Lucy_b Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 My partner suffers from panic attacks which makes them go all funny and push things away I have been pushed away for the 4th time now but still we stuck together and worked through it. Now we hit a road block and my partner tells me that they do not wish to hurt me anymore by doing this that they love me and it is nothing i have done. How on earth do i make my partner see that it is just another panic attack and that i understand and will work through it? We love each other dearly and would do anything to make each other happy. But my partner has hit a road block and is starting to think very low of him self that his a jerk and not a nice person because of these panic attacks which make my partner push thing away and runs scared! How do I make him see i am there and don't want to loose him.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 One, is he in therapy? Two, is this not a case of the 'panic attacks' possibly obscuring the fact that actually, it's when he feels like this, that he might be thinking clearly? Maybe you guys - much as you love each other - simply aren't meant to be together. It happens you know. You can't fix him, repair him, or make him better. Only he can do that. You can't make him "see" anything. He has to work through this voluntarily, because it's his problem, not yours. If he is not in therapy, or will not consider therapy, then know that this will just re-play, and re-play and re-play.
Author Lucy_b Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 No there panic attacks when he had a horse he had to sell it when he got it her was over the moon but started to become scared when ever he took it out for a ride while being on the horse he would freak out like it was about to charge off and he had no control over it. He is a work horse him self and he don't stop working as these make the panic attacks he works to make it help. The relationship with his dad has never been a good one his dad blamed him for the split with his mother when he was a boy and growing up he was not in a good crowed. There are a lot of reasons. Also see's his dad in himself so he says and he don't like it.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 See? It's all about him. You don't seem to figure yourself in as a factor, other than wanting to be around him and fix him. can't be done. he needs to do this for him, for himself. You haven't answered many of my points...but I get it. you think that your being around him is going to help him. Wrong. You're just one more thing he has to worry about. So he panics. you have to tell him you're willing to step back - providing he gets serious therapy and counselling. You Cannot Fix Him. Understand that.
Author Lucy_b Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 I know I can't fix him and I know he has to do that for himself and yes I will step back if that's what needs to be done his not selfish at all, all i want to do is support him through what his going through.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You can offer no form of constructive support, if he is not in therapy/counselling. It doesn't matter how close you stay, or how far back you move, it won't change the situation, UNLESS he is actively working to change himself, by attending therapy or counselling sessions. You still haven't revealed whether he is doing this or not, which makes me think he isn't. So nothing you do - whether you fit in his top pocket, or move to the next state - is going to make a gnat's difference to the way he is. And frankly - if he doesn't seem to care enough about himself OR you, to make that effort - he's a dead loss, no matter how nice he is. Because if he WON'T help himself - then he's resigned to being like this for good. And are you really willing to do this for the foreseeable future?
Author Lucy_b Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 He knows he needs to do something about it but dose not know how to and looking for options as he knows it is not right and he has been to see his GP but not booked any kind of counseling or therapy and has taken up exercise to try and combat it.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Bull5h!t. There's so much advice available from on-line organisations, doctor's clinics, in books, libraries, magazines, on the internet, and simply by referral. He's avoiding the issue. probably because the prospect of getting therapy makes him panic. So do him a favour,. Book him an appointment at the doctor's and go with him, and sit him down and tell the doctor he needs help. Desperately. Then walk away. Leave him to it, and put him in a position where he has to make a choice. If he stays and gets help, there's hope. If he cuts and runs - you do the same. And as you so rightly put it - run for the hills, and never look back.
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