Here's my story, may I have your thoughts?

[Azazael]

This is going to be a bit long of a story. I've tried formatting it decently. Thank you if you manage to read it all.

 

At the very beginning of February, my girlfriend of seven months broke up with me. She said that she was tired of not being able to sleep while I was there (that I moved around in my sleep too much, disturbed her), tired of me acting immature and annoying lately just for laughs, etcetera. I took it rather well, and ended the phone call. I called her back later that night asking if there was a way to work through things. She wasn't interested. So we ended the conversation at that.

 

I kept a little contact with her for two weeks, and brought up the relationship again. She agreed to "try" things and see how they went. So we were semi-back together for two weeks, but she just didn't have the same interest. We agreed to end the "test" at that. We still kept plans we already made, and she was affectionate to me as if we were still dating. I confronted her about this and she told me "I can't help it. I'm attached to you, but I'm not interested in a relationship with you at this point."

 

This made me a little irritated and I let it go. She later told me that she had went on a date with another guy, and that she did like him. At this point, it was about time for her to go to work, so I left her house and decided I wasn't going to be at her doorstep anymore. I think she started dating the guy about a week ago. I don't know exactly when.

 

This has all occurred between February 1st, and March the 10th. I spent the first month or so picking apart the relationship. Looking at my flaws, her flaws, my positives, and her positives. I've spent the past month working on me a bit. I've went from a 38" waist in jeans down to a 34", I'm running 2 miles daily, and I'm eating a lot more healthy. I've grown up a bit, and my new diet actually makes me move less in my sleep, so I'm actually sleeping a full cycle instead of waking up 3-4 times a night.

 

I've come to terms that there is no "The one". Not in a world with 6 billion people. I've come to realize that there are plenty of people out there who would be willing to give me a chance, and that I am a wonderful catch. The thing is, I don't like jumping from a relationship with one person to another. I usually prefer to wait a year or so.

 

So, ever since the 11th, I've been refusing to start any conversations with my ex. After a mere 2 days of not speaking to her, she sends a text to me saying "You haven't texted me in a long time, what's up?". Then I woke up to a message from her saying she finished the book I let her borrow. I was still pretty drowsy, and sent her a message saying "Sorry. Been busy."

 

Later that day at work, she sent me a message asking where something was in Windows 7, then sent "nevermind" 2 minutes later. I ignored both.

 

Later that night she sent me a few messages about getting kicked out of somewhere because of stupid reasons, and sent me a message saying "Did you die? :(" I ignored both and sent a reply to the getting kicked out of somewhere the next day. I was actually curious about it. The hell with it. She then threw another "How come you never text anymore?" Told her I was busy again.

 

A couple days later, she sent another message to me, I ignored it. Got another "Did you die again? lol" and never responded to it.

 

Last Thursday, I went to a local club with a friend because some famous DJ's were in town. My ex was there and came and spoke to me. I didn't say much, and the conversation was short. She was there with her new boyfriend and 2 mutual friends. The mutual friends ended up following me around because they wanted me to show them how to shuffle. Ha.

 

Anyways, so the next morning I have this text message from her saying "How come you didn't talk to me much last night?" I decided, hell, why not. I sent her a response after work saying "Dunno. I was just rocking out and having fun." She sent a random "meow" message a few hours later, I didn't answer it.

 

So, I don't hear from her for a couple days. On Sunday I went to a mutual friends house to help out with some homework. I deactivated my facebook so she'd do hers and focus on her homework. While I was helping her with calculus, she accidently let slip "She thought you blocked her on Facebook, but I told her you deactivated." I ignored it, and finished helping homework. So I went home, re-activated facebook, replied to some friends, and went to bed.

 

The next morning I got ready for work, did my usual routines, and noticed my ex's posted youtube video of this song was gone. I went to see what it was, but then I noticed that she actually deleted me and blocked me. I figure this is an attempt to get a reaction out of me. I didn't bother asking or mentioning it.

 

So I go to work, time-lapse, come home and sign onto AIM. I had a message from her saying ":/ You die again? Or only die to me?"

 

So I asked "What the hell are you talking about?" and she mentioned I never reply. The hell? I reply to everything she sends me if it's not a simple hey. I finally told her it's because I just needed space for myself. She actually laughed and said "YOU needed space?".

 

I said the hell with it, and quit talking. She mentioned she was drinking, and I figured she was probably close to wasted. She started trying to mess with me saying things like "You did something wrong to my friend. I'm disappointed and kind of mad. They don't care, but I care for them." At this point I kind of screwed up. I reacted. I asked what friend and what. I told her that she wasn't making sense because I have only talked to one mutual friend and all I did was help her with homework. I didn't do a thing wrong to anyone. So I asked said friend abou it and her response was "She told me she was messing with you when I asked what she was doing. She's pretty drunk."

 

So whatever, I told her I haven't done anything to anyone and that's that. At that point she said she was going to bed and that's it. She managed to get a small reaction out of me. That was yesterday, haven't heard from her today.

 

I won't lie, I wouldn't mind getting back with this girl again. I don't NEED her to be happy, but I certainly wouldn't mind it. I see her flaws, and her positives, and well, that's the decision I made. So I figure I'll sit around and have fun. She'll come back eventually, but she better do it before I stop caring and someone else comes along.

 

I guess I posted this for opinions. To see what anyone has to say about this.

[DustySaltus]

The reason why she keeps talking to you is to ease her own pain from the breakup. She wants you not to hate her. You started off correctly by ignoring her and that's what you need to get back to. A second chance cannot work unless both people are committed to fixing the problems that led to the breakup in the first place. Anything less than her saying that she made a mistake, breaking it off with the other dude and a willingness to do whatever it takes to get back in your good graces is POINTLESS.

 

Strick NC. Yes, unfortunately you need to act like she doesn't exist in order to get over her. You even said yourself that you don't need her to be happy and that you were concentrating on bettering YOURSELF. Stick with that philosophy. But you really need to just ignore everything from her: stay off facebook, texting, calling, emails, tell your mutual friends not to bring up the subject and again focus on you.

 

You have to let the wound heal, don't keeping ripping off the band-aid.

 

Good luck

 

DS

[Silver_star]

You dont owe her replies...and she still wants to feel like she has ur attention. Since she is the one that broke up with you, she holds the power so to speak. So everytime she texts you or asks you for help with something its not sincere its just to see how quickly you respond to her, to stroke her ego...to see how much she still has you wrapped around her finger, to remind her at any point she could have you.

 

I dont like this kind of power trip. Your right...there are over 6 billion people on this earth surely there is a girl who wont play games with you like this.

[Azazael]

Thanks for the motivation guys.

 

To add a little more, and to be perfectly honest with everyone reading. Deep down, I want to do anything I can to maximize my chances of getting back with her and working stuff. Mostly because it was an honest and decent relationship. And she was a very good match to my personality. A few things in common, and a few uncommon to keep it interesting. But not for her to just come around, but for her to come to ME and agree to my terms of working WITH me.

 

But she's going to have to come to me. She's going to have to drop the (rebound maybe?) boyfriend and come to me with an open heart. I'm not really all that depressed to be honest anymore. I still have the occasional "meh, I'm alone" feeling, but I'm okay. But since I'm not going to date anyone else for a while, I don't see the harm in keeping the door with a little crack in it. So either she comes around, or someone beats her to it.

 

In terms of replying to anything she sends me. Should I not reply for the sole purpose of me healing, or for the benefit to show her that I don't need her and potentially lead her back? Because in terms of healing, I've handled the worst part. Everything after now is just leftover puddles.

[DustySaltus]

NC, is a way to heal yourself. Sometimes it works when it comes to getting your ex back, but that's a secondary purpose. It gives you time to see what you're like without them, process what happened, learn from the mistakes made on BOTH sides and MOVE ON.

 

You're right in the approach that she needs to come back to you, but don't wait for it. If she comes back because things don't work out with the other guy she'll look to you as a temporary fix. You have to resist all attempts made by her should that occur. It also may never happen.

 

As far as your "rule" about waiting a year in between relationships, you can change it whenever you want, whenever you're ready. Take all the time you need. At this point the best response to her is complete and utter silence.....for at least a few months.

[Azazael]

Figured I'd give an update.

 

It's been 24 days since I stopped starting any forms of conversation, and it's been 8 days since I started ignoring her entirely. Over this time, I've received four "hey" text messages. I haven't answered. This is definately having an effect if she keeps sending the message. I got the last two pretty close to each other. One at 4am, then again at 1pm.

 

I also disappeared from mutual friends. I just got a big promotion yesterday, so I'm going to just focus on work for a while. I'm about to start making triple what I was making money wise.

 

I'll be honest and say I miss the girl. But our relationship is over. I have a strong feeling she'll be back one day. Who knows. She just better come to me and tell me she made a mistake before someone new comes into my life.

[DustySaltus]

Congratulations on the promotion. Don't forget us little people .

 

When she sends these little text messages such as "hey" and "I miss you" I know it's hard not to respond but understand that she's just trying to get ANY reaction from you to see that you still care and are still available to her. Now, I know you still may care but unless she is willing to run through brick walls to get back with you, there's nothing to talk about. The power is in your hands now. Silence is your most powerful weapon for you to heal. Good luck.

[zoltan]

Thanks for the motivation guys.

 

To add a little more, and to be perfectly honest with everyone reading. Deep down, I want to do anything I can to maximize my chances of getting back with her and working stuff. Mostly because it was an honest and decent relationship. And she was a very good match to my personality. A few things in common, and a few uncommon to keep it interesting. But not for her to just come around, but for her to come to ME and agree to my terms of working WITH me.

 

But she's going to have to come to me. She's going to have to drop the (rebound maybe?) boyfriend and come to me with an open heart. I'm not really all that depressed to be honest anymore. I still have the occasional "meh, I'm alone" feeling, but I'm okay. But since I'm not going to date anyone else for a while, I don't see the harm in keeping the door with a little crack in it. So either she comes around, or someone beats her to it.

 

In terms of replying to anything she sends me. Should I not reply for the sole purpose of me healing, or for the benefit to show her that I don't need her and potentially lead her back? Because in terms of healing, I've handled the worst part. Everything after now is just leftover puddles.

 

Its good that your over (for the most part) the depressed part. It seems like she wants you more than you want her because of all the texts she was sending you. I totally agree that if she wants to be with you then shes gotta come to you.

Regarding responding back to her, i wouldnt totally ignore her because then that "crack in the door" wouldnt even be there. I think you should respond but just act like it really doesnt matter to you either way. You two could have something again but YOU dont need it. Remember that. YOU dont need her, if anything, she needs you.