Whoa, DDay, was not expecting it

[White Flower]

H said that was weird too. And agrees it should be something like that on her part. But in fairness to her, I was not openly with the first one, becuase he was my brother's best friend and he didn't want to ruin that relationship. It also allowed it to be "secret" and all hot that way. Which....you know I can understand the forbidden fruit kinda thing

Perhaps he needed to add another layer to his repertoire of flings and try one that was illicit? If so, maybe he can say 'hey I've tried it and it was the most painful (and perhaps costly) of my other Rs and can put it behind me now'?

[pureinheart]

NONONONONONONO I hate loveshack! I had this huge long message typed out and its gone.

 

I am very pissed off now. I don't have time to restate everything just now. I'll do it later.

 

But NID - don't bow out. You did not offend me I went to bed. I was very tired and had a reason to go to bed.

 

Stupid loveshack eating my post.

 

CCL

 

A way to not get a post "eaten"...lol...LS is HUNGRY...is to copy a really long one as sometimes LS times out or your own pc takes a slight dump.

 

I type slow and am PC illiterate...so there you have it my love!

 

Hey CCL if you want to dig into anger stuff let me know...I'm always ready to deal with junk....we'll start a thread somewhere.

[pureinheart]

I have this type of anger too...pretty scary when it happens.

 

You too LD...ya, my dog who knows me better than anyone hides when I start...she won't come near me. It's embarrassing, and I feel so bad after an episode.

 

Maybe we need a thread....

[crazycatlady]

Wow it got busy while I was having to run errands, pick up kids, take a little time with H for me.

 

I'm having a hard time understanding my feelings on some of this. Beause its really weird.

 

I'm really ticked off about the whole considering her over me this summer about the whole confession thing. And even now when she really kept push at him to continue not telling me, to continue lying. really ticked off. I think this truly is my biggest sticking point.

 

But he also told me that he has had feelings for her for several years now, way before things became physical. But it wasn't until things became physical that he felt guilty, bad, physically sick on an almost daily basis for some of the summer. I probably could have offered to flog him and he would have gladly had accepted his guilt is so strong. And oddly enough the idea that he had an emotional connection with her way before hand does not bother me. It really did not make me feel anything but a little sad for him.

 

I asked him what he would do if I decided I could handle him and her and ldecided to leave the relationship, he told me he didn't know, but he wouldn't move her in, that he knows they wouldn't work full time together.

 

So obviously just part time gives him something. And yes I know he betrayed me and he did me wrong and on and on and on. I know this. I will never forget that it happened. But I have a lot of other things in my life that I won't forget happened that I have managed to get past.

 

This is what I'm trying to figure out. If I can stay knowing he won't give her up, not knowing if I left if he would give her up for me. Everything else doesn't matter. We have a plan in place for if I leave. It was worked out years ago. And in many ways, my leaving would give me far greater freedom then it would him, he would be custodial parent. I also know I want to leave before bitterness comes into play. I'm not bitter at all now. Hurt, sad, disappointed, strangely happy, excited, anticipatory, slightly angry, optimistic, pessimistic, horny, serene, and content depending on the moment, but not bitter. And oddly enough, during the past 6 months that I have known about this, it has been more positive then negative.

 

So....deep breath....Still waiting to hear from sis. Another friend and I have a bet on how long its going to take her to contact me. I had figured she would today. Guess not. She's betting on next week.

 

CCL

[crazycatlady]

A way to not get a post "eaten"...lol...LS is HUNGRY...is to copy a really long one as sometimes LS times out or your own pc takes a slight dump.

 

I type slow and am PC illiterate...so there you have it my love!

 

Hey CCL if you want to dig into anger stuff let me know...I'm always ready to deal with junk....we'll start a thread somewhere.

 

I wonder where would be the best place to start that...I would participate in it, but a lot I would keep from the board but I would share in PMs if wanted. I was totally another woman with that anger.

 

CCL

[crazycatlady]

The risk anyone takes when having an open R is the fact that love can grow between two of the partners in that open R.

 

You are absolutely valid in your pain. You have always been up front, open, and honest with him and ALLOWED him the same freedom with NO FEAR of rejection. If you have an agreement to be that honest and open then he should have shared everything, including an attraction to your sister, all along.

 

I believe that is why he felt the only way to muster enough courage to confess it to you was because he held back the truth.

 

I suppose at this point you can both decide to renegotiate how the open R works in this M when love becomes part of the mix. Will he always stay M to you? Raise the kids with you? Share all assets with you? If you D will you both always have that special chemistry and love that only brings you back together? I mean, if he has it ALL with you (and clearly he has) why wouldn't he agree to all of the above?

 

I guess I am angry with him (and I am open to the idea of open Ms) because you gave him so much freedom and TRUST and he allowed his emotions to get in the way. We see this all the time in a typical MM/OW R and we accept it oftentimes because the MP is actually looking for love and intimacy where he couldn't find it in his M. But it appears you both had that already.

 

I feel very confident that this will not end our M on his side of things. He will never replace me with her. Aside from the whole family issue (can I be honest here and say that I love the idea only because it would soooo piss of his mother to no end there's my tacky human side).

 

I think part of the problem is the fact he's poly. I'm everything, but at the same time I'm not. Its not a problem with me. But he just loves more. And I did not ever think there was something wrong with me because he loves her. Wow, I really never thought it was something wrong with me. That hadn't even occured to me. Course he often tells me I'm the awesome and that I'm his rock that keeps him grounded, the person who brings him hope and to not think everything is so awful and definately am his passion.

 

If we D, I could easily see us as the couple that gets back together. And I would have a very hard time turning him from my door if he showed. and I am not sure I could ever keep my hands off him. The money just might end up staying joint because I could easily imagine him begging me to keep up taking care of them because he's clueless about money. I could screw him over so bad and he wouldn't know it was happening for months. He has total trust in me there. He has total trust in me.

 

And the one thing I see people always talk about, It has never happened that we have been together that I've imagined him with sis, or for that matter, any other woman he's been with since we have been married and some/most of them I know what they look like together. Well not exactly true, every now and then we will talk about the other woman we are currently with while having sex and an image would pop up, but no with him, I forget everything and everyone else.

 

Perhaps he needed to add another layer to his repertoire of flings and try one that was illicit? If so, maybe he can say 'hey I've tried it and it was the most painful (and perhaps costly) of my other Rs and can put it behind me now'?

 

Maybe. After all the pain and suffering he's put himself through with this, I really can't see him doing this again. I know several men and a few women who have had affairs and not a one of them ever indicated it really bothered that.

 

CCL

[Chrome Barracuda]

The answer can only come from the person/couple who decides what M means to them.

 

Not every M is a traditonal one. She did not condone him falling in love with someone else she only condoned having sex with other people; there is a difference. I'm not into open M but I can respect those that do.

 

CCL and her H set up boundaries and he crossed the line. That is not her fault.

 

that's a load of BS,

 

Codoning having sex with other people when your married no matter how you lay it out there is nothing more than sanctioned cheating!

 

Boundries??? WTF

 

Are you kidding me, let's look at it this way, the more you have sex and share intimacy with other people, emotions will get involved, emotions are shared during intimacy whether you believe it or not. and the more you have sex with that person the stronger it gets. It could have went either way, whether with CCL with another woman or man, or her H with someone else.

 

Like i said it was inevitable.... sorry to say that but hey. look at this situation.

[White Flower]

Maybe. After all the pain and suffering he's put himself through with this, I really can't see him doing this again. I know several men and a few women who have had affairs and not a one of them ever indicated it really bothered that.

 

CCL

I'm sorry, bothered what?

[White Flower]

that's a load of BS,

 

Codoning having sex with other people when your married no matter how you lay it out there is nothing more than sanctioned cheating!

 

Boundries??? WTF

 

Are you kidding me, let's look at it this way, the more you have sex and share intimacy with other people, emotions will get involved, emotions are shared during intimacy whether you believe it or not. and the more you have sex with that person the stronger it gets. It could have went either way, whether with CCL with another woman or man, or her H with someone else.

 

Like i said it was inevitable.... sorry to say that but hey. look at this situation.

This situation is not a measuring tool for all situations like this. Most people involved in open Ms are not here to defend nor deny your claim. But THIS M DID have rules and they were not followed by CCL's H.

[pureinheart]

that's a load of BS,

 

Codoning having sex with other people when your married no matter how you lay it out there is nothing more than sanctioned cheating!

 

Boundries??? WTF

 

Are you kidding me, let's look at it this way, the more you have sex and share intimacy with other people, emotions will get involved, emotions are shared during intimacy whether you believe it or not. and the more you have sex with that person the stronger it gets. It could have went either way, whether with CCL with another woman or man, or her H with someone else.

 

Like i said it was inevitable.... sorry to say that but hey. look at this situation.

 

Hey Chrome,

 

While this is hard for some to fathom, others understand it completely.

 

Ok Chrome, here is a way to explain it...ok let's say the H/W has a one night stand and S finds out...S says it meant nothing (and it really did mean nothing)....I would assume open marriages operate on the same principles....ok CCL's H has feelings for her sis...this was the deal breaker....

[crazycatlady]

I'm sorry, bothered what?

 

Them (the WS, these were cake eater WSs, and some of what they were doing was not kind to the OWs in those situations because they wanted their cake and lied to get it).

[crazycatlady]

Emotions are not in and of themselves bad things. They just simply are. Its how you deal with it that matters. Other then a lot of fondness and some really good friendships formed, I have not formed an emotional attachment to any of my lovers. I am not the type of form a secondary attachment. Thus making the open marriage fairly easy from my end.

 

H on the other hand does have the ability to form a second attachment to someone. Open or not does not affect whether this would have happened or not. It did not lead him to do it, he has had several who were his lover for multiple months and never formed an attachment to them beyond friendship and a lot of fondness.

 

This is different. But its not the emotional attachment, it is not the sex, its not even necessarily who it is. Its how it happened that got to me. It was the fact that they hid it for so long. Both figuring it would blow its course. I don't think anything can really blow its course when you fight it. This is why I always tell people to embrace what they are feeling, and then just let it go if its not a productive emotion. Not to deny it, because then it just festers, but to bring it out, look it over, figure it out, look at the cause, and fix what you can, let it go after you have looked it over real good.

 

I do not feel my marriage will suffer in the long run because of this. Sure its suffering now, but hopefully its simply growing pains. Yes, he crossed boundries. No that was not a good thing. But positive things will come from it, so in a way, this has been a positive experience.

 

I also feel very empowered over the fact that not once did it even cross my mind that there was something not good enough about me. That feels great. I felt hurt and pain, but I did not feel humilated or lessened by what happened. These are great things to realize. And the fact that I was looking for apartments, and looking out for my own interests pleases me too. I don't need him. I want him, but I don't need him.

 

I'm going to make this a positive experience no matter the outcome.

 

CCL

[silverfish]

CCL i really loved your last post in a lot of ways, but...I wonder whether your H feels the same way?

 

How would he write about the way you are reacting, about his feelings, emotions, and so on...is he this eloquent about the way he feels?

 

Just...from what you've said about his behaviour and reactions, I don't get the impression that he is. Is he confused by your reaction? I must admit I am a little, admirable as it is...

[crazycatlady]

CCL i really loved your last post in a lot of ways, but...I wonder whether your H feels the same way?

 

How would he write about the way you are reacting, about his feelings, emotions, and so on...is he this eloquent about the way he feels?

 

Just...from what you've said about his behaviour and reactions, I don't get the impression that he is. Is he confused by your reaction? I must admit I am a little, admirable as it is...

 

Hmmm I don't know. When I told him that about not feeling less or missing something, he told me that was good because that is how I should feel. That he does not think I'm missing anything. I think I shocked him by not being mad - he said when he found out that I knew (beginning of the month) and that I had sat on it for months, he was waiting for me to drop the bomb on him, wasn't sure if I was going to be calm like I was, or if all hell would break loose. And that made him very nervous. I got to admit, I was pleased by that. I think the strenght of the hurt surprised him, and the lack of anger surprised him. The fact that I feel so confident in myself did not because he's always seen me that way. What he did didn't make him change his feelings for me, he thought I was it before during and after, which is also why he felt like such an idiot during it.

 

Is he as eloquent about the way he feels? No he is not. In fact sometimes he expect me to read his mind which is funny because he accuses me of that sometimes. He doesn't do flowers, or grand gestures or anything like that. If he did something like that, I would be really freaked out because that's not him. And I don't trust gestures like that. It meant more when he took some of his personal money to give to me on my trip last month so I wouldn't have to use my own or could use both if I really wanted to get crazy.

 

And best of all....my look is back. When I saw it today I melted. I was not expecting it. I think because he's no longer having to try and hide it from me that he can let everything out through his eyes. I forgot how bad I missed that look.

 

CCL

[White Flower]

And best of all....my look is back. When I saw it today I melted. I was not expecting it. I think because he's no longer having to try and hide it from me that he can let everything out through his eyes. I forgot how bad I missed that look.

 

CCL

That is very special CCL. I know that look. I am very happy for you.

[crazycatlady]

I attempted to call her for another reason today, but she didn't answer my call. My daughter wanted to brag about her straight As to her favorite aunt.

 

I am not really overly concerned. I've got a feeling that now that its in the open and I know, the appeal is going to just die off to her and she will find someone else to have an affair with that will indulge in her need for secrets.

 

I don't know why she did it. I know why he did it, and I'm actually really impressed that he never blamed anyone but himself for what happened. He isn't always good at taking the blame, even when it is his fault. But I think for the most part he takes all the blame here on himself because he feels so guilty about what happened.

 

But her....She is a serial OW. Sometimes she doesn't know the wife, but there has been one or two other times, when the wife has been a good friend. She mentioned one of those times when we were on the trip together and how furious she was at the MM then confessing to his wife and giving her up as the OW. It makes me wonder if the hidden is that important to her.

 

It boggles my mind that she would get into these relationships, and not want them to be more then what they are, she complains about being single and not having dates. I'm not even sure how much is real and how much is her telling tales. When it comes to relationships, she isn't rational. As far as I know, there was nothing overly tramatic in her childhood. I know she doesn't think what she is doing is wrong.

 

Usually she rationalizes "well he's not getting it at home" but that can't be used here. Or at least that is the rational I've heard her give.

 

I am baffled. And I don't think I will get a straight honest answer from her. And I don't think H has a clue what the real answer is. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't have multiple personalities. So I wonder if its even worth attempting to talk to her about it. She probably doesn't think she owes me anything. But if she feels that way, I don't owe her anything either, including secrecy. While it would make things very awkward with my family and my H, its not like we go home very often either.

 

If she does not face me and talk to me about this, I'll have very little respect for her. She owes me an explaination. An apology wouldn't be amiss, but I doubt it would be sincere. I'm really trying to decide if I actually care one way or another.

 

On the home front, this afternoon H told me that today was the first time in over a year that he has not felt physically sick. We seem to be connecting fairly well. I keep asking him questions whent hey come to me, I won't be afraid to ever ask anything else again.

 

I also discovered with some friends of mine though that all of us have different points of view on where our limits would be. One friend is going through what I would consider to be emotional abuse from her H. She can't do a damn thing right in his opinion and he will tell her that. He has come out and said "well who would find you attractive" though he claims he was joking, he makes a lot of "jokes" about her weight. This morning when she dropped her child off (I take her kid to school for her so they don't have to pay before school care I'm going there anyway) she was in tears, and this afternoon, she was back in tears again because of him. I couldn't live like that.

 

And it made me grateful that while yes H did sleep with my sister and then lie about it, he also has spent years building me up. telling me I'm beautiful, sexy, hot in bed, the best cook, amazing wife, a great lover, the best ass in town, have great calves. You name it, H has probably complimented me on it. H has a huge ego, but he has always said that I'm right up there with him in everything. It means a lot to me. He doesn't say it all the time, but when he says something, its always positive, always uplifting. And not always to me. I hear from other people that he brags on my cooking. That feels better then hearing it from him all the time.

 

So I just can't imagine how my friend is dealing with her husband basically being the opposite. It would just kill me to put up with that. It kills me to hear about her putting up with that. It makes me want to haul off and hit him and yell "don't you realize what a treasure she is". Plus he also does his best to seperate her from her friends and has over the years done just that. I don't intimidate and his growling at me doesnt scare me unlike some of her past friends. He's not going to be able to isolate her here.

 

But to her, she can't figure out how I am dealing with this. Let alone how I'm dealing with this so calmly.

 

CCL

[jj33]

CCL you are right noone is perfect and everyone has limits. Emotional abuse is not good its awful but you are rationalizing.

 

Well he slept with my sister but at least he treats me nice and tells me Im great. For a lot of people the he slept with my sister would be the dealbreaker. Im not suggesting that should be your limit but lets just say to the uninitiated it sounds like you are making excuses for him and giving yourself reasons why its not so bad.

 

And perhaps that is not a terrible thing. If you are happy with your H and want the marriage to work out then you are going to have to find ways to minimize the impact of what he did. Also I realize that your view is different than the majority view because most people wouldnt be comfortable with an open marriage and you are.

 

Im glad you feel he is supporting you in putting this behind you.

[Clep]

that's a load of BS,

 

Codoning having sex with other people when your married no matter how you lay it out there is nothing more than sanctioned cheating!

 

Boundries??? WTF

 

Are you kidding me, let's look at it this way, the more you have sex and share intimacy with other people, emotions will get involved, emotions are shared during intimacy whether you believe it or not. and the more you have sex with that person the stronger it gets. It could have went either way, whether with CCL with another woman or man, or her H with someone else.

 

Like i said it was inevitable.... sorry to say that but hey. look at this situation.

 

I remember seeing a post from this particular woman in the past about her open relationship and the words you just spoke were exactly what I was thinking at the time.

 

I realize that people have to do what is right for themselves and their lives and so does she. I do think though to expect sex not to equal emotion at some point is unrealistic. She played with fire and got burned. Sanctioned cheating was the gateway to unsanctioned cheating.

 

Personally I would leave the husband as well as the so called sister.

 

This situation is a soap opera to he extreme.

[Clep]

I attempted to call her for another reason today, but she didn't answer my call.

 

But I think for the most part he takes all the blame here on himself because he feels so guilty about what happened.

 

I know she doesn't think what she is doing is wrong.

 

She probably doesn't think she owes me anything. But if she feels that way, I don't owe her anything either, including secrecy. While it would make things very awkward with my family and my H, its not like we go home very often either.

 

If she does not face me and talk to me about this, I'll have very little respect for her. She owes me an explaination. An apology wouldn't be amiss, but I doubt it would be sincere. I'm really trying to decide if I actually care one way or another.

 

On the home front, this afternoon H told me that today was the first time in over a year that he has not felt physically sick. We seem to be connecting fairly well. I keep asking him questions whent hey come to me, I won't be afraid to ever ask anything else again.

 

She can't do a damn thing right in his opinion and he will tell her that. He has come out and said "well who would find you attractive" though he claims he was joking, he makes a lot of "jokes" about her weight. This morning when she dropped her child off (I take her kid to school for her so they don't have to pay before school care I'm going there anyway) she was in tears, and this afternoon, she was back in tears again because of him. I couldn't live like that.

 

And it made me grateful that while yes H did sleep with my sister and then lie about it, he also has spent years building me up. telling me I'm beautiful, sexy, hot in bed, the best cook, amazing wife, a great lover, the best ass in town, have great calves.

 

So I just can't imagine how my friend is dealing with her husband basically being the opposite. It would just kill me to put up with that. It kills me to hear about her putting up with that.

 

But to her, she can't figure out how I am dealing with this. Let alone how I'm dealing with this so calmly.

 

CCL

 

I just can't wrap my head around this twisted mess of the ultimate in emotionally unhealthy.

 

I don't see why you would make any attempt to call your sister after she has had an affair with your husband.

 

If he felt guilty about what happened it wouldn't have happened for so long.

 

I don't think you know how your lack of moral boundaries and the sanctity of marriage has put you in this situation. I can't believe you would say that you think your sister doesn't believe what she has done is wrong. I don't think either of you have realized what you have both done is wrong. Your sisters actions have been much more damaging and disgusting than yours by far I think. At least your husband knew and had the choice unlike you with both of your husband and sister cheating on you.

 

The fact that you would even think of telling your family about this shows me you are very bitter with her. What would the purpose of exposing them be?

 

It sounds to me like you are justifying your husbands actions by how wonderful he has been with you over the years. I would say if my man slept with my sister or cheated on me it would be a deal breaker, but that's just me.

 

I am unsure of how you think your situation is any better than your friends. Is her husband cheating with her sister? Geesh It would kill you to put up with what the friend is putting up with?

 

I see a tremendous amount of justification here.

 

We can all deal with whatever we have to in life. The thing I am wondering is why would you desire to deal with something like this?

 

You sound like a strong wonderful woman. I hope you get your head out of the sand and start living a life that isn't littered with this type of crap.

 

Sorry if I sound harsh as I don't mean to. I wish you nothing but the best and hope this works out whatever way is right for you......even if there are a few of us that think you are overly tolerant. I don't have to walk in your shoes and wish you nothing but the best in your walk.

[crazycatlady]

I just can't wrap my head around this twisted mess of the ultimate in emotionally unhealthy.

 

I don't see why you would make any attempt to call your sister after she has had an affair with your husband.

 

If he felt guilty about what happened it wouldn't have happened for so long.

 

I don't think you know how your lack of moral boundaries and the sanctity of marriage has put you in this situation. I can't believe you would say that you think your sister doesn't believe what she has done is wrong. I don't think either of you have realized what you have both done is wrong. Your sisters actions have been much more damaging and disgusting than yours by far I think. At least your husband knew and had the choice unlike you with both of your husband and sister cheating on you.

 

The fact that you would even think of telling your family about this shows me you are very bitter with her. What would the purpose of exposing them be?

 

It sounds to me like you are justifying your husbands actions by how wonderful he has been with you over the years. I would say if my man slept with my sister or cheated on me it would be a deal breaker, but that's just me.

 

I am unsure of how you think your situation is any better than your friends. Is her husband cheating with her sister? Geesh It would kill you to put up with what the friend is putting up with?

 

I see a tremendous amount of justification here.

 

We can all deal with whatever we have to in life. The thing I am wondering is why would you desire to deal with something like this?

 

You sound like a strong wonderful woman. I hope you get your head out of the sand and start living a life that isn't littered with this type of crap.

 

Sorry if I sound harsh as I don't mean to. I wish you nothing but the best and hope this works out whatever way is right for you......even if there are a few of us that think you are overly tolerant. I don't have to walk in your shoes and wish you nothing but the best in your walk.

 

 

You don't sound harsh, you sound unknowing. The fact that you think you sound harsh highlights that. I have different morals then you, sex isn't some sacred thing to me. Love is something that is meant to be shared and celebrated, not hidden and scorned. To me, the idea that you own someone else simply due to being married to them is immoral and a set up for failure. It doesn't hurt my feels any at all that you disagree with me on this issue.

 

If you had read everything you would know that the emotional came before the physical. I do not believe that being open caused this to happen or if we hadn't been open if it still would have happened. All it did was make this pretty much the ONLY way he could cheat. The openness is simply a fact about our relationship, neither the cause or the effect of the cheating both physical and emotional.

 

As for my friend, is the situation better then hers? I don't know. All I know is hers would be my deal breaker, mine would be her dealbreaker and I find that to be interesting. And I actually like my friend's husband because I don't think his actions and words are meant to be cruel, he just doesn't think about them first. I see why she stays just as she sees why I stay, but neither of us could deal with the other's situation. So on an intellectual level, I find it interesting. It was forefront on my mind because I wrote it after she and I had dinner together and we both talked about our situations. And oddly enough I hurt more for her then I did me, and I found that interesting. She is hurting more then me right now, what he's doing is cutting her core self. And it makes me want to cry for her. She feels similarly towards me, and has did cry a little as I was talking to her about it. But we both also understand why we stay. Love.

 

As for my sister....She is my sister. I could no more hate her then I would hate myself. I would eventually like to sit down and hash this out. I have a feeling that it won't be soon, probably over this summer when we see each other again. The fact that I would tell the family isn't about bitterness. Its the fact that I feel no shame in what happened. It is not my fault. I am not to blame. If sis decides she is going to be ugly about this, I'm not afraid of making it know. It has nothing to do with bitterness. Its about facing the truth.

 

As for calling her? She's the favorite aunt, and she is a good aunt. I'm not going to keep my kids from her just because she and I might have a problem.

 

You know what? Unlike most people I can look at a whole situation and see that one mistake does not make someone horrible. H has a whole lifetime with me showing me very many positive things. Why should this one mistake ruin all of it? H is remorseful for his lying, he is remorseful for falling in love with her and he is remorseful for letting it go physical. He wishes with everything he has that it hadn't happened. But all that remorse doesn't change that it did happen. But it also is still just one small blip in the 14 years we have been a couple. Why should this mistake, be more powerful then all the positive things he did?

 

CCL

Edited March 29, 2010 by crazycatlady
to remove snarkiness well some of it.

[Chrome Barracuda]

OMFG, one mistake! he chose to sleep with your sister, do you not understand the gravity of the situation?

 

Where's his boundries? Where's yours, matter of fact since your so cool with the idea of an open marriage, why are you complaining about him sleeping with your sister, hmm, maybe because you know it's wrong.

 

What's next? what if he wants to leave you for someone for real this time, then what do you say about that?

 

Like i said before in your Thread, if you need all this emotional and physical needs met by other people, why the hell are you two even married???

 

Why not just be single and sleep with other people. I just dont get it?!!! seriously. What if he catches something, what if you? Really it's worth all this turmoil?

[White Flower]

OMFG, one mistake! he chose to sleep with your sister, do you not understand the gravity of the situation?

 

Where's his boundries? Where's yours, matter of fact since your so cool with the idea of an open marriage, why are you complaining about him sleeping with your sister, hmm, maybe because you know it's wrong.

 

What's next? what if he wants to leave you for someone for real this time, then what do you say about that?

 

Like i said before in your Thread, if you need all this emotional and physical needs met by other people, why the hell are you two even married???

 

Why not just be single and sleep with other people. I just dont get it?!!! seriously. What if he catches something, what if you? Really it's worth all this turmoil?

OMG WTF??? Chrome, when are YOU going to understand it wasn't the sleeping with the sister that gets her. It was the keeping the secret about it that crosses the line in an open M. Open=no secrets. Period.

[crazycatlady]

OMFG, one mistake! he chose to sleep with your sister, do you not understand the gravity of the situation?

 

Where's his boundries? Where's yours, matter of fact since your so cool with the idea of an open marriage, why are you complaining about him sleeping with your sister, hmm, maybe because you know it's wrong.

 

What's next? what if he wants to leave you for someone for real this time, then what do you say about that?

 

Like i said before in your Thread, if you need all this emotional and physical needs met by other people, why the hell are you two even married???

 

Why not just be single and sleep with other people. I just dont get it?!!! seriously. What if he catches something, what if you? Really it's worth all this turmoil?

 

Chrome - you have no interest in understand, so why should I even attempt to explain it to you? Why should I address you at all?

 

CCL

[crazycatlady]

OMG WTF??? Chrome, when are YOU going to understand it wasn't the sleeping with the sister that gets her. It was the keeping the secret about it that crosses the line in an open M. Open=no secrets. Period.

 

 

WF Thanks. I appreciate it.

[xxoo]

Why should this mistake, be more powerful then all the positive things he did?

 

I can think of a lot of extreme single mistakes that would be dealbreakers for me. I bet you can think of some, too. There are definitely single actions that can be more powerful than years of positive actions, in addition to calling into questions the sincerity of years of positive actions and words.

 

For me, sleeping with my sister would be a no-brainer dealbreaker. I would consider it to be so obviously wrong that there could be no gray area, no excuses, no going back. From what I'm reading, a lot of other posters feel similarly. That doesn't mean you have to feel the same, of course, but, yes, it is difficult for a lot of us to understand how this could be viewed as "just" anything.