Complicated Break Up

[OFTBC]

A week ago I split with my partner of around 6 months. I'm 24 and shes 19 and I got two kids from a previous relationship. We had known each other for a while having met at football. I always liked her but never let it on, We texted each other but none of us made a move. We then stopped texting each other for whatever reason. I got a new phone and one day out of the blue I decided to text her and see how she was, She replied with who is this and I jokily replied the man of your dreams. We then carried on text flirting and she eventually found out who I was and it carried on. At this time I thought she was a nice girl but was just messing around and going along with it. We then got together and I wasn't sure but thought lets see how it goes. We arranged to go to a game together and that was our first time we went out together, Due to a person being arrested that we went with we ended up waiting in the police station together waiting for him and just cuddled. I dropped her off home and then we shared our first kiss, It was like what you see in the movies and felt absolutely amazing I had never felt like that before and she said the same and we both fell instantly in love.

 

We then started to move really fast making plans for the future and she wanted a baby so we started trying, The first kink in the relationship happened as she went away for a weekend with her ex and a few other people. I had a issue with it but it was pre planned and all paid for. Cos I was upset I made a few digs about her sleeping with her ex. I even said if your going to sleep with your ex I may aswell sleep with mine. Didn't go down to well. We got through that weekend and eventually forgot about it. We then saw each other pretty much on a daily basis.

 

From the start everyone we know was against us and people were telling her lies about me and lies to me about her to try and break us up. We got through it but now I don't think she ever dealt with it. We had a mutual friend who was also playing us against each other, She saw it but I didn't and I continued to be his friend.

 

A lot of arguments started to develop and I accused her of more stuff. We had a break at one point for a few days following an incident but we recovered and things got back to normal however things began to change and the texts after I had just left her soon stopped as did the late nights staying up talking on msn and we saw each other less and less. I brought all this up and she wouldn't talk just told me to stop arguing. She was never willing to talk about anything. Because she wasn't talking things never got properly sorted.

 

She then left her job and went out for a leaving do, She invited her best friend but not me so I was a little annoyed. We sorted it out and she asked me to go round hers at 10 at night so we could make up and she could show me how much she loved me. I got there and barely two words were spoke and she fell asleep. In the morning she tried being all nice but I was pissy because of the previous night, We then went to football and I text her during the game asking if I could see her that night because I was upset about it being 2 years since a friend of mine died and I wanted to spend some time with her because we didn't the previous night and she just kept replying dunno, Another big argument followed but we sorted it out on the phone later in the night. We then had another arguement on the monday.

 

A couple of days later we went in to hospital to visit a friend who had just given birth, We got back to hers and again she fell asleep straight away and slept through till the morning, She was ill during that week with a bladder infection so a lot was down to that. We argued again the next day about it and that she had gone from sex mad to not wanting it at all. She blamed it on being ill.

 

We was then supposed to go out with her parents on the Saturday for a meal, I asked her what was going on with us and she got angry and she stopped me going out with her that night and went out still with her parents which caused a bigger argument.

 

That night I then thought we can't go on like this. I had a long hard think and thought about how I would stop arguing about stupid things and get back to being normal. I started being me and being nice again, She went out with her parents for a meal again and I didn't say anything because why should I. She even started texting me dirty stuff again that day.

 

The next day everything seemed back to normal, She was talking about marriage etc and our future plans and she was telling me how much she loved me etc. I asked to see her that night and she said yea. I got half way there and she asked how long I would be I said 20 mins cos I left late. She was well angry by this for whatever reason. I parked up close to her house and I goes I'm not going to come in unless you get out of this mood. I waited in my car for an hour and in the end I just went in.

 

We sat down with her parents and watched tv and didn't speak a word to each other, We then went up to bed and now we were on our own I asked her what was wrong because no one could be like that over being 20 mins late, She wouldn't tell me and I kept asking. I tried cuddling her and kept getting pushed away.

 

Suddenly she goes can you delete them dirty pics of me off of your phone, Confused why she was asking this I refused. She then said the friend I spoke about previously said I sent them to him. I spoke to him on msn and asked why he said it and he denied saying it. I know I didn't send them to anyone and could prove this by showing my telephone bill but she wasn't interested because I think she was making it up to have an excuse.

 

I refused to delete them because I had done nothing wrong and because she wouldn't talk to me, She hit and pushed me and threw my phone and now I can't make phone calls on it. She then went down and set her dad and bro on to me. I refused to delete them because of what was happening. If she would have sat down and talked to me instead I would have happily deleted them. I wanted to get out of there and go home but they wouldn't let me so was kept a prisoner. They then called the police who came out and took there side and made me delete them otherwise I would be arrested and could be put on the sex offenders register.

 

I finally got home and was angry and said I still got them pics on my computer, She then started to tell me how she fell out of love with me and she had tried but just couldn't love me again. She then stopped talking to me and I sent a fair few texts and received no reply til the next night which was simply a ok. I was being nice in all of them texts. She then said she don't believe how I love her and she wished she could but with all that has happened she just can't because she has been through too much. We then stopped talking about it and started talking about mates stuff. I didn't text her for a few hours then she said she still hasn't come on her period. Knowing she took a test a week ago I just dismissed it as being something to do with her illness. She text me saying everything will work out for the best at 4 in the morning. I asked her in morning what she meant and she said she don't remember what she meant. She then suddenly comes on her period. I reassured her I would have been there for her regardless.

 

I carried on being nice then because I was trying to prove that I have changed and things will be different. She didn't text back then goes what you up to? I told her I was out having a few beers and pool and she got pissy about me wasting money, I then made a joke about karaoke and how everyone would be all over me and she got pissy again about other women. She was also out that night so I was texting her saying stuff like hope your having a good night etc.

 

Next morning she replied to one of my texts telling her I love her and she said its so hard to believe you because of how you acted and how you didn't trust me. She didn't text back for rest of the day. The next day I saw on her facebook she was going to pub again so text saying have a good time and she didn't text back. Later on I asked why you not speaking to me and she said she been asleep because shes ill so didn't go out so I was nice and all caring.

 

I then text her saying tell me it's over tell me you don't love me and il leave you alone and some grovelling and she replied saying it's over I can't go back and shes too young to being putting up with stress from a relationship and shes given me to many chances and ain't giving me no more. I then did some more begging this morning and she said she can't its over for good and kept saying no more chances no going back and she lost her love when I started all the arguments and all the stuff with the police and her parents made her decision even more and she ain't changing her mind. I tied extremely hard but she is a very stubborn person and was hitting a brick wall. I was angry by now cos all this she was saying was hurting me and she knew this and that's why she kept saying it. It then turned into an argument as I said you don't deserve someone being nice to you and chasing after you and your enjoying this and said some home truths about how she has moaned about blokes using her then when a decent one comes along she is evil to me.

 

I then said life's to short to be hanging on and chasing a lost cause and that I give up. None of us have text since.

 

This evening she has been messaging my ex who I'm friends with and I saw the messages (she doesn't know this) and it's clear she wont get back with me because she thinks I'm trying to win her back so I can then get revenge on her, She also said stuff like I'm complicated and a liar etc and shes trying to move on but I wont let her.

 

She has got me completely wrong and thinks I'm out to get her when all I want to do is be with her and be happy with her and treat her like a queen and make amends for everything. She just wont believe me. I have said everything I possibly can and possibly a few things I shouldn't have.

 

I really don't know what to do now, Do I just leave it and hope she misses me and texts me or do I wait a while and then text her asking if shes ok or do I do something else. This really does hurt and I know she still loves me she is just saying she doesn't because it hurts me and because she is scared if she gives me a chance I will hurt her all over again.

 

Thanks for any advice you can give it will really be appreciated.

[bubbles5]

i havent read ur too long thread but it seems u have been writing lot of events where u guys have fought a lot n for some reason or other things dont work out.Secondly she may not b as matured. Thats just a guess.So find someone who would treat properly with u. Its no point hanging around with her when she give not that much importance to u.May b she doesnt give that much importance as u do.

[OFTBC]

i havent read ur too long thread but it seems u have been writing lot of events where u guys have fought a lot n for some reason or other things don't work out.Secondly she may not b as matured. That's just a guess.So find someone who would treat properly with u. Its no point hanging around with her when she give not that much importance to u.May b she doesn't give that much importance as u do.

Yes sorry it was a little drawn out I find it helpful just to write it down.

 

She has a split personality, Sometimes she can be mature and all grown up the next she will act like a spoilt brat, She is currently in that mood. She is a female version of myself when I was that age, We are so alike it's unreal and that's probably why we argued so much because known of us liked to back down.

 

She told me she ended it because she don't love me, Then it was because she don't believe I don't love her and then again because she don't love me. She then told my ex it was because I was complicated and because I didn't trust her and it got to much for her and she just wants to enjoy being single.

 

We have exchanged two text messages today but that's it. I wish I could convince her things will be different this time and that I do love her but I don't know what else I can say. She sees it as me keep going on at her. She loves me I know that shes just saying different because she is on the defence and she is trying to hurt me for me hurting her. She is not someone who forgives easily.

 

So I've stopped texting her and in a way I feel better today because even tho I do still love her and miss her I'm not waiting for a text from her so don't get upset if it don't come or get upset when it says something hurtful.

 

This morning my Facebook status was, 23rd March 2010, A fresh start a new beginning and for some reason she clicked like on that.

 

My plan of action now is to just leave her alone, I want to text her and be nice and ask how she is doing and it's so hard to resist. I always keep checking her Facebook profile. I hope she will miss me and then text me but in the mean time if that doesn't happen then I can start to get over her.

 

Tonight is going to be tough as I shall be going to football but from my seat where ever I look on the pitch I can see her. It's possible I may even run into her and her parents after the game. If that happens I'm not going to say anything unless she talks to me.

[CarrieT]

I couldn't read that long of a thread either, but I got from the beginning that you are in your early 20s with two kids, she is 19 and you were trying to get her pregnant, and she went off with an Ex.

 

I stopped right there.

 

Concentrate on your existing children and not on having more. Grow up and mature a little before starting new relationships and creating more babies.

 

And the girl needs to grow up a lot too.

[OFTBC]

I couldn't read that long of a thread either, but I got from the beginning that you are in your early 20s with two kids, she is 19 and you were trying to get her pregnant, and she went off with an Ex.

 

I stopped right there.

 

Concentrate on your existing children and not on having more. Grow up and mature a little before starting new relationships and creating more babies.

 

And the girl needs to grow up a lot too.

Yea that was the general idea of it apart from she didn't go off with anyone as far as I know

 

My kids mean the world to me and I probably did take my eye off of them when I was with her. It is hard to concentrate on them when all I can think about is her.

 

I can't even bring myself to change her name in my phone from Wifey(which she saved it as) back to her name let alone delete her number. This no contact rule is so hard. I'm afraid if I don't text her she will forget about me completely. It's also hard because anything in life that happened we used to talk about it, Not having that is really hard.

[CarrieT]

 

I can't even bring myself to change her name in my phone from Wifey(which she saved it as) back to her name let alone delete her number. This no contact rule is so hard. I'm afraid if I don't text her she will forget about me completely. It's also hard because anything in life that happened we used to talk about it, Not having that is really hard.

 

DELETE HER NUMBER NOW.

 

She is NINETEEN YEARS OLD. She will forget about you and probably go through another dozen guys.

 

No Contact Means No Contact. Again: Concentrate on your children, who need you and your support -- not a GIRL who has yet to become a woman.

[OFTBC]

DELETE HER NUMBER NOW.

 

She is NINETEEN YEARS OLD. She will forget about you and probably go through another dozen guys.

 

No Contact Means No Contact. Again: Concentrate on your children, who need you and your support -- not a GIRL who has yet to become a woman.

I know I want to but I keep getting the urge to contact her. Also I could always get hold of her number anyways. I drove past her a minute ago and it was so hard.

 

I keep getting the urge to text saying how are you what you upto etc. She still loves me and no contact means to me that she's just going to forget about me and I don't want that.

 

She is half way between being a girl and a women.

 

This really is hard and there is nothing I can say or do about it to change her mind.

[CarrieT]

 

She is half way between being a girl and a women.

 

 

And think about it - do you really want a relationship with a GIRL?

 

Most men want mature, adult relationships; not with children who are still figuring things out.

 

I know it is hard, but keep those points in mind. She is still a child and you already have children who need and rely on you.

[OFTBC]

And think about it - do you really want a relationship with a GIRL?

 

Most men want mature, adult relationships; not with children who are still figuring things out.

 

I know it is hard, but keep those points in mind. She is still a child and you already have children who need and rely on you.

Like they say you can't help who you fall for. Half the time she was like an adult and mature the other half of the time it did feel like I had 3 children and the worse thing was I had to let her be in control of the relationship because any sign of me putting my foot down she really did not like.

 

I saw her again tonight after the game, I was like less then 50 yards from her it was really hard looking at her and knowing she is no longer my girlfriend.

 

About a hour later she text me asking me what my Facebook status was about which was "I wish people would stay out of my life and business, It's got nothing to do with you" this was because at football I heard a lot of rumours about why we split and things that I apparently did.

 

I text back saying it's about people talking about stuff that they know nothing about and stuff that didn't happen. She texted back asking who and what they said. I decided not to text her back tonight about it to show that I will no longer text her when she wants and it will annoy her not knowing what was said and I know for sure it is now annoying her cos she just text me again asking.

[CarrieT]

I text back

Bad. You are acknowledging her and continuing the dialgue.

 

I decided not to text her back tonight about it to show that I will no longer text her when she wants and it will annoy her not knowing what was said and I know for sure it is now annoying her cos she just text me again asking.

GOOD! "No Contact" needs to be just that. And every day you go NC will get easier.

[OFTBC]

Today wasn't a good day, We exchanged a few texts. I'm pretending everything in my life is rosey and have not spoke about us once just about each other. She is putting kisses on the end of texts(something she never does if she was annoyed with me) and in one text even called me babe.

 

Things like that keep giving me hope and I don't know if she realises this. I wish she would just ignore me and not text back at all. I don't want to be friends with her I want to be her boyfriend. All or nothing but I don't want to talk about us because if I do it will only push her even further away and spoil any tiny chance I may have.

 

She is the sort of person that doesn't forgive very easily. She will eventually but it takes her time. I don't want her to forget me in the mean time and I'm trying to prove I can forget about what happened by not keep bringing up stuff that happened and creating arguments because that was the main issue, How can I do that if I don't talk to her?

[CarrieT]

I wish she would just ignore me and not text back at all.

 

This is impossible if you keep responding to her texts. Every time you acknowledge one of her texts, it keeps the door open for her to continue the dialogue.

 

DO NOT RESPOND. EVER. You have to go 100% No Contact and ignore her completely.

 

I'm trying to prove I can forget about what happened by not keep bringing up stuff that happened and creating arguments because that was the main issue, How can I do that if I don't talk to her?

 

You can't. There is no way to do that and the only thing you can do is stop talking to her completely.