My own porn thread...yellow flag? Red? Neither?

[New Again]

New Again, keep us updated on how it goes.

 

I think it sounds like your man has an issue with porn. It will be up to him if he wants to be man enough to overcome it.

Sure will.

With that info I now see your concern.

Did you suspect that other forms of stimulation didn't get him erect & didn't relay that or did have no idea?

Well I have noticed certain things that have never been an issue before with other men....but I told myself that every guy is different.

 

Basically, he very rarely gets hard except from very direct stimulation, and even then he's almost never really hard. He also has a very difficult time climaxing from sex, and usually just takes the condom off and jerks off to finish.

 

You are allowed to set the standards for who you want to date. If you don't want a guy who looks at porn, be upfront about it and stick to it. If you seem on the fence about it, any guy who even rarely looks at porn is still going to look at it if you seem like it isn't a huge deal.

 

But truthfully, I've never known a guy (especially a young one) who jerked of in the morning to not want sex the following night JUST because he jerked off earlier. That is plenty of hours later; maybe he was just tired.

 

Be honest with yourself. If you didn't know he jerked off to porn that morning, how would you have perceived his not wanting sex that night?

As long as it doesn't become a problem (as I feel it is, or could be), it's not a huge deal...

 

If I hadn't known about the porn I still would've perceived it as rejection...but taken it more personally. Knowing what I know now about porn/sex/stimuation I still am taking it personally (though I shouldn't).

[silic0ntoad]

Sure will.

 

Well I have noticed certain things that have never been an issue before with other men....but I told myself that every guy is different.

 

Basically, he very rarely gets hard except from very direct stimulation, and even then he's almost never really hard. He also has a very difficult time climaxing from sex, and usually just takes the condom off and jerks off to finish.

 

 

As long as it doesn't become a problem (as I feel it is, or could be), it's not a huge deal...

 

If I hadn't known about the porn I still would've perceived it as rejection...but taken it more personally. Knowing what I know now about porn/sex/stimuation I still am taking it personally (though I shouldn't).

 

 

Well this changes things. If he's having those issues it's because, exactly like he said, he's not used to stimulation from a flesh and blood human being.

 

Easily fixed. He just has to stop watching porn. Once his issues are worked out, he can do whatever.

[threebyfate]

Well this changes things. If he's having those issues it's because, exactly like he said, he's not used to stimulation from a flesh and blood human being.

 

Easily fixed. He just has to stop watching porn. Once his issues are worked out, he can do whatever.

Yup, it really is that simple, although porn isn't really the issue. The issue is that he needs to stop whacking off, since with or without porn, he can still whack off.

[phineas]

Well this changes things. If he's having those issues it's because, exactly like he said, he's not used to stimulation from a flesh and blood human being.

 

Easily fixed. He just has to stop watching porn. Once his issues are worked out, he can do whatever.

 

Maybe use a Dutch Row to help him make the transisiton?

[New Again]

Maybe use a Dutch Row to help him make the transisiton?

Dare I Google this?

[Mahatma]

Jerking off--whether to porn or not--and having sex have nothing to do with each other. One does not stand in for the other. Men jerk off (and watch porn) no matter how much sex they're having.

 

 

Yes they do.

 

If I jerk off, I have no interest in sex anymore for the rest of the day.

 

If I have sex in the morning, I will most likely either want sex again later, or have urges for porn.

 

I now jerk off once a week at most, sometimes 2 weeks. I find my urges for sex with my girlfriend are significantly stronger.

[Bejita463]

If I jerk off, I have no interest in sex anymore for the rest of the day.

 

Really? That's never happened to me. For an hour maybe, but not the whole day.

[threebyfate]

Really? That's never happened to me. For an hour maybe, but not the whole day.

Not everyone has the same level or capabilities of sexual drive and performance.

[St. Nick]

So he jerked-off instead of running errands. Big deal. It's called wasting your resources. People do this all the time. Spending cash on luxury items, instead of paying bills; buying liquor instead of quitting alcohol; eating fatty foods instead of dieting; etc. Yawn.

 

Has the OP decided to move on with her life now?

[Bejita463]

Not everyone has the same level or capabilities of sexual drive and performance.

 

I wasn't trying to imply something was wrong with it. I just never really felt I had much of a sex drive, and the comment surprised me as a result. That's all.

[phineas]

Dare I Google this?

 

My bad. it's a dutch rotor.

I saw it in a movie.

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dutch%20Rotor

[Scottdmw]

I'll say it again: the two have nothing to to with each other. And porn "addiction" is a myth. Don't listen to the anti-porn zealots who liken looking at porn to injecting heroin or smoking crack. It is an idiotic comparison put forward by people who are personally offended by porn, who hate and fear male sexuality, who feel entitled to tell men what they may or may not be turned on by.

 

Isn't is funny how the anti-porn crowd will say, "yeah, men will tell you it's normal, but don't believe them?" I would think if you actually wanted to understand men's behavior with regards to porn, you might care to listen to what they had to say. But no. We men don't get to say anything. Most of the time, they don't even ask us. If they do, and we say something that doesn't fit in with their neo-Puritan world view, they just say we're lying. These people are on an ideological crusade. They don't care what the truth is.

 

Here's the way to solve your problem: he needs to pretend he doesn't look at porn put of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.

 

 

I'm a man, and I don't think porn addiction is a myth. I will also say for the record that I don't personally watch it, largely because I feel it is addictive after watching it in the past. There are at least some other men out there I’m sure who don't watch it either. So, enough with the blanket statements that all men watch it, or that it is an indissoluble part of male sexuality.

 

If you really believe it's not an addiction for anyone, there are two things I would suggest. First, google “porn addiction” and read some of the personal, first-hand accounts of men who write in great detail about how they feel porn has messed up or even ruined their lives.

 

If you really want to discount all those testimonies and say that they are all lying or fooling themselves, then the second thing I would suggest is at least prove to yourself that you personally are not addicted. It's not enough to say you can stop anytime, any addict will say the same thing. Go without porn completely cold turkey for four months. Focus on other pleasures for awhile, there are many in life. If you can do that, I would readily and wholeheartedly admit that for you at least porn is not an addiction. If you have not done this yourself, I would suggest that you have no business saying anything on the subject. I can say from personal experience that doing that was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

 

I think that most men have a vision of themselves as heroic in some sense, that if the occasion demanded it they could rise to great things. Most men would like women to see them that way also, if they really think about it. Think about your image of a great man, someone you really admire, someone you think has been influential in history or done something amazing. Can you easily imagine that man masturbating to porn? I can't. The two just don't go well with each other. I think it's also fair to say that almost all women, even if they are quite tolerant of porn or watch it themselves, definitely don't think to themselves “great, heroic man” when they imagine a man masturbating to porn. So, which man do you want to be? Speaking only for myself and not implying that others need to agree at all, porn does not fit my view of what the sexuality of a great man is.

 

Scott

[calizaggy]

I think that most men have a vision of themselves as heroic in some sense, that if the occasion demanded it they could rise to great things. Most men would like women to see them that way also, if they really think about it. Think about your image of a great man, someone you really admire, someone you think has been influential in history or done something amazing. Can you easily imagine that man masturbating to porn? I can't. The two just don't go well with each other. I think it's also fair to say that almost all women, even if they are quite tolerant of porn or watch it themselves, definitely don't think to themselves “great, heroic man” when they imagine a man masturbating to porn. So, which man do you want to be? Speaking only for myself and not implying that others need to agree at all, porn does not fit my view of what the sexuality of a great man is.

 

Scott

 

 

hahahaha

 

This is true, and it made me laugh.. The idea of guys staring at a screen everyday and playing with themselves is somewhat pathetic.. What woman wants to be with that guy? What guy thinks he is doing something normal when he thinks of it in the way that you just illustrated..