tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 So, I spent nearly the entire last weekend with the guy I posted about recently, who I met online. I had a really great time and I really like him, and I thought he felt the same...until now. I haven't heard from him at all since he had to leave really late Saturday night. I called him twice, once yesterday morning, once this morning--I only left a message when I called today, just reiterating that I had a really great time and it would be nice to hear from him soon. He hasn't called back; I haven't heard a peep. Last night I was on the site checking/deleting my messages and I saw that he was online too. So he had time to check the site, but not call me back or even just shoot me an e-mail? After spending nearly an entire weekend with me (though there was no sex), a girl who I thought he'd made clear he really liked? We had even made plans for my birthday weekend. I guess he's just avoiding me, hoping I'll "get the message" without him having to spill his guts. Or am I overreacting?
DustySaltus Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I guess he's just avoiding me, hoping I'll "get the message" without him having to spill his guts. Or am I overreacting? I had a girl I was dating a few months back plan things out ahead of time and told me I would make a great boyfriend. Then she just fell off the face of the earth. Called her once and left a message, never heard from her again. We dated briefly and didn't sleep together either (although there was no real opportunity to do so). It could have something to do with the lack of sexual activity in your case. Maybe he grew impatient.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I had a girl I was dating a few months back plan things out ahead of time and told me I would make a great boyfriend. Then she just fell off the face of the earth. Called her once and left a message, never heard from her again. We dated briefly and didn't sleep together either (although there was no real opportunity to do so). It could have something to do with the lack of sexual activity in your case. Maybe he grew impatient. This was our first time meeting. We'd been talking online/on the phone for about a couple weeks beforehand. And we were intimate, just not THAT intimate.
silic0ntoad Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 He's probably got a few others on the stringer and is weighing his options. TBH, I am thinking you're a backup plan. Ditch this dude. If he says he is into you, etc, then he would make an effort.
ADF Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 What a jerk. Unfortunately, too many people in this world are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves, and would rather just do a disappearing act than tell you flat out they're not interested. Cowardly, passive-aggressive nonsense. You are well rid of this guy.
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Agree with the menfolk above. If he was that into you, he'd reply to your call.
calizaggy Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 It's online dating.. I am sure he has many options..
Crazy Magnet Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If he wanted to talk to you, he would. He's not, so he doesn't. Don't call him again. You've let him know how you feel, the ball is in his court for sure now.
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 He left late Saturday morning, you've now called him twice (last time this very morning) and it's only TUESDAY. Me thinks you need to relax.
Wallace1 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 He left late Saturday morning, you've now called him twice (last time this very morning) and it's only TUESDAY. Me thinks you need to relax. I agree with this. He could be worried about coming off too eager or needy or whatever. I also would not call him again though, if you don't get a response you know what to do.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) Yeah, I have no plans to contact him again. I guess if I am overreacting, then how long should I wait for him to respond before totally writing him off? Before we met, he was making most if not all of the effort. He was the one to come to see me; he took me out, etc...and now this. It's just like a total 180 from how things were. Edited March 23, 2010 by tigressA
silic0ntoad Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Yeah, I have no plans to contact him again. I guess if I am overreacting, then how long should I wait for him to respond before totally writing him off? Before we met, he was making most if not all of the effort. He was the one to come to see me; he took me out, etc...and now this. It's just like a total 180 from how things were. Thursday night. He will call you by then to see if you're busy during the weekend. If not, cut him off.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Thursday night. He will call you by then to see if you're busy during the weekend. If not, cut him off. I don't normally do this "call/text, who contacts who first" game. That's all I think it is, a game. In my mind, if you're interested, you make an effort to contact. But others see things differently, obviously. We didn't make plans for this weekend, but the weekend after--my birthday weekend. Should I still only give him until Thursday in that case?
silic0ntoad Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I don't normally do this "call/text, who contacts who first" game. That's all I think it is, a game. In my mind, if you're interested, you make an effort to contact. But others see things differently, obviously. We didn't make plans for this weekend, but the weekend after--my birthday weekend. Should I still only give him until Thursday in that case? In all honesty, yeah. I've had people make plans in advance then vanish, and in the meantime, I am sitting around like wtf, now I have no plans. My advice? Come friday, make some other plans. If he pops in, tell him you made other plans because he didn't bother getting back to you, and you needed to know what was going on.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I do already have tentative plans this weekend--going to see my friend's band play. And I have no problem filling up my weekends; I live with friends and have others nearby, and since I'm dating around I have plenty of options...I just really like this particular guy is all. And I thought I had reason to believe he really liked me. But at this point, who knows...
silic0ntoad Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I do already have tentative plans this weekend--going to see my friend's band play. And I have no problem filling up my weekends; I live with friends and have others nearby, and since I'm dating around I have plenty of options...I just really like this particular guy is all. And I thought I had reason to believe he really liked me. But at this point, who knows... I got ya. I am just saying it sucks to try and hold out waiting to see if they will come around. I've stopped that overall. Time will tell where he stands. But like I said, Thursday! At least, that's what I'd do.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I got ya. I am just saying it sucks to try and hold out waiting to see if they will come around. I've stopped that overall. Time will tell where he stands. But like I said, Thursday! At least, that's what I'd do. Thanks, silic0n. I'll wait until Thursday. And if I don't hear from him, oh well.
torranceshipman Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The guy is a huge classless jerk. If he is like this after one date imagine what an insensitive jerkoff he'd be if you were in a R with him. You are way too good for all this crap - walk away from this one.
silic0ntoad Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Thanks, silic0n. I'll wait until Thursday. And if I don't hear from him, oh well. No problem. I always do the thursday night cut off, and it's never failed me once. Keep us posted of any updates hun.
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I was ready to assume that he just pulled a disappearing act and is just hoping I get the message because this only happened to me one other time in my online dating exploits--I went out with a guy, had a great time, contacted him after to tell him so, didn't get a response, never heard from him again. Every other guy I went out with either made initial contact soon after--mostly within a day, never more than 2--or responded to my contact within the same time frame.
DiDi123 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 How rude not to return your calls. I say be done with him. If this is how is acting now..... Simple common courtesy and respect is what you deserve, and clearly he isn't stepping up to the plate. I recently started dating with the online sites and went on some blind dates that friends/family have fixed me up with. I have encountered somewhat similar situations as you have. One guy (this was a family friend fix-up) actually emailed 3 weeks later and told me he hadn't contacted me because he had a sinus infection!!! LOL!!! Can you say lame? I didn't even respond- he was out by default by not calling the day after and making arrangements for a 2nd date. I had another guy tell me he was going to call me on a Sunday evening...did he call? nope. Monday? nope. Tuesday? nope. Wednesday I sent him an email telling him I had a great time was looking forward to hearing from him since he said he was going to call. I explained there are these things called manners, common courtesy, and respect. I also told him that good communication skills are extremely important to me. I then said it was too bad he didn't call because we seemed to be compatible and would have liked to see him again. I ended with good luck in finding whatever it is your looking for, and signed it Sincerely xxxxxx. I mean no ill will towards any of these guys, but they just weren't for me. So, I received a response almost immediately from him that said "Oh- I didn't realize what day it was- wanna go out this weekend?" LOL!!! I didn't even respond. Your 47 years old and you don't realize what day it is?! Obviously I wasn't on his mind or radar. DO I really want to be involved with a guy like this? Remember...you only have one chance to make a first impression........ ((hugs))
Author tigressA Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) How rude not to return your calls. I say be done with him. If this is how is acting now..... Simple common courtesy and respect is what you deserve, and clearly he isn't stepping up to the plate. It's tempting to just completely write him off now, but I do like him, and sometimes things happen...so I'm giving him a couple days to get back to me and explain himself. The whole reason he left early was because he had to pick up his friend from the airport who was flying in from London. Perhaps he's just been really busy. But then there's the whole concept of "If someone's really interested they would make the effort" coming into play here. What someone said earlier about him probably not wanting to come off as needy or eager--he wouldn't have come off that way to me by merely responding to my effort to contact him, or even if he had contacted me first. Like I said in my last post, all but one other guy besides this one who I've been out with has contacted me within 24-48 hours after our date, or responded to contact I've made. It was behavior that was simply courteous and expressing sincere interest. It wasn't any of this "not wanting to appear needy" BS. I hate that excuse. Edited March 23, 2010 by tigressA
shadowplay Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Honestly, I'd just write him off at this point. IME guys who are genuinely interest will contact you again almost immediately.
pandagirl Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 It's tempting to just completely write him off now, but I do like him, and sometimes things happen...so I'm giving him a couple days to get back to me and explain himself. The whole reason he left early was because he had to pick up his friend from the airport who was flying in from London. Perhaps he's just been really busy. If his friend is staying with him, and he is entertaining his out-of-town friend, then he could have a legitimate excuse for not calling you back. Of course, a call or a text takes a second, but if he has a guest in town, it could be hectic, running from place to place. Just don't contact him anymore and if he calls you, see what he has to say for himself!
threebyfate Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Tigress, there's no excuse for his behaviour, especially since he's had time to check his online profile and probably returning or sending messages on it. He's displaying a lack of respect. Don't put up with it, even if he calls by Thursday.
Recommended Posts