sativo Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 She IM'd me and said she's been having dreams about me, and just wanted to know I was ok. I replied by telling her I'm fine, and not to worry about me. I felt like telling her she's a f'n b*itch for contacting me. That it's selfish to contact me because it hurts me! But I can't 'cause I have to pretend I'm over her. How f'd up! Ugh!
monkeymaid Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 if you dont want her back, you can tell her exactly how you feel!! or just ignore her, you will feel better in 2 days and it will be an after thought!
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 She IM'd me and said she's been having dreams about me, and just wanted to know I was ok. I replied by telling her I'm fine, and not to worry about me. I felt like telling her she's a f'n b*itch for contacting me. That it's selfish to contact me because it hurts me! But I can't 'cause I have to pretend I'm over her. How f'd up! Ugh! Your mistake is in bold, italic, underline. She's throwing you breadcrumbs and yanking your chain. The best way to treat a head cold is with utter contempt. Treat her like a head cold, and withdraw, don't reply, respond, or give her any cause whatsoever to believe that she can get a response from you, simply because she wants one, or thinks she has a right to, or thinks she can.
Author sativo Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Well, what if I want her back? Not replying at all will just drive her further and further away. Eventually, she won't contact me at all. I'm not sure that's what I want.
counterman Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Hi Sativo, There is a reason why you two are broken up. She thinks that she can get a reply out of you whenever she wants and, by replying, you are stroking her ego and accepting her attempts to make herself feel better. All in all, she is not with you. Understand that. It'll only hurt more if you get your hopes up and try to get her back. You have been hurt once already, do you really want to go through all this again? Seriously, think about it. What happened with your break-up? Why do you want her to contact you? Did she really treat you that great and loved you so much? I recommend you take a read of these guides: So you want a second chance? The No Contact Guide Read and then reread if you're still feeling the urge to contact your ex. I was like you before and I accepted crumbs from my ex. Truth is she felt really guilty for what happened but I felt much more hurt. It dragged on for quite a few months because I contacted her and all for what? Her ending up with one of my former friends and finding out that she lied to me many times? It's not worth it buddy. All the best!
sigurpol Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Just like someone else posted on here, I went through/going through the same thing. I've accepted it's done, mostly because I'm the one who finally made the move and cut my losses. About a week went by, and she started texting me again.. asking how I was. I responded, but not like my usual self and sort of made it clear that I've moved on, so there's not sense in "seeing how I'm doing". Because I'm doing much better without her. In your case, you mention you're not sure what you want out of it. You can try NC, or in other words, give yourself time. And then see if you still feel like working anything out.
Author sativo Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 I've decided that next time, no matter the message, I'll not respond. I'll keep blocking her and any alt usernames she creates. I think her reasons for contacting me stem from her wanting a "friend" connection, not because she's ready to love me like I love her. It's a hopeless cause so I'm just going to shut it down, once and for all. Thanks for all the advice!
LovelyDaze Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Your mistake is in bold, italic, underline. She's throwing you breadcrumbs and yanking your chain. The best way to treat a head cold is with utter contempt. Treat her like a head cold, and withdraw, don't reply, respond, or give her any cause whatsoever to believe that she can get a response from you, simply because she wants one, or thinks she has a right to, or thinks she can. Tara Maiden is definitely one of my faves on LS. Just straight to the point every time! So glad you are taking the advice to go NC. Tara's right. Replying is always a bad idea. When you shut the door on an ex, you shut it. You don't crack it or even worse, keep a foot in it. You shut it lock it and throw the key down the drain. Too many dumpees get "frightened" that if they go NC, the ex will forget about them. No, they still remember you all of the time. They CHOOSE to either stay away for good or come to you later. Even if they do come back later, most of it is crumbs and BS. Get on the road to finding someone else who is going to love you with all of her heart and keep NC from your recent ex. Your going a step backward each time you allow your ex back into your life.
carhill Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 How f'd up! That's the spirit. Now block her number and erase it from your memory banks. Same with her e-mail. Black hole. No ego-feeder can escape from that.
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Tara Maiden is definitely one of my faves on LS. Just straight to the point every time! . Oh wow, LovelyDaze, thank you so much, that's so kind of you! I'm very flattered! Bless you! ((hug!))
4LOVE Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I am guilty of what your ex did. I dumped my bf of 3 years and didnt think twice about it. I contacted him.. and he did what he should do, doesnt talk to me. Ive realized he is doing whats best for him and I let it go. Funny thing is, I think of a guy like him when I think of who I want to marry. Long distance ruined it. I mean, how do you go about talking to somebody you want back if you dumped them? I guess it doesnt matter anyways, I made my bed 6 months ago, I need to sleep in it.
Weird Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 yep, sadly this is how it goes because the people who do this just don't care to think about what the other person is feeling. It sucks because if you care about the person and the break-up wasn't based on any serious issues (and thus you have nothing really against the person) you don't want to tell them to f off just in case something could happen in the future. Basically all you can do is either be polite and hurt from it or ignore...ignore of course is the best option.
Weird Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Funny thing is, I think of a guy like him when I think of who I want to marry. Long distance ruined it. I mean, how do you go about talking to somebody you want back if you dumped them? I guess it doesnt matter anyways, I made my bed 6 months ago, I need to sleep in it. It really isn't hard if one checks their ego/pride at the door. All it takes is telling the other person you made a mistake over the circumstances (in this case the long distance you mention) and be honest with them. If the guy cares and isn't an immature prick then he will be receptive to it and probably respect you more than ever because he will see you are able to admit you made a mistake and that is HUGE as most people are too prideful to ever accept they screwed up. Well, at least that is how I would handle it but then again as I get older (31 and change right now) I continue to mature and also see how silly human interaction can be at times because of people having to much pride or being too afraid to just let themselves be exposed. If you care about someone and want to be with them then to me it makes sense to tell them this because it does no good to keep it inside and be upset about it. At worst you get told to F-Off, at best the other person feels the same way as you do and bam, happiness.
davegfx Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 To the original poster, like everyone else has said.....it's breadcrumbs and ego gratification for her. More than likely, something has happened that has upset her - her boss yelled at her, she had a fight with her mom, the grass wasn't quite as green that day. Whatever it was... Really what she wants to hear is that you're still heartbroken and having a tough time and still in love with her. Once she's got that from you, she'll discard you like yesterday's breakfast until the next time she needs an ego boost. It's tough, I know. We're pretty much all in the same situation where it's eating away at us and every little contact from the ex throws your world into a loop for a few days. But like everyone said, it get's easier if you just ignore it, and go full NC. Do not reply. 4Love - yeah, swallow the pride and contact him and admit you made a mistake.
4LOVE Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I have a feeling if I did that, he would be mad. Cuz thats unfair to say that you ****ed up when they are moving on. right?
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