xRJ85x Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) So this girl and I have been friends for 3 1/2 years since we met in college. I'm not her best friend, but we got close over the years. In college, we spent a decent amount of time talking, hanging out, partying, and going to the gym. While it seemed like there was moments where we wanted more, nothing much developed of it. So after I graduated, she still had 2 years left of school. Mid 2008, I was stressed out trying to get my life started and she was the one who called me a few times a month to keep up. Because of the stress, I didn't do a good job at reciprocating, so she got a little angry (I even missed her birthday that year), but she seemed to brush it off later. Mid 2009, I was finally settled and wanted to start getting back in touch with her. However, coming back from summer, she was going into student teaching, which is apparently hell. She's told me many times about the endless amounts of work she has to do, plus works one day on the weekend at her other job. Outside of visiting her a few times since November, the only time I hear from her is when I call. She's maybe called me twice since then. And then times that I go out to visit, unless I have direct plans to stay with her, she never contacts me. I've even gotten her a couple clever, creative gifts that made her smile at the time, but it seems like she just forgets all the support I've tried to give her. The problem I have is that the first visit that I had seen her in a while, I realized just how much I missed her. I always cared about her, but I forgot just how much fun she was. Those feelings kept growing to the point where today I think about her 24/7. I know I have to open up to her, but I'm waiting for the right time in person. So my problem is that I don't know if I should keep trying to call her once a week and feel like a loser begging for her attention, or do I let up and wait for her to call? I had an original plan of being there for her as a close supportive friend until she graduated then opening up to her when she was happy. Any advice (preferably from the ladies)? Edited March 24, 2010 by xRJ85x
aerogurl87 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Tell her how you feel now before some other guy comes along and then... poof! She'll be gone along with any hope of you two ever being more than friends.
Author xRJ85x Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Tell her how you feel now before some other guy comes along and then... poof! She'll be gone along with any hope of you two ever being more than friends. That's the other problem, that actually did happen in some way. Originally, she told me a few months ago that some guy at her work asked her out and she wasn't looking for anything. However, she told me a couple weeks ago that she went on a date with some guy just before Valentine's Day. This guy lives 1 1/2 hrs away, so I dunno why he even asked her when he just met her. My friends don't think anything is going on, but the only flag is that she talks to him more than anyone (at least from what it seems over Facebook). I was gonna tell her this past weekend when I went out to visit, but she told me just before I went out she had a couple friends she hadn't seen in a while, so she'd let me know. Sure enough, she never said anything to me, and when I went to her apt. Sunday before I left to surprise her with a gift, she said she was at school helping renovate.
aerogurl87 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I'm telling you xRJ85x, you gotta plant the seed of romance before someone else does. I've seen it happen too many times with my guy friends. They like girl X but spend lots of time waiting for the "right moment" to tell her. Meanwhile some guy comes along and poof! Girl X is gone and my guy friend is left feeling sad and thinking "if only I would've acted sooner". You've got to go after what you want, when you want or someone else will like this guy that lives 1 1/2 hours away (which really isn't that bad). My ex boyfriend lived about 30 minutes from me and we usually only saw each other like once or twice on weekends because of our schedule conflicts (he worked nights and I worked daytime shift but didn't have a car so he always made the drive out to see me). But that didn't stop him from going after me as soon as he saw I was newly single after breaking up with my boyfriend (we had been friends for about 2 months prior to the break up). Nope, he knew he wanted me and went for it. Seems like this other guy is doing the same thing with your friend.
Meaplus3 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I say go for it XRJ. Lay it on the line with her.. and let her know how you are feeling. The sooner you do this.. the sooner she will see just how much you care. Yes, it may be a shot in the dark, but one worth taking IMO. So.. GO FOR it! Best of luck to you. Mea:)
Author xRJ85x Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 I know, the sooner I tell her the better. I've been ready to tell her. But I feel like it won't mean anything over the phone; that she won't feel anything as opposed to if I did it in person. But the problem is I dunno when I'll see her next. I'm 3 1/2 hrs away from her. She's going home for her birthday next weekend, and as of right now I haven't talked to her since last Thursday just before I came out. My problem right now is that I don't know if I should be the next one to initiate a call. I've been calling her once a week for the last month and I feel like I'm being a clingy loser because every time I try, she says a couple things and then says she has to go finish up lesson plans or something. Yet, she's on Facebook or watching TV. And when I go out to visit her, there's always some other friend that she hasn't seen in a while. I'm kinda angry at her about it, but I know she's under a lot of stress. So I don't know how to feel or act when I talk to her next. She used to get angry at me for not calling. Basically, it feels like we've fallen out of touch because, as I said, 6-12 months ago she was the opposite of this.
Author xRJ85x Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 I wasn't able to see her the last time I went out, so instead I bundled her birthday gift with a love letter in her birthday card. Basically, I talked about how we had been friends for 3 1/2 years and that how we fell apart was really hard on me and that it didn't seem like it was bothering her anymore. I told her how I missed everything about her, and that no matter how she feels or where she ends up I'll always be thinking about her and that I hope she finds someone who makes her smile. I tried to make it sound like I loved her, but without trying to sound selfish and begging for her. My friends thought it sounded spot on, so I'm pretty confident in it. About a week later, I text messaged her with an inside joke a week later, and she laughed and followed it up with "Hey I got your mail. That was really sweet of you." Obviously, I didn't say anything because A) it was over text message and that's never a place for serious relationship talk, and more importantly B) I flat out didn't know how to respond to that! My main goal of telling her how I feel and her being receptive to it is accomplished, but now I don't know to what end and have no idea what to do! She graduates in a month, and I didn't want to bring it up or pressure her while she's still stressed out and sick over school. I'm going back out to visit our college with friends on the 24th. She'll be living at school until August until her rent is up on her apartment. Any suggestions on where to go from here? I'm really happy that she was receptive to it, but really lost on where to go from here now...
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