Pizzaman81 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 So I was having some sizzling black pepper beef with a friend last night and I was telling her about some of my dating experiences and dates I've gone out to. She told me that if I am not interested in a person, even after the first date, I should contact the person and let her know that "We should just be friends" She said it's not good to leave them hanging and having them guess. She said this will impact my dating karma. Do you girls expect such absolute cut off after a first date if the guy is not interested? To me, it is implied if I don't contact her within like 3 days to a week. I think I would sound uptight if I just flat out said "Hi, good meeting you, I don't see this going past friendship"
Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Uh, NO. Don't say that. It's so presumptuous to assume she'd even want a second date! If after one date you don't call, she'll know what the silence is telling her.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 The easiest way to do this, is at the end of the first date. How you do it is to say "It was nice meeting you. Take care." and leave it at that. Any woman with even an ounce of self-esteem, will understand that there won't be a second date.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 If at the end of the first date, there is no discussion about going out again or calling, a woman knows not to expect anything. If a man tells a woman he will call, then he should, even if it is to say I don't want to see you again. (politely of course) I don't think "lets be friends" should be used unless there is a sincere interest in a friendship. Otherwise, it's a lie.
mrkleen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Unless the person is a turn off or a total mismatch, it is very presumptuous to make that kind of call after the first date. Some of my best relationships have had very average first dates. 2 weeks later, we were inseparable. So dont assume you have this super ability to size people up after a few hours.
St. Nick Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I don't think this so-called "dating karma" even exists. I've seen a lot of folks do crappy things to others and nothing ever happens to them. I do agree mrkleen on this one, however. If you find her even a little attractive, try another date and see if you like her a second time.
DustySaltus Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You can always pull out a good old handshake to end the night.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I hope relationship karma attacks my exH.... I think it's best to end the date with a "Nice to meet you." Rather than an "I'll call you." if you don't plan to see her again. I generally expect if a guy says he'll call to call me. Otherwise, why bother to say it? Although, I'm with the person who says give it two dates. That's typically what I do b/c everyone has an off night.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 From LS, I get the impression that people leave each other hanging, after the first date, by pretending to more positive feelings, than what's really being felt. Avoid all physical contact, as well as not stringing someone along at the end of the first date and most (not all) people, will get it.
Meaplus3 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Do you girls expect such absolute cut off after a first date if the guy is not interested? To me, it is implied if I don't contact her within like 3 days to a week. I think I would sound uptight if I just flat out said "Hi, good meeting you, I don't see this going past friendship" Well, you know if I went out on a first date with a guy and really liked him then I would feel sort of bummed if he did not just come right out and tell me. "Sorry but this just is not going to work for me". Would much rather he be up front asap.. and let me know. But, then again that's just me. Mea:)
torranceshipman Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I think your friend is right - that is a great thing to say. When I was single and dating, I used to just do the slow fade after 1 or 2 dates if I wasn't interested but then found that it was far nicer to just say up front that I wasn't interested. I can't remember guys saying it to me but I do remember a slow fade once and I would have far preferred it if he'd been that upfront with me!
carhill Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 She said it's not good to leave them hanging and having them guess. She said this will impact my dating karma. LOL, women did this to me for years and I can assure you they got laid (and likely proposed to) plenty. Don't believe a word of it. I used to think being a gentleman was a proper way to conduct oneself. Not today, not in this hellhole of a society. However, I think you should see my perspective as bitter and cynical and be a polite gentleman and learn for yourself. Maybe you will find a different path
sullysteve Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 There's no need to call them up to say "Hey, it's not going to work, let's just be friends". If you don't call her after the first date, she'll probably get the message. If she calls you, however, then you should be upfront. In response to a few other posts, saying "Nice to meet you" and not making future plans is NOT an indication of interest or lack thereof. I don't think it's a good idea to make future plans or promise to call her later on a first date. What's the point? If you're going to call later, call later. No need to tell her.
lofi_tokyo Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If at the end of the first date, there is no discussion about going out again or calling, a woman knows not to expect anything. If a man tells a woman he will call, then he should, even if it is to say I don't want to see you again. (politely of course) I don't think "lets be friends" should be used unless there is a sincere interest in a friendship. Otherwise, it's a lie. I think this is really well said. If at the end of the next date something is mentioned about meeting up in the future, then there should be a follow-up, even if it is to say you're not interested. Otherwise, there is no need to call and let the person know you're not interested. For the record: I had one guy say we should go out again - and so we made plans, and he completely blew me off. It was only when I called him out on it (he stood me up!), that he admitted he didn't want a relationship. A month later he got into a relationship - and he really liked the girl he was with - but go figure, she dumped him only two months in! Karma? Maybe. Or maybe that's just life - unpredictable.
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