EyesOpened Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hi Everyone, I'm technically not new to this forum as I was on a few months back under a different screen name. At that time I wasn't prepared to read/hear the feedback I was getting with regard to my affair, because MY MM was different, we truly loved each other, were best friends etc., He would never be using me for what I can do for him. We were different, our relationship was different. Ok, well I see things a little differently these days, and I really wanted to post my story so that maybe I could reach some of you, that may be right now where I was a few months ago, and maybe it will cause you to really look at your Affair and see it for what it really is. My story, in as much of the Coles Notes version as I can make it is as follows: I was in a long term affair with an MM for over a year. We worked in the same industry, but live 3 hours away. We had similar jobs, and worked on many projects together. We began our physical affair when I was in his city one night for a convention. He told me from day one he wouldn't leave his wife. He said it was because of the kids, that he would never want to see them in a broken home, like he was. That his wife was nice enough and they were friends and that she had never done anything "bad" to him, other than not sleeping with him (same old story). I thought, what a great loving Dad, he doesn't want to hurt his kids, he wants the best for them. So I never broached the subject of his ever leaving. Over the months we became closer, and fell in love (or so I believed). We didn't see each other often as we live 3 hours away however, we spoke daily during the week during office hours. The "Rules" as he wrote them were that we only spoke/texted Monday to Friday, after 9am and before 3:30pm and never on weekends or holidays. This way there was no chance of him getting caught. He would let me know when he could make the time to see me, because it was always "hard" for him to make it work. So, I spent my days, after 3pm wishing the time away because 9am the next day couldn't come fast enough for me. I was always sad and upset to my stomach on Fridays because I knew I'd have to wait until Monday to speak to him or even get a text from him. I wasted my weekends away, just going through the motions, but constantly thinking about Monday morning and getting to the office so I could hear from him. I would drive 6 hours in a day, just to meet him for 2 hours, anything to make it easier on him and to make him happy. We were in love remember? And you will always do anything for someone you love. However, a few months ago I started catching him in some little lies, about where he was/who he was with during lunch, or meetings that i would find out were made up. Shocking, he was lying to me, just like his wife. Why was I even the slightest bit surprised. But I still wanted to believe the best and brushed it off. Then something awful happened, and I had an accident that put me in the hospital for a few days, and would cause me to be at home fairly sedintary for a few weeks. I told him and hoped he would come running with worry, since I was the love of his life, his "world" his "Everything". He didn't come running, in fact he pulled back. I heard from him less and less, in fact i probably wouldn't have heard from him at all had I not initiated every text or call. My injuries were such that it would be a few months before I could make a long drive like that to see him. So I told him that he would have to make arrangements to come here. Over a month after my accident and that never happened. I can only assume that once the "sex tap" was closed, he decided his life looked pretty darn good without me. So last week, a switch flipped in my head, and I decided I was worth more than this. Worth more than being last on someones list and allowing myself to be a doormat. Allowing myself to be the icing for this cake eater who already had everything, a great wife, kids, beautiful home, money, family friends. I was just the cherry on top of his already amazing life. So while I spent my hours away from him pining and missing him, he spent his having fun with his family and more than likely not thinking twice about me. I ended up having to blackberry message him to tell him we were through because his wife was around and he couldn't call me when I asked him to. I told him everything I felt, as above, and he came back with "baby, I love you, you are my world, I'm so sorry to have treated you this way, don't leave me, I will do better I promise" over and over. Needless to say, I surprised even myself when I became immune to his sweet talk. It is 5 days later, and I actually enjoyed my weekend with very few thoughts of him. This man that I spent ever hour crying over, missing, loving losing myself for. The man I thought I could never bear to not have in my life. The man that I had said several times to "Anything you can give me is better than nothing" I haven't looked at my blackberry 100 times a day. My heart is intact...and the weight is gone. It's liberating and I feel like myself again. I think it's sad that it took a very painful accident that I still have many months of physical therapy and recovery to look forward to, to open my eyes, and see this "relationship" for what it really was/is. If I can get through to anyone who is struggling with an affair, and wondering how to get out, thinking it will crush you, that you won't be able to go on, I will be happy. You can go on, you will go on - in fact...it's much easier than you think. I feel like a weight has been lifted, and I will never let myself get into a situation like this again, as i am worth more. And so are all of you.
torranceshipman Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Wow, you are amazing! Suffering a big injury AND still being strong enough to kick the stupid guy out of your life. You are really strong. Good for you-that's a lot to be proud of If it helps, you're moving on proud and strong, and he'll never feel that feeling of being proud like you do. For some reason, even though he looks like he has everything, he really hasn't...he still wanted you back, he still cheats and lies...he's the loser here (not that it is a competition, but you know what I mean)...
Pink_orchid Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Great post 'Eyesopened' and very thought-provoking for me and any one else feeling less than positive at the moment, and all the very best for your recovery. Do you think you'll hear from him, have you ever had a 'break' before, or is this the first time he's had to live without you. I know you don't want him any more but you might find he ain't actually all that happy after all and comes after you, what will you do if that happens?! Would your resolve weaken? (Looks like your mind's made up).
Pink_orchid Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Just a side thought, 'Fool For Your Lovin No More' just came on the radio, thought it was funny, thought it was appropriate to you/me and others!!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Well Torrence, thank you for the kind words, however I definitely do not feel the least bit amazing. I allowed myself to get sucked in for so long, and I consider myself a pretty smart cookie generally. I've always had some issues with self esteem, so I know that's why I went where I did. However, this stupid accident, well if that isn't gonna make you see the light, what will right?? LOL Too bad I've had to go through this pain to see it it - but as funny as it sounds, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for your kind words. I almost teared up reading them.
Hazyhead Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Good for you Eyes Opened! I know all about that feeling of relief you mention, which I never would have believed I would either. It's funny, you just get to that point where you just can't take the crap anymore and need to let go. I feel sad... at times, but I've surprised myself with how the last couple of weeks, which is all it's been properly, I have felt like a weight has been lifted too; I have a bounce in my step again. Long may it continue. Keep strong!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Hey Pink, I don't know your situation however if you are feeling less than positive about what you are doing or the situation you are in, I hear you! It's so hard because I knew what was going on the whole time, you just don't see things clearly when you are deep in it. I wish I understood the reason why, but i'm not a counsellor. I felt this really ridiculous need for my MM to want me. Like if he didn't text or call or whatever, that I was a loser or something. And i'm fairly attractive, ok maybe no Meghan Fox or anything, but I do ok. I actually get attention from men better looking than my ex-MM that's for sure! lol There was just something about how he made me feel when I was with him, how he spoke to me, the words he said. Who the hell knows at this point. It ALL seems so ridiculouly silly to me now! Isn't that odd? I went from obsessing about this person for well over a year, to one day saying "not anymore please" and I was free of him. To answer your question, I hear from him still yes, during the hours of 9am to 3:30 PM monday to friday and not on weekends!!! LOL. We are working on a few deals together that need to get wrapped up so I have to email. But I refuse to take his calls or speak to him on any level other than business. He ends every text to me with "Baby" and i ignore it. All business on my end. I imagine he will fade away eventually, like I said, now that I no longer kneel down and adore him and kiss the ground he walks on!!!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Hazy - It WILL continue! We will bounce together! I know I will have sad/bad days and I expect them, but reading these posts, and talking to friends who love me and know the situation, make it so much easier! We all need to know we are worth more - because we sure are!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Just a side thought, 'Fool For Your Lovin No More' just came on the radio, thought it was funny, thought it was appropriate to you/me and others!! LOL - Can't stop singing that one in my head now....
Hazyhead Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hazy - It WILL continue! We will bounce together! I know I will have sad/bad days and I expect them, but reading these posts, and talking to friends who love me and know the situation, make it so much easier! We all need to know we are worth more - because we sure are! Absofreakinlutely!
califnan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hello EyesOpened.. I am so sorry for your accident - please keep posting with us .. But Congratulations for finding yourself again: The Whole Complete Woman that God has made You ! And I agree with you .. these men aren't hurting or lacking of the finer things in life - they are just suffering from the spirit of glutony .. and expecting a Whole women to fit into or fill a fraction of their life .. I am So Happy For You for Getting Your Life Back .. Take Care.
fooled once Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hi Everyone, I'm technically not new to this forum as I was on a few months back under a different screen name. At that time I wasn't prepared to read/hear the feedback I was getting with regard to my affair, because MY MM was different, we truly loved each other, were best friends etc., He would never be using me for what I can do for him. We were different, our relationship was different. Ok, well I see things a little differently these days, and I really wanted to post my story so that maybe I could reach some of you, that may be right now where I was a few months ago, and maybe it will cause you to really look at your Affair and see it for what it really is. My story, in as much of the Coles Notes version as I can make it is as follows: I was in a long term affair with an MM for over a year. We worked in the same industry, but live 3 hours away. We had similar jobs, and worked on many projects together. We began our physical affair when I was in his city one night for a convention. He told me from day one he wouldn't leave his wife. He said it was because of the kids, that he would never want to see them in a broken home, like he was. That his wife was nice enough and they were friends and that she had never done anything "bad" to him, other than not sleeping with him (same old story). I thought, what a great loving Dad, he doesn't want to hurt his kids, he wants the best for them. So I never broached the subject of his ever leaving. Over the months we became closer, and fell in love (or so I believed). We didn't see each other often as we live 3 hours away however, we spoke daily during the week during office hours. The "Rules" as he wrote them were that we only spoke/texted Monday to Friday, after 9am and before 3:30pm and never on weekends or holidays. This way there was no chance of him getting caught. He would let me know when he could make the time to see me, because it was always "hard" for him to make it work. So, I spent my days, after 3pm wishing the time away because 9am the next day couldn't come fast enough for me. I was always sad and upset to my stomach on Fridays because I knew I'd have to wait until Monday to speak to him or even get a text from him. I wasted my weekends away, just going through the motions, but constantly thinking about Monday morning and getting to the office so I could hear from him. I would drive 6 hours in a day, just to meet him for 2 hours, anything to make it easier on him and to make him happy. We were in love remember? And you will always do anything for someone you love. However, a few months ago I started catching him in some little lies, about where he was/who he was with during lunch, or meetings that i would find out were made up. Shocking, he was lying to me, just like his wife. Why was I even the slightest bit surprised. But I still wanted to believe the best and brushed it off. Then something awful happened, and I had an accident that put me in the hospital for a few days, and would cause me to be at home fairly sedintary for a few weeks. I told him and hoped he would come running with worry, since I was the love of his life, his "world" his "Everything". He didn't come running, in fact he pulled back. I heard from him less and less, in fact i probably wouldn't have heard from him at all had I not initiated every text or call. My injuries were such that it would be a few months before I could make a long drive like that to see him. So I told him that he would have to make arrangements to come here. Over a month after my accident and that never happened. I can only assume that once the "sex tap" was closed, he decided his life looked pretty darn good without me. So last week, a switch flipped in my head, and I decided I was worth more than this. Worth more than being last on someones list and allowing myself to be a doormat. Allowing myself to be the icing for this cake eater who already had everything, a great wife, kids, beautiful home, money, family friends. I was just the cherry on top of his already amazing life. So while I spent my hours away from him pining and missing him, he spent his having fun with his family and more than likely not thinking twice about me. I ended up having to blackberry message him to tell him we were through because his wife was around and he couldn't call me when I asked him to. I told him everything I felt, as above, and he came back with "baby, I love you, you are my world, I'm so sorry to have treated you this way, don't leave me, I will do better I promise" over and over. Needless to say, I surprised even myself when I became immune to his sweet talk. It is 5 days later, and I actually enjoyed my weekend with very few thoughts of him. This man that I spent ever hour crying over, missing, loving losing myself for. The man I thought I could never bear to not have in my life. The man that I had said several times to "Anything you can give me is better than nothing" I haven't looked at my blackberry 100 times a day. My heart is intact...and the weight is gone. It's liberating and I feel like myself again. I think it's sad that it took a very painful accident that I still have many months of physical therapy and recovery to look forward to, to open my eyes, and see this "relationship" for what it really was/is. If I can get through to anyone who is struggling with an affair, and wondering how to get out, thinking it will crush you, that you won't be able to go on, I will be happy. You can go on, you will go on - in fact...it's much easier than you think. I feel like a weight has been lifted, and I will never let myself get into a situation like this again, as i am worth more. And so are all of you. Good for you! And like you said, if the accident brought you the clarity you need, the strength to realize it wasn't 'true love' and the resolve to follow through -- as sorry as I am that you got hurt, I am 'glad' you got hurt, if that makes sense. No more wasting your life away --- waiting for 9 am and dreading 3:30 pm. No more sitting and wondering if MAYBE this weekend he will have a chance to send a quick text, a quick phone call. You will survive. You will go on with life. You will find someone deserving of your love. You will find someone who respects you, loves you, admires you and wants to be with you. You will find someone WORTHY of you. I hope you heal quickly and that the new journey of your life is fabulous!!
Tsm Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Wow id love to be where you are but i guess its a process, and it depends on the situation. But im proud of you and i hope u stick to your guns
OWoman Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 EO, I'm sorry you had to suffer an accident to gain your clarity, but glad you did gain it. No one should ever stay in any R that isn't working for them! I hope your convalescing goes well, and that your body is soon as fit and strong as your spirit!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm not going to lie, it is a tough thing to do and I certainly cried and struggled and stayed up many nights thinking I could never do it. And to be honest, I never thought I could or would. This accident just made everything fall into such perspective. When you aren't able to have sex anymore and something comes between that, the Affair just doesnt seem as fun to the MM anymore! And the "love" just all of a sudden starts to slip away. Because affairs are just that, sex, and an escape from reality. They aren't reality, and i'm telling you, the more you tell yourself that, and logically think it through, set your emotions aside, break it down - you will see it too. Just don't have a painful accident in order to see it please!!!! I don't want any of you that are currently deep in an affair right now to see me as being "preachy" or whatever, that definitely isn't my goal. Because I KNOW so well how you are feeling right now. I felt it too, every minute of every time consuming minute. I also understand that everyone feels that their Affair is different - their "situation" is different. (So did I!) I just wanted you to hear my story, so you know that you can be ok, if you do decide to leave. I have one more thing to share, that I didn't in my original post, my Dad, who was the love of my life, passed away 10 years ago, I told him everything, we were very close. He helped me through so many good, and bad decisions. I believe, that over this last year, he has been sending me signs, to tell me to stop what I was doing, and I ignored them over and over and over. Until one day, he said, "I need to do something to MAKE her stop because she is ignoring my signs, and she can't continue to do this". That was the day I had my accident. Now I don't believe he ever wished to cause me pain in any way, however he knew that at this point, he had no choice, that something big needed to happen to get me to smarten up. I know my Dad well enough to know he would have been extremely dissapointed in me for having this Affair, it would have devestated him, and had he been alive, he would have made sure I knew that. My injury is NOT life threatening in any way and I will recover fairly fully in a few months time, but since that day I have gone through much physical pain, suffering and had a great deal of time to sit and think - ALL day, every day for hours. And think I did. So maybe people think i'm crazy, that my Father didn't "do" this or "cause" this to happen to his daughter, but I truly think he did. And as I always was over the years I am grateful for his love and support, even years after his passing. Edited March 24, 2010 by EyesOpened
Snowflower Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I have one more thing to share, that I didn't in my original post, my Dad, who was the love of my life, passed away 10 years ago, I told him everything, we were very close. He helped me through so many good, and bad decisions. I believe, that over this last year, he has been sending me signs, to tell me to stop what I was doing, and I ignored them over and over and over. Until one day, he said, "I need to do something to MAKE her stop because she is ignoring my signs, and she can't continue to do this". That was the day I had my accident. Now I don't believe he ever wished to cause me pain in any way, however he knew that at this point, he had no choice, that something big needed to happen to get me to smarten up. I know my Dad well enough to know he would have been extremely dissapointed in me for having this Affair, it would have devestated him, and had he been alive, he would have made sure I knew that. My injury is NOT life threatening in any way and I will recover fairly fully in a few months time, but since that day I have gone through much physical pain, suffering and had a great deal of time to sit and think - ALL day, every day for hours. And think I did. So maybe people think i'm crazy, that my Father didn't "do" this or "cause" this to happen to his daughter, but I truly think he did. And as I always was over the years I am grateful for his love and support, even years after his passing. Well, I for one don't think you're crazy! I had a somewhat similar thing happen to me regarding my Dad. I have told only a couple of people in IRL about this. But hey, since we're all anonymous here... My situation is a little different but still affair-related: My H had an affair about 1.5 years ago. My H was the sort who, once he started becoming involved with the A, pretty abruptly pulled away from me. It was like the person I had known for 18 years just vanished. He suddenly wanted a divorce, no longer felt connected to me, etc. My pain and confusion was extreme...of course at that point I didn't suspect he was having an affair. My father had died less than a year before my H did this. So yes, it was completely horrible year for me. First I had lost my father and then it became apparent I was losing my marriage. At some point during that awful time when my marriage was apparently failing, I began to somehow feel that my dad was there helping me along. Not that I felt him, per se, but that he was somehow giving me guidance just like always had when he was alive. It was like I was somehow super-intuitive despite my intense pain and confusion. It was really weird and I know I sound crazy. But, I feel like it was his final 'gift' to me since he had died before I could say good-bye to him. I know, it sounds crazy!
Author EyesOpened Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 First Snowflower, I'm extremely sorry your Husband cheated on you, I can imagine that must have been such an awful time for you, after losing your Dad, and when you needed him to be there for you the most he was giving his time/emotions to someone else. I should talk right? Being the "OW" however, like I mentioned, I see things differently now. I'm glad you understand what I was saying about my Dad. I think that my friends/family think i'm nuts most times. But when you have a strong relationship like I had (and that it seems you had as well) with someone and they pass away, you have to think that they are always with you in some way, shape or form. Dads sure have a way of taking care of their little girls, and as our Dads have proven, find a way to do it no matter where they are. I truly hope that you have been able to move on from your marriage, and have the strength to listen to your Dad and find a way to go on being happy!
her_halo_slipped Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Good for you Girl! Of course is it awful you have suffered through an accident but it sounds like coming out of the hardship is a whole lot of good. I am very happy for you. I know how you feel. I too have ended a 2yr affair ( mostly an EA with I guess maybe the last 8mth PA) and I cannot express just how relieved and lightened I feel. I think most of us get sucked into believing what we are told and believe the magic is just that. Really it could not be further from the truth. I never thought I could spend a day without talking or txting MM and the weekends were difficult. Now I am 8 days NC (which doesn't seem a lot) but there is NO way I would go back. I have more energy and focus and am sleeping so much better. Power to us I say. No more imposed conditions of when you can call, when he will see you, do this, don't do that. Hurray for our freedom. Of course not everyone feels this way I do understand those who are happy in their A. for them that is fine. Mine was just plain crappy and I needed out. That's all.
Snowflower Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 First Snowflower, I'm extremely sorry your Husband cheated on you, I can imagine that must have been such an awful time for you, after losing your Dad, and when you needed him to be there for you the most he was giving his time/emotions to someone else. I should talk right? Being the "OW" however, like I mentioned, I see things differently now. I'm glad you understand what I was saying about my Dad. I think that my friends/family think i'm nuts most times. But when you have a strong relationship like I had (and that it seems you had as well) with someone and they pass away, you have to think that they are always with you in some way, shape or form. Dads sure have a way of taking care of their little girls, and as our Dads have proven, find a way to do it no matter where they are. I truly hope that you have been able to move on from your marriage, and have the strength to listen to your Dad and find a way to go on being happy! EO, I missed your post somehow (until I just read it now). Thank you very much for your kind words. That was actually a very difficult post for me to write because it sounds so weird to talk about something like this. I actually felt weird for awhile after I posted it. I like what you said about Dads always finding a way to take care of their daughters. I'll have to think about this. My H confessed his A to me a few months later. We are now successfully reconciling our marriage. But I think my Dad somehow gave me the strength to get through that awful time and the ability to give my H another chance. I wish you peace and happiness as you move forward and out of that situation which was so difficult for you.
fooled once Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm not going to lie, it is a tough thing to do and I certainly cried and struggled and stayed up many nights thinking I could never do it. And to be honest, I never thought I could or would. This accident just made everything fall into such perspective. When you aren't able to have sex anymore and something comes between that, the Affair just doesnt seem as fun to the MM anymore! And the "love" just all of a sudden starts to slip away. Because affairs are just that, sex, and an escape from reality. They aren't reality, and i'm telling you, the more you tell yourself that, and logically think it through, set your emotions aside, break it down - you will see it too. Just don't have a painful accident in order to see it please!!!! I don't want any of you that are currently deep in an affair right now to see me as being "preachy" or whatever, that definitely isn't my goal. Because I KNOW so well how you are feeling right now. I felt it too, every minute of every time consuming minute. I also understand that everyone feels that their Affair is different - their "situation" is different. (So did I!) I just wanted you to hear my story, so you know that you can be ok, if you do decide to leave. I have one more thing to share, that I didn't in my original post, my Dad, who was the love of my life, passed away 10 years ago, I told him everything, we were very close. He helped me through so many good, and bad decisions. I believe, that over this last year, he has been sending me signs, to tell me to stop what I was doing, and I ignored them over and over and over. Until one day, he said, "I need to do something to MAKE her stop because she is ignoring my signs, and she can't continue to do this". That was the day I had my accident. Now I don't believe he ever wished to cause me pain in any way, however he knew that at this point, he had no choice, that something big needed to happen to get me to smarten up. I know my Dad well enough to know he would have been extremely dissapointed in me for having this Affair, it would have devestated him, and had he been alive, he would have made sure I knew that. My injury is NOT life threatening in any way and I will recover fairly fully in a few months time, but since that day I have gone through much physical pain, suffering and had a great deal of time to sit and think - ALL day, every day for hours. And think I did. So maybe people think i'm crazy, that my Father didn't "do" this or "cause" this to happen to his daughter, but I truly think he did. And as I always was over the years I am grateful for his love and support, even years after his passing. Well, I for one don't think you're crazy! I had a somewhat similar thing happen to me regarding my Dad. I have told only a couple of people in IRL about this. But hey, since we're all anonymous here... My situation is a little different but still affair-related: My H had an affair about 1.5 years ago. My H was the sort who, once he started becoming involved with the A, pretty abruptly pulled away from me. It was like the person I had known for 18 years just vanished. He suddenly wanted a divorce, no longer felt connected to me, etc. My pain and confusion was extreme...of course at that point I didn't suspect he was having an affair. My father had died less than a year before my H did this. So yes, it was completely horrible year for me. First I had lost my father and then it became apparent I was losing my marriage. At some point during that awful time when my marriage was apparently failing, I began to somehow feel that my dad was there helping me along. Not that I felt him, per se, but that he was somehow giving me guidance just like always had when he was alive. It was like I was somehow super-intuitive despite my intense pain and confusion. It was really weird and I know I sound crazy. But, I feel like it was his final 'gift' to me since he had died before I could say good-bye to him. I know, it sounds crazy! To both of you - I am going to send my dad an email tonight to let him know how special he is to me and how much I love him. I am the only daughter in my family and my father will always be my daddy. Thank you for reminding me to let him know how much he means to me. I am sorry for your losses. But I do believe the same thing you both believe ... that even in death, those that we love DO look out for us.
DramaQueen Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 EO, thanks for your story. My affair with MM is going onto the 4th year now. It is really breaking me up. I fly 4 hours to see him each month but whenever he's back, he hardly ever makes plans to see me. Been through the roller coaster ride and keep wondering when i will wake up from it all. I am tired of playing 2nd fiddle, i hate it so much, i hate myself for allowing myself to be this way, getting breadcrumbs, i know i cant go on like this, it is so painful but i just dont know how to end it. i really love him. i am sad and pathetic. Sometimes i wished i would get hospitalised for something to see if he would fly back to see me (am i nuts??!) and to know if he genuinely loves me as much as he says. he can be such a sweet talker one minute but a nasty man the next especially when he is moody. you cannot imagine how many times he has called it quits but we always come back together because i forgave him each time. i wished i was stronger, i wished to tell him to F off and go back to his W if she is such an angel and stop playing games and giving me false hopes of a better future, never kept his promises but keep delaying and changing his mind..i wish i had your strength. am just wondering what it takes to make me realise there's no future and no hope, just dreams. i am so tired, so drained, so miserable that the grief in these 3 years far exceeds the blissful times but why am i still hanging on?? it's like i am getting so addicted, i know it's so wrong but i cant bring myself to end it. thanks for sharing your story. i wish you all the best.
SoleMate Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 EO, what an uplifting story. I would love to see a similar post coming from every OW on this site.
Getting_stronger Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Finding the strength to let go of what is essentially an addiction is so very hard. I feel for you DramaQueen.
sarkandlauren Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 I post my reply here because the you can only call on weekdays between 9 and 3:30 rings a bells to me! I am a cheater, and I do not deserve any sympathy. I'm not only a bad wife, but also a bad lover. I am infactuated with this guy, not only does he lives 5 states away, but he's also engaged. One time at a meeting, we watched a movie and fell asleep together, no secks but we just cuddled/spooned all night. I considered myself a cheater because i don't believe people can spoon or sleep in the same bed unless they are someone involved. Esp the spooning/cuddling party,those are intimate to me. But he may not think the same, maybe he's Bill Clinton recarnated and thinks that it's okay? We talk, text, everyday, say good night to each other every night, except weekends. I'm not allow to contact him in anway, if he needs me, he will contact me. So, on good weekends, we text, or IM. On bad weekends, he'll tell me he's busy with family, nothing personal. Sometimes he'll tell me we're just friends, but in my culture, friends do not talk/text everyday, they don't spoon or cuddle. Does he just want a FWB? Even so, wouldn't you want to find someone that's closer? I don't understand this at all, and I certainly don't understand why I'm falling for him when I already have a loving H. I want to kill myself.
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