My own porn thread...yellow flag? Red? Neither?

[Rearden Metal]

This is a deliberately obtuse and stubborn post ADF.

 

You chose to ignore the biggest reason I see this issue as having affected me, which was in the same post as one you are referring to here.

 

 

The fact is, your BF might have a problem. But from all that you've described, it's impossible to tell because there's not enough information.

 

From all you've told us, I don't see any reason to be alarmed. But you are closer to the situation and may have gleaned more of a feeling about this than can be conveyed in a posting.

[ADF]

This is a deliberately obtuse and stubborn post ADF.

 

You chose to ignore the biggest reason I see this issue as having affected me, which was in the same post as one you are referring to here.

 

I am not being stubborn. You are.

 

I've told you twice I doubt his masturing had much to do with his not wanting sex that night. You won't believe that. Fine.

 

But let's suppose you're right. Let's suppose his having masturbated earlier in the day dampened his libido later that evening. Do you really believe that were it not for the availability of porn, men wouldn't masturbate? More to the point, do you think your guy wouldn't masturbate if he didn't have access to porn? If you do, you're very naive about male sexuality.

 

Kinsey said it best: "90% of men are masturbaters; the other 10% are liars."

 

If all porn in the world magically disappeared, millions of guys would still be going home during the day, or locking their office doors, or ducking into bathrooms in the middle of the day to masturbate. Again, you have a problem with not understanding male sexuality, not with porn.

[Star Gazer]

How did you know that he went home to jerk off, rather than run errands?

[silic0ntoad]

Nahh, no mistake on your part. You wanted help. Nothing wrong with that. It's just funny that all the comments that followed mine where true to form.

 

New Again, talk to your guy though and ask him what is going on. Might make you feel better. I don't know.

 

 

 

No it's not. It's true. The responses that followed prove that. What you guys care about is that he gets to still look at porn and maintain easy access to the woman still. In this case, New Again.

 

 

 

That's good but has nothing to do with this topic.

 

 

 

Closer to the truth is you don't want it to be an issue because it goes against your personal gratification at having porn and a real partner that is there for you. It matters not how a woman might feel.

 

 

 

I think New Again thinks your overreacting too so no worries there.

 

 

 

If that's true, that's not healthy Dude.

 

 

 

Who said anything about you being a slave? Not looking at porn makes it slave status? Huh?

 

I guess women are suppose to be defeminizied slaves in the eyes of men that anything a man feels in his penis overules everything else. Be honest, that's what your main arguement is and justification no matter what rational you use. You do not care what her problem is. You only care that the man still be able to use porn and her when he needs/feels it. That's what your opinion boils down to. Tell me I am wrong LOL and why.

 

 

 

 

Actually, isn' the fact that she came here with a question reason enough to safely say it's caused a problem? Or is the guy in the relationship the only one allowed to call out on what a problem is or isn't allowed to be?

 

I didn't say he was an addict. i said that more men are addicted to porn then they care to admit to themselves. Your brother's problems habit is expensive and he has to leave his house to get it. And the cocaine triggers a reaction in his braind. You don't have to leave yoru house to get porn. It's completely free and totally annomous and ironically, it causes the same reactors and stimulators in your head that drug use does. That makes it 10 times mroe dangerous and 10 times more easily hidden.

 

Think of how productive men would be if they spent that time to something mroe worth while then downloading porn.

 

Lets jsut be honest. Women are worthless and have no right to ask for anything in a realtionship. Men are wonderful and can do whatever they need to satisfy their needs. Even if it's with and industry that treats women liek crude.

 

 

In my eyes, any statement that involves pornography being 10 times more dangerous then cocaine addiction is simply ridiculous.

 

I can go on all day. Think of how productive women would be if they stopped listening to their catty GF's and accepted things for what they are.

 

Please. The arguments are all the same. The fact stands. Men will watch porn. You have two options. Accept it for what it is (An expression of sexual desire sacred to that man himself, with no outside influence) or don't, and remain celibate, because no man on this planet, straight, gay or chaste, isn't going to not watch porn. And if they say they don't, they are lying.

[New Again]

How did you know that he went home to jerk off, rather than run errands?

 

Since I had to hang out at his place while he finished his errands and bills and stuff I asked to use his computer.

 

It was on, but "asleep"....and he hadn't closed his internet browser, and therefore his porn was right in front of my face.

 

He was sitting right next to me, so I asked him and he told me. He hadn't closed it because he was about to be late for work.

 

Ew. He admitted that he lied to me about why he hadn't gotten his errands done.

[silic0ntoad]

He lied to you because of the exact mindset put forth in this thread- that men should be ashamed of porn viewing, that it's unhealthy, and more dangerous then hard drug use.

[Wallace1]

Kinsey said it best: "90% of men are masturbaters; the other 10% are liars."

 

If all porn in the world magically disappeared, millions of guys would still be going home during the day, or locking their office doors, or ducking into bathrooms in the middle of the day to masturbate. Again, you have a problem with not understanding male sexuality, not with porn.

 

Am I the only one that thinks making a trip home from work is extreme? Is ducking into bathrooms and locking office doors common?

 

 

OP, it sounds like it COULD be compulsive behavior, but he may have just been unable to keep YOU off of his mind while working all day!

[Jersey Shortie]

In my eyes, any statement that involves pornography being 10 times more dangerous then cocaine addiction is simply ridiculous.

 

That's not quite what I said though. I said the foundation of the breeding ground was 10 times more dangerous because it allowed people to get something totally free, annomously and easy.

 

Physically, it clearly doesn't have the same affects. Mentally and socially it's debatable.

 

Gambling doesn't have the same affects as a cocaine habbit either but it doesn't mean it doesnt' destroy things and is less dangerous.

 

 

Please. The arguments are all the same. The fact stands. Men will watch porn. You have two options. Accept it for what it is (An expression of sexual desire sacred to that man himself, with no outside influence) or don't, and remain celibate, because no man on this planet, straight, gay or chaste, isn't going to not watch porn. And if they say they don't, they are lying.

 

Yes, I totally understand men will never stop viewing porn. I understand how little women and relationships matter in the grand scheme. Didn't I say that in the beginning of thread that what matters most to men is that they still get porn and real sex and the opinions of women aren't too important to men? The only option is for women to settle for the crumbs a man is willign to throw her way and men expect women to be joyful and loving for it.

 

Ew. He admitted that he lied to me about why he hadn't gotten his errands done.

 

New Again, when porn gets in the way of not doing real life things, it's sort of a problem. Not saying it's addiction but when you start forgoing real life duties for it, errr yeah that's not good.

[Shygirl15]

New Again, they really just don't care. They don't care that you have this problem. All they care about is that your man, someone that they never even talked to online or in real life, still gets his porn and gets to bone you whenever *he* wants. Most of the guys here could careless about anything else. Because this is utlimately what is most important to them.

Any constructive advice to offer OP?

[New Again]

He lied to you because of the exact mindset put forth in this thread- that men should be ashamed of porn viewing, that it's unhealthy, and more dangerous then hard drug use.

 

I understand why it would be uncomfortable to tell someone that went home to jerk off. Therefore I didn't start my post with "omg he lied to me about his porn use".

 

In this case I do think everyone is missing an important point, that his decision cut into our time together.

[New Again]

Any constructive advice to offer OP?

 

Do you?

[New Again]

Am I the only one that thinks making a trip home from work is extreme? Is ducking into bathrooms and locking office doors common?

 

 

OP, it sounds like it COULD be compulsive behavior, but he may have just been unable to keep YOU off of his mind while working all day!

 

Thank you; one facet of my problem is exactly what you stated. Not the fact that he looks at porn in and of itself.

[Bejita463]

In this case I do think everyone is missing an important point, that his decision cut into our time together.

 

I didn't miss any such thing. I wouldn't have handled things the way your guy did, but I'm not him either.

[silic0ntoad]

That's not quite what I said though. I said the foundation of the breeding ground was 10 times more dangerous because it allowed people to get something totally free, annomously and easy.

 

Physically, it clearly doesn't have the same affects. Mentally and socially it's debatable.

 

Gambling doesn't have the same affects as a cocaine habbit either but it doesn't mean it doesnt' destroy things and is less dangerous.

 

 

 

 

Yes, I totally understand men will never stop viewing porn. I understand how little women and relationships matter in the grand scheme. Didn't I say that in the beginning of thread that what matters most to men is that they still get porn and real sex and the opinions of women aren't too important to men? The only option is for women to settle for the crumbs a man is willign to throw her way and men expect women to be joyful and loving for it.

 

 

 

New Again, when porn gets in the way of not doing real life things, it's sort of a problem. Not saying it's addiction but when you start forgoing real life duties for it, errr yeah that's not good.

 

 

That's still preposterous. The impact of cocaine socially and mentally is entirely different then pornography. Cocaine kills people. People who use cocaine kill people in rages that are associated with the drug. It impares the ability to drive and function in social settings. Does porn do that? You're saying this stuff without (in my opinion) good knowledge of how far people go when addicted to hard drugs, as compared to random images on a computer screen.

 

Secondly, your misandry has gotten slightly out of hand. No, we don't want, and will not stop watching pornography. Men DO care what affects their relationship. I still don't see, unless it is directly impacting her end of the relationship on a regular basis, how there is any grounds to state that men want sex slaves with no vocal chords. Ridiculous. If women and relationships didn't matter in the grand scheme, wouldn't us evol menz go and make a giant baby making factory, where all women are simply used for reproduction? Seriously. Come on. No one is buying that.

 

@New Again- TBH, unless it is happening frequently, I wouldn't think it is an issue. As I stated above, most men lie when they watch porn because of the misandry some have posed here in regards to this topic. If it continues to be a problem, I would let him know about it. Open sexuality in a relationship is a great thing, and can lead to alot of potential growth. I am sure he isn't trying to undermine your sex drive by watching porn on the computer; and I am willing to bet that his lack of libido that evening had nothing to do with it. Like I said, I've gone through periods (Usually only a day, but sometimes two days) where I just don't want it. It's perfectly natural.

[New Again]

@New Again- TBH, unless it is happening frequently, I wouldn't think it is an issue. As I stated above, most men lie when they watch porn because of the misandry some have posed here in regards to this topic. If it continues to be a problem, I would let him know about it. Open sexuality in a relationship is a great thing, and can lead to alot of potential growth. I am sure he isn't trying to undermine your sex drive by watching porn on the computer; and I am willing to bet that his lack of libido that evening had nothing to do with it. Like I said, I've gone through periods (Usually only a day, but sometimes two days) where I just don't want it. It's perfectly natural.

You may not want to comment on this issue.

 

Do you also think I'm overreacting for being annoyed and hurt that he made a decision to do something unnecessary, over doing what he told me he was going to do, thereby cutting into our date night, with no prior warning?

[silic0ntoad]

You may not want to comment on this issue.

 

Do you also think I'm overreacting for being annoyed and hurt that he made a decision to do something unnecessary, over doing what he told me he was going to do, thereby cutting into our date night, with no prior warning?

 

To be honest, being hurt is fair and annoyed is also fair; but your expectations of him in a relationship only go so far as you allow him to know.

 

Perhaps there is a disconnect in sex drive between the two of you; we don't know unless communication is had.

 

So, again, I ask, how many times has this happened, to this point? And, what expectations did you have (that he may have given to you) of the date night that were broken? Was it just the sex portion? Or something else?

[New Again]

 

So, again, I ask, how many times has this happened, to this point? And, what expectations did you have (that he may have given to you) of the date night that were broken? Was it just the sex portion? Or something else?

See this is tough, because I don't check his computer, and it was a complete fluke that in this case I happened to see it. I'm also not going to start checking his computer (I hope).

 

So, for example, there have been times when I've thought maybe he was a little more laid-back about things (like time) than I am, or maybe he's just not as organized, and punctual and task-oriented (I like to get things done as they come up) as I am...so that would account for things like him running errands on our date night....but now I'm like....well was it a deliberate decision because he decided to look at porn instead of other things, or was this a one-off???

 

I hope I'm not being super-confusing.

 

For date night we were supposed to meet at his place for dinner and go out to see a movie, sleep over, and I wanted sex (he usually does too - we both have high sex drives and this is a pretty new R).

 

Instead I came over and had to wait while he got some things done (that he was supposed to do earlier, but went home to watch porn instead), we had a late dinner, and watched tv because we missed the movie. Slept over, attempted to have sex, didn't get any, went to sleep.

[phineas]

One of his roommates has also commented on his porn-viewing habits.

 

 

and how does that make it an addiction?

How is porn negatively affecting his life like all adictions?

[Wallace1]

New Again, when porn gets in the way of not doing real life things, it's sort of a problem. Not saying it's addiction but when you start forgoing real life duties for it, errr yeah that's not good.

 

Do you also think I'm overreacting for being annoyed and hurt that he made a decision to do something unnecessary, over doing what he told me he was going to do, thereby cutting into our date night, with no prior warning?

 

I think Jersey Shortie is right with the above point. At the point where it alters your sex life, it starts to become a problem.

 

New Again - Its not overreacting to be annoyed, but I'd recommend against making a big deal about it unless it repeats itself a few times. If you find yourself in a similar situation down the road, I'd bring it up in a nonchalant manner. As others have mentioned, he could very easily have been not in the mood either way.

 

Clear communication is your friend, speculating on underlying issues because of a one time occurrence can lead to baseless conclusions. You MUST talk about it if it happens again.

[phineas]

I have a female friend.

She has a problem with porn also.

 

Her ex got blocked at work because he got caught watching it at work.

She had to block those sex hotline numbers on the phone because he rang up the phone bill.

 

She had to block it on the cable because he rented them & rang up the cable bill.

 

He stole one of her credit cards out of the mail & maxed it buying porn & the such.

 

He still had sex with her but she had to practically beg him for it.

 

He called her a prude. LOL!

 

That's a porn problem.

 

Me? I watch porn for as long as it takes me to get hard & rub one out.

5, 10 mins. max.

 

I have no desire to keep watching cause i've gotten rid of the poison.

 

If this keeps happening then you have a problem.

A comunication problem.

You need to ask him why he isn't saving that for you.

 

In all honesty I get the feeling your just pissed he couldn't get it up for you & maybe you are feeling rejected & trying to blame porn?

[New Again]

In all honesty I get the feeling your just pissed he couldn't get it up for you & maybe you are feeling rejected & trying to blame porn?

This is part of the problem (my problem). No doubt.

 

But the other part is what I wrote in a post further up this page.

 

Those are the two main things.

[Ilovehim]

For goodness sake!!!!!!!! she is NOT saying she has a problem with him watching porn. Nobody here has anything against porn so PLEASE stop writing replies about "Men watch porn. It's prefectly normal. bla bla bla" Nobody is saying that watching porn is not normal. I'm a female and I watch porn, my boyfriend does too. I could care less. Porn is porn.

 

 

HOWEVER seriously you will do 2 hour commute to JUST go and watch porn? This is not a "male" vs "female" thread. and it is not a "porn hating" thread. Because us females watch porn and play with ourselves and have sexual fanatasies as well.

 

Here is the issue: the OP and her boyfriend have very busy schedules and don't get to spend that much time together. They had plans to spend time together and her boyfriend decided to ditch her (who he doesn't even see as often) in order to do a 2 hour commute drive back home to watch porn. This is what I'm understanding at least. This is what is bothering her--that he refused spending time with his girl who he doesnt spend as much time with, in order to go and jerk off to other women on a computer screen. Does anyone seriously not see ANYTHING hurtful about this? I mean i like watching porn but no way i would cancel plans with my boyfriend and do a 2 hour drive just to watch some porn. rediculous!

[sweetjasmine]

5, 10 mins. max.

 

Do you think those 5-10 minutes would be worth the effort of driving one hour to get home and one hour to get back to work? That's what strikes me as odd.

[Jersey Shortie]

That's why I said in the beginning of this topic that the only thing most of the men would care about is that the male in the situation would still get to view porn, still have a partner there to spread her legs for him, and that a man can do no wrong ever ever ever when it comes to his porn habits. Male porn habit/need = always right. At least by how many men view it and exhibited it in this thread. Some posters even went as far as to tell the OP that there isn't even a problem. Completely dimissing her issue.

[A O]

Nobody here has anything against porn so PLEASE stop writing replies about "Men watch porn. It's prefectly normal. bla bla bla" Nobody is saying that watching porn is not normal.

Wrong - JS does and the OP has done nothing but agree with her. That is why the responses are what they are. The OP has done absolutely nothing to distance herself from JS's views and yet complains that posters fail to get her main point!

 

In this case I do think everyone is missing an important point, that his decision cut into our time together.

Your point is how his behavior, influenced by porn, made you feel. Your feelings, that's the problem not the lack of time together. Now, I have no reason to disbelieve what you say so simply put - you're dating a lying-uncaring-addict!! If you has any sense, you'd dump his arse, if you truly believe in what you think, you'd dump his arse. If you don't dump his arse, then you're little more than a drama queen and he should dump you.

 

 

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