k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Ok. Here's the scoop. My girlfriend and I broke up in September of last year. We had a rocky relationship from the start, we both lied and cheated, we were young (still are don't get me wrong), and never had each others trust from the start. But, the main thing was that we were really there for each other when we needed one another, and over time really grew STRONG feelings for each other. We moved in together and everything was great for a while, we were constantly together, and even when we were sitting at home doing nothing we had smiles on our faces because we were together. The one thing was, we completely lost contact with our other friends. It we were kind of a ticking time bomb. I started drinking a lot at home and kind of developed a problem... Pretty soon I was drinking every night, we were fighting constantly and when I drank and we argued she could awaken emotions in me that I had never known I was capable of feeling. I got mean. Really mean. Not physical, just mentally. ( I know, I feel like [COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR]) This makes the trust issue even worse. Now, even if shes done something wrong, shes afraid to admit anything to me because of how mad I'll get. Ok. Then we break up. We spend the first couple MONTHS, yes months, talking back and forth, arguing, seeing each other every once in a while but it always went bad. Eventually we stopped talking as much, only here and there. Then one week she started "texting" me one day and just telling me she missed me and she wanted to see me, and by this time I'll admit I missed her very much too. She wanted to know if we could have a night together, so I cancelled all my plans for that night and she came over and we stayed in and watched movies and talked about old times all night. It was the greatest night I had ever had with a girl without getting laid lol (sorry im a guy). We fell asleep like we used to, holding each other..We woke up in the morning..rolled around and kissed for a while and then it happened. We did it, it was great, she had class soon and had to leave and promised to call me later. Then later on somehow old [COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR] came back up and we got in an argument all over again. We stopped talking (I thought just to cool off) But then I didnt hear from her for the next week. I started to think about her and miss her badly and like clock work she said those magic words.."Hey"..We started talking again and decided we'd hangout the next day. That very day after I had talked to her I heard through the grapevine that she was seeing someone else.. I let it go and was going to see if she would tell me on her own, but to my dismay, she tried to hide it from me.. Someone please help. I love this girl very much and I want to rebuild our bridge of trust and start over. Is she trying to get back with me and just too afraid to tell me about the other guy because shes afraid of what my reaction will be? Or is she just using me? If she didnt want to get back together why would she lie? HOW can I get her to tell the truth about the other guy and get her to understand that I'm not going to be mad and that I've stopped drinking and Im never going to get like that again. Im so confused and hurt I dont know what to do.
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Sorry about the code crap. I copied and pasted and it showed up all weird. Only in the places i tried to type sh*t hope you can figure it out THANKS!
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 It sounds like you may have missed your chance during the reconcile phase. Getting in that fight the day after was probably terribly stressful and enforced the idea that maybe you guys aren't ready for each other. What are your ages, out of curiousity?
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Were both twenty lol (i know)..but thing the thing is shes the one that made contact AFTER the fight telling me how much she loved me and misses me.
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I hate to marginalize your situation based on age, but it's kinda easy to do. Give her some space. Get out and enjoy your twenties! You suck! LOL I wish I was 20 again...
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Easier said than done, I'm very attached to this girl..
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Not to mention weve had our space for the past few months..Im assuming thats why she started talking to me again
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 What I mean is if you're fighting that much, it's not right. At least not now. There's nothing that will overcome that. Quit drinking, too.
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Yea I quit with the drinking..and its my fault I start the argument because she feels like she has to hide it and it aggravates me...Hope that makes sense..I guess what I reallly need is a better way to communicate with her
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Yea I quit with the drinking..and its my fault I start the argument because she feels like she has to hide it and it aggravates me...Hope that makes sense..I guess what I reallly need is a better way to communicate with her yes, and self restraint. And maturity. Good luck!
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Anyone else with any ideas? I'd really appreciate it
Weird Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I agree, just give her/yourself space and see what happens in time, especially since she is seeing someone else and is trying to keep it from you. For all "we" know, you two are meant to be together and it will happen down the road but the current situation says to just try and accept what is going on and "move on" but to me moving on isn't how most feel where you just shut the door to things. To me, moving on means you accept reality and attempt to live your life well and better yourself but keep the door open (if of course you still want to later on...very possible your feelings may change in due time) in case the situation does indeed change and you two get back in touch and find out the bond is still too strong and give it another go. I feel many people have too much of a black and white/stubborn view of this type of stuff and they ultimately end up with someone/something that makes them less happy than someone from their past would have simply because they figured if it didn't work then it *must* mean it could never work in the future even though this is totally illogical. Most issues are easily correctable if people are willing to put in some effort but sadly most people today have no desire to put in effort and just want nice and easy relationships and run away whenever there are some issues/problems...just look at the divorce rate to back up both people getting with someone that doesn't make them as happy as they could be and for people running away when any problems may arise. I think the fact that most reunited lovers after years apart work out shows that if you have an open mind/accept someone from the past really was "the one" and there weren't any serious issues in the past (ie cheating) that things can work out later on. I guess it is kind of like the grass is greener syndrome where people figure anything in the future will be better than what they have/had even though this doesn't really make much sense since people/relationships are not like technology where you continually have the progress. Again, I am pretty sure a lot of the time people see this isn't the case and just end up settling for someone who was inferior to a former love rather than just see if the former love would be willing to try things out again. I think pride also factors in because they are too prideful to "go back" to someone from the past, especially if they were the one who initiated the break-up. I hope it all works out for you. I somewhat say all this from experience as I have an ex from about 3 billion years ago (ok, 7) who messages me each year (and each time things go to crap as the "friendship" she wants doesn't happen and she always pulls away and this frustrates me) and who I still care deeply for and know if she would just give things a chance given that we are older and wiser now we could try again and it'd probably be great as we have both changed in ways of being better. Thing is, she is a black and white type person so no matter what she will just think about what happened before and has that door closed and she seems to keep viewing me as the guy from 7 years ago (aka flaws that I had then which mainly came from immaturity) rather than see what has changed. I have got to know a fair share of women since then and they all don't "do it" for me like she does. Given that it does me no good still caring so much for her since nothing will probably come from it, I'd rather that someone I have met since her or will meet will "better" her in my mind in terms of compatibility but sadly that is not the case and there is no point in me trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise. I used to have that "oh this person will be better for me" viewpoint years ago but soon realized I can't change reality which is that someone I was with before is still the best fit for me whether she feels the same way or not. This doesn't mean I sit there crying each night as I do things I enjoy and live my life but I'd rather stay single and do my own thing than get with someone who I don't click with as well as I did with her and simply settle in that way. I suppose though this really comes down to how one can handle being "alone" and for me that isn't an issue.
Author k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Thanks man, I appreciate it. Puts things in a little bit different of a perspective for me..Is there a reputation system on this site?
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