janie423 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 So this guy I knew a long time ago found me on a website and we started emailing regularly. We emailed every nite for 8 months and then we met. We live 2000 from each other. Needless to say I got very attached to him. We exchanged pics, talked on the phone. So I went to his town and stayed in a hotel and we had a few dates. We met on a Saturday, and I went back to the hotel early, and did not see him again until Monday. We hung out all day and I went over his house in the evening. This is where it gets weird. He starts talking about all these women that liked him, that he liked, that he thought were good looking in HS, etc. He smoked. I got up to leave, but he wanted me to stay over. But I felt so put down by his talk about the girls that I left. So the next day we went out again, and I came over that night again. I stayed over like he wanted me to, but nothing happened. Then the next day I left. He gave me a huge hug and a peck on the lips, but that was it. So after that the emails felt different. He said he would be in my town in a few months but he never did. But we continued to email. He never called. I was too shy to call him. The next summer I went to see him again, and this time he argued with me constantly. Only saw him 2 days out of 8. So then we email a few more times and I don't hear from him for 2 months. He says he is staying off the computer because blahblahblah. But I would see him on facebook so I knew that was not true. I asked him what the problem was, why is he backing off. But he said it had nothing to do with me. I should have said "well did you stop using the phone" but I'm not that quick. Anyway, from Sept till Jan he emailed around 5 times, and now I have not heard from him in over 2 months. My feeling is when people correspond that long, and someone want to back out, an explanation is warranted. I feel like the entire relationship was a sham. I miss him terribly but at this point calling him would be out of the blue. Don't know what to do.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 So this guy I knew a long time ago found me on a website and we started emailing regularly. We emailed every nite for 8 months and then we met. We live 2000 from each other. Needless to say I got very attached to him. We exchanged pics, talked on the phone. So I went to his town and stayed in a hotel and we had a few dates. We met on a Saturday, and I went back to the hotel early, and did not see him again until Monday. We hung out all day and I went over his house in the evening. This is where it gets weird. He starts talking about all these women that liked him, that he liked, that he thought were good looking in HS, etc. He smoked. I got up to leave, but he wanted me to stay over. But I felt so put down by his talk about the girls that I left. So the next day we went out again, and I came over that night again. I stayed over like he wanted me to, but nothing happened. Then the next day I left. He gave me a huge hug and a peck on the lips, but that was it. So after that the emails felt different. He said he would be in my town in a few months but he never did. But we continued to email. He never called. I was too shy to call him. The next summer I went to see him again, and this time he argued with me constantly. Only saw him 2 days out of 8. So then we email a few more times and I don't hear from him for 2 months. He says he is staying off the computer because blahblahblah. But I would see him on facebook so I knew that was not true. I asked him what the problem was, why is he backing off. But he said it had nothing to do with me. I should have said "well did you stop using the phone" but I'm not that quick. Anyway, from Sept till Jan he emailed around 5 times, and now I have not heard from him in over 2 months. My feeling is when people correspond that long, and someone want to back out, an explanation is warranted. I feel like the entire relationship was a sham. I miss him terribly but at this point calling him would be out of the blue. Don't know what to do. Yes , you DO know what to do. YOU write him off. AND please do not waste time hating him or being sad about it...you can't make people value you.
boogieboy Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Forget about him. This relationship was a sham. It was a whole continent apart, and when he first saw you in person he wasnt attracted to you anymore. Or maybe you did something to turn him off. Nevertheless, you had a problem with him and didnt tell him about it, you just let it slide. Learn to communicate and date guys that live closer to you so you dont have to email each other for a year.
Author janie423 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Forget about him. This relationship was a sham. It was a whole continent apart, and when he first saw you in person he wasnt attracted to you anymore. Or maybe you did something to turn him off. Nevertheless, you had a problem with him and didnt tell him about it, you just let it slide. Learn to communicate and date guys that live closer to you so you dont have to email each other for a year. Which problem are you referring to, I had so many of them lol! I never know when to let it slide or when I would be complaining.
CarrieT Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 These types of things happen all the time; you get attached to the person you are corresponding with because you (and HE) are developing an idea of what the person is like based on the writings and phone calls. But when you get together in person, that personal chemistry is missing and that is not something that can be created or made up for, despite what was established during the long time apart and ostensibly developing the relationship. There is nothing you can do about it other than move on and try and find someone close to you with whom you can have a one-on-one relationship in real time, not over the internet.
boogieboy Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Which problem are you referring to, I had so many of them lol! I never know when to let it slide or when I would be complaining. anything. You have to establish boundaries.
Author janie423 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 so I should have stopped him from talking about all those girls? stopped him from smoking (he knew I was a non-smoker)?
Brightmoon Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 so I should have stopped him from talking about all those girls? stopped him from smoking (he knew I was a non-smoker)? Janie, nothing you could have done would have changed it. Don't beat yourself up. It was not meant to be. I understand about how strong a bond feels when you chat online... and how attached you get. Be kind to yourself and draw a line under it. You did nothing wrong. It was not meant to be. He was a despicable coward not to explain anything to you before pulling the plug. You will find someone else more worthy of you. ((hugs))
Author janie423 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Janie, nothing you could have done would have changed it. Don't beat yourself up. It was not meant to be. I understand about how strong a bond feels when you chat online... and how attached you get. Be kind to yourself and draw a line under it. You did nothing wrong. It was not meant to be. He was a despicable coward not to explain anything to you before pulling the plug. You will find someone else more worthy of you. ((hugs)) Yeah. It's the cowardice that gets to me, after all that time. He just strung me out just in case he needed me for something. The kindest thing a man can do for a woman is tell her he is not attracted to her straight out. She gets over it. What he is doing is leaving doubt. And that is cruel. He kept saying how he was shy. I date others but I can't shake this guy. Plus he leaves me with suspicion about men in general. I don't think I can open up like that again.
Brightmoon Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Yeah. It's the cowardice that gets to me, after all that time. He just strung me out just in case he needed me for something. The kindest thing a man can do for a woman is tell her he is not attracted to her straight out. She gets over it. What he is doing is leaving doubt. And that is cruel. He kept saying how he was shy. I date others but I can't shake this guy. Plus he leaves me with suspicion about men in general. I don't think I can :)open up like that again. Yes, it is the kindest thing in the end when someone is honest.. even brutally honest. you deserved that... but he is not decent enough to do that. It's easy for me to say you are better off without that coward, but it is hard for you to get to grips with that when you have such a bond. Nevertheless it is the truth Janie. Focus on how thoughtless and spineless he has been and hopefully the anger will help you really and truly let go. I am glad you are dating. You will meet the right person, now that you are shot of the coward.
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