Now me and ex are socialising as friends, but i dont think its what i need.

[hopefaith&love]

Basically i posted a previous thread nearly 3 weeks ago about a break up that happened 'out of the blue' so to speak.

 

ALOT has happened since then...

 

I intiated no contact to help heal my broken heart and well it were truly broken. A mutual friend (guy) spread some lies about us to eachother and so we had to text eachother to sort it. since then as we go to the same university, we have seen eachother several times and had brief chats on facebook, although i let him initiate conversations & i end them after 10 mins or so, just the usual, hows it going, hows work sort of things. we hvent discussed anything about the r/ship. a week ago i asked when i broke contact to sort out the rumour mess,what he wanted from me, he said "friendship is what i want, just because i ended things doesnt mean i dont love you and still care about you" which i said was what i wanted too.

 

The problem is i still have unanswered questions and we have been hanging out socially with mutual friends, but im loving his company and chit chat but can honestly say its breaking my heart. when i removed him off facebook i got slated off by his mates, they dont seem to understand my need to heal. When we do hang out this girl he had a minute fling with before he got with me (shes in a r/ship with someone i know she truly loves, and i am his first serious r/ship) seems to be with him EVERYWHERE. I just cnt speak with him on a one on one, n i think i need to. I have feelings tht although this girl doesnt want him, she is somewhat smug about our split and doesnt want anyone else to have him either.

 

Its his b-day on saturday, she is going, im invited, i want to go truly, but i just feel this girl is in the way of everything.

 

him and this girl had such a horrible separation and i have been so calm, not hating him, bugging him at all or even said harsh words and feel it is unfair that he is so close with her and yet so 'off' with me. I know this sounds pathetic but i just dont get it??

 

I feel so hopeless in the ability to heal and break contact completely but i cant do that as our circle of friends and i cant keep seeing him either as i still have unanswered questions and i know deep down in my heart i think if im friends with him i will get him back. I dont want him to think im ok with being chit chatty second best mate- its killing me being so near yet so far from just having a cuddle like we used to.

 

I hope this made sense, I dont know what to do now, please help

[hoping2heal]

I always tend to think that trying to be friends with an ex whom you still have feelings for is very much like shooting yourself in the foot. OUCH it really hurts. It's a very self defeating excersize. There is that part of us that doesn't want to let go which is what is really feeding the part of us that is in denial. We don't want to be just their friend, we want them back. We want them to like us again and be interested in us. Most of the time we are just setting ourselves up for some major hurt and dissapointment. When we realise hey they really HAVE moved on..no they aren't coming back and even worse..when they become interested in someone else. It's really difficult and it hurts very much. I can tell that you are very young as are the people you socialise with so NC might not be as understandable to them or maybe even you. Yes, I'm sure he does care about and love you as a person but that is not the same as being in love with you and until you have gotten over your feelings for him the way he was gotten over his feelings for you; a lot of heartache is in store. Breakups hurt badly enough without our hearts being constantly assaulted by throngs of pain when the rejection is repeatedly thrown in our face as our ex aka new friend is happy, carefree, enjoying life and meeting other people. I really advise you to take some time and break away from this guy so you can resolve your feelings and move on and THEN if you still want to be friends, so be it.

[D-Lish]

Don't you have a couple close gf's you can use for support right now?

 

If you want him back, I wouldn't give him the impression you are cool with the friendship, I'd get busy doing other things that don't include seeing him or being around him.

 

He doesn't have to worry about you if you are always around- he knows what you are doing, that you aren't seeing anyone else, and above all, he knows he still has you where he wants you.

 

Hell no I wouldn't be attending his b-day- and I wouldn't be chatting with him.

 

The best weapon you have available to you is to get out there and do your own thing. That's the only way for him to come to the realization that he misses you.

 

Be friendly if you run into him, but cut it short because you have to "be somewhere" (even if you don't have to be anywhere).

 

It's a mistake to hang around and act complacent about the whole thing. Give him the impression you are moving on and enjoying your life- that's the best way to handle it if you want him to miss you.