USMCHokie Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 So I had a little discussion with ol' bananaboat (Rob) last night about this and I wanted to ask the rest of you all... If the person you're dating is in significantly better shape than you are, do you ever feel uncomfortable or insecure around them? (e.g., when it's naked time...) On the other hand, if you are significantly in better shape than the person you're dating, do you ever feel uncomfortable around them because you think they are uncomfortable around you...?
Template Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Wow... this all centers around your self-esteem. If you are not confident in who you are, then that's what's going to break down the relationship, and not how you look. If a person is truly disgusted by the way you look, they would not have gotten naked for you in the first place. Besides, personally for me, if physical attraction is a deal breaker for a women, then the deal is broken before I'll even give her a chance. I can lose/gain weight as I please, but if you don't appreciate me for my character and personality, then I don't need you. Life is too short to worry about what other people's superficiality.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I would never date or sleep with someone who I felt uncomfortable around. Having said that, the only girls I feel uncomfortable around physically are fat chicks.
Author USMCHokie Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Hmmm, this question is geared more towards two people that are physically attracted to each other...and/or attracted to each other's character and personality...or are already in a relationship...it's just that one is in better shape than the other...whether it started out that way or one let themselves go or one just got in better shape...
Jersey Shortie Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I work out regularly but I don't have a perfect body and I never will. There are certain parts that I am shy about. So if a guy is really in shape, I do feel a little worried that he is judging me based on my faults and will be a little more shy although I do try to overcome it. Men are harsher judges on women's bodies. If he is in worse shape then me, then I don't worry nearly as much.
zebracolors Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I am probably most similar to Jersey Shortie here. I am a short woman with an average build I think its average anyway. I also have things about my body that I am a little self conscious about, and Id be thinking the guy would be noticing those right off and might be worried at first. Thing with me is that if I have come to really like a guy, (and if we're to the point we want to start getting intimate and have naked time, then that probably will have to have happened anyway) then I would hope the feeling is returned so much so that he looks past things I consider flaws and just sees them as part of what makes me, me.
Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 On the outside, BF and I are in the same shape. But he's in much better physical condition on the inside than I am. I'm more insecure about how much harder he can ski, how much farther/faster he can run, etc.
St. Nick Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I would never date or sleep with someone who I felt uncomfortable around. Having said that, the only girls I feel uncomfortable around physically are fat chicks. You're a guy? I thought you were a woman? Anyway, why would you feel uncomfortable with a fat chick? Fat chicks can be great. They'll always have food ready; and sometimes they'll treat you to dinner. If she's fat in all the right places then I might wanna go with a fat chick.
mrkleen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 My current GF is a runner. I am a baseball and rugby player - so our fitness levels are very different. She is lean and tall and can run 10 miles without much trouble and runs marathons 5x a year. I can run in spurts for hours, but anything more than running a 5k race and I am in trouble. I was letting my fitness slip a bit when we met....but seeing her work so hard (she used to be over 200 lbs, now she is 125 or so) has made me determined to get back after it myself. In the last 8 weeks I have lost 15 lbs and am stronger and more fit than I have been in years. So to answer the OP question - I didnt really feel insecure, but for my own health, my own looks, so that we can improve our sex life etc...I have gotten back on a regular routine and feel 100x better. Sorry if that doesn't answer your question.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 If the person you're dating is in significantly better shape than you are, do you ever feel uncomfortable or insecure around them? (e.g., when it's naked time...)I've always let them know that I'm not in the same shape as them, so their expectation level isn't unreasonable. On the other hand, if you are significantly in better shape than the person you're dating, do you ever feel uncomfortable around them because you think they are uncomfortable around you...? I've yet to be in better shape than any of my lovers, past and present, not that I've had many lovers...haha... I've never been cut or heavily into high-impact cardio, just toned and fit, eating healthy. Even now, being pregnant, I'm still relatively toned and fit, exercising 4 - 5 times a week, rather than my normal 5 - 7 days a week.
marsle85 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I hate my butt. But I always get such thrilled responses when I have been intimate -- that I use the confidence they assume I have, to my advantage. I'll shake it a little while thinking "god, I need to go to the gym!" Idk, I smack on confidence and a sexy smile and play it cool, regardless of fat day or not.
Citizen Erased Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 When alone, in my brightly lit bedroom, looking into the mirror naked I'll see things I just want to look away from. But when I'm with someone...well if they don't love how I look, how I am, then they shouldn't be with me. I really doubt many people would be having sex with their partner and thinking "oh damn she has stretch marks, I hate that". If I felt insecure around someone I wouldn't date them, plain and simple.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You're a guy? I thought you were a woman? Anyway, why would you feel uncomfortable with a fat chick? Fat chicks can be great. They'll always have food ready; and sometimes they'll treat you to dinner. If she's fat in all the right places then I might wanna go with a fat chick. I am a guy Are you being sarcastic about fat chicks? If not to each his own.
Rearden Metal Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I'm very fit. To the point that I'd be somewhat unattracted to a woman in similar condition to me. My ex wife was physically very fit, but curvy. We were very comfortable together. My ex girlfriend (current ex) is very unfit by BMI standards, and VERY curvy (voluptuous?)... She would often be a bit uncomfortable due to her own self image, but I thought she was sexy alllll day and loved rollin' in the hay with her. I guess I'm much less expectant of a mate than I am of myself. If I'm even moderately out of shape, I tend to be a bit disgusted with myself. I'm not that way with others.
You'reasian Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I'm in decent shape at the moment. I can run a half-marathon on a moment's notice and finish in 2hr or less, bang out atleast 15 pull ups, swim 1 km non-stop, fight for 4-5 rounds without being too fatigued. I've never been with a woman whose my physical equivalent, but would be seriously intrigued by her...
Author USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I'm in decent shape at the moment. I can run a half-marathon on a moment's notice and finish in 2hr or less, bang out atleast 15 pull ups, swim 1 km non-stop, fight for 4-5 rounds without being too fatigued. I've never been with a woman whose my physical equivalent, but would be seriously intrigued by her... So you're pretty much the epitome of awesomeness. Do you ever worry that a girl you're with feels uncomfortable around you because she's not in the same shape as you...? I understand that some people will be motivated to work hard to get into good shape, especially if their partner is in good shape. But are there others that put too much pressure on themselves and feel like they'll never be good enough, so they get frustrated and just give up with that person and find someone not as fit...?
Author USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I'm very fit. To the point that I'd be somewhat unattracted to a woman in similar condition to me. This is very interesting...why do you feel this way...?
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 So you're pretty much the epitome of awesomeness. Do you ever worry that a girl you're with feels uncomfortable around you because she's not in the same shape as you...? I understand that some people will be motivated to work hard to get into good shape, especially if their partner is in good shape. But are there others that put too much pressure on themselves and feel like they'll never be good enough, so they get frustrated and just give up with that person and find someone not as fit...? LOL!!! "epitome of awesomeness"!!!!!! are you being funny, hokie? I would not date anybody who is in a better shape than I am. I refuse to subject myself to unnecessary insecurities. Thank goodness, not many people are in better shape than I am. Although, pretty much everybody is taller than I am! But THAT is ok!
mrt336 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'd be attracted by it. Not muscle-y women (madonna's arms. no.) but being healthy in general and maintaining a toned body that is still feminine. It'd show motivation and dedication, and be super attractive. Who wouldn't love that?
Author USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 LOL!!! "epitome of awesomeness"!!!!!! are you being funny, hokie? I would not date anybody who is in a better shape than I am. I refuse to subject myself to unnecessary insecurities. Thank goodness, not many people are in better shape than I am. Although, pretty much everybody is taller than I am! But THAT is ok! Hahah. Well, you'reasian's credentials are certainly impressive. And I see the bolded statement above as a challenge...
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hahah. Well, you'reasian's credentials are certainly impressive. And I see the bolded statement above as a challenge... Challenge? How good can you handle your chopsticks? oh wait, you only use fork and knife, right? LOL! !!!
Author USMCHokie Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Challenge? How good can you handle your chopsticks? oh wait, you only use fork and knife, right? LOL! !!! Oh snap...
Leia Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If the person you're dating is in significantly better shape than you are, do you ever feel uncomfortable or insecure around them? (e.g., when it's naked time...) No. 4 guys that have seen me naked loved what they saw :p I'm comfortable with my own nakedness. Booyaahh! On the other hand, if you are significantly in better shape than the person you're dating, do you ever feel uncomfortable around them because you think they are uncomfortable around you...? Oh .... errmmm .. I don't know about this one. Most guys I've dated are more or less in the same shape
MalachiX Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) I think there should be some wiggle room as far as physical attractiveness but I think it's unfair to expect a leap or a bound. I don't think it's too far out there for someone with just a few extra pounds (and I mean really a few extra pounds not an obese person who likes to call themselves "curvy") to date someone who is in a bit better shape. What I DO find really odd is when someone who is really out of shape or un-attractive in some other way feels entitled to date people who are far better looking. Don't get me wrong, I think personality is more important and it's great if two people get to know each other and, regaurdless of physicality, realize that they're in love and want to be together. I just find it annoying when I have horribly over-weight friends who say, "yeah, I only wanna date thin girls." I mean, doesn't that seem rather selfish that you think you're entitled to date someone in good shape but you don't think the people you date are entitled to the same thing? Looks either matter or they don't. If they don't then by all means ignore who's hotter but if you think looks do matter than it's rude and hypocritical to only pursue people way out of your league. Edited March 23, 2010 by MalachiX
You'reasian Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 So you're pretty much the epitome of awesomeness. Do you ever worry that a girl you're with feels uncomfortable around you because she's not in the same shape as you...? I understand that some people will be motivated to work hard to get into good shape, especially if their partner is in good shape. But are there others that put too much pressure on themselves and feel like they'll never be good enough, so they get frustrated and just give up with that person and find someone not as fit...? I think I'm in decent shape, but would hardly call myself awesomeness. That's reserved for studs who finish the ironman, 100 mile ultras and/or bench over 400... What you say is a possibility; but I'm fairly down to earth and considerate, so I think it makes alot of women feel at ease. It would be nice to be with a woman whose as into fitness as myself. I'm starting to enforce stricter standards these days.
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