Silver_star Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 So my ex has been trying to get back together for a while now. He dumped me before christmas. We saw each other for a couple years and this was not the first time he has made a split decision to break up with me because he wasnt sure where this was going. I always got back with him when he came back though because I love him and im not sure why that is. I was livid after the christmas breakup, and told him not to talk to me. He gave me space, and I never called him or texted him or facebooked him. He of course got a hold of me a month later as he usually does and I ignored it this time...i told him that there was no chance of reconciling. I do miss him like crazy. I miss him regardless of his ******* move and behavoir adn the fact that he doesnt act like he loves me as much as i love him...i wish i didnt feel that way but i do. Anways I know I DONT want a relationship with him right now, because I feel like it would only lead to dissapointment and my family and friends hate him... but hes been calling and texting and weve actually hooked up a couple times since the breakup...but its different because I obviously know we arent together. I hate his friends, and I hate how he sometimes acts...but I still miss him and love him. He says he still loves me and misses me all the time, and regrets the things that have happened. Im not sure what to do exactly. My heart seems to tell me he is my soul mate, but my head tells me hes immature, and not ready, and will always dissapoint me and lead me to a broken heart. If all my friends and family hate him do u think there will ever be a chance of us being together one day..and happy? Would that be settling? Or am I just not allowing myself to get over him? Is he playing me by telling me what I like to hear? ANY THOUGHTS or ADVICE?
ADF Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Get away from this man, completely and for good. I know that may sound harsh, but he has got you wrapped around his little finger. How can you take back a guy who dumped you even once, never mind repeatedly? If you keep in contact with this guy my prediction is you will keep this relationship smoldering off and on for yearas to come. But it will ultimately lead nowhere. And in the meantime, you'll miss out on meeting someone better suited to you.
Author Silver_star Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 im 23, and hes 25. I feel like an idiot..i know, but i dont think ive been a complete doormat...i know it doesnt matter what kinda doormat ive been ive still kinda been one. But i have no control, and i feel out of it when im in love with someone. I have been fine without him and i can function, but I miss him so much, we had a really special connection.
Author Silver_star Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 hes the whole reason i ended up on LS to begin with, I was distraught after our last breakup and determined to move on. I need to, but i guess part of me doesnt want to. I Try, but its soo hard when he says that he made the biggest mistake by breaking my trust, and if he has one regret in life its that he screwed us up. That im the only one hes ever loved like this, and that he always will.He seems so remorseful, but at the same time his actions are messing with my head...he wants me back, but that doesnt stop him from seeing other women right now. Sometimes im mad at him and then sometimes the hurt and the fact i miss him and the good times overwhelmes me and i respond back to him and we meet up and end up having sex. Whats Going on? Im so afraid that I wont stop caring about him even though hes a douchebag in the grand scheme of things...whats wrong with me? Why is he doing this? Guys...what would compell a guy to do things like this? Whats his thought process here?
Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I agree with ADF, he's using you and you're letting him. Keep up the no contact. You left him for good reason and he's given you no new reason to change that.
k2134 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Not to undermine anyone elses advice, just a different perspective..this happened between me and my girlfriend and Im sorry to say I was the dbag, its because hes immature and doesnt know what he wants.. I did the same thing forever even though I knew the girl I was with was the one for me, and Im confident she felt the same way you do because weve talked about it..What this guy needs is to mature up. It happened to me too late and now I'm paying for it because I lost the love of my just because I was afraid and didnt know what was going to happen with the relationship..If you feel its worth it to get back with him, then you need to sit him down and get the point across that youre not going to have anything to do with him until he matures up and figures out what he wants in life..If you end up getting back with him after that, and he pulls the crap again, Im with these guys, leave him for good. I hope this makes some sort of sense..Good luck!
Weird Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I say you simply cut contact with this guy and if it truly is meant to be then both of you will magically (call it fate if you want) find a way of getting back in touch and things will go from there. It sounds like at this time there is no way you two could have a healthy relationship and there needs to be some growing up to do, at least on his part and that isn't going to be some quick fix so if he says he's seen the light/changed after a month then chances are he is lying. I think that with time and becoming more mature things really start to come into focus in terms of what a person wants and what is important. It could very well be that in time you will lose feelings for him and him for you which obviously works out for you. It is also possible though that the bond will never die but as both of you mature you'll both see the issues and that you two could end up together down the road because by then you'll both be able to start things anew and not make the same mistakes as before. So IMO, I say just live your life and if the situation comes up down the line (I am talking at least 1+ years here) and you still have that bond for him then be open to it and see what happens. Just because people may have had issues in the past doesn't mean they will in the future. Many times the issues simply are a byproduct of being immature and at least here that sounds like the case.
germandude Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 You and your ex sound a lot like me and my ex. I'm not sure what advice I can give except you certainly aren't alone in this. I believe theres a chance that if you have true love you will be together some day. I have to. I'm not sure telling him there was no chance was the right move...I'd be afraid they'd take it at face value.
spriggig Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 ...I do miss him like crazy. ...Anways I know I DONT want a relationship with him right now...I hate his friends, and I hate how he sometimes acts...but I still miss him and love him. ...and will always dissapoint me and lead me to a broken heart... Stay away from the bad boys but don't swing too far the other direction in compensation next time. You're looking for the guy that walks the line between "nice guy" and "bad boy". Right now stay away from him and give yourself time to heal.
Author Silver_star Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks. It really helps to hear advice from an outside source. Especially since all of my friends and family dont like him because of how many times he has broken my heart and yet i go back. ITs hard for me to beleive in true love right now. I want to beleive i will find someone who loves me the way i loved my ex...and i only hope i am not soo messed up from my ex that i can return it. We dont really have the same social circle at all so no contact with him isnt too complicated. It is hard at times though. I will say that he is usually the one to contact me after a while and tell me how hes such a fool, and he made the biggest mistake of his life and he misses me, and no other woman can compare, and how he wanted to marry me at one point, and cant see himself wedding anyone else. I think hes making it harder on me. Sure its good to hear in a way that I wasnt the problem...that there isnt anything wrong with me, but at the same time HOW CAN I MOVE ON when hes pushing these messages at me? I could change my number? I deleted his, so i dont have a "accident" and drunk text him (i never have though). aha But i know i will have to see him on June 23 anyways because i am going to a HUGE concert that we bought tickets for together a long time ago. I contemplated selling the ticket but its a HUGE band and a once in a lifetime opportunity so im going. I dont know how long it will take him to grow up i really feel like hes trying to live out his childhood now because his mom died when he was young and his dad wasnt much of a parent and instead of discipline or comfort spoiled him and his siblings with whatever they wanted. I cant use that as a justification for his behavior towards me though, because he has done it multiple times and i will not accept being treated like that no matter what his childhood was like.
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