beebop1982 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Four years ago, I got married to someone to cover up their secret of homosexuality. In return, I was offered money and security. We are good friends to each other, we live together, but there is nothing sexual involved in our relationship. A few months after signing the marriage paperwork, I met someone amazing and fell in love. For the first year or two, I wasn't sure what I meant to him. I knew he had strong feelings for me, but I also knew that he wanted to sleep with other women. That ended, and the relationship has gotten stronger...but I never told him about my marriage arrangement. It was a snowball effect. I didn't tell him to begin with, and then I was insecure about his feelings for me, and then it was just too much time passed for me to tell him. In the four years that we have been together, he has never introduced me to any of his friends or family members. He says that it makes him uncomfortable, and that he likes to keep his relationships separate. This is no excuse for my behavior, but I knew that if I told him it would be easy for him to cut me out of his life forever because I wasn't attached to anything else in his life. I love this man. He has been sick for the better part of the past six months, and I've been the person taking care of him and making sure that he's functioning. I never meant to hurt him this way. Last night he discovered my secret. I don't know how, but I imagine it has something to do with a background investigation or something along those lines. He emailed me, and i wrote him back and told him everything. He doesn't believe me -- he thinks that I'm in love with the person I'm legally bound to. I understand why he would feel this way. He refuses to see me and he has stopped emailing me back. Last night, I couldn't sleep at all. I took a pill to help me sleep, but only got an hour or so. My mind is preoccupied. It's probably the last thing I should have done, but I took the day off of work, in hopes that he would let me come and talk to him, as he had the day off too. But he didn't, and I cannot function, and I don't know what to do. Please, do you have any advice for me on where to go from here? I feel like this situation is out of my hands at this point in time. Is all I can do wait and see what happens next? He has asked for time and space, which is only fair, but I'm going crazy with guilt and the fear of losing him forever, which I know is a distinct possibility. Please, any words you might have for me here would be appreciated.
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