dyzfunctioned Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I'm well aware that this is perhaps an impossible question to answer - but how do you know if you'll fall in love with someone? Any clues or signs? I ask because my girlfriend told me she loves me about a month ago and I have yet to return the sentiment. Normally, this wouldn't worry me and I'd just see how the relationship went, and if it happened it happened - but my girlfriend has borderline personality disorder and as a result is constantly afraid to lose me. So when she told me she loves me its made me feel pressured to figure out if I'll eventually feel the same way, and fast, because if it's not going to work, the longer I drag it out the more devastating it would be for her. There's moments where I look at her and feel like I'm falling for her but then there's other times where I wonder why I'm even with her. I feel like I do "love" her in the somewhat traditional sense - as in I care alot about her, put her needs above my own, would do almost anything for her, etc. but rarely ever get that cliched can't stop thinking about her, weak in the knees, type of love. Thanks for any help!
single-n-lonely Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You cant force a feeling like love. if you don't know, then it's not there. at least not yet. dont take that pressure from her.
CarrieT Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If you know your girlfriend has this borderline personality problem and has issues with being afraid to lose you, I would seriously question whether what she is actually feeling is LOVE versus just NEED. I was very much like your girlfriend when I was young and it was easy to mistake the fear of being alone and desperation for wanting to be with someone who accepted me as "love." I would hazard to guess that what you are feeling (that you acknowledge as caring for her) is just that; you care about what happens to her but can do so without "falling in love." It may never happen and that is why you are struggling with it. True love is reciprocal and you will both know it and feel a bond; not just neediness and the fear of being alone.
USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Well, apparently I let my subconscious do it for me...my ex told me that I told her I loved her for the first time while I was asleep with her...
Author dyzfunctioned Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 If you know your girlfriend has this borderline personality problem and has issues with being afraid to lose you, I would seriously question whether what she is actually feeling is LOVE versus just NEED. I was very much like your girlfriend when I was young and it was easy to mistake the fear of being alone and desperation for wanting to be with someone who accepted me as "love." I would hazard to guess that what you are feeling (that you acknowledge as caring for her) is just that; you care about what happens to her but can do so without "falling in love." It may never happen and that is why you are struggling with it. True love is reciprocal and you will both know it and feel a bond; not just neediness and the fear of being alone. This makes sense but the whole part of being afraid to lose with came way after she told me she loved me and after talking to several of her friends, I quote, "She's so in love with you." Not saying it couldn't just be a situation of need, but I'm tending to lean toward the fact that it is real, which makes me more worried about whether I'll feel it or not. There was so many times when I came close to saying it because I genuinely felt it, but then the moments that made me question it bothered me, and lately I'm feeling less of the former and more of the latter.
New Again Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 This is pretty cynical, but falling "in love" with someone, in my mind, is when you put up with crap and overlook things that will become a problem once the chemicals dissipate. Not to be confused with "love". Since your gf is borderline, how has your lack of an "I love you" affected her/your relationship with her? Or did you say it and just not mean it?
Author dyzfunctioned Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 This is pretty cynical, but falling "in love" with someone, in my mind, is when you put up with crap and overlook things that will become a problem once the chemicals dissipate. Not to be confused with "love". Since your gf is borderline, how has your lack of an "I love you" affected her/your relationship with her? Or did you say it and just not mean it? Haven't said it, she said she's fine with it and doesn't want to pressure me, just wanted me to know that she felt that way.
Recommended Posts