davegfx Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Hey everyone I've had no contact with my ex for about the last 3 weeks (our breakup happened about 6 weeks ago). Initially, we had exchanged a handful of small emails, but after i found out she was in a relationship with someone else almost immediately after our breakup I cut all contact. I just got back from a 2 week trip which was a godsend as I didn't have much alone time to fixate on her. But, as soon as I got back I had a message from her on fb saying something like 'hi, hope you had a good trip in the uk. do you happen to have my bike lock?' Now, we're not facebook friends so she'd have to actively look me up to send a message, and besides she could have just contacted my room mate. So WTF, i know this is just breadcrumbs and ego gratification for her - she probably had a fight or something with the new bf and wanted to make sure I am still hanging around moping over her. How do i respond to this? I initially deleted her message, but I DO actually have her bike lock. Do i respond? Ignore? Do i just drop the lock off when shes not there (her house is only 4 blocks from me and i could just leave it on her car?)
Ilovecake Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I would say ignore. Bike locks are easy to replace and not very expensive. You are right about her reasons and it will not make you feel good in the long run to restablish contact. I know it's extremely tempting to anwser her but I swear you are so much better off ignoring her inquiry. My ex has done this to me numerous times. It's always some stupid question like that.
Author davegfx Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Alright, I'm just wondering if I don't reply, whether that makes me look more bitter and vindictive? Ugh....i hate this. Even that 1 small tiny little message made me a mess for a few days. It didn't help that she looked freaking amazing in her profile picture.
CarrieT Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Why do you care how you come across regarding a frigg'n bike lock? It is MINUTIAE in the grand scheme of things.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Just have a friend drop off the bike lock so you can cut the cord cleanly. It's silly to hang onto an ex's possessions, since it will only ramp up the drama.
Ilovecake Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Alright, I'm just wondering if I don't reply, whether that makes me look more bitter and vindictive? Ugh....i hate this. Even that 1 small tiny little message made me a mess for a few days. It didn't help that she looked freaking amazing in her profile picture. No it makes you look too busy to deal with BS. Seriously you will come off as more mysterious if you do not reply. She'll come up with 50 different reasons in her head why you didn't reply and if one of them is bitter and vindictive be it. Who cares what the exs think?
Ilovecake Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Just have a friend drop off the bike lock so you can cut the cord cleanly. It's silly to hang onto an ex's possessions, since it will only ramp up the drama. There you go or mail it to her. This way you're not the mean one but you're still sending the message that you will not be strung along and have better things to do.
LovelyDaze Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 No it makes you look too busy to deal with BS. Seriously you will come off as more mysterious if you do not reply. She'll come up with 50 different reasons in her head why you didn't reply and if one of them is bitter and vindictive be it. Who cares what the exs think? Definitely. Glad you know that is just ego and dramatics just to keep you as the "ex-BF-in-emergency-glass" in case her new BF doesn't float her boat. Go with the suggestions above. Don't reply. Ilovecake is right, She will just invent something else she "needs" from you. Have a buddy drop off the lock or mail it. Silence will speak SO much louder than words ever could. It will let her know that you don't have time to play games and that you have a life to live to it's fullest.
hoping2heal Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I think most of us know that the whole "bike lock" thing was just an excuse to contact you. Right now for whatever reason she is pushing buttons until she can find one that "works". I agree with everyone here that a bike lock is a small item and easily replacable and inexpensive. You have mentioned that you cut contact once you noticed she was still in a relationship. Chances are she is starting to panic that you're no longer wrapped around her little finger and she's pawing. I would ignore it - as acknowledging her at ALL only teaches her that her bag of tricks DO indeed work on you.
Author davegfx Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 thanks guys, appreciate all the comments. I'll ignore the message, and just drop the damn thing off later this week when she's not around.
Devil Dog Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If it's really that important to her, she'll stop by and pick it up.
Viscerality Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If it's really that important to her, she'll stop by and pick it up. Basically. It's her fault for leaving it there anyway—you're under no obligation to take it to her.
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