neoskunk Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I don't know if any of yall remember me but I started posting on here 5 months ago. As my story goes my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 5 months ago. She stated about a million different reasons many of which contradicted each other. Even after breaking up we continued to date and talk to each other on a daily basis. It's now 5 months later and she is finally moving on I believe. Long story short, a few days ago she told me she liked a guy. I immediately went no contact and didn't talk to her for 5 days. After that I assumed things were over so I dropped by her house when she wasn't there to pick up my things(i still had a key). Low and behold guess what I found?? Yep you guessed, that guy in her bed. Shocking right?? Nope not really. I called her just to ask her about it, thought maybe I was jumping to conclusions. She said that nothing happened and he just happened to be in town. Whether this is the truth or not she still likes the guy so eventually it has to lead to more. She also said she had not stopped thinking about me the past 5 days while we werent talking, she was also wearing my clothes when I saw her and said she missed me. I asked her what exactly all this meant, did she like me or the other guy? Her answer was basically neither. She said the guy meant nothing to her and that she didn't want to date anyone right now because she felt like I was her crutch and she wanted to learn to do things for herself. I'm pretty sure that this girl just used me until she found a suitable replacement. The reason I am posting is to say to anyone who is having similar troubles...stop talking to the person in the first place. Make it clear what you want(ie. still love them and want to get back together) and then step back. If the other person is into you they will come back to you. Although you can try there is NO WAY you will make them come back. They have to realize that on their own. Trust me I have tried for the past 5 months. I read a saying the other day that said, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." Although you say things can be different, when it comes down to it you and your gf or bf are the same person. Thus if they are unhappy very little can be changed other than their mindset. People on this forum will jump to conclusions and say that there is someone else in their life, however, that is not always the case. Talk to the one you love don't make hasty and rash decisions. Several times I read something on here and then jumped to some silly conclusion that probably just made things worse for me. Although at the end of the day I'm pretty sure my girl already had her mind made up 5 months ago so what I did really didnt matter. It is likely that if they ever had any respect for you they will tell you what is going on. Although this girl may have disrespected me at least she told me that she liked another guy. I appreciate her honesty, at least I know to move on. Long story short....the advice on here is sound!! Top 3 things I have learned: 1.) If a girl tells you it's over, 99% of the time I would bet it's over. She has thought long and hard about this. If it actually gets to the point where she is telling you it's over, it's probably over! 2.)If a girl does tell you it's over and then tells you the next day she wants to hang out...be cautious. Don't do it. You and her have very different impressions of what "hanging out" means. You think it's a step towards getting back together. She thinks it's a step towards becoming friends. She is probably just using you. Think about it, she broke up for a reason. Tell her to make a commitment to you before any hanging out or talking occurs. 3.) No contact, no contact, no contact! I know it's hard and it's everyones first go to advice but it's there for a reason. It works! And for the most part is the right thing to do. I was worried that no contact would only make things worse as my girl would think I didn't care. Lets be realistic if you are making an effort to get the girl back she knows you care. NO CONTACT WILL NOT MAKE THINGS WORSE! As I said before I would advocate making your desires known but then immediately go NC and don't start talking to that person again unless they make some sort of effort to show you they care about you again. Finally I would just like to say don't do anything stupid after a break up. In the long run you will be fine! Probably even better off. If you don't believe me than believe the millions of other people out there who have gone through the same break up if not much worse. Please don't give me advice that's not why I'm posting. I'm posting in hopes that someone else will not have to endure what I have been through. I know it's hard to simply take someone elses advice (I couldn't) but i'll be saving you a lot of wasted time and heartache.
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