lunar_rabbit Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I've been following curiousnycgirl's thread, and the whole withdrawing thing really struck a chord with me. I mean, in the two years we were involved, my ex quit contacting me like this no less than *three* times, each time for about 4-5 months, typically after we'd argued and he just shut himself off. First couple of times I burned his phone and PC up with desperate emails, the last time I quit it and didn't contact him for 4 months and he came back, saying what a "strong woman" I was. He's done it for the *fourth* time now (there wasn't even an argument this time, I'm at a loss to figure out what happened, and he'd rather block my number and ignore me for 4-5 months than tell me...), it's been a month and 3 days of NC. Seriously, what the eff is this? *Is* it an attempt at control, or what? Do you think he'll pop back up again at some point? I heard the words "passive aggressive" used in the other thread, what exactly is this, and do you think this guy might fit the bill...? I'm getting itchy feet about breaking NC, and I want to make some attempt at understanding his behaviour to satisfy my curiosity.
cdt76 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm not as hardcore as some on here but I think you seriously need to contemplate what you want out from your significant other. Do you want someone who quits you, looks for something better, finds nothing and comes back? Do you want to constantly guess if this is the last time? It's all about what you are willing to tolerate from him. As for me, I wouldn't want someone dismissing my love everytime there was an arguement, or disagreement. I wouldn't want to wonder what he or she is doing in the time apart and with whom. You have to decide what you want and if he can provide it. If he is willing to change and become the man he needs to be then so be it. If he continues this pattern of love, fight, leave, then I'd say he is severely lacking in a lot of areas and you should try and find a better fit.
Author lunar_rabbit Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Thank you, but I never said I wanted him back. He's my ex because I decided it was over when he decided to bow out this time. I just want to understand what makes people do this...
ADF Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The explanation is pretty simple, in my opinion. Too many people in this world are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves. Other's people's feelings just don't count. They drift away or do a disappearing act because it is easier for them to do that than maybe have a difficult conversation.
Weird Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I am one of the world's kings at being in this position. I've been dealing with an ex coming into my life on a yearly basis for close to 6 years now (and the latest this month) and each time nothing comes of it. What happens is she will basically start off sweet and seem interested in really catching up/hanging out/getting closer but then within usually a couple weeks she withdraws which in turn gets me frustrated wondering why she is wasting my time and I tell her to leave me alone. She has tried to play the friends card with me and act like she really values my friendship and each time I have put forth the effort in a friendly way only to have the jerk around happen. I think it is simply done by people as an ego boost as well as a way to try and enact some control over others' emotions. All I know is it is annoying and classless and for me at least I am done with it.
Ilovecake Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I just want to understand what makes people do this... He's just taking care of #1 and you're allowing him to treat you any way he wants. he leaves and comes back and you take him back every time, how is he to know you're not OK with that if your actions show otherwise?
Recommended Posts