doomage Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm just asking because yesterday i was hanging out with the girl i've been dating for about a week now and we're getting along great and things are moving smoothly, haven't had sex yet, just kissing and other stuff. Well yesterday she dropped the bomb on me by saying that she had genital herpes. At first i was just shocked, and she was scared to tell me because she likes me and thought I was just gonna run for the hills. But I didn't wanna stop seeing her because of that, it's not like she asked for it. A guy went down on her that had it two years ago and spread it to her. she hasn't broken out since the first time which was a year ago. and she's taking meds. would you guys stay with a girl that has it?
USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I actually found myself in this situation a while back...and as much as I told her and told myself that it didn't matter to me, looking back, I'm glad nothing ever happened (it didn't work out for other reasons)... Basically, if I were to stick around, I feel like I'd be pretty much accepting that I would eventually get it too... So I'd say no, I wouldn't stay with her...I don't feel like I need to settle at this point...
JohnP82 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 That's a tough call. From where I'm sitting now, I would not date someone with a STD. However, I've never been in a situation where I was dating someone, really liked them, and they had one.
Author doomage Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 so maybe i shouldn't be settling down anyway but I wanna experience a relationship atleast once because i had one in the past but i didn't like the girl i just thought i could grow to like her but i had to end it. she said i love you like two weeks after we met which we didnt even meet in person it was over the phone lol. she jsut didn't cut it for me physically but...idk it sucks cuz sometimes things seem too perfect to be true and she had to drop that bomb on me but if things get physical i'm just gonna wrap it up and be as safe as can be.
scatterd Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The only time you can get it is when its active poor girl some dirty*******gave it to her.
D-Lish Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 so maybe i shouldn't be settling down anyway but I wanna experience a relationship atleast once because i had one in the past but i didn't like the girl i just thought i could grow to like her but i had to end it. she said i love you like two weeks after we met which we didnt even meet in person it was over the phone lol. she jsut didn't cut it for me physically but...idk it sucks cuz sometimes things seem too perfect to be true and she had to drop that bomb on me but if things get physical i'm just gonna wrap it up and be as safe as can be. You know what? It's admirable she told you. I'm sure it was difficult for her to admit. It says something about her character that she admitted it and allowed you to make the choice. 20% of the population has GH- many people have it and don't know it. Yes, protecting yourself will reduce the risk- but it's transmitted through skin to skin contact, so you will still be at risk. Do some research on the topic and the risks. It's best you are fully informed when making the decision.
ashleigh422 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I once had someone tell me that he had an std... it was scarry, but I figured I would deal with it IF the time came.. it never did. Of course you feel bad for her and yes it is VERRY ****ty that someone would do that to her, BUT.. you have to keep in mind that you have only been dating a week and you still should put yourself first.. until such time as.. yes.. you accept the fact that you may in fact get it too.. which.. for me, I would want to be absolutely onehundred percent sure this was the ONE person for me before I took that chance.. Yikes.. i don't envy your sitation.. i feel very bad for both you and her.. mainly her.
USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 You know what? It's admirable she told you. I'm sure it was difficult for her to admit. It says something about her character that she admitted it and allowed you to make the choice. I agree with this 100%. It's a shame that a majority of STDs are spread because the infecting partner did not tell the other until after the fact...those people just disgust me...
BB07 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The only time you can get it is when its active poor girl some dirty*******gave it to her. You are misinformed, it can be transmitted when there are no active or visible signs.
sumdude Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) My ex wife had it. She didn't know (or something else happened) for the first couple years of our relationship. I was already committed to her and still married her. I never contracted it over 7 1/2 years, which now seems like a stroke of luck. We were careful when we needed to be and she maintained the anti viral regimen. But honestly if I really loved someone? I might take the risk again but until I'm faced with it? It's hard to say. It's so common, 20 - 30% of the sexually active population. Only you can decide what is worth it. If everything else about her is awesome.. over time. You never know. Edited March 23, 2010 by sumdude
thegoodlife Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Having never been put in that position, I think I'd say no. But then again, depending on how I felt about the person, I might make a different decision if the time came. It's a toss up.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Well, it is not a death sentence by any stretch of the imagination. Genital herpes IS manageable. While it is incurable, the flare-ups recur less and less in time(some even only have ONE flare up). Really, the greatest impact to the sufferer is Psychological-and we can just imagine why. Here's a tidbit: Every 1 in 6 Americans is infected by HSV 2 ( Genital Herpes virus). Many do not even know they have it. How's that for information, huh? So, think about it, maybe that one night stand that you had the other night was the one in the 6? or maybe you have it( and don't know it)...so come off your high horse OP, if you like her and want to get to know her and also have sex with her, do the prudent and responsible thing and use a latex condom. At least with her, you know what you are getting yourself into (so to speak). Many here have one night stands and never even think about these things, much less come out in the open and admit having genital herpes. I agree with D-lish, her telling you about it is a good reflection of her character.
Author doomage Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I think she does have a good character and she seems like a descent girl. she told me she has had ten sexual partners which idk if thats too many i've only had four but for a girl it's easier. but i do feel sorry for her cuz of what that scumbag did. and it took balls to tell me, she told me she'd understand if i didnt want to date her anymore, but i said "well i can't say i'm not dissapointed, but it was in your past and theres nothing you could have done at that moment, so as long as you respect me i'll respect you and we'll go from there." and i still treated her the same.
pandagirl Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If you genuinely like her and see her as someone you could potentially have a connection with, I say you shouldn't let herpes get in the way. Of course, you educate yourself about herpes first, so you can understand all the risks beforehand. Having herpes isn't a life sentence, but obviously no one ever wants it. I think this girl handled the situation properly -- she told you early on and before things got too sexual. And it does show that she is a conscientious, honest person by telling you in a proper way. I have herpes, so I know how difficult it is to potentially face rejection every time you date someone new. It sucks. I've only told four guys, but I've never been turned down. The relationships didn't work out for other reasons. I told my current boyfriend on our first date that I had herpes. I knew we liked each other a lot, and I just wanted to be honest from the get go. He later told me that me telling him so early on showed him what kind of character I had, which made him like me even more. So, it's all situational. It's good you aren't freaking out! Just educate yourself so you can make the right decision for yourself.
mrt336 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The only time you can get it is when its active poor girl some dirty*******gave it to her. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not say things like this if you are unsure. In this case you are very wrong. Short breakdown: 1 in 4 Americans have herpes. The majority who have it DO NOT KNOW because they are asymptomatic. Outbreaks are obviously contagious People can be contagious without having an outbreak due to viral shedding through the skin., asymptomatic people can be contagious as well. Condoms do not protect against herpes. Herpes Simplex 1 is commonly known as oral herpes or cold sores etc, IT CAN BE CONTRACTED ON THE GENITALS. Herpes Simplex 2 is generally located on/around the genitals but can also infect the mouth/lips. Standard STD tests DO NOT even test for herpes because it's so common. People who have it aren't "dirty." And since both types of the virus can be contained orally or genitally, many times people don't even know where they got it. A guy could have got herpes1 orally from kissing a girl, pass it to his new girlfriend who happens to be asymptomatic and then get herpes1 genitally from his current girlfriend who has herpes but will probably never know. Do your research.
marsle85 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I think it's really, really respectable and honest of her to tell you. She's a courageous, genuine person. Regardless of what you choose - be her friend, and express to her how few people would actually have the integrity to share that. And honestly - I wouldn't break things off instantly, I would just keep the sexual stuff down low and get to know her more. If she seems reputable and you believe she consistently takes the meds ... your chances of contracting it is very low. Not to mention, think about how many people you hook up with who just haven't had an outbreak - and are NOT taking the medication. 1/4 people have herpes. Think about it. Technically you might be better OFF with someone who is taking meds.
mrt336 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The infection rate for men in a relationship with a woman with HSV2, who is taking valtrex and using condoms is 1% over a year long period. Obviously abstaining during outbreaks.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 OP, educate yourself about it. There is a lot of information available or you can both sit down with her doctor(if she is amenable to it). Maybe the MD can explain the meds she is on and what it means to her/ to you; signs and symptoms, when to abstain, etc.etc. like I said, this is something very manageable, nothing really to freak out about.
mrt336 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If the problem is "partner with herpes", then the solution is "valtrex". This really is an open-and-shut case. It doesn't even matter the distinction between genital/oral/zoster herpes. Valtrex is a miracle drug. Again, let's not give out false information. Valtrex is good at what it does, but it doesn't mean there is zero risk.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If the problem is "partner with herpes", then the solution is "valtrex". This really is an open-and-shut case. It doesn't even matter the distinction between genital/oral/zoster herpes. Valtrex is a miracle drug. LOL...:rolleyes:
Pfiend101 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 At my current age I would have to say goodbye. Too young and too much to experience to end up catching that stuff. This is not to say I would never be with someone who had it. If I knew they were the one then I wouldn't make an issue out of it. Its awful how she got it. I'm sorry for her.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I think the insert actually says valacyclovir which is the generic form of the brand name valtrex, significantly decreases the chance of transmitting genital herpes to the partner while also decreasing the outbreaks/flare-ups.
mrt336 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Nothing has zero risk. For instance, the birth control pill is 99.7% effective. Tell me, what's the comparative effective rate for Valacyclovir? Valacyclovir offers a 75% reduction in transmission rates. Pretty far cry from 99%, no? I can't fathom why you're even being argumentative about this. I'm suggesting people educate themselves with the information and not listen to some random forum poster who says there is a "solution" to sex with a person who has herpes. I'm sorry, there is not.
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Valacyclovir offers a 75% reduction in transmission rates. Pretty far cry from 99%, no? I can't fathom why you're even being argumentative about this. I'm suggesting people educate themselves with the information and not listen to some random forum poster who says there is a "solution" to sex with a person who has herpes. I'm sorry, there is not. You are absolutely correct, mrt336! I have yet to read a study wherein they found Valtrex having a 99% percent PREVENTION rate. The most was 80%. However, I do not want people to freak out about this disease. It is manageable and containable. The OP already said she is taking meds daily , his part then in this equation is to be prudent and responsible and use latex condom during sex, apart from educating himself about the disease.
Leia Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 You are absolutely correct, mrt336! I have yet to read a study wherein they found Valtrex having a 99% percent PREVENTION rate. The most was 80%. However, I do not want people to freak out about this disease. It is manageable and containable. The OP already said she is taking meds daily , his part then in this equation is to be prudent and responsible and use latex condom during sex, apart from educating himself about the disease. Is there any other kind?
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