bluz73 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) When the love the chemistry are still obvious but your BF decides to say goodbye and move on with someone else...knowing full well he is to blame and you really had no part in it, his guilt of cheating makes it impossible for him to look you in the eye and continue the relationship..HOW did I become the villian? WHY did he change his phone number/email so I cant contact him?? I didnt dump him he dumped me? WHY DO DUMPERS CUT ALL CONTACT AND ACT LIKE THEY HATE YOU? He said I do not hate you, never said we couldnt be friends actually said if he had'nt met this other person and cheated then he would have never let me go. lucky me Im second best after 6 years of hard work!! Said he dont know what the future holds and if I stop contacting him he could change his mind?? BUT HE IS STILL WITH HER AND SHE NOW LIVES WITH HIM>..might I add he is 31 and she is 18...never the less...I'd like to know why Im so badly broken that Dumpers can cut a good woman completely cold. Not that id take his lame ass back just dont get the harsh treatment! i mean could he still have feelings for me and its easier to not talk to me so I dont confuse him? Edited March 24, 2010 by bluz73
Rearden Metal Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 The real source of the pain you're in is that you misjudged him as a person. 6 years of work, as you put it, and it turns out your people picker was broken. So, consider it a favor that he's trying to disappear, and work damn hard to pick a better man next time around.
Author bluz73 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 You already said it : guilt. I agree its guilt and he doesnt want the hassle of explaining...but he also said he hates the fact he hurt me and cant bear to talk to me ...Meaning what??he still has feelings for me and isnt over me? And this new girl is a rebound??
skydiveaddict Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 The real source of the pain you're in is that you misjudged him as a person. 6 years of work, as you put it, and it turns out your people picker was broken. So, consider it a favor that he's trying to disappear, and work damn hard to pick a better man next time around. agreed you dont want him. guilt breeds contempt and cowarice your ex is simply afraid to look you in the the eye and speak the truth
skydiveaddict Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I agree its guilt and he doesnt want the hassle of explaining...but he also said he hates the fact he hurt me and cant bear to talk to me ...Meaning what??he still has feelings for me and isnt over me? And this new girl is a rebound?? It means he doesnt have the guts to tell you the truth
Lizzie60 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I get a totally opposite vibe... I think he doesn't love you anymore.. but like you very much as a friend and hated the fact that he had to hurt a friend.. but other than that... he's no more into you.. he's with someone else.. It is probably guilt but he doesnt really have to explain anything.. he didn't love you anymore.. cheated... broke up with you... moved on with someone else.. Which part of 'I don't love you anymore' don't you understand.. it's quite clear to me.. but I know... if I were in your shoes I would probably deny it too.. I know it's hard.. but it's life.. and you need to move on..
Author bluz73 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Wow I needed the hard truth huh? Okay unless not loving me anymore includes passionate kissing and sex and telling me he loves me over and over until I suspect cheating he couldnt hide it anymore and had to come clean and cried for hurting me okay then he didnt love me and rather shack up with a barely legal girl..i get it thanks
LovelyDaze Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 he had'nt met this other person and cheated then he would have never let me go. To keep it blunt? Your ex saying that is bulls***. A cheater just pretty much goes fishing and see who is naive enough to take the bait. The 18 year old was just the right fish. I never really thought of this when we discussed things before but what makes anyone(you or his new GF) think that by now after 6 months, he isn't cheating AGAIN??? I had boyfriends who had a "harem" and thought they were they world's coolest players! Pffffft! There are guys and gals who like to have a steady GF/BF AND not just one but two or three more backups just in case. He is not a genuine person and as he has gotten comfortable with her, I am sure his cheating itch is wanting to be scratched somewhere else...
soleharmony1123 Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 The real source of the pain you're in is that you misjudged him as a person. 6 years of work, as you put it, and it turns out your people picker was broken. So, consider it a favor that he's trying to disappear, and work damn hard to pick a better man next time around. That's definitely advice I need to take to heart! Thanks, RM.
paleblue Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 i know that hurts bluz........and i am sorry you have to go thru this. all i can say is i think that was reallly cruel of him to say ...if not for this i would have never let you go.... reallly reallly bad. it only serves to help himself relieve his guilty feelings. and in turn keeps you on a string thinking. you need to let that one go. in fact i hope you learn to eventually let the whole thing go. regardless of what he said and did, now that the deed is done, you can never let yourself get back with him i hope? i mean im just pointing out the fact that most people who dump and cheat will do it again. and once the trust is broken it is not repairable. at least in my humble opinion. my point is it will always be in the back of your mind if you were to ever work something out with him down the road - when his little floozy thing here falls apart and he gets back in contact with you because its familiar and safe territory, it will feel great to you also but he will just leave you again. sorry, i might be getting ahead of myself here, but just some things to think about. when you go thru all the torture and pain and agony of this, in the end i hope you dont go back to him. it will never be the same. its just broken now. as hurtful as that is to read. i am hurting with you just thinking about it. i am sorry, but we just want to help you. we've all been thru it on here. it is life alternating, mind changing, and it just plain sucks! if you ask me he sounds like a complete idiot leaving you for a 18 year old kid. to fullfill some stupid fantasy. do yourself a favor, when he comes knocking, 6 months, or a year or two,don't.... just don't.
lsb Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 It is by far easier on the both of you if it comes off as he hates you. A clean break is the best. You don't need all that drama.
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I can say 100% that having just been in a break-up, that i would much prefer my ex had been harsh to me. I wish she had cut me off. I wish she had told me stuff to make me hate her. Eventually she did, but before that, we had 2 months of being broken up and then she got back with me unofficially, we slept together, we were passionate, we both felt it, she told me she loved me, she texted me, she tried to meet me whenever she could...she even showed she took it to heart when she said something to me which had significance from our relationship, an 'in-comment' if you will... a sentimental joke which we had from before, she mentioned it in one of her texts, and i didn't pick up on it, and it bothered her. To me, that shows that she cares a lot more than she makes out... so conclude, if in the future i break up with someone, i would cut them off completely, and the more they tried to contact me, the more harsh i would be with them. The harsh but fair policy is the best in my opinion...
againstallodds Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 He's doing the right thing. Be thankful that he go NC on you. NC is for you to heal.
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