DarkestChapter Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hi all, I've been dating a girl I got attached to quickly for 2 and a half months and it has been about a month since she left me. I've never been happier before in a relationship and more emotionally and physically atracted to someone this much, and we both had a blast together so this break up came as a real surprise... This relationship also moved incredibly fast physically and emotionally and I can't get over her and let her go. She broke up with me because she was going through some personal issues. She was having some major financial troubles and major school troubles as well. She told me that she can't concentrate at school anymore because of me and that her feelings toward me and the entire idea of a relationship was starting to scare her. She also mentioned her ex-boyfriend and said that she wouldn't be able to handle losing someone anymore... I repeatedly told her that I'm not her exboyfriend and that we could go through with this together but she told me she just wants to be alone. I asked if it was anything I did or if she's not attracted to me anymore and she said "no, you're perfect, I'm very much attracted to you still and I've had an insane time with you, I don't know why I'm doing this myself, I just can't handle a relationship right now". I then asked if she can give this thing a second chance and she told me "not right now". I just don't know what to do anymore, I want her back soooo badly it hurts. I can't go 3 hours without thinking about her, and what makes it worse is that I see her in my university classes at least 3 times a week. Right now we only greet each other... and it sucks that we decided to take courses together in the summer time as well. Do you guys think I have another shot at getting her back? How do I go about it? I just can't let her go...
USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I just don't know what to do anymore, I want her back soooo badly it hurts. I can't go 3 hours without thinking about her, and what makes it worse is that I see her in my university classes at least 3 times a week. Right now we only greet each other... and it sucks that we decided to take courses together in the summer time as well. Do you guys think I have another shot at getting her back? How do I go about it? I just can't let her go... To put it simply, at this point, there is nothing you can do to get her back. If she is going to come back, it has to be because she wants to come back on her own. Take it from any of us on LS...the more you try to "win her back," the further you'll drive her away. I understand how much it hurts right now and how much you want this girl back in your life. It's only been a month...I've been there...hell, it's been almost 8 months for me, and I still feel it sometimes... Time is really the only thing that can truly heal you after a breakup. You have to trust that time will heal you too. First of all, you have to go into strict No Contact with her...don't be her friend, don't write, call, text, or IM her...she didn't want to be part of your life, so she doesn't deserve you in any way in her life...I know it's tough because of school...avoid her, but be courteous if you do run into her... Spend time with friends...go to the gym...learn some new hobbies...meet new people! And I don't necessarily mean jump into bed right away with someone...but meet new people and expand your social network...it will help keep your mind off the ex... Remember, NC is your friend...learn to love it...
Author DarkestChapter Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I've tried so many things to try and get her out of my head. Exercise has always been a major part of my life, and I continue to go to the gym regularly but it's just a quick fix. I'm also a guitarist in a rock band and gig once a week but I'm starting to lose pleasure from it. I've also been trying to concentrate on school more lately... but in the end I just keep on thinking about her. I can't help but idealize her. I'm turned off by every other girl at the moment and feel like no one is going to be better than her. It's the fact that she said "not right now" when I asked for a second chance that really gets to me and gives me (maybe false) hope. I'm sorry for my whining, I understand everyone goes through with this and I'm deeply sorry for those that do, but I just can't get her out of my head. When we broke up she said that she'd like to remain friends and I refused and told her that it's impossible for me to see her only as a friend. I feel uneasy about not contacting her though. I feel that if I don't contact her anymore the possibility of getting back together will be shattered.
StrugglingS Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I've tried so many things to try and get her out of my head. Exercise has always been a major part of my life, and I continue to go to the gym regularly but it's just a quick fix. I'm also a guitarist in a rock band and gig once a week but I'm starting to lose pleasure from it. I've also been trying to concentrate on school more lately... but in the end I just keep on thinking about her. I can't help but idealize her. I'm turned off by every other girl at the moment and feel like no one is going to be better than her. It's the fact that she said "not right now" when I asked for a second chance that really gets to me and gives me (maybe false) hope. I'm sorry for my whining, I understand everyone goes through with this and I'm deeply sorry for those that do, but I just can't get her out of my head. When we broke up she said that she'd like to remain friends and I refused and told her that it's impossible for me to see her only as a friend. I feel uneasy about not contacting her though. I feel that if I don't contact her anymore the possibility of getting back together will be shattered. I know exactly where you're coming from, I'm in exactly the same place. I had a more final 'I'm not ready for a relationship right now' but even then I focus more on the 'right now' and can't help thinking... in 3 months, will she want me again? I've been through this once before, 10 years ago after the end of my first long-term relationship, and I know that time is a healer, perhaps the only healer... but that took me best part of 2 years, and I'm struggling to imagine ever feeling right again. But as my best friend said, take it one day at a time - it's no good looking too far ahead - look at tomorrow, then the day after, then the day after that. In yours an my situation it's harder because we still see them on a regular basis, but show her you've moved on, greet her courteously, show that you're happy enough to see her, but no more than you would be for any other friend. If she wants you, she'll come back to you. Don't do what I did a few years back, and put yourself on the shelf, 'just in case'. You'll only end up getting your heart broken. If she wants you in 2 or 3 months, she'll tell you. If not, you'll be ready to meet someone new and move on with that person. Now if only I was able to take my own advice.
hoping2heal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hi there, I can understand your bewilderment at having a relationship cut short in the "honeymoon phase". It has a lot of cruel irony. On the one hand the relationship was not that old. On the other hand; it was so young that you hadn't had the time for reality to settle in about who this woman is and what she is about. I know it can feel confusing when you're in the throes of it but you do not know a person in&out simply because you've had the opportunity to uhm..go in and out. It takes awhile to know a person - and unfortunately sex and physical intimacy can sometimes build bridges that aren't there. Does this girl have comittment issues? Maybe. Does she prefer only to be in the fun&easy stages of a relationship and just bails on them all? Maybe. Is she just a female player? Could be. These are all things that you just don't know about her. If she really sincerely is only confused right now - she will sort herself out and come back to you. There's nothing you can do about that. Trying to force her hand in your direction will only work against you to push her farther away. Again, you just don't know this girl all that well yet - even though I know it feels like you do.
Author DarkestChapter Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks for the help everyone. I guess I should try my best to let her go, even though it's really tough to do so at the moment. What makes this even harder is that we have classes together this semester and in the summer time so I'll still be seeing her a lot. Do you think I should not contact her at all? Should I continue to initiate contact with her when I see her or should I simply start avoiding her and only say a few words when I run into her? Again, I feel that not contacting her will worsen the chances of us getting back together... In the mean time, I'm going to stay away from relationships and avoid casual flings. I honestly hope that in the summer things will pick up again between us...
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