jessey Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Over several years we got closer and closer until one day he ended up in my bed. A few days later in tears he told me he wanted to go back to what we were, and I, being naive as I was to my own ability to adjust, comforted him and said it was OK. He wouldn't lose my friendship. Anyway that "break up" didn't seem to stick as he ended up in my bed many times after that .. until he later told me that he was just "easing out of it". I was devastated, and broke off communication for a while. Eventually we ended up chatting daily again and I was sure that he was my significant other, at least in our hearts. One day he casually mentioned his new girlfriend. In shock, I pulled away again, for several months this time, as I realized this significant other of mine had someone else who he was closer to. Slowly we got closer again, so close that I started to think he couldn't possibly be a great boyfriend .. the way he was carrying on with me! It seemed that even if I could have him I could never trust him .. because while he was with her, he certainly seemed to be with me too. But then one day when it all seemed too insane he told me he had broken up with her quite a while ago, while holding me warming as he often did. I don't know what happened but I think I got some kind of chemical reaction .. he pulled me into my bed so we could be more comfortable, fell asleep, and left. That combined with what he had told me got my hopes up so bad .. until they came crashing down again when he told me he was just trying to comfort me. I got so confused .. I pulled away again. I haven't talked to him for two weeks. I just saw some photos of him on facebook at a party, and I realize I am really not well. My heart feels like it is being crushed inside, and I know I will feel like this whenever I see him with other women. I truly admire him and care about him and I am fighting the conflict inside me .. hoping and trying to maximize the chance that he will finally surrender to this fully, if there is any chance there is a "this", or just letting letting him go and supporting him to be who he wants to be. I mean if we were together, and he wanted to leave, I wouldn't want to go against his wishes. No-one is happy if they are not free to be who they are. But why is it so bloody hard to be his friend. I can't seem to deal with the emotions, which are stronger than ever, and certainly don't appear to be very healthy .. I know I am suffering. But suffering from my own inability to rise above a desire for him to be mine.
neoskunk Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Sounds to me like your feelings are too strong to be friends with him. Can't say I have been through the same thing but something similar. Sounds to me like this guy is immature and does not want a committed relationship. It's kind of up to you whether you think you can be friends, in all honesty it sounds like you are friends already. I can tell you from experience being friends will only make you feel worse when they tell you about or you see them with their new gf/bf. I'm not sure how old you are but my advice for you would be to tell him how you feel. You and him obviously have a long standing relationship. Tell him how you feel and see what he says. If he gives you an ambigous answer or none at all move on, he isn't what you are wanting. Ever think that deep down he might have the same desires?? Doesn't sound like he is blatantly rebuking your attempts at winning him over. Sounds like maybe he is looking for you to give him a sign. I could be completely wrong though that's why I'm saying just ask him. Put everything out on the table and get some definative answers. You will start to feel better one way or another. Promise!
mrkleen Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 You cant be friends with him right now. It will tear your heart out every time you see him. Maybe in 6 months or a year, when you have met a new guy and are doing well personally....but for now, it just isnt possible.
Ilovecake Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 He gets his milk for free and you're telling him that's absolutely OK with you while you're feeling lousy. No obligations as a boyfriend but still gets laid on a regular basis whenever the whim strikes him. What guy wouldn't want such a perfect arrangement? As long as it’s offered to him he’s not going to give that up. You have given him absolutely no incentive to commit to you in a any way whatsoever. You even sleep with him when you know he’s dating other women. Do you truly just want to be his friend? Can you handle hanging out with him and his girlfriend and never sleeping with him again? If he got engaged would you be truly happy for him? That's what friends do. If not then you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship.
Author jessey Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks for all your replies. To answer your questions, he DOES know my feelings for him. And he doesn't actually have sex with me. I guess he figures that that way it's just a "friendship" .. but for me .. I don't need to have sex to express how I feel.
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