Getting mixed messages..is he just shy?

[horseaustin]

About a year ago, I was at a concert and I thought one of the guys in the band was very attractive. I looked him up on facebook and I decided to add him just to see what would happen. He sent me a message asking if I was at his show the night before. He said that he had wanted to talk to me, but was too nervous to approach me. We flirted back and forth for a while and then one day I noticed he deleted me from his friends. I just figured he wasn't interested and went on with my life.

 

Six months later I received a message from him saying he was going to be in town for a concert and that he would like me to go. I was really surprised, but I ended up going. After he was done playing, we ended up talking and hanging out together the rest of the night. I felt this really amazing connection with him. He kept telling me that he wanted to approach me sooner, but he's really shy with girls. He also mentioned that he was in a long term relationship not too long ago and afraid of getting hurt again. When it was time to leave he asked if he just stayed in town that night if I would stay with him. He promised that he wasn't trying to take advantage of me, but he just wanted to spend more time together. Even though I really liked him, I declined because I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. We exchanged phone numbers and he gave me a hug and left.

 

A few days later I hadn't heard from him, so I decided to send him a text. He responded back and said he was sorry for being so forward before and he was glad we hung out. We had a short text conversation. Then I didn't hear from him for a few more weeks. I decided to text him again and let him know I was going to be visiting a friend where he lives and we made plans to meet up. Well, I ended up having to cancel because of an emergency. I didn't hear from him again after that.

 

Recently I noticed he was playing a show 30 mins away from me. I let him know I was going to be there. Right when I got there he found me and we talked for a while until he had to go on stage. When he was done playing he came up to me and put his arm around my waist the rest of the night and kept holding me really close. People assumed that I was his girlfriend. When he had to leave he gave me a really long hug and kissed me on my head a couple times. About 20 mins later I got a text from him saying that I looked really pretty and he wished he could see me more. He asked if I would visit him sometime soon and I said that I would.

 

Now I don’t know where to go from here. He genuinely seems like the sweetest guy ever and he might just be shy. He acts like he likes me when we are together, but since he hardly ever initiates contact it really makes me wonder. I don’t want to end up getting hurt or looking crazy. Should I continue to “pursue” him to keep things going? I was thinking of going to visit him this week, but not sure if that’s a bad idea. I’m kind of used to guys chasing me..I really like him though:love: What should I do?

[bubbles5]

Well the facebook thing possibly someone could have used his email id n deleted u , dont believe in virtual world too much.Secondly he is performer so he might b busy with his schedules of performances. This is start point of having relation so it will take time.Let him get to know u well .Tell him ur likes n dislikes stuff. I would say everything is fine , hang around with him.Slowly once he gets to know u well may b he will start chasing u.

[DustySaltus]

I think that up until the point where he was "putting his arm around your waist" he was still either with his ex or trying to work things out with her. Recently, it seems like he is coming on a lot stronger. Ok, maybe he was a little bit shy but you have to have some courage when you're getting up in front of people to play.

 

Why can't he come by when the shows aren't going on? Why wait until then? Has he called you at all asked to meet up somewhere in between? I'm just trying to gauge his interest level.

[boogieboy]

He would initiate contact with you if he was interested. Dont bother.

[horseaustin]

When he's not playing shows he lives 2 hours away from me, which might have something to do with it. He's asked me to come stay with him a couple times, but I haven't yet. One time I had plans to stay there, but ended up having to cancel. He has his own place, whereas I live with quite a few people so I think it's just easier for me to go see him. I almost always text first, but whenever I do he always responds eagerly and seems happy about it. I saw him in person two days ago and he asked again if I would come visit him, but now he hasn't brought it up since:confused: I was thinking of telling him I want to visit this week, but I don't want to always be contacting him first.

Edited March 22, 2010 by horseaustin

[make me believe]

Even though he responds positively when you contact him, you're making ALL of the effort here. If he is interested he needs to take some initiative. I mean, a guy who wants to pursue a relationship with you is going to take the time to send you a "hello" text once in awhile! I don't think you should waste your time going to visit him.

[O'Malley]

I think that up until the point where he was "putting his arm around your waist" he was still either with his ex or trying to work things out with her.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

Nothing wrong being the one who initiates more (not all) of the contact, but don't invest further hopes in this guy until you spend time with him when he's not playing a gig.

 

If you visit him, don't stay at his place unless you're actually dating/in a relationship -- it's easier just to get a hotel room. If he's genuinely interested, he will make the time to visit you as well.

[DustySaltus]

There's an old line "Don't ever make someone else a priority that only sees you as an option". Although he may seem nice and responds to you in a nice way, understand that he probably likes the way things are and is not going to change unless you set up boundaries (i.e. Him visiting YOU, him INITIATING conversations...) Otherwise it's a waste of time.