marsle85 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Dinner was great - his roommates were there and we ended up all eating together, he made pasta and chicken rolled with cheese and sage. He found the wine I suggested, and overall... everything went well. I couldn't keep my hands off of him, which kind of set me up for failure. So. I couldn't have sex with him (even if I wanted to) because I just finished my period... and, well couldn't. I didn't go in there (as you all know) intending on having sex or even wanting to. But the problem is I'm so into this guy - physically and emtionally... I literally couldn't stop kissing him. Mistake - we watched the movie in his bedroom. Actually, the TV wasn't turned ON even. We started making out, which led to hooking up - and then my clothes were off... This. guy. makes. me. crazy. He made me feel so good about myself and I was as they say "completely in the throes of passion". I've always been able to keep my head on when I start hooking up with a guy- even if everything's great, etc. But I was gone, lost, finished. had no control in any of it. Which is great - obviously chemistry is there. So at that point, I would have been like "Screw it" BUT I COULD NOT HAVE SEX. So at this point - the only thing that's saying no, is this random voice saying "I can't" And I assumed I can't was the universal language for "I have my period," but alas - when that failed... "I'm not ready...I'm sorry" I've never really felt BAD for a guy in this situation - if I'm not ready, i'm not ready. I'm not going to feel bad about it. But I was ready, and everything about me SAID I was ready...except this stupid little voice that dictated underwear HAD to stay on - (even though that didn't really help my case at alll). I felt so, so bad. I tried to tell him that I wasn't trying to tease him, but we got to that point where we were both a little agitated (because well, it made no sense) and confused. So, next time I see him- I'm going to be all over him obviously... which is going to coincide with very little with everything I said last night (ugh). So we spent the remainder of the night kissing and playing and talking. I left by like midnight. At that point- we were both starting to fall asleep, and I had to drive home. I just couldn't help but think (Thank God I didn't have sex with him... I would drive home after, ick). I'm not upset that he DIDN't invite me to stay - it's still early in the relationship... I just wouldn't have wanted to drive home after I had sex. It feels a little slutty to me. If we're not on the level for me to stay over, how can we be on the level to sleep together? Last night was the first time I felt actually a little scared. I'm beginning to reallly like this guy- I want to have sex with him... I know it's NOT a big deal and is only a part of the relationship... but what if he is just in it for sex? I like him, and it worries me. I don't want to get hurt. A great evening (despite being ...great) has left me confused and kind of scared.
Els Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I'm quite confused. So you were on your period and couldn't have sex this time; how come you still want to resist the next time if everything's right for you and he puts you in the throes of passion and all that? There are many ways to tell if a guy is in a relationship just for sex, mainly determined by how he treats you the rest of the time... and also time itself. It sounds quite illogical to deny both of you a mutual need just because you want to put him to the test. Counterproductive as well... because some guys who DO truly like you for everything you are might be frustrated and confused by your mixed signals (I'm sure your body sent out plenty that night), and end up leaving for that reason instead of simple lack of sex.
bayouboi Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Wow! THAT'S pretty cruel. If you never had any intentions to go all the way, then you shouldn't have gone that far & then claimed not to be a tease. If this guy is well balanced & has plenty of options, I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped you after doing that to him.
stillafool Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I'm glad you were on your period and couldn't sleep with him. Whew! that must have been really hard on you both. This gives you a chance to reflect on the evening and him and let the passion in both of you simmer until next time. I'm sure if you were "feelin it" (chemistry, not him:laugh:) he was too. I like what he made for dinner. He already sounds like a "keeper'". Good for you.
CarrieT Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 This is what I don't get about you "kids." A woman's period is a natural bodily function; everyone -- and I mean EVERYONE -- knows that it is part of biology. And if someone is willing to do the most intimate, personal act with another human being, what is the big deal about DISCUSSING the FACT of the menstrual cycle?!?! You are there doing the dirty and sticking your tongues in each others' mouths, but you couldn't EXPLAIN that you are on your cycle? Jeez. And, as a matter of point, a LOT of people have sex during periods. It isn't that big of a deal. Some guys actually like it and by not discussing it, you might have deprived him of an even better night. Again; jeez...
phineas Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 So you left with a stiffy? You didn't even help get rid of the poison? jeez. You need to tell him you were on your period asap or he will think your just a tease & may not be so eager to see you again.
stillafool Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 This is what I don't get about you "kids." A woman's period is a natural bodily function; everyone -- and I mean EVERYONE -- knows that it is part of biology. And if someone is willing to do the most intimate, personal act with another human being, what is the big deal about DISCUSSING the FACT of the menstrual cycle?!?! You are there doing the dirty and sticking your tongues in each others' mouths, but you couldn't EXPLAIN that you are on your cycle? Jeez. And, as a matter of point, a LOT of people have sex during periods. It isn't that big of a deal. Some guys actually like it and by not discussing it, you might have deprived him of an even better night. Again; jeez... Ugh, I don't think so. Not on the first date. She was right to just forget it until later.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 She has no obligation to this guy. He's incharge of his own hard-on. Just as he doesn't have an obligation to her to promise commitment. Marsle, you are still unsure about where this guy is at with you. I would either hold off on the sex and see where it goes or have a talk with him about what he is looking for from you. He could very well like you, but still just be having a good ole time. Then where will you be?
bayouboi Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 She has no obligation to this guy. He's incharge of his own hard-on. No one is suggesting she has any obligations to take things to the next level. What we're suggesting is that if you're going to take things as far as heavily making out and taking off your clothes, then don't expect to NOT be considered a tease when you cut off the progression.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 In any relationship either party is allowed to cut off any kinds of progress sexually or emotionally any time they feel like it. It happens all the time in relationships. Nice dinners, heavy petting, previous private words promised of love and caring do not negate that. We're all adults here incharge of our own feelings, sexual or otherwise. We aren't in highschool where you get to throw stones at a girl for exercising her right to cut things off when she decided to. You don't get a special promise just because it's sex and there could be sexual frustration. It's not any different when a man or woman decides to just end a relationship when one party still wants to be in a relationship. Sure, I can totally understand the man's frustration. However, it's wrong to guilt trip someone for acting on their own feelings when the other party's feelings are just as much at play for their own personal desires. She is not responsible for his sexual frustration. He is not responsible for her relationship frustration. At least at this point they have no obligcation to each other. Save the "tease" name calling for an high school.
bayouboi Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 In any relationship either party is allowed to cut off any kinds of progress sexually or emotionally any time they feel like it. It happens all the time in relationships. If you would read my responses, you would note that I never refuted that. Just don't be expected to not be thought of as a tease as a result of your decision to go that far & then change your mind. Like I said, if this guy is well balanced with plenty of options, I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped this girl. I know you're trying to come off as more mature here, Jersey Shortie, using things like "save the name calling for high school" etc, but I think the mature thing to have done in this situation was pointed out by Carrie T earlier where she said any possible animosity over this would have been derailed by an open conversation BEFORE things went this far.
silic0ntoad Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 No big deal. If he's into you he'll make you "pay" for it when you do first get to banging nasties with him. If he gets mad about it, this may be a sign of things to come. And I don't mean that in a good way. If you feel some type of way about it, explain to him your aunt flo came to visit. Otherwise, you don't owe him an explanation, same as if the coin was flipped and he said no, he wouldn't owe you anything either.
CarrieT Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 No one is suggesting she has any obligations to take things to the next level. What we're suggesting is that if you're going to take things as far as heavily making out and taking off your clothes, then don't expect to NOT be considered a tease when you cut off the progression. I'm not suggesting they have sex while on her period on a first date. I am suggesting that if someone is even CONSIDERING having sex with someone and they ARE on their period, they should be far enough along in a relationship to discuss the FACT of the mensus. The OP has her panties all in twist about this situation because she got hot-and-bothered but "couldn't because of her period." Twofold, why couldn't she be upfront about the FACT of the period? Most women have them and guys know this so it should not be a big deal to be able to discuss its existence -- especially if you are close enough to a person to share other bodily fluids with them...
Mahatma Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Nothing really wrong with what you did in MY opinion, but you should have told him that you were on your period. I agree that if you are about to get THAT intimate with someone, that you should be able to look past the blood... BUT... maybe she didn't want his first impression of her and first memory of sex with her to be gushing with blood, or having to pull a tampon out first. Meh... just tell the guy why you blue balled him, or he will think you are a game player.
carhill Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 OK, so cook for him at your house next time. No roommates; no driving; no period.
threebyfate Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 marsle, it's only as complicated as you make it. You mentioned being called a tease, in your other thread. Reading this opening post, I'll have to agree. Either piss or get off the pot. Mixed signals are bad mojo.
St. Nick Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 marsle, it's only as complicated as you make it. You mentioned being called a tease, in your other thread. Reading this opening post, I'll have to agree. Either piss or get off the pot. Mixed signals are bad mojo. You noticed that too, eh? A lot of her posts scream TEASE TEASE TEASE!
Author marsle85 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 I wanted to have sex with him, I WILL have sex with him next time I see him- I'm not trying to be a tease EVER. It's not in my interest, but i'm honestly, truly just CONFUSED. I didn't want to not show him that I was interested, I didn't want to go all the way... how come it's all-or-nothing? I'm just upset about all of this. Thanks everyone for your advice. Carhill, I love your suggestion.
BWLoca Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You mentioned not knowing his intentions. I would suggest talking about that before sex.
Author marsle85 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 How do you bring it up without coming desperate/dependent?
threebyfate Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 marsle, these are my perception of how you tease/give mixed signals: Going to his place when you don't have any intent to do the deed.Going to his bedroom in the first place.Allowing physical contact to go too far, to the point of stripping down. How did you manage this without showing him you were on your period?Not being direct about your period. Just saying "I can't" can mean anything.Come on girl. You know better than this. It's not rocket science. How can you be a psyche major and do this?
Pfiend101 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Are you a Virgin? Give him some good head, he'll forget all about it. Edited March 24, 2010 by Pfiend101
carhill Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Are you a Virgin? Give him some good head, he'll forget all about it. I don't think so
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