DeepThinker01 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I was hurt. After I had learned about everything that he did- texting, phone sex, meeting with women late at night- I would put these scenarios in my head at the most random times throughout the day. I knew he'd be at work or at home but all I could think about was him getting on the internet to talk to women on webcam or sending text messages to others. It was too much for me to put up with. Unfortunately I wanted some sort of immediate retaliation. I figured I would actually cheat on him to make him feel the way I did. Throughout a period of two months I cheated on him with two men. One of which I had gone to school with and had known since I was a kid, and one which I dated before being with him. The first guy I had sex with was a one night stand and i remember telling him i didn't want any kissing. Even after we had sex I told him I didn't want anything to do with him, and he was fine with that because he had a girlfriend. The second guy I was with also had a girlfriend and I didn't find out about it until the night we were together. It was horrible the second time around. I got home and felt so disgusted with myself. I had sunk so low just to get back at this piece of S*** that ruined everything. I cried in bed that night wishing I had never met my boyfriend. I would have flashbacks of being with the guy and felt I was going to be sick. It just wasn't worth it. No emotional connection whatsoever. I felt like a typical whore. I wish I could really describe how horrible it was, but I really can't. All I can say is that I regret it to this day. I think about what I did now and wish I could take it back. So for anyone who is considering doing the same thing because they are hurt.. don't do it. It really isn't worth it... I believed it was "cause and effect"..but damn..
aerogurl87 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Nope it never works out, unless your a selfish SOB who could care less about your partner.
kevinm1019 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I was hurt. After I had learned about everything that he did- texting, phone sex, meeting with women late at night- I would put these scenarios in my head at the most random times throughout the day. I knew he'd be at work or at home but all I could think about was him getting on the internet to talk to women on webcam or sending text messages to others. It was too much for me to put up with. Unfortunately I wanted some sort of immediate retaliation. I figured I would actually cheat on him to make him feel the way I did. Throughout a period of two months I cheated on him with two men. One of which I had gone to school with and had known since I was a kid, and one which I dated before being with him. The first guy I had sex with was a one night stand and i remember telling him i didn't want any kissing. Even after we had sex I told him I didn't want anything to do with him, and he was fine with that because he had a girlfriend. The second guy I was with also had a girlfriend and I didn't find out about it until the night we were together. It was horrible the second time around. I got home and felt so disgusted with myself. I had sunk so low just to get back at this piece of S*** that ruined everything. I cried in bed that night wishing I had never met my boyfriend. I would have flashbacks of being with the guy and felt I was going to be sick. It just wasn't worth it. No emotional connection whatsoever. I felt like a typical whore. I wish I could really describe how horrible it was, but I really can't. All I can say is that I regret it to this day. I think about what I did now and wish I could take it back. So for anyone who is considering doing the same thing because they are hurt.. don't do it. It really isn't worth it... I believed it was "cause and effect"..but damn.. Hi Deep... I was looking for some insight because my fiancee who I've been in a relationship with for 13 years did this to me. Do you have any advice on how I can cope with this and believe in her again because she is telling me she made a terrible mistake but I'm having challenges accepting that and moving forward. History... she cheated with her ex... I cheated on her after nearly a year of rejection and frustration... we had an intimate talk and wiped the slate clean... I recently found out she cheated on me with a guy she met on the internet and knew for three weeks... four and a half years into the rebuilding. Am I crazy? She expresses remorse but from a woman's point of view... how do I start the healing process and try to move forward... to get to the point where I can consider forgiving her but not forgetting... and rebuilding things? Thank you in advance.
ashlee Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Hi Deep... I was looking for some insight because my fiancee who I've been in a relationship with for 13 years did this to me. Do you have any advice on how I can cope with this and believe in her again because she is telling me she made a terrible mistake but I'm having challenges accepting that and moving forward. History... she cheated with her ex... I cheated on her after nearly a year of rejection and frustration... we had an intimate talk and wiped the slate clean... I recently found out she cheated on me with a guy she met on the internet and knew for three weeks... four and a half years into the rebuilding. Am I crazy? She expresses remorse but from a woman's point of view... how do I start the healing process and try to move forward... to get to the point where I can consider forgiving her but not forgetting... and rebuilding things? Thank you in advance. i hae been thru the same thing and let me tell u it will NEVER work if u have been trying to work things out and she threw all of that time and energy away foor some guy she met and knew for three weeks obviously she doesnt care and its gonna happen over and over again no matter how many chances and times u give the relationship..
Bleed Internal Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Hi Deep... I was looking for some insight because my fiancee who I've been in a relationship with for 13 years did this to me. Do you have any advice on how I can cope with this and believe in her again because she is telling me she made a terrible mistake but I'm having challenges accepting that and moving forward. History... she cheated with her ex... I cheated on her after nearly a year of rejection and frustration... we had an intimate talk and wiped the slate clean... I recently found out she cheated on me with a guy she met on the internet and knew for three weeks... four and a half years into the rebuilding. Am I crazy? She expresses remorse but from a woman's point of view... how do I start the healing process and try to move forward... to get to the point where I can consider forgiving her but not forgetting... and rebuilding things? Thank you in advance. you forgave her and put in the work to rebuild once before. she f#$ked it up again for selfish reasons. stop wasting your time with that attention-seeking whore. seriously.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Bleed, when your advice comes from a place NOT steeped in anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment and sheer venom, I might start paying attention. I don't recall anything you might have said with regard to men cheating. I could be wrong of course, but your attitude seems focussed on women. To you, any woman who for whatever reason, strays from the relationship, is a "f#$king, cheating, selfish, attention-seeking whore." Until you change your attitude, PoV and address your problem - and it's a deep one that needs therapy - you're just acting like a jerk.
Bleed Internal Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 To you, any woman who for whatever reason, strays from the relationship, is a "f#$king, cheating, selfish, attention-seeking whore." This is true, as far as I'm concerned. Cheaters always try to make it out to be some big reason besides wanting to have sex with someone else. This guys forgave his fiancee for cheating. Tried to work and rebuild the relationship for years. She cheated again. If that's not a "cheating, selfish, attention-seeking whore" I don't know what is.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 all cheating in revenge does is make you a cheater yourself. never a good idea. if you have been cheated on and the idea is to cheat back, then just leave the relationship with your dignity intact. I said this in another thread just today, I wouldn't want a cheater, even if it was in revenge. you want revenge? leave them in the lurch and secretly wash the toilet bowl with their toothbrush before you leave.
madhatter1122 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) The yearning to cheat back is strong though. Edited March 24, 2010 by madhatter1122
aerogurl87 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 This is true, as far as I'm concerned. Cheaters always try to make it out to be some big reason besides wanting to have sex with someone else. This guys forgave his fiancee for cheating. Tried to work and rebuild the relationship for years. She cheated again. If that's not a "cheating, selfish, attention-seeking whore" I don't know what is. Yeah I gotta agree with Bleed here. Once could be a mistake, but when it happens again... well that just means the person has some serious character flaws.
kevinm1019 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Yeah I gotta agree with Bleed here. Once could be a mistake, but when it happens again... well that just means the person has some serious character flaws. To be honest with you everyone... I agree she has some serious character flaws and issues within herself. It is what it is. Everything she did to push the relationship with the other man was so it would eventually lead to her having sex with him. I understand that but the hurt and pain is consuming me so much... I spend a good 20 hours per day thinking about it... it is a lot to deal with... but I am forced to because our children need my love and support because they are hurting badly. In addition, she shattered her knee and needs 24 hour a day care. I can't afford to pay someone to do this otherwise I would and leave... (with the children if I could). So it's a daily grind...
aerogurl87 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 To be honest with you everyone... I agree she has some serious character flaws and issues within herself. It is what it is. Everything she did to push the relationship with the other man was so it would eventually lead to her having sex with him. I understand that but the hurt and pain is consuming me so much... I spend a good 20 hours per day thinking about it... it is a lot to deal with... but I am forced to because our children need my love and support because they are hurting badly. In addition, she shattered her knee and needs 24 hour a day care. I can't afford to pay someone to do this otherwise I would and leave... (with the children if I could). So it's a daily grind... Kevin you sound like a trapped bird. So what she got hurt, too bad for her. Get a good lawyer, get some great evidence of infidelity, and take the kids and leave. She's lied and cheated on you not once, but twice. Apparently she doesn't value you or your relationship because if she did there is no way in hell she'd put herself at risking losing you again. When people are truly remorseful they make sure that whatever they did in the past does NOT happen ever again. You don't need to be in a relationship where you always feel hurt and pain. That's more toxic to your kids than if you were to leave. Which would you prefer? Them see their father walk away from a woman who doesn't value him or grow up thinking it's ok to cheat and treat your partner like crap because their father let's their mother do it to him time and time again? And it will happen again if you stay. Because really, 3 weeks of talking online and she goes to have sex with this random guy off the net. If that's not predetermined I don't know what is.
jnj express Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Hey kevin----you don't need an atty.---just walk away----kids are not a reason to stay in a bad relationship----specially where it is now grinding on you all the time.---She shattered her knee and needs care---tell her to have her computer affair buddy take care of her-----You know what she thinks of you----she cheats on you whenever she gets bored with you----why are you still there???????
Chloe1 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Hey Deep thinker Yeah.. cheating back never solves a thing. Deep down you just want your guy to love you and only you. You want him to treat you like his queen. But instead this guy hurt you by cheating.. so you wanted to hurt him back. The best way to hurt him back (and I'm telling my little secret here) Would be to go out with guys who have a real interest in you. Not guys who just want to sleep with you. Lesson learned though. I have an eBook that really explains some of what I just told you above. Would you be interested in reading it. It will REALLy help your situation and teach you the real reasons why men stray or cheat. I can send you a copy, just let me know. -- Chloe P.s. hope your situation gets better.
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