If he really liked you he'd make more of a move to contact you. If he couldn't contact you by phone, then he'd contact you by email. If he couldn't get you by email, then he'd skywright your name over the Empire State Building. If that didn't work then he'd use telepathy to get in touch with you. Remember marsle, you're a good girl. You're sweet. You're pure. You're special. You've done nothing wrong. Ever. It's all his fault. Because he has a penis it's all his fault.
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