Real95 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Hey everyone! Well I dated a girl for almost 3 years during college. We had a great relationship for the most part but at the end of the relationship we were having issues. I lived 8 hours apart and the passion just died in our relationship. She broke up with me but I knew it was coming, I didn't really mind either, I was frustrated with the relationship. The breakup still hurt but I went NC and we didn't really speak to each other for 5 months. We both dated other people right after the relationship. I broke things off with a new girl I was dating, 2 weeks later I got a call from her to see what's up and we ended up talking. Well to fast forward we've been seeing each other the past 4 months. I live a lot closer to her, (a little over an hour) and this June I'll be living in the same town as her (got a new job, w00t!). We have a great time, we sleep together, we go on dates, speak everyday, etc. Now the issue is that she doesn't want to get back together because it didn't work out the first time and she is afraid that it won't work out now. I disagree, I think we are both a lot more mature and the circumstances are very different now. I think I'm just going to giver her more time to think it over. I'd love to hear what you guys think of the situation.
Weird Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 The only thing I can really say is that you either need to let her figure out that just because something happened in the past doesn't mean it will again or you need to sell her on that. I really shake my head though when I see many who have that mentality that because something didn't work out before it MUST mean it can't work out in the future and they then go on refusing to truly be open to it....to me it is illogical. The reason it is illogical is because it is implying that the people involved are complete morons and can't problem solve. I realize there are many instances where things simply are broken beyond repair and people will stay clueless to issues but most of the time I don't think that is the case and people will be aware of issues an make sure they do not happen again. Yours is a perfect example of this: the first time seemed to be more about the circumstance and the way you guys dealt with it and since it is different now why assume it couldn't work out? Clearly the distance isn't an issue now, you both had time to reflect on issues and as you said, both will have matured from it....it makes no sense to be afraid to get involved again if both of you have feelings. I like that you at least have a chance. When this girl from years ago and I broke up part of the problem dealt with circumstances and once those changed and as the issues (minor guys that could easily be corrected) were brought to the surface there was no attempt to see if things could work out again because in her mind she simply saw things end and figured it MUST mean nothing could work out in the future acting like nothing was learnt from the past. To me that mentality is insulting. I bet there are MANY people who ultimately should be together but aren't simply because they take this stubborn black and white view that since things didn't work out before they simply aren't "mean to be" and they then get involved with other people who aren't as suitable for them and live their lives being less happy than they would have been if they just took the chance with the person from before. The fact that most reunited lovers who get back together after many years work out shows that if they want to, people truly can accept that issues from the past don't predict the future and can go in with an open mind that things will work out and they also accept that the person from before truly was right for them. I am confident that I am probably the ideal match for the girl from my past but because she has such a black and white view of things that she'll never allow herself to accept that.
Author Real95 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Thanks for the response. Yea, I'm giving her more time. At the time of the break-up it there wasn't any cheating, it just a matter of us being stressed and really didn't spend anytime working on the relationship. Since then we made great strides, back in January this is the last place I thought we would see each other, I thought we'd be even more distant. Now it's going well, she has a lot on her plate at the moment so I'll give her time and see how it pans out.
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