gail715 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I was married to a man for 9 years, we had a child together who is now 12. I thought our lives were close to perfect. I sold my home to have a house for both of us built, mostly so he could feel it was his home too because I had my house before we got together. I was the main source of income in our home, which I worked about 60 hours a week. I thought we had the perfect marriage until one day I came home to find him in bed with our neighbor. I didn't even stop to think, I grabbed my son our clothes and went to a friend's house for the night. The next day when I went back to my house to talk to him she was still there, so I backed out of the driveway and two days later filed for divorce. I rented an apartment for my son and I. We didnt hear from him for about 6 months, then all of a sudden he showed up at my apartment begging me to take him back. He said he couldn't afford the house or child support. I told him that we could work on relationship but it wasn't going to happen overnight. Well here I am 2 years after all that, him and his girlfriend live in the house we built (which is now in his mom's name and she makes the house payment for them), he is going for a court trial in May because him and his girlfriend are really heavy on drugs, he has lost all rights to our son. They are living in up like King and Queen. As for me I found someone who I have known for 5 months now. He is a wounderful man, he is kind, he works everyday, and he thinks the world of my son and I. Problem is, I cant get the thoughts of my ex husband to go away. I question myself daily as to why he did this too me. I know now that he would never ask me to come back because to much damage was done between me, him, and his family. Why can't I stop woundering how he is doing, what is going on in his life, if he thinks of me from time to time, and shamely wishing that him and his girlfriend would break up. I often see ex father-in-law who wont even speak to me now. I feel so ashamed sometimes even though I know that I did nothing wrong. I will appreciate any advice on moving on and living a happy wounderful life with my son and a wounderful partner and getting my ex-husband off of my mind. I just want to stop thinking of him so often.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 It's not your fault he's an azzhole. He's the idiot for not fighting for his marriage and doing things the right way. and the in laws what can they do or say to make it right. They cant blame you for what their offspring did. So move on with your life. The more you think about it. the more power you give it.
MizzBella Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 My ex-H also cheated and after 3 years of cheating and lying, I finally left him. I often think about how wonderful it would be to still be with him - but of course it wouldn't be wonderful. I think what I really desire is a normal, stable family with a wonderful man. Is that what you think about too? The loss of what you wanted? It is not your fault that this happened to you, but I know how the past can haunt us. Just remind yourself of all of the great things in your life right now- it sounds like things are going in the right direction for you.
Disintegration Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I think maybe a part of you still has feelings for him, although you know he is bad news you can't seem to help it. You are trying to figure out what went wrong when you thought your life was pretty damn perfect. It wasn't you it was him. He either wasn't that man you thought he originally was or he changed. You have history together which makes it even more difficult, however you have a new man and what seems to be a way better life than your former husband. Think of what he has become now and how lucky you are to be rid of him. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. You may not see it now but eventually you will.
onedayatatyme Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I concur, it wasn't you or anything you did. It was him. The fact that he has his mom covering his living expenses and he's in trouble for drugs makes it sound like he's a grade A loser. Maybe part of you wants him back to "fix" him. Try to let that go. He has to fix himself. I'm being hypocritical here because I feel much the same way about my wife who I feel is about to flush her life down the toilet. But try.
mimidarlin Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Maybe meeting someone new has you wondering what went wrong and why you didn't see the signs. When we are blinded by our love and think most things are going well having the person we adore screw us over messes up our faith. It messes with our faith in other humans as well as the ability to trust our own judgment. Why are you feeling guilty? Do you ever think the ex in law doesn't talk to you because they are embarrassed by the situation? You're worried that you can't trust your feelings anymore. Be careful and try to take an objective look at the man you are in a relationship with now. Ask him if he would mind you having a background check run on him. This is uncomfortable but I'm positive I would do it especially if a child was in the picture. Research his past so that you might be able to feel comfortable letting him into your future. Be honest with yourself and the new man. I hope you will be able to trust again. I want this for you because I hope I will be able to again as well.
Author gail715 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 I thank you all for the help. This is the first time I have ever posted anything and I have never told anyone how I am truely feeling inside until now because I dont want people to know that I often think about the man who so easily gave up on our marriage. I am the type of person to keep it all bundled up inside and go on everyday with a smile on my face when I am truely dying inside. It feels really good to be able to post this and get such wounderful replies, and know that there is many people who have such wounderful advice and the help that I need to open my heart and build another future, only a better one this time. I don't know if we ever really know if that special someone is Mr. Right, but I am going to do my best at trusting and loving again. Thanks again!
Gunny376 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I thank you all for the help. This is the first time I have ever posted anything and I have never told anyone how I am truely feeling inside until now because I dont want people to know that I often think about the man who so easily gave up on our marriage. I am the type of person to keep it all bundled up inside and go on everyday with a smile on my face when I am truely dying inside. It feels really good to be able to post this and get such wounderful replies, and know that there is many people who have such wounderful advice and the help that I need to open my heart and build another future, only a better one this time. I don't know if we ever really know if that special someone is Mr. Right, but I am going to do my best at trusting and loving again. Thanks again! Whoa There~ We charge $19 a minute for our un-solicated advice!
mimidarlin Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 You'd be banking Gunny!!! You're welcome Gail...it does help to post/read on LS. I don't want to lay a lot of my deep feelings out in public. I have to fight to maintain my composure as it is. In addition, I just don't want to lay that on someone. It's pretty heavy. That's why I am going counseling and use LS.
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