PaperReflections Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Hi, I am a college student. I am the nicest, dependable, and trustworthy; this according to most people I know well. But, I am a virgin, and I have never even kissed a girl. I go to the occasional parties, mixers, and bars with friends. I went to a party the other week, and this hot girl start rubbing her boobs on my back and starts hugging me. I was sober, and she was wasted. She wanted to stay with me over night, but I felt it was irresponsible, and I found her friends. Oh well, she instead with off with some other guy. I have this huge crush on the girl who lives next to me. But, she just want to be friends. So, I was feeling really physically lonely one day. I called up the Marriott, and made a reservation. And, got a 2 girls from an escort service, and I figured 2 would look make epic conquest for my first time. They were really hot, and it would have been the best $1000 spent. The girl next door got sick, and I ended up instead helping her with a project for a class, and got her food. After hanging out with her, I couldn't do it. Another time, my best friend had a girlfriend. She would show interest in me physically, and ask me to do stuff with her. I just stopped talking to her because I liked my friend too much. Or this one time, I walked back to my place (4 miles) in a heavy blizzard drunk without directions 1 foot of snow and no gloves or hat at 3 am. To give a give a girl a birthday gift for her birthday. Her being happy made my day. But, all my friends would make fun of me still. But, this girl wanted more space. Lost of people tell me that I am too nice, and I would get laid more often if I stopped. Every guy I know who is a dick gets laid more often. I have tried, but it is kind of hard. What do you think is better to be a dick or nice?
Author PaperReflections Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) I have just stated a few recent examples in which I could have gotten laid. But, I was too nice in all the situation, and never got laid. Over time, I am thinking more and more about making love with a girl. But it is so simple, I can get laid soon if I just compromised my views on life. So, is it better for me to be nice or do whatever it take to get what you want? It seams that women are more responsive to guys who treat them poorly. I was wondering what people thought about this predicament. I am new to the forum, and sorry, about "an dick" or "Lost" lol. It seams that I can't edit the spelling. Edited March 24, 2010 by PaperReflections
Kris30 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You're a good guy. Don't waste your first time on some easy girl or a hooker. Let it be special. The girls who go for the jerks are not worth your time or giving your virginity to.
boogieboy Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You dont have to be a dick, just dont be so nice. Heres how your friends get laid : Dont offer gifts or anything for any women that you arent in an exclusive relationship with. Women want to earn your affection, if you just hand it over to them, its a turnoff. If they KNOW you like them, (at your age) sometimes its a turnoff. They dont want you handing over your heart to them, they want a challenge. Many people cant appreciate something for nothing, this includes niceness. You dont be extra nice to women you dont know, it reeks as weird and creepy.
dunnowhat86 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I think you sound perfect. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend. Dont let it stress you out. Wait for the right one to come along. You have good values and your perception on love is right. When the right girl comes along and sees how amazing you are - she will be the luckiest lady ever. trust me.
SilkRose Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Hi, I am a college student. I am the nicest, dependable, and trustworthy; this according to most people I know well. But, I am a virgin, and I have never even kissed a girl. I go to the occasional parties, mixers, and bars with friends. I went to a party the other week, and this hot girl start rubbing her boobs on my back and starts hugging me. I was sober, and she was wasted. She wanted to stay with me over night, but I felt it was irresponsible, and I found her friends. Oh well, she instead with off with some other guy. I have this huge crush on the girl who lives next to me. But, she just want to be friends. So, I was feeling really physically lonely one day. I called up the Marriott, and made a reservation. And, got a 2 girls from an escort service, and I figured 2 would look make epic conquest for my first time. They were really hot, and it would have been the best $1000 spent. The girl next door got sick, and I ended up instead helping her with a project for a class, and got her food. After hanging out with her, I couldn't do it. Another time, my best friend had a girlfriend. She would show interest in me physically, and ask me to do stuff with her. I just stopped talking to her because I liked my friend too much. Or this one time, I walked back to my place (4 miles) in a heavy blizzard drunk without directions 1 foot of snow and no gloves or hat at 3 am. To give a give a girl a birthday gift for her birthday. Her being happy made my day. But, all my friends would make fun of me still. But, this girl wanted more space. Lost of people tell me that I am too nice, and I would get laid more often if I stopped. Every guy I know who is a dick gets laid more often. I have tried, but it is kind of hard. What do you think is better to be a dick or nice? You chose not to sleep with a drunk/possibly drugged up girl, your friend's girlfriend or some prostitutes. You made the right decision on all counts, you don't want to let standards and principles slide for sex with some random/unsuitable girl. Clearly you are interested in having a relationship so: build your confidence, be kind and don't let people take advantage of that kindness (a lesson I have finally learned!) and socialise, you mentioned that you go out occasionaly, there are plenty of places to meet women. Walking through the snow was so sweet and that would be appreciated by someone who really cared about you and valued you - someone who was emotionally available and who did not 'need space' but just wanted to enjoy love. Sometimes its comes down to bad timing, you can meet someone great who just isn't ready for a relationship or even someone who is a greta person but not quite right for you. It seems as if you've never kissed a girl because you've never had a relationship, that's ok, it can take time to meet the right person and there are other men your age who haven't had sex. Why not take this time to work on improving your life and on educating yourself about sexual health so that when you do have sex, you are prepared. Stay away from the prostitutes...they have their own problems. Go for what you seem to want, a relationship. Good Luck, you sound like a sweety.
terra Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I agree with pretty much everyone on here. I love nice guys. I've seen guys do things like you said you have done and fallen instantly in love. I had a bit of a late start into the dating world - not really until I was out of college. I was shy and really liked studying. It picked up after that when I gained more confidence. If you spend some of your energy being nice on your self-esteem and doing things for yourself - I bet you will have the ladies knocking at your door.
In_Repair Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You know why all of your ********* friends are constantly getting laid? Because they would have jumped at those easy targets, the ones you passed on. Why envy someone for having something that you don't even want? People have this skewed image these days of what women want. They don't want an A-hole, they just want a man... unfortunately, most of them have never experienced a real man and they see that fake "bad boy" bull**** as a sign that the guy at least has balls. It's all a game. Most of those closet metro-sexual "bad boys" are actually the biggest bitches you will ever run across in your life, and they only keep those stupid girls on their arms by being good at posturing and manipulation. Stay true to yourself and your values. Just drop the bull**** doormat stuff, like walking ten miles(both ways and uphill) through a blizzard to deliver a present to girl who probably can't even remember your last name. Be charming to everyone, stand up for yourself when needed, be honest, be there for people when they need you to be - not just when you want to be, etc... In other words, be a confident stand-up guy that doesn't need a woman... and then you will get one.
mrkleen Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You dont have to be a dick, just dont be so nice. Heres how your friends get laid : Dont offer gifts or anything for any women that you arent in an exclusive relationship with. Women want to earn your affection, if you just hand it over to them, its a turnoff. If they KNOW you like them, (at your age) sometimes its a turnoff. They dont want you handing over your heart to them, they want a challenge. Many people cant appreciate something for nothing, this includes niceness. You dont be extra nice to women you dont know, it reeks as weird and creepy. Spot on. There is a thin line between nice and creepy...and someone that is really nice and inexperienced in how to use that niceness - can often come off as desperate and needy. I think I am a nice guy, and while I have never had trouble getting women - I still have had to learn to walk that line between nice and too nice. On a first date, I used to bring flowers and take her to a really nice restaurant. Then if things didnt work out, I used to wonder how in the world doing nice things could be perceived as a negative. Now that I am older, I can see why. It was just too much, too soon and it puts too much pressure on a woman that you are just getting to know. I still bring flowers a lot, pay for most everything, buy little gifts and play special nights out etc....but I only do it AFTER we have established some kind of friendship/relationship and I know she is on board with it. I dont go overboard too early - as again, it just sets expectations too high. You will be fine in time, but you need to slow down a bit, let your personality develop, and learn how to talk to women as friends first. Learn to chat them up, joke with them, feel comfortable around them - then you will learn to flirt successfully, learn how to throw out little sexual innuendos to lay the groundwork for future meetings. Women want a confident, funny, self assured guy - and if you can add those things to your genuine sweetness - you will have NO TROUBLE scoring as much as any of your friends, and you will do it with a clear conscience as you wont have to lie or trick women into liking you - they will just like you naturally.
torranceshipman Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Hi, I am a college student. I am the nicest, dependable, and trustworthy; this according to most people I know well. But, I am a virgin, and I have never even kissed a girl. I go to the occasional parties, mixers, and bars with friends. I went to a party the other week, and this hot girl start rubbing her boobs on my back and starts hugging me. I was sober, and she was wasted. She wanted to stay with me over night, but I felt it was irresponsible, and I found her friends. Oh well, she instead with off with some other guy. I have this huge crush on the girl who lives next to me. But, she just want to be friends. So, I was feeling really physically lonely one day. I called up the Marriott, and made a reservation. And, got a 2 girls from an escort service, and I figured 2 would look make epic conquest for my first time. They were really hot, and it would have been the best $1000 spent. The girl next door got sick, and I ended up instead helping her with a project for a class, and got her food. After hanging out with her, I couldn't do it. Another time, my best friend had a girlfriend. She would show interest in me physically, and ask me to do stuff with her. I just stopped talking to her because I liked my friend too much. Or this one time, I walked back to my place (4 miles) in a heavy blizzard drunk without directions 1 foot of snow and no gloves or hat at 3 am. To give a give a girl a birthday gift for her birthday. Her being happy made my day. But, all my friends would make fun of me still. But, this girl wanted more space. Lost of people tell me that I am too nice, and I would get laid more often if I stopped. Every guy I know who is a dick gets laid more often. I have tried, but it is kind of hard. What do you think is better to be a dick or nice? Well you're not THAT nice if you almost had a threesome with two prostitutes Other than that, sure, nice is better - nice is respectful, nice is having standards, nice is caring about others feelings, nice is not treating girls like they are a piece of meat, nice is not taking advantage of a flirty girl when she's wasted....you're a good guy. Don't change. If you trade all that in for some cheap one night fun here and there well its true that you'd get more casual sex and make more girls miserable when you use them for sex then dump them...but why would you really want to be that slimebag douche?
ADF Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 The problem isn't that you "too nice." The problem is you are nice to the point of stupidity, which makes people suspicious. Let's take your last example. Hiking 4 miles through a blizzard just to present someone with a gift isn't act of "nice guy." It is the act of an obsessive stalker waiting to happen. Your entire discourse reeks of a strong but suppressed sense of entitlement, as if women owed to you to date you just because you think you're such a great guy. Knock it off.
St. Nick Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Who is this guy, Peter Parker before he became Spiderman? The OP makes Screech from Saved by the Bell look like the Marquis de Sade.
MalachiX Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 As someone who has been in your shoes (and perhaps, despite not being a virgin, still carries a lot of the same sensabilities), I think you need to stop thinking of yourself as a "nice guy." I think that's a crutch and an excuse we tell ourselves to avoid growing. I don't think your problem is being a nice guy. I think your problem is fear of taking risks. Ok, I agree with not banging the drunk chick. I've never been comfortable with fooling around with someone drunker than me and I can't do one night stands either. However, it seems that you have a real fear or taking risks and an inability to form a real identity for yourself. You label yourself a "nice guy" because it's an easy way to write off your insecurities and avoid learning who you are. If you took the time to find yourself and then were confident, you wouldn't have trouble making choices. I'm not saying this is easy, I still have trouble really making hard choices and not doubting them, but it's the only way you're going to be happy. And, assuming this isn't a troll post, please don't let your first time be with a hooker. I guess since I've never had a hooker I can't really judge but it seems like that would be the worst thing you could ever do for your self-esteem. I doubt you'd want it to be with someone so drunk they couldn't remember it either.
Author PaperReflections Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 All the input is very interesting, and provided a fruitful self reflection. Lol, I loved the first spiderman movie that upside down kiss is pretty dam sexy. Thank you for comparing me to Spiderman, I can only hope for a bunjie jump to a kiss (literally). It seamed the majority of the forum preferred nice, and some thought that I was too nice almost creepy with low self esteem. I have known the girl who I gifted for over an year; we are good friends. As for my self esteem, I am only nice in social settings. I am very aggressive and competitive in academics, sports, games, and almost everything else. I also extremely overconfident (no side effects yet), I only applied for one college (got it). This summer, I only applied for one internship (got it). This is how is do everything. It is impossible for me to have a relationship list: x_x - I have lived all over the world, and my maximum stay in a single location is for 3 years. - In the moment, I always say something awkward to the girl I am with. - I make tasteful sex jokes as often as possible have yet to offend anyone yet. - Sometimes I rant in gibberish jargon about my crazy innovations, research, and ideas. - I think getting slapped by a girl is sexy, don't judge me. I have never been slapped. - I don't know the list is forever long. Got a dinner date in 25 minutes , got my fingers crossed. lol
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